I'm Jacob's mother...

And he gets it from me..that verbal stuff while playing video games..Ben plays quietly, you hear the game but rarely Ben. Jake is all there, loud, involved, vocal..he's that kid of gamer..and now I own an x-box 360 and How to Train your Dragon..and I'm loud, and I am vocal and I might not be very good at the game but you can tell I am playing my silly video game before you get to the front door...ya, I'm Jacob's mother and he got that from me.
Hopefully in a couple weeks he will be here on leave and it will be Jake telling his character how to do it right...and I will find it far more funny now than I did in the past. Now I do know where he gets that from...

bugs and germs at work

It might have been elsewhere but I am blaming work, I came home Tuesday from work with a sniffle, by 4 am I was getting cold meds out of the cupboard and miserable. Called in Wed. and I have spent the entire time in bed, sleeping for the most part other than bathroom needs and up to consume more juice.
Between my badly congested lungs and aching head this old body was miserable. Today I feel a little more human but lungs are still some congested and head hurts, just not as bad. I might even want some food today...
I have not been sick enough to call in to work for a long time, not counting that accident stuff. But there was no way I could make it to work, I did well to make it out of bed to the toilet or kitchen and back.
Today I have bills that have to be paid, a bank account that needs balanced and hopes to have lunch at Pizza Hut with pal Kim. I need a shower, my bed needs clean sheets and I have work tomorrow and will be rested and ready..so I hope.
At least I feel more human today than I have for more than 48 hours...and I will sanitize all phones, keyboards, mice and such here at home and at work and hope we all don't share this nasty bug I picked up.

Ready to either hibernate or run away

It's about 21 above, it's snowing again, and I want to either hibernate until spring or run away to somewhere really warm and green. I have hid in the house most of my week of vacation and can't say I have gotten much done, watched some dvds, read some, knit some, worked on learning to play my silly video game, cooked a bit, did some laundry and wanted it to be warmer.
I will be glad to be back at work tomorrow and hope the roads aren't bad by then. Ben has been here over a week and I am really ready to have the house back to just the critters and me again. I admit to being very content all alone. And I am not actually alone, 3 parrots and a rather large dog do not make very alone.
The time off has been good for my foot, but knitting has been hard on my hands, which is why I have not done as much as I had hoped to be doing. I will not worry about how long it takes me to get things knit, it's not how I make my living but what I do for my own pleasure and enjoyment.
I need to bake cookies and pack up a box to ship to Jake and the rest of his pals, it's been too long since I sent the kids a box.
I am glad I have this old house and that the wiring and furnace are both really recent and that I have gotten part of the windows replaced. I hope to end up with enough from the final insurance settlement to put a new roof on the house, with a dormer and also do the needed knee walls and cross ties the attic will need, for support for the roof job and for the conversion from un-used attic to my studio.
Was asked about what happened between me and Mike and did honestly explain about Mike lying about financial matters, including that huge $275,000 mortgage in foreclosure his name was on. The friend was glad I found out about things before I ended up in financial ruin and agrees I did the right thing to back away before I ended up with huge problems in my life that I did not need or deserve. Not easy to step back and away, but know I have to act responsibly and have to insure that I am able to stay self supporting and keep a roof over my head.

That IPAD addiction of mine

I want an e-reader now, and I want it to be an IPAD but know gen2 is coming out within 3 months and will be huge improvement on the gen 1 IPAD so it's worth waiting for. So, I have to read e-books on my laptop and put $$ into saving to wait for Apple to release the gen 2 toy I want.
It's a good life, I shoveled snow today, not just my snow but Chuck and Alberta's snow too, and that is something I didn't think I would ever be able to do so I have come a long way in the past few months. I know it won't be easy but I will be able to do some things that matter to me. It might seem stupid to others but ya, shoveling the snow for my neighbors does matter to me, it's something I have enjoyed and thought I had lost because of this accident.
Finances will be tight, and I will be struggling for a long time here with paying down debts and with getting this house fixed. But I will be able to do more than I had expected to be able to do. I don't know if I will get back some of what I have lost but the little things do matter to me. I am going to be able to shovel snow and maybe come summer I might be riding that bike of mine.
So, for now I will read my e-books on laptops and be glad I have them, and I will be glad I have a good and good health insurance and I will be glad I have no relationships that are financially draining and that the dog loves my company even when I have scolded him or smacked him for some thing he should not have done.
I will let my little sister chase the love of her life, or whatever, think I can live with my quiet friendship and rare times together out of the plant with a man who has his act together, who is very financially stable, keeps a good job and doesn't lie to me or try to use me.

Vacation---do I HAVE to be off 7 whole days???

So, it's going to be lousy weather, it's cold, I don't have money to play with, and Jake's leave got moved to next month. By the time he let me know it was (of course) too late for me to have my vacation moved.
But Kid got me up early and I made coffee and scones. This time I used 1 cup of bread (high gluten) flour and 1 cup of whole wheat pastry flour, organic and $$$. It was the only pastry flour I could find at County Market last trip to Springfield and GFS, where I buy my bread flour does NOT carry pastry flour--but could order it for me.
We do like the texture of the scones with the flour mix, but at $6+ for 5 lbs and the cost of gas for trips to Springfield..I sure will ration that pastry flour.
I will clean out my sewing space and do some sewing, and I will work on some paperwork that needs put into better order, shred some through the paper shredder and try to not go screaming insane.
Today there is a meeting with our corp. management at the High School and I did a cheat sheet for some thing..so will eventually shower and go play, gets me a $25 Wal-Mart card just for going and I will learn some about projections for this coming year, and so forth.
I did look on line, with Ben's help for Wii games, and have debated getting a Wii but when informed by my very educated (about game systems, anyway) that Wii will NOT play DVD's I totally lost interest.
We know, honestly, I just am NOT into game playing, I like watching Ben play some games but I don't play them, won't really start playing them and so will instead wait for the next generation IPAD to come out, which will happen in April.
I would use an e-reader, but I want 1 that does more---and then would get give the net book to someone...got a short list for that too. I would use an e-reader, do have some e-books downloaded and read them on the laptop but want more portability..and want the bigger screen, the new Kindle with big screen is great for b/w reading but does NO color, there goes colored graphs for knitting and what good is wi-fi if the only thing I can really do with it is download books??? I can do that at home.
I want a card slot, both for the camara card and for holding books I want to keep. I can create a safe place and label little cards...so that's on the waiting list...
And my Fossil watch that Ben gave me does not keep time accurately, so guess it needs a new battery and that means a trip to someplace that can do that...research on line at fossil website...
Oh, well, guess I better get more coffee and save Ben from those scones....

Anniversary date

A year ago I got to meet Tamara, my son Ben's new girl friend, and Ben and I went to Rushville to pick her up and then on to Springfield to play on my day off. We didn't make it home that night, because a man named Mark Young had a fight with his wife about his adultery. And then he headed to his 3rd shift job. I am sure he often made that drive from his home in Petersburg IL to Springfield IL where he worked and I have no doubt he knew the road and the normal traffic conditions on those drives.
But he had been involved in what probably was a bitter fight with a wife of many years and his mind was not on his driving, he chose to pass when the conditions were bad, he chose to not try to minimize the impact of the car in the on-coming lane, or he just didn't notice, or care or --well, he's been dead a year now, we won't get a lot more answers than we have now.
And I am finally released from my surgeon who, with his great staff, put a lot of time and work into helping me have as much recovery as I have had in the past year. So, now State Farm can start getting things done for that accident settlement and all those medical bills paid and off my back.
And I won't be out on the roads tonight, or go to Springfield, I was there yesterday and yesterday I also spent some time with the pal Carl, who while I was sitting on the floor with shoes and socks off, so he could see the difference in my feet now, was told there is a very noticeable difference in the length of my legs from that position, ya, I know, at least 1/2 inch. He thinks more. I think I walk funny/different and will live with what can't be changed.
He is 1 of the few people who really 'get' what I am saying when I say this has changed me profoundly, he had that huge life changing event at 26 when he suddenly became a widowed father of a small boy due to a bacterial infection that couldn't be detected in his young wife until it was too late to save her life.
So, ya, those changes that we can't put into words or explain, he's been there and does understand and does know, as I do, that I will be a while figuring out how and what all 'inside' has changed.
There are some pains/hurts that never go away, you just learn to live with them. That's something he said yesterday..his son is grown with children of his own, but that girl and all she meant, the gaping hole her passing left, after over 34+ years, it is still a loss that hurts.
And it's ok if I have some emotional pain and hurt that doesn't go away, that I find ways to live with and go on, it's what we do.
But today, I am alive, I am back to work and off work today, my normal schedule, and there's a paycheck in the bank , some errands here in town to run, some bills to get paid, it's still cold out but the most of the streets are bare now, the roads are good, we still have snow covering the ground but it is winter.
And tomorrow we work, which means I will see Carl at work, trips to the coffee maker in the boiler room, the razing of the crew about our personal relationship, which is our business and not theirs...and my talk will be about the doctor appointment and the dog, and that Jake's leave won't be until mid-Feb. Silly nosy guys in red bump caps, they don't need to know what is or isn't going on in my personal life, or Carl's but they will still bug us...

Getting ready for Tax time..

It looks like my best tax return is by filing an itemized/long form so that means waiting for the bank to send me the statement on my mortgage interest. But I did file a small hill of paperwork that needed filed and started getting my tax stuff ready and will enter what I can into my tax program.
And part of that filing was bank statements for the past year, ya, I am way behind--so that meant coming across the bank statement from Feb. and March and seeing again how much I spent when out west. Ouch, I sure went through a huge amount of my disability income in a few short days...it's done, it's over. And I learned something I needed to know...and am moving on.
It's snowing and Kid and I went out to clean the snow from the porch and sidewalk, we will do my truck later, it's still snowing, very fine stuff that takes a long time to amount to much but it's been snowing since before I got off work last night.
Kid got worries about noises he was hearing outside early this morning and had to go check, someone with a pickup and blade was clearing the parking lot at the news paper office. Idiot dog bolted across the street, checked out what was going on, sniff, sniff, and then bolted back--he doesn't even look for cars..he just does not understand that he could very easily be squished Dog under car tires fast...I so need a fenced yard, and might get in touch with the guy at work that has the electric fence ad up on the board and see if it's still available...
Have my vacation coming, and didn't find out when Jake's leave is scheduled in time to get my vacation changed so will be off and do a few things here and clean house, read, knit and so forth. I hope to see the power cord for Jake's laptop come soon. It seems to be somewhere between the seller and here but I can't see it moving since getting to an inspection/mailing place in China...
am hoping it just has not been updated and that it's really not spending a week or 2 in a inspection/sorting location. Seller gave me a 10-14 day ship time...but it will get here when it gets here.
Well, got to go play with the tax program...fun, fun...hey I actually like most of that accounting stuff....

Cold winter, hard work shifts

It's winter in central IL and cold, even the sunshine is cold, but it could be worse. It was a busy day with a lot of walking from the back dock to the gate and back. Escorting a 'mud buggy' hauling concrete from a truck packed at the end of our ramp to the halls. I have no idea where the concrete was going but it sure was not our normal weekend 'patch work' going on. And maint had me running when I wasn't escorting the contractor and his mud buggy.
Heat is turned up to 72, I turn it down to 69 at night or when I'm gone, still feels cool and I have yet to give up my work sweater. Kid is being an attention demanding brat this afternoon. He spent most of the night getting sick and tossing his cookies so neither of us slept well. Now he is bored and wants me to sit on the futon so he can try to crawl onto my lap.
My doll sweater knitting is going very slow, I haven't worked on it for several days but do have the ribbing done on my purple sweater and have started the body pattern. Jake has 2 socks going now, starting the heel increases on 1 and the other has a good start. My socks are just past the toes but will be a long time in getting done, they aren't high on my priority list right now.
I hope Cargill has our W-2 available early on line, I had my taxes filed by 1/14/2010 last year. That turned out to be a very good thing as I needed that tax refund to live on after the accident until State Farm agreed to pay my lost wages while I was off work.
This year my income is less than 1/2 of what I earned last year, but I was off work 8 months and 17 days. It's been a very long, hard year for me. I know the next few years will be financially tight but I hope to see debts paid down and some paid off, the house get the needed work done as I can afford it and to make some progress with some of my landscaping projects here.
I think of some of the dreams that died this past year, and of the days and weeks hurting and not knowing if I would be able to return to work.
I'm a harder, tougher, stronger person now, I am not as patient or as kind, or giving as I was. But I don't feel some of that is negative changes, I have a lot of personal responsibility on my shoulders, there is no one helping me with my financial responsibilities or repairing my house.
So, being harder and tougher will keep me earning the living and and getting done what needs done here. And it will keep me from letting anyone take advantage of me, use me, scam me and that is important.

And on the first day of the new year

I got up early for a woman who didn't go to sleep until after 2 am, and got the dishes done, corn bread made, stirred the soup in the slow cooker, it went in after I got in from work.
Otto, my good neighbor and friend came to have lunch with me and talk, we don't see each other often now that it's cold and I am working. I won't go over there if I am not feeling well, he's older and living alone, doesn't need to get sick So, it was good that I am over my cold and weather today is cold but sunny. Kid was glad to see Otto, he goes there to visit often, and chase the cats.
I'm making good progress on the doll sweater I have going, very fine lace weight alpaca yarn on 1.5 mm needles means it takes 16-18 rows to make an inch. I am so glad it does not take many inches to have the body of the sweater long enough to divide for fronts and back and made the under arm.
I love the colors of the yarn and it's by the same company that makes the yarn I used for my blue gansey so maybe they do this or similar dye in their sock yarn. I could see me wearing a work sweater from these colors.
Otto is 1 of the people I can talk openly with about the pain I have and about the emotional pain and mess this accident has made of my life, and might always make of my life. The guy that brings me coffee in Viagra cups also understands some of how this has changed me and my life.
But today is a good day, foot might not be cheering happy but I am walking without the cane, didn't even need it at the start of my day.
The book I am waiting for didn't come, the power cord for Jake's laptop is in shipping, so that means I can make goodies to pack in a Jake box and take into work tomorrow, I start at 5 am so will be starting the coffee there. If the book came I would be nose buried in the book, if the power cord was here I would be dealing with Jake's computer and hoping that it will operate and be usable.
No book, but have dvds yet to watch, knitting to play with, sweater started for me in purple, socks in blue for me, socks in left over blue gansey yarn for Jake and this green/teal/gold/brown I am knitting the doll sweater out of.
Kid has a huge bone to enjoy, he earned it by being my devoted companion, my source of laughter, my warmth when I'm cold, puts up with me on my worst days...it's a dog's job but he does it well.