UFDC convention

     I had hoped to be going this summer but the time off work last month for medical reasons sunk that dream.  But others from my doll club are going and Donnell has been kind enough to agree to attend the Berdine Creedy dessert event as my proxy.  I will pay the cost and I am working now on making some small doll quilts for her to have as hostess gifts for her table mates.  

     This lets me use some very small fabric swatches I bought many years ago and had de died they either get used or tossed out, I need to tidy up and clean out in my sewing space and the tin with these stored in was part of that sort out and clean up.

      I used 880 small die cut fabrics, all different, both solids and prints to make 11 small scrap quilts and am using fabrics I got at an auction years ago for borders, backing and the binding.  The batting will use up some of the scraps of batting I have saved away and make a dent in that also.

     The house payment is made, and I paid on some bills, and will buy just the needed groceries this week but things are improving slowly.  I still have a lot of medical bills and credit debt, along with the new mortgage but I am starting to see some balance.

     I still need to file state taxes but the state web file is still not available, hopefully it will be next weekend.  That tax refund will go to pay down some of that credit debt, it won't make a big dent but any progress is positive.

     And I have lots of yarns and fabrics so can play at home and put my off work time to good use, doing things I do enjoy doing.  I did get tired of the quilt tops before they were all set together, I started the work last weekend, so I have a lot of hours piecing all those little fabric swatches together.  But the borders go fast, and I hope to see several of the quilts with binding ready to hand turn the edge by the time I head for bed tomorrow.

      So, the wind is cold, but the house is comfortable, we have food and the birds and dog are fine, they might be bored but they also have plenty of food and are in this warm house.  I have many things to be very thankful for in my life.

The new iPad

It is really not new, it is refurbished and instead of replacing the battery, they sent me a refurbished one.  And it has taken hours to get it set back up, and I am sure I will find stuff that still needs done but at least I am making progress.

I admit to having a lot of toys, from my scooter and Rebel to the dolls, my iTouch, my iPad, Nexus 7, several sewing machines, and more than 1 flat screen tv, but I also work at a meat packing plant for the money that buys all this stuff. 

And I complained about the hassle to get my iPad to Apple for the battery replacement and stated that I probably would not be buying another Apple tablet when the current iPad was toast....but now that I know what hoops to go through, and where to drop off the tablet for shipping, gee, it is livable.

And NO other company makes a tablet with as large a hard drive, and heck, I like Apple products....

So, maybe this fall, or next, the newest iPad might be on my list.

In the meantime, it is so nice to have it back, gone 8 whole days and I had other devices to use and enjoy and whine the whole time.  I am a very spoiled brat, but I am also the one working for all those things and the money that pays the bills here.

So, now back to tweaking the iPad to suit me once again

Back at work, broke but feeling a bit better.

All the heart tests show my heart is in good shape, so my medical problem is not caused by my heart, but more likely that I did not pass out but had a grand mal seizure which caused the heart to be wonky, but no damage was done.  

And the cause of the seizure?  Possibly my electrolites were messed up from not taking vitamins wi minerals and all the sweating at work.  And I did have some small seizure episodes while off work, gee, not anything I would actually have thought about.

So, the cure is take those vitamins, add in some iron and lots and lots of Gateraid to help bring up the electrolites and hope I stay stable.

I hope to get the disability pay, right now it seems all the paperwork is finally turned in and filled out right so I can quit bugging the clinic, and it is up to Cargill to make a decision on if I get disability pay for my time off work or not......so stinks but not a lot I can do about it at this time.

I will get the first house payment made on time and the credit card payment made on time but I won't have any money to live on for the next week.  But I will get by and manage.

I did sell an outfit to someone in my doll club and hope to see the check for that this coming week, and have food in the house and plenty of fabrics and yarns to play with, and plenty of dolls to play with.

I like my single life, to have a man who would help out financially means a lot of changing and a lot of giving up my time and my control of my life, my house and other things.  I can manage and I will soon be filing my taxes so that also will help.

It was a hard work week, I am glad to be back at work and know as I keep working on building back up those minerals and such, I will start feeling better and hopefully avoid any more grand mal seizures, it was not fun, and it was a lousy time for me to miss work and miss the needed income.

It screws up my debt pay down progress, my old house work and my happy, sense of balance in this little life I have.

It will get back in check, but I sure will not be making it to UFDC convention this coming summer and I did have hopes for that but I have plenty of dolls to play with and might even get some outfits made, things knitting and some things sold.

Filling time

I am working on filling time, I have another week before my doctor appointment, so far no more tests that are scheduled so I am working on cleaning up the house and working on the sewing space.

 I now have 2 quilts done that were in the pile of things needing attention and 1 more to repair.

And then I can work on the pile of doll things that are part done or cut out and not yet sewn, the knitting that needs done, socks for Ben, repair a sweater of mine, knit on a sweater I started several years ago and really want to wear.

The weather has been mild this past month, that helps the utility bill, and I am watching my spending as the paperwork for disability pay is no longer part of our FLMA or rather we just have a lot more hoops to get that contracted benefit my employers say they have for us.  

But the FLMA has been approved so I can quit calling in every day, that is a nice change.

    Well, now it is well into the new year, 8:23 am in my kitchen, music playing, working on a pair of socks for my son Ben, checking Facebook, and email, a few other things and staying home.

    I do not have money to waste, nor gas, I still have days until I see the cardio doctor, and I do not know how soon he will release me for work or how much more paperwork and hassle it will be to get my disability pay but I know from others at the plant, that it has become far more hassle and often not all of it paid.  But it will get my medical co-pay made, if and when I get all the kinks worked out.

I managed to get through all the hassle and paperwork from the car accident without any money going to a lawyer so think I am capable of fighting this fight also.

      And I will win the battle with depressed, gloomy, discontent stuff too.  I have plenty here to play with and stuff coming that was ordered weeks ago, tracking seems stuck or else stuff is not moving, tracking is not being updated as stuff moves... But the ordered bird food did come and is put into storage jars, I don't have to worry about keeping those kids fed for a couple months.

If I ask, Jake will buy Shadow a bag of food, chews and biscuits but he is not good at buying toys for the dog child who loves toys.

   I am glad to have 3 quilts back on the blanket shelf and out of my 'to do' pile in the sewing space.  I also emptied a big tote and the plastic tub, so they are now down for Ben to use with his stuff.  I need to plan starting to remove the damaged ceiling tiles in the downstairs bedroom this winter and that means the room cleaned out enough for me to do that work and not have a huge amount of filth to clean up off stuff that is currently on shelves and about the room.

     All my dolls and such will need boxed up and moved out, Jake's stuff will need moved, covered, gone.. And Ben will need any and all his stuff out of the way and protected from the dirt, dust and general filth the job will create before the work can get started.

And my being off work is a real hinder to progress here, both with getting the work done and with the financial issue.

    I want to go play at the mall in Springfield, shop some of the sales, be out of home for a while.  I want to buy a good shelf board to go above the futon in the south end of my attic space, replace the deck board I put up there for a temporary shelf.

It did get the dolls up and out of my way so I could sew and I did get all 3 quilts taken care of, so at least I gained something.

    My plans for the next couple years were not for time off work with medical issues, and I know being pissed off at my own body, at my heart for something it did not deliberately do will only add to my stress, which does not help the heart.  

     So, I adjust the plans, and I appreciate all I do have, and that a medical condition has been caught early.  I work on things here at home that are started and not finished, I can find a mountain of doll things that fall in that category and I have a sweater started and 1 I am repairing, and quilt blocks my mother made that need something done with them.  

      There are dolls who could use some attention and plenty of patterns and fabrics for both doll clothes and quilts, a warm house to live in, food in the house, an area I dreamed of and worked for and will continue to work on for my books, fabrics, dolls, sewing, knitting, designing.

     I am in my own home, not dependent on a man for money, or the roof over my head, the clothes on my back or my sense of value.  A lot to be very thankful for, and plenty of reasons to step out of my blue and into the day and make it a good day.  I have that ability, and I will use it.

   

Adjusting and trying to be patient

Well, first weekend since the abnormal EKG and start testing.  The echo sonogram thing was done this past Wed. and I have yet to be notified about the stress test, it is the next one, so the medical team tells me.  And no appointment with cardio dr. to learn results of echo test.

So, no diagnos at this time, no idea of treatment or when I will be back to work.  And that will bug me but not something I can change at this time so I better cope.

I did fix the webbing on the little antique love seat and put 'dead cloth' on the underside.  Really, that is what it is called, and I ran out of upholstery tacks for that, they are actually cheaper here in town, where I bought the first 3 packages so I will pick up another and get that cloth covering finished.

The knitted doll dress is done, photos next and post on line with a price, have plans to do some doll clothes for sale while I am off and trying to not go screaming insane.

I have dog chewed holes in my purple gainsey so ripped back a sleeve and am re-knitting it and just found a second hole low in the body so will be ripping back the lower body next to reknit that.  And I need to make sure my clothing is far away from that dog, work on training that dog better, we are working with vinegar in a spray bottle for discouraging him from the antique love seat and I will do that with fabrics and wood.

Jake allowed the dog to destroy a lot of things, socks, shirts, wood, ect., and now Ben and I are working on some retraining so I can cope and enjoy living with Shadow.

I need to get the beadboard backing up on the peninsula here in the kitchen, the counter guy will be here again Monday for a final measurement, and the costs are now on my Lowe's card so I can get an appointment with my loan officer and roll all this kitchen project over into a mortgage and I will go Monday am and get that appointment set up.

Finances will be tight here, this time off work is coming at a very bad time for me, the leave papers are started, but the disability pay is not what I bring in a week, it does not start the first day off unless I am hospitalized that first day so I can kiss going to the UFDC convention this summer "goodbye" as my tax return will be helping fix the financial problems caused by this time off work.

And financial issues get me depressed fast, as does being home, off work for medical reasons, as does dealing with getting medical tests and appointments scheduled, but at least my kitchen has improved and I will push and nudge Ben, who is living here again, to help me get a few things done up in the attic, so I have it cleaned up and my sewing area usable.  Right now it is the catch all for wood trim, drywall scraps and what not.  But we can work on getting that trim up and we can get some of those small pieces of drywall used in the dormer and the rest hauled to D&D for disposal.

I have yarns, mending and fabrics, stuff started that can be finished, plenty here to play with and keep me busy while I get through this down time and the blasted heart problem found and dealt with.

But I am not enjoying being off work, nor am I enjoying having my financial stability shook up again.

So, maybe I can make a bit of money with doll clothes sewing, and I need those quilts mended, re-bound, and in the usable bedding shelf, that clears up space.  So would finish mending the antique crocheted bedspread, machine quilting the quilt that has been waiting for me to machine quilt for several years now.

So, all and all, I am or should be able to get through this down time better than the last time I was off for major medical reasons.  This is not like the car accident, I am not laid up and in a lot of pain and my house is in better shape, I have more space to live in and play in, am very mobile which I was not last time, and I will get some things done that are needing done.

Both Ben and Jake are handy if and when I need a bit of help, and I have friends and good neighbors so that will also help.

Resetting my goals and direction, some.

It looks like my heart will be deciding a lot of things in my life for a while, and right now I don't know what I will be doing, when I will be back at work, or how I will manage, emotionally or financially.  But I will get there, and this afternoon I will see the cardio guy and go from there.  Ben will get his driver's license renewed as once again I need to know I can depend on that son for any help I need with transportation needs.  

And I will manage, no matter what or how this quirky heart thing plays out.  I know there is only so much pushing, physically, I can do with this.  It is not like the car accident damage and pain issues there.  But I will manage and I will cope and I will stay strong and independent, because I need that.

That kitchen renovation stuff

The cabinets are installed, except for the end of the peninsula which had to be reordered as the wrong base cabinet was ordered and I refuse to even consider making it work for my needs/wants.  3 out of the 8 base cabinets were NOT what I wanted, 1 end panel was for the wrong side, or it was for the cabinet that should have been ordered for the right side of the stove.

2 out of 4 upper cabinet doors have to be replace, 1 is scratched and not fixable to my satisfaction and the corner unit has 2 doors, or a bi-fold door and 1 matches the rest of the cabinet doors, the other is the same cherry finish and similar style but not the same style.  That one is a factory screw up and has a funny side.

The crew delivering the cabinets to the house were 2 younger men and 1 managed to steal my 32G iPod Touch 5, from the new charging station by the kitchen table, where I left it, in a bight pink  iPhone 5 case, they are the same size and the shock case was good priced and protected my iPod from drops onto hard surfaces, like all the floors in my old house.

I doubt if the delivery company compensates me at all and I will stay bent out of shape over it for probability the rest of my life.

But I do now have the old microwave stand moved across town, along with the old television housing I turned into a storage unit around 15 years ago.  The old kitchen table is still loaded with stuff to put away or was up and put away, it will come apart and store in my utility area until Jake or Ben have a home for it.

It has been a long and stress filled renovation project and expensive, but I will have a good, clean, workable kitchen once it is all done.  I have waited for years for this and will gladly make my loan payments, knowing I am coming home to the house I have worked to turn into a solid and comfortable home.

And this being single works so well for me, I have no time or interest in dating, too much to do here, too much I want to do and not willing to give up my time, share my house, put up with other people's problems, issues or bad habits.  That might make me a spoilt and selfish old woman or it might be, that at 58, I have earned the right to live my life as it works best for me.

I am glad to have the dishes done, they are drying in the dish racks, in the bathtub, but I know I won't be washing dishes in tubs, in the bathroom for too many more weeks, I now have scraps of plywood and whatever else I had on hand that would work for temporary counter tops so I am a lot closer to a working kitchen than I was yesterday.  

The house is a bit cleaner, and I know tomorrow I will get some more work done here, Sunday is the doll club Christmas party and I will be ready for that this year, and if it is dry, not snowing or raining, I can return the wrong cabinet and the toe kick I told the woman not to order to Lowes so that will come off my account.  

And Shadow is calmer, the house getting back into order helps him, but he misses Jake, who doesn't even have time to talk to the dog when he stops by here most times.  I knew the dog would become my dog, now Ben is helping me deal with the behavior issues Jake helped create.

But, like my kitchen, things with the dog will get there in time also.

So much to be Thankful for

Really, despite the snags and hitches and issues that over time will become small, my life is really good and I ahve a lot to be thankful for.
The cabinets are here, the installer should be here tomorrow, the counter company and I have next Friday for measurements so they can start cutting/making my counters. 
Work is still there, as usual, harder in the winter but also more time on the clock which means more money to help fund this old life I enjoy.  And I work with good supervisors and good crew of co-workers, like where I work and know I have livable pay, good benefits and a short drive to and from work.
I have all the doll knitting done for the club Christmas exchange so now only need to work in yarn ends, sew seams, and do the finish work, wash and block so I expect to be ready this year.  I still need to do cards for everyone in the club, but will get that done too.
The house is still a renovation disaster, but last weekend Ben and I did some work on the front door and have really reduced that draft problem.  I just need 1 more section of beadboard to finish the laundry ceiling area, still need to use some caulk, and paint but it is a big improvement that has needed done for years.
There is a lot of drywall work to be done here, and I might actually make some progress on that today, dormer area, and I also will badger Ben into helping me haul some lumber from the attic eave where it has been stored to the utility area, except for the deck boards.  The deck boards will be used as bridging for working on the drywall in that dormer area, the stairwell creates some open space we cannot reach across to work safely. 
The studio is a mess right now but I will work on that this winter, some is the small pieces of drywall, I will use what is big enough to use on the dormer walls and then dispose of the rest.  I just need to get busy and do some work up there on a regular basis.
Jake seems to have settled in well up the street, moved in with a friend of ours but Shadow is staying here with me and Ben is camping here while I need help with old house projects or someone here for contractors.
The house is much quieter with just Ben, he has his faults but he also works better with my needs and wants for a quiet house to start my work mornings and to come home to.  And he keeps the volume down on things much better and has not taken over my living room.  I am actually able to use and enjoy my living room again, despite the kitchen stuff in here and the table saw and the dust.
My Xbox has moved downstairs and the big flat screen I won last spring is now is use, I watch movies, Netflicks and YouTube videos in my own living room and am enjoying that.Today I have videos going about re-upholstering furniture.

Still working on the kitchen

And the laundry space, the dormer area, the mess everywhere but I am seeing progress, 30 more feet of beading board to buy, prime, paint, cut and nail up and the laundry area will have ceiling, the left over board ends will do that lip/edge along the wall seperating the bathroom from the laundry area.  The stairwell opening left a small strip about 6" wide by 4 foot long, it makes a handy shelf as you enter the attic space, I even have an electrical outlet and the few house plants that struggle here live there.

The new kitchen door and windows are wonderful, will need trimmed out once cabinets and counter are in, and I sure have plenty of outside work to do.  But they are sealed up, and a bit of caulk along the inside bottom edge of the east one, should be snug and make a far warmer and brighter kitchen for many years to come.

I finally have the last of the wiring up into the attic, ran 2 lines for the future bathroom, so now have that last area of dormer eave wall closed up, the osb is primed and I did do a separate panel that could be removed to access the wiring junction boxes hidden back there and the covers of each has a label so a person can easily know which box is the baseboard heaters, the south outlets, the north outlets, the lights.

Jake has moved up the street a block but Shadow is staying here and right now Ben is camping in the bedroom, on the floor.  The bed and mattress were in such bad shape they went out the door, I will dispose of them in time, they can occupy space in the back by our parking for now.

I plan to start removing the rain damaged ceiling tiles from that bedroom this winter and replace them. It would be nice to be able to hire someone to come in, pull down all the ceiling tile, the old, damaged plaster, clean up, install and finish new, clean drywall ceiling but that is not affordable so I will take out 3-4 rows of that ugly staple up ceiling tile, replace it, and the trim, and paint the whole ceiling and be glad I have a home I can keep on fixing.

The new kitchen will be nice, not awesome, not huge but clean, very usable, very handicapped friendly and long lasting.  It took more battle with the bank than I expected for some of that and I am on a tight budget but I can work with that.  

Here I do a lot of the work, Ben and Jake help for free or very low pay so there is no huge labor bill.  The door and 2 windows were contracted out but the boys and I did the removal of the old ones and repair work for all 3 openings.

The cabinets are Kraft Made, a very good company and from Lowes, who will also take care of the installing, and the granite counters are also contracted through Lowes.  And a very dark green that reminds Ben of being up high and looking down into a forest or jungle floor.  I can see that, there is a lot more colors to them than I can explain but to me, the granite is very alive and active.  With all my natural lighting, white bead board ceiling, light, warm toned walls, I think it will work well, not create a dark and gloomy kitchen but really give it a nice wow factor.

Work is the usual winter stuff, harder to remove and a lot more shells/nails on the hogs and a lot more hair to shave but also more hours on the paychecks which really helps pay for all my old house improvements.  I keep working, take something over the counter for pain and keep thanking God that I have a job with good pay and benefits that is very close so I don't have a long drive every day.

The house here is changing, some of what I had wanted for years is now happening, the wall between the kitchen and living room now has open shelving so both spaces feel a bit lighter and bigger and it improves the air flow, which should help on heating and cooling.  I now have my pegboard shadow boxes in the wall between the kitchen and laundry area and a big part of my coffee cup collection is now out to enjoy and to use. The new windows are not much different in size than what was here when I bought the house but far nicer looking, cleaner and much more energy efficient which will make a far more comfortable kitchen area.

The upstairs still has a very long way to go, a lot more drywall to buy and install and then finish but progress has been made and I can now start the wiring in the future bathroom, and that means the first piece of water resistant, mold resistant drywall will go up on that ceiling this winter, once I get some of the wiring work done.

The new side by side means that I can take advantage of employee meat sales at work as I now have freezer space for that.  And the new stacked washer/dryer unit gives me a more efficient dryer and more space. Getting the ceiling up in there makes the space look cleaner and better lit instead of the dark hole it used to be.

And Shadow is adjusting to Jake not living here, he has some behavior issues that are slowly being dealt with, it will take time to teach him he is not a lapdog, he is not to paw me or nip at me but he is improving slowly.  

I am no longer dating/seeing/spending time with L.L, it just doesn't fit into my life, my old house needs the weekend time and attention, I don't want to be at his place, my allergies flare terribly, I get bored, and I just do not want to.  There just is no want or need for a male, or female, for that matter, significant, emotional, physical relationship in my life.  Call it old age, call it busy, call it just comfortable single and solitary, but I am just not willing to make time for dating, not willing to spend time being bored and wishing I was home alone instead of watching 'idiot' TV at someone else's place.

Life just works smoothly and contentedly for me right now, and I am working to keep it that way, like where my priorities are, where my goals are and love being home, like seeing the results of the work I am doing here, do not mind the money I am putting into this old house to see those improvements happen and I think I have finally found the peace I have long sought.

Kitchen progress

This kitchen project seems to be moving very slowly but then, it has been more than 10 years since I ripped out what was in this house, trashed cabinets, damaged counter, rusted sink, leaking plumbing and so forth.

Now all the electrical outlets are properly wired, grounded and 2 new ground faults added.  The drywall is replaced and painted, the beadboard ceiling is finally getting trimmed out.  The wall between the kitchen and living room has been opened up and most of the trim work is up.

I now have put shadow boxes for my coffee cup collection in the wall space between the kitchen and laundry area and most of that is trimmed out.

There is a new side by side freezer/refrigerator due to be delivered this coming Monday and also a new washer/dryer unit that will be more space saving than my 17 year old set.

And the wiring has been run up the wall and to the ceiling area of the future upstairs bathroom.  So, a lot of progress, the door and windows in the kitchen have been replaced, the insulation improved, and I am slowly gaining on all the small jobs and cleaning up after the projects.

The cabinets have a delivery date, and the bank has agreed to refinance my mortgage so I can afford all this fun old house stuff.

It will be worth all the work and inconvenience and the financial costs to have the kitchen with very handicapped friendly cabinets, granite counters that will stand up to many years of hard use and the house more energy effecient than it has been.

I will be working my way up stairs too, and will try and get a lot more of the drywall up this winter so the house is cleaner and easier to heat and cool.  5 gallons of primer will go a long way and I will buy more joint compound and keep working on seams and so forth, a bit at a time.

The house is center to my stability and security, my shelter and my reason to go to work on the days I hurt a lot or am just fed up with things.  I need a relationship that has meaning in my life and I have found that with saving and improving this old house.

Almost mid month, again

It seems that time is flying by and I am not getting much progress done here on the current old house project.  But I do have the paint color and some is on the wall.  Tomorrow I will make some progress, and it will not be long before we have my jury rigg kitchen back in working order.

The installer has come and done his measuring, he will then fax the information to Stacy at Lowes and we will then be able to get the cabinets ordered.

I will work upstairs on the electrical and on the drywall up there while I wait for cabinets, once I have done all I can do in the kitchen.  I have a lot of trim work to do, and I will get as much as I can done so that there is very little to do once the cabinets are in, and then again, once the counters are in.

But the windows are a huge improvement, as is all the other work we have gotten done, I am sure it will make the kitchen far more comfortable, temperature wise, not as much heat loss in the winter, not as much heat gain in the summer.

And once the kitchen is done, I have a new mortgage and will work on the house as I can, both financially and energy wise.  I started this project in August and it might be December before it is done.  But I have waited almost 10 years to do a good kitchen in this, my last old house.  And I want it very handicapped livable, because I need that, now and in the years to come.

I have had some battles with the bank over getting the loan to do what I wanted with my house but it has been resolved for the most part.  I did not expect the problems but I am determined that I will decide what is done for my house, to my house and what I make payments on.

I finally got the bugs worked out with the bank for my house refinance and finally got my kitchen planned out at Lowes, all the pieces  I wanted, very handicapped friendly, in case I ever need that, and the granite I want. 
All the electrical issues have been dealt with, the new windows, door and drywall are in, Ben has been doing a great job with the mud work, seams are very good, many cannot be found.
The wiring has been run up for the future upstairs bathroom, I will need to add 2 more circuit breakers to the box but     I have the stuff to start the wiring work so hope to see at least 1 sheet of blue board on that ceiling this winter.
10 hour day tomorrow so it is about time to turn in here.

Old houses and renovation

Inspection accepts New construction is all new stuff, new lumber, new wiring, new outlets and plumbing, usually clean and start from scratch, follow the plans and get the job done.

Renovation on old houses is very different, nothing is new or clean, there are usually ugly problems lurking beneath, behind, under everything.  No part of the job is simple and easy and you always need more of something than you planned on.

But today my old house gained properly wired outlets in the kitchen, 2 new ones were added and some older ones were replaced, all were wired properly, to code and done right.  But the kitchen sure looks worse than when we started.  New drywall, all the way up to the ceiling to go in and 2 new windows, a new door, floor tile to be replaced where it is damaged, and in time, cabinets and counters, good quality, handicapped friendly, a good paint job, trim work done, and then plan for the next job here.

A refinance to do a huge, expensive job and then nickel and dime the small jobs for awhile, the railing along the landing and patio so it is inspection acceptable and safer from falls down onto the bike patio.  Keep working on the drywall up in the attic, read up on bathrooms and showers so the new bathroom up in the attic can be sealed up from potential water damage, get the vent/light/heat unit and vent pipe to that done, get the plumbing roughed in, and the blue board and tile board in, at least on ceiling areas where there is the most heat loss/gain issue......and the list goes on.

But I am content, at peace and happy here in my old house, despite all the problems and all it still needs.  It will look better in a few days, and keep improving, and stuff will get back in order, the kitchen will become usable again, it will take some time but for now, the electrical is safer and that is a big step in the right direction.

Back to work

A week of vacation went fast with a lot of it spent working on this old house, and not getting very far on the list of what all I had hoped to get done.  But I made some important progress in the kitchen and that was high on my list.

And I am refinancing the mortgage, for the new kitchen windows and door and to do a proper, good quality kitchen here, finally.  The paperwork has been signed at the bank to refinance, the house inspector has been here and I have contacted several people about the kitchen job, 3 have been here to talk, look and measure, the 4 th is Lowes.

I want to see rough plans/ideas and rough estimate of costs and then will decide who I will work with for the job and want a contract. 

I know some of what I need and want, but until the windows are in, some measurements will not be valid.  The east facing window can really change a few things with cabinets and I plan to whine but move the water and drain for better kitchen sink set up.

It may be months before I see a finished kitchen but having coped for 9.5+ years here with what I have! I will manage until the new kitchen cabinets and counter are installed and I have everything put away.

Temps are dropping and we have a chance of seeing our first frost some time in this coming week.  It will drop pollin counts but I am not wanting winter to be here early and if fall comes early. I can expect winter to be right behind.

Off to bed as I am beat tired tonight.

Old house progress

I am finally replacing the last 2 windows and the damaged kitchen door.  And since the financing rate is so high and my current mortgage almost paid off, I went and started the process to refinance and get a real kitchen done, cabinets, counters, wall cabinets, real storage area, real food prep area, be able to wash dishes and put them in the drainer without dripping water all over the floor.

So, this week, while I am off on vacation, I have had son Ben down here to help and we are working on some of the kitchen projects I want done.  The old windows are out and so is the door, I still have the sub threshold there to replace but the windows are ready for the new ones.  We tore out drywall on the wall between the kitchen and living room and have the shelf units made and painted, will be setting them in place between the studs tomorrow and working on the wall between the kitchen and the laundry area.

I have talked with 4 different kitchen people as I want some choice and to try to get not only the best price but the company who will work best to give me a kitchen that works for me and meets my needs and wants.

The house is a mess, normal for renovations in a small space but much easier to live with when I am living here alone than with Jake living here also.  He is helping some with the work, and learning a bit with each job he is helping work on.  And I am not beating the heads together when they do hat sibling crap and antagonize each other and me.

This is the biggest house project I have financed here, and I want to make sure I make good choices and invest wisely in this old house and my being comfortable here for many years to come.  I like this place and am almost always content and happy here.

But it is a long week and has been a dirty, hot, frustrating week including truck problems to add to the load, cost and problems.  I am glad to be looking at putting the dining corner back together tomorrow and work on the clean up construction debris so I am able to go back to work with the place in better order and ready for the door and window contractor and crew to come and do their install, the kitchen people to show me their plans and costs so I can make a decision there and get a solid contract and start date and end date.

Slow progress on this old house, I have lived here with make do for a kitchen for 9.5 years now and am so looking forward to a real working kitchen, done to suit me, chosen by me for my needs and wants.

This place is slowly becoming very much my place, I am putting my stamp on it, and a lot of my income and sweat equity.

Feeling sorry for myself

I try and not do that very often, feel sorry for myself, wallow in self pity, or even think I have a rough/hard life because I know I have a good life, despite a few problems, some pain issues, too much debt load, old house needing a lot of work and money.
I have a good employer and good supervisors to work under, good co-workers to work with, a very short drive to work, a scooter that is paid for and in good shape and gets great gas milage for that short ride to work.  A lot more things to be thankful for and to appreciate but there are still times I feel sorry for myself.
And envy, ya, that green eyed monster stuff shows up now and then too.  But then I remind myself that I might not have gotten that cute bjd (ball jointed doll)that she got recently but I do have central air that works and a great unit up in the attic that makes a huge difference up stairs and I do most of my own home repairs.
The landing framed  up well, my sons were good help but I was the one who had it planned out and made sure it was done and done right, and I will get the needed step built this coming weekend, and the decking will go on next weekend.
So, I can't afford to go to the 40th year class reunion this month, I can get by in life without going, and so, I have not done as well with my life as some of those I graduated with.  I can live with that, with the choices I made and the mistakes I have made and had to deal with. 
The flax I planted at Clayville.org did well this first year and now is field retting, I ripped it last weekend, which means I removed the seed pods and I am slowly cleaning them, along with leaves and dirt, hopefully I will get it all sifted out by the end of this coming weekend and have some mature seed to mix with what I will buy next spring for re-planting.
I did get a pair of mittens done and the next pair started and have a lot of yarn to enjoy, stockings I am knitting for my 1820's clothing for Clayville and a sweater started I need to find time to work on, and bobbin lace to play with.
My life is pretty good, our weather has been cooler this summer so that has helped things grow with little watering and my grape vine put out it's first grapes this year, concord, not enough for much but eating but they are picked and Jake will help me get them eaten.
Ben managed to loose a key off the keyboard for my Nexus 7, I am not happy about that, but Ben is the kid that looses keys and it is not the first time a keyboard has lost keys with his help. I doubt if it is ever found, if it hit the floor and the foolish dog found it, he chewed it  up.
So, I can whine about that or I can be glad I have my iPad and my Nexus 7 and all the other goodies I enjoy, even the ones that don't get used very often.
The company picnic is at Knight's Action Park and I signed up 4 guests and plan to take Ben, Jake, Darcy and maybe Larry.  But I want 2 vehicles so I can leave the kids to play and escape when it suits me.  So, another thing to appreciate in my little life, the perks that come with where I work, paid vacations, paid play, and ok paychecks.
I dream about what I would do with lottery money but know it would create a mess and lots of problems, fun day dreams while working a labor job but it is only day dreams, not reality and I can get by with what I earn.  But funds to pay off the debt load, and to contract out work here and get this house done, like I dream of having it sounds good any day.  Little by little I am making improvements, and I accept the reality that I might never have this house finished before I die.  Discouraging thoughts but very possibly the real future here. 
In the meantime, I keep working on things, and enjoying living here and liking my life, and work on not feeling sorry for myself when I know how good my life really is. 

Catching up some

The plant is working 4 day weeks some this month so I put my paperwork in for a paid vacation day so  the paycheck would not be too short and then put today to good progress on the landing between the kitchen door and the new patio.

Ben and Jake were great help and the landing is waiting for decking and I hope in 2 weeks to have the funds to buy the needed lumber for that part.

This does not make the kitchen door a working door but it is getting closer, and I like how our little landing is looking.  It will need 1 step between it and the patio to pass any insurance inspections but that will not be a hard build.

And the boys went off to the movies so Shadow and I enjoyed a quiet house.  I got the tools all put properly away and then a shower, played on line some, hunted down some doll clothes to try on a doll from the recent UFDC convention.  And I knit on my mittens, watched some DS-9, put a few things away while I was looking for some of those doll clothes.

Finances are tight, will stay tight but life here still feels pretty good to me. The old house has made some important progress, my debt load creeps down a tiny bit every month, I keep working and life keeps being good.

We had a bit of rain this evening and so far this summer few of the nights have been very warm so the attic space has stayed comfortable also, and I hope to see a reasonable utility bill again next month.

Way past my bedtime now.

Polar Vortex

Yes, it is back and NO, I am not impressed. Cool (chilly) damp morning rides to work on the scooter, cool enough after work that I am not heading to Clayville.org to pull weeds and get the flax bundled to dry.  I will be doing that Saturday.
We are running short days, and had 2 short weeks before this so paychecks are smaller and my budget is tighter, translates to not starting the landing from kitchen door to patio yet.  But I have hopes for Jake's rent money, minus what will pay my 1/2 of our vehicle insurance going to landing materials.
But cooler temps do mean less power consumed by the air conditioning here.  So, count my blessing where I find them.  And I had the house to myself, with parrots and dog, for most of last week.  Jake and Ben left Tuesday evening for MO and to be with their dad while arrangements were made for their step mother's viewing/visitation and so forth.
Her stroke in early February was bad and then in early June developed heart issues from colony of staph bacteria on her heart valve.  About a month of slowly dying in the hospital and then home for a day before she passed away.
I need to get paperwork done so NO One tries to keep my body alive and my soul in a prison instead of letting me go once I no longer have quality of life.  For me, the body is just a 1 time use house for my soul, and hanging on, trying to keep that house alive after quality is gone is wrong.  Every one can do what works for them but I want no hanging on to a dying body, no stone or services, scatter the ashes and let what I did and gave and shared, taught be what is left behind.
My living is what matters, and what I do with each day, who I am and how I live, how I believe, and live those beliefs, not the body my soul lives in.  That is just temporary housing for this time, not forever.
But I do understand Sam not wanting to loose his wife, James, not wanting to loose his mother.  And I do understand my sons rejoicing that a woman who hated them and their mother being gone.
Life here keeps working at my pace, and as solitary as I can keep it.  I have found peace and balance, value and contentment, it took a very long time but I won't be letting it go or letting anyone make many waves in my little quiet life.
And the old house, my creativity and Clayville are high on that list for my time that is not taken up by earning a living.  I don't want to go camping and I don't want to sit and watch tv and idiot commercials.  I don't need gossipy people in my life, nor do I want to cater to any one else.
This work for me, this Cargill day shift and being involved with a local historical area and the group that supports it.  My sewing, knitting and dolls, my learning to do bobbin lace, my old house and the tiny bit of sand it sits on.  Time to ride the bike and time to pull weeds, play with my grill and my other entertainments.

Catching up

      Well, I don't seem  to  be doing well trying to use my Nexus and the fancy case with keyboard.  but I finally figured out the app, and know where the blog post goes. 
      All our rains are really helping things grow and stay green this year.  Including all the weeds, both at Clayville and here.  I put some time in there yesterday and today I will get the mowing finished and work on all the grass in the front flower beds.
     I came home to a quiet house yesterday and managed to find enough charcoal to use the new Kamado grill I bought Thursday.  I started looking at grills in January, when I knew I could finally get the patio pour done.  Now I need to get the landing planned out, materials bought and work on replacing the kitchen door. 
     My bag of lump charcoal never got out of Jake's jeep so was gone.  But I had some briquets sitting in a bag, that had been in the way but never tossed into the trash here and so used them.  The potatoes were good, I split them and put in butter and chives before wrapping them in foil, the pork loin chops got a bit over done but that is better than not cooked.  It will take some time to learn how to use this new grill but I am going to enjoy having it.
     And a quiet house allowed me to finally finish the bobbin lace bookmark I had started.  Then I made the pricking/pattern for the next one I want to work with.  Each of them helps me learn the skills for bobbin lace, step at a time.
I need to do some sewing, caps and bonnet for Clayville.org and some sewing cases, needle books and a 2nd case for lace bobbins as I now have 2 sizes and too many for the case I made.
     I had 3 weeks up at the head line, the last 2 spent on the job I bid for but I was not able to qualify so will be going back to the dressing line and the pigs to shave and pull toe nails.  I liked the job but it is much harder on my hands than what I was doing, but not as physically tiring.  It will be 6 months before I can bid again, but I don't own any jobs on the dressing line so they can move me about and train me on other jobs.  The crew missed me, as did the bosses so they will all be glad to see me back and a few will miss me where I was the past few weeks.
     It made me feel like I had failed and my Saturday started blue but I sorted out the head problem.  The Rebel got the needed oil change and we went off to Clayville for a while, on to Springfield for cheaper gas, a stop at Lowes for some grill things, did not find the cover for my grill or the smoking stone thing.  A stop at a beautiful Queen Anne Victorian I have admired for years, they have a train shop in the basement and it was open, and very slow day so I got to chat and visit with the man tending shop, the gardens are as beautiful as the house and next Sunday they plan to run the outside trains, weather permitting. 
     I have plans to be at Clayville for our 3 day weekend so if the weather allows, I should be able to run up there for a couple hours Sunday afternoon, it is only a few miles and with the Rebel, it is easy on gas and doesn't take much effort to find a place to park.
     I think Sam is still living down in the cardiac ICU family waiting room, Cynthia has more brain damage, her liver and kidneys are not working well, I have not heard how much damage the lack of oxygen has caused to fingers and feet, but loss of digits was expected.  And the debate still goes on about taking her remains, after she dies, back to the Philippines for burial, with Sam, when upset, calling Jake and having him upset.
     I do understand how very hard this is on Sam, his wife is dying by inches, there is nothing he can do to make her better, the stroke this winter, the staph infection on her artificial heart valve, the whole list of medical stuff, it is done, it cannot be reversed and it is not his fault, it is NOT my fault, and she is only 50, and their son is 14.  And it is Jake's dad and they are close.  I am not jealous, Sam has gone far to make this marriage work,  he did not with ours and he would not compromise, it was his way or I could get out.  I worked hard to make it work his way, to be happy with his way but I could not even have my own political or religious views or different opinion on anything. 
     Ok, so we know I had them, and tucked them away, and more and more of the person I really am was tucked away and hidden, locked down so it would not be verbally and emotionally beat down.  And I supported his way of life and his choices, even when I had doubts.  I showed no backbone and chose to be his door mat.   So, when he needed a strong partner to lean on, he had not confidence in me, and no belief in my abilities to make good choices, and he moved us to Missouri, making that choice for all of us and hated it there and blamed me every day for his choice to me miserable.
     I got over feeling like I failed, and I worked hard, with plenty of mistakes, on rebuilding my belief in my self and in liking my life.  And I wanted his remarriage to work well and to be happy for both of them.  In part, so I could feel I was free of the prison I let him build around me.  So, his 2nd marriage financially broke the ranching operation, had them moving to her home country, that project failed, she came back and then Jake lent his father $ so Sam and James could fly back to the states. 
     So, now she is unable to work, Sam is 68 and they share a home with her other son, his woman and their child and after Cynthia dies, Sam has no idea if he and James still have a place to live, her son is part of the push to bury his mother in her home country but he is not going to help foot that bill. 
     And I think my life is a mess because I could not qualify on a job that would probably have me with far more damage to my hands, far more pain and what was I thinking?  I will go play with the pigs, enjoy the pals that are very glad to have me back, torment the supervisor, I think he should reward/bribe/console me with coupons for free Blizzard's at Dairy Queen.  And I make him laugh, he does appreciate me, which the supervisor over trimming snouts does not.  I am too old, the wrong color, and so forth.  Which is fine with me, really, I had no problems with the supervisor but he didn't value me, and I was not able to do my share and then some, which he needed.  I might have in time, but he did not have to give me another week or 2, which he could have, if he wanted to keep me in his department. 
      There is plenty of flex for supervisors to keep someone they want, regardless of job skills, after over 11 years there, most of it in production, I know how the game is played, and I am ok with going back to the other end, start a bit earlier, laugh more, and like life as well or better. 
     And I did not trade my big tv that I won for the new grill, so it is still in the closet.  Menard's put the grill I wanted on sale, and I have waited a month for the man at work to buy my grill choice and trade it for the tv, a very good deal for him but he didn't get it done and once grills sell out, very few will be available and I wanted the Akorn Kamado grill, and the model with the inner upper rack.  So, yes, I added to my credit debt, and went to town with Jake, Ben and the girlfriend, was up way too late, had too much caffeine, made my digestive system unhappy and still have no working kitchen door or step down to that patio. 
     But my scooter has the new air filter, an oil change and is back to being my ride to work, the Rebel has an oil change and still lifts my spirits and helps blow away my blues, the old house is still my favorite place to live, the attic is still my dream in progress but working well for me and this life is so good, rough spots included.
     I feel sympathy for Sam and his dying wife but know it is not my doing, not choices I forced on them, and not my job to try and fix.  I did get Jake the paperwork for getting a passport, but it will be up to Jake to get that photo taken and go to some place for the next step.  And he can do it in Rushville or Virginia so it is not like he has to go far, and he can pay $60 extra to have it expedited, but that is his choice.  Jake is not wanting to spend his money to go with his dad to bury a woman that boy still hates.  But he is better about it than Ben, who has yet to forgive his dad for letting that woman shove him out of that house, and for letting that woman abuse him. 
     And I quit having issues with her when my sons were out of her reach, and once I moved to Illinois, life for me got a lot better in many ways.  I missed being with the boys, but was back in MO most weekends for several years, and they grew up, with Ben moving to IL and Jake graduating and then joining the Marines.  Now, I have both those boys in this house and pray for quiet and Ben to go back up to Rushville and Jake to go see the girlfriend, go to work, sleep late and leave the tv and computer game shut off.
    So, the dog is quiet this morning, Jake and the girlfriend are still sleeping and I am going to start working on that grass in the flower beds as the lawn is still too damp to mow.     

June and the growing list of things needing done

No matter what I get done, that 'to do' list seems to grow faster than I can mark things as done.

I still need a lot of drywall up in the attic area.  And the lawn needs mowed again, but that is paid for. I have yet to draw up the building plans for the landing, cannot price materials until I draw up the plans.

Laundry always needs done, sewing projects have mad no progress in the past few days and I have not knit a stitch on anything.

The kitchen table is a disaster area but I did wash what dishes were left, Jake had done part before I got home, and he took the girlfriend back to her home and left her there, for a change.

The scooter needs a new air filter but the old one is out and tomorrow I will go get a new one.  And the friend that is doing my mowing will also help build that needed landing, once I get the materials.

I don't think I will manage to trade that 55 inch LED flat screen I won for the grill I would rather have, rats, but at least I gave it a shot.

And at work I got hit, again, by another falling pig.  And I am starting to really hate dead pigs, but I did win a bid to the other end of the kill floor, trimming snouts where I have no chance of being hit by falling pigs but some chance of being hit by fork trucks.

I am having problems getting Jake to accept that I absolutely object to housing other adults.  I will house those I gave birth to, for limited amounts of time, for specific reasons, his being education.

As I was working and helping pay my own way, and pay for the roof over my head since the summer I turned 17, and have worked minimum wage jobs, crappy, lousy jobs, hard, dirty jobs, and even 2 jobs so I could pay the bills, keep a roof over my head, and the heads of others, yes, I do think other people can live with their parents or get their own place, not stay at my house.  

Call me mean, or selfish or say I just do not understand. Yes, I do understand, you want her here, tough world, you can move out and get your own place, she can get a job and her own place and you can move in, but I have reached the limit of being willing to tolerate another adult living under my roof, at my cost, and yes, it is at my cost, even if you are buying the food you 2 eat, paying me a small amount of rent and you both help with house work.

The world is a hard, tough place, and it does not look like it will get any easier, the sooner a person learns to carry their own weight and be self responsible, the better their life will be.  That does include providing their own housing, not camping out at my house, sharing my son's bed.  I could care less about their sex life, that is their business, it is all the occupying my house stuff I object to.  I want MY turf back, and I want people to understand No one has any business pushing their choice of companions into my life, and having them here at MY house most of the time.

Go Home, get a job, fight with your parents, run away and join the French Foreign Legion, do what works for you AS long as it is not be staying at my house.

This is not a free hang out for young women, or young men, or stray dogs, cats, you name it. I do not want to provide a roof, or anything else for anyone else.  I am having enough challenges trying to take care of my own life and my own responsibilities, do not add to them, and staying in my home does add to the cost here, my stress levels, my sour attitude, and in general ticks me off.