Friday--6 weeks from date of accident..

And the foot kept me awake most of the night with pain and Yes, I did take meds..and more meds and I was NOT up a lot Thursday, had foot elevated a lot of the time.
Just 1 of those kind of days..some days healing is more painful than others...but I am healing..slowly, slowly.
Sun is out but it's cold, hope to see the first check for lost wages, mailed several days After I was told it would be mailed, will make note on envelope and put that in the file too.
Ben got the fabric down I wanted for work on Mike's quilt top so I hope to cut the borders today and maybe the backing pieces cut and ready to seam. I am not sure I can get the layers together with the cast. If I can I do not know if I can machine quilt it either..
But I have several things I can be doing, a bit at a time, do a little, back down with foot up, and then do a bit more...foot is going to have 'rough' days and better days..I will hope the better days outnumber the rough ones soon...

Bad cast lining..

Lost track--didn't get this posted..but cast and foot were seen, new cast and liner done a bit different, told to do more down time and try to be up less..
And most of the medical billing has been dealt with. State Farm agent was out of office a few days but said the check was mailed so expect it Friday or Saturday.
I need to go see the financial office at Memorial hospital and my bone dr. anyway and make sure they have the correct insurance billing information. My Blue Cross from work will be paying on the bills and has set up an account or something, they will then bill State Farm for the costs and by paying a % of the bills that will help avoid me being turned over to a collection agency..
With the long length of time I will be under medical care I am glad to know that medical insurance from work will be looking out for my best interests better than either my car insurance company or the insurance company of the man who caused the accident.
Mike is doing better but I think it will take a few weeks for his body and the maint meds for his high blood pressure and thryoid to get in balance. I am so glad he is working to take care of himself, he's so very important to me.
I was able to go join the knitting group at Sticks and Strings, the yarn shop in Jacksonville Saturday for a few hours, nice to be around other knitters and nice to be out of the house for a bit to 'play'.
Jake called while I was there, and he told me how wonderful I am because I knit him socks..boy knows how to keep Mom knitting him socks. I have a pair done and plan to ship them to him Monday.
State Farm says I am approved for lost wages to be paid while I am off work, the first check will be mailed Monday, I have some form to sign and I also will be getting my disability pay, did let the State Farm agent know that had been cleared up and would be paid also. He said that did not affect my lost wages but appreciated that I let him know.
I don't think State Farm will 'catch up' the past weeks but I will keep track of what they pay and all the lost wages will be caught up with the settlement--and I will remember that I am OWED those wages, it's not part of the 'pain and suffering' and neither is the medical costs, they too are the responsibility of the driver at fault or his insurance...
There will be lots of paperwork and numbers to look at and keep track of..and I need to remember that man's insurance is NOT doing me a favor by paying what they are obligated to pay--
No amount of money will give me back the lost time, or erase the pain I have already had to go through. No money will fix the problems I will now have the rest of my life with my right foot and leg. That metal plate will cause me pain when it gets cold for the rest of my life..that's just something I will have to live with, it's not going to go away.
I did go to the union hall and Do get disability and that is in process and I need to check on it Monday also. And they will pay me 18 weeks total and catch up the back weeks from the time of the accident..so that will help me get thing caught up and some $ put back into savings to replace what I pulled out, my auto insurance paid so I don't worry about that, Ben's contacts paid for, my new glasses paid for--which State Farm will have to re-imburse me for...
Did finally get forms to fax back on disability from Cargill. This is something that we actually 'buy' with our co-pay for our insurance--so woman in HRD that said i did not qualify was wrong...and they will catch up the back weeks so I can expect a good sized check when they get to that point..at least I know it's in process, finally.
Got another pair of socks done, and am knitting on a doll dress for the Kish 14 inch dolls, have 1 so she can try it on..and knowing me, once it's done I will photo and set a price--quite willing to sell the clothes off the backs of my dolls..

Casts and pain..

The trip west had more adventure than we hoped or planned as Mike got sick while we were on the road between Albuquerque and Provo and ended up in the hospital there. He is out and will be taking much better care of his health now and I coped well with the situation.
The staples came out Tuesday, more x-rays, decision was fiberglass cast for 5 more weeks, heel bone has gone from very small pieces to 'mush' but I saw x-ray and think mush is progress. Dr. Mulshine does not know if that heel bone will have a socket for the leg bone to fit into or not yet..it's wait and let things heal and see.
The bone with plate and large screws is looking good, the other small broken bone is healing ok, everything in place...
It's going to be so much longer than I expected. I did get to the union hall and have 18 months to be able to return to work and still have my job. I also paid 6 weeks of my health insurance co-pay so my savings is almost empty but have that monkey off my back for a couple weeks. I do qualify for disability pay and Duke, with the union got the paperwork for me and I made the call, today I will call Dr. Mulshine's office as they have form faxed to them to fill out and return..and although it's not what I make a week, it will sure help and I am not as paniced about money to live on.
It pays 18 weeks and right now it looks like I will be off work longer than that. When I got out of the hospital I knew I had a couple broken bones in my foot/ankle but imagined I would be back to work in 8-10 weeks. Now I will be in casts 10 weeks and not know what will be next step in repairing my foot.
Today I woke up around 6 am by that pain monster, got some tea and tylonal, still having pain but it's more tolerable than about 3 hours ago. I was up and about a lot the past 2 days, that might be part, the foot is not swelling, I am wearing a full cast, not split and if I swell any I will sure know fast. So, it's not swelling, but that plate and screws hurts, the scar from that surgery in not comfortable and the ankle on other sides says ouch, top of foot is uncomfortable..foot has a lot of tissue damage and swelling still.
5 weeks and it's still a huge ankle and foot compared to the other one..
I am getting dressed in work cargos and shirts now, not in bed all the time, cooking some of the meals here, doing the dishes some. Trying to re-gain as much of my life as possible but 5 weeks into this accident and I grieve for my life the way it was BEFORE this accident. A long list of things I was getting done that has become a long list of things I cannot get done.
Hours and hours in bed with my foot up and trying to deal with pain that my allergies prevent me from taking any heavy pain meds for.
Worry about finances because HRD at Cargill told me I did not qualify and no way to get to union hall and talk with them for weeks..worry about my credit and how I would by food and pay utility bills.
Worry about crawling into a dark hole called depression and having problems crawling back out. Being up and dressed is helping some with that, having bedroom north curtain open more is also helping, I need light and being in the dark bedroom for so long was hard on me emotionally.
The trip out west really helped me get back some of that emotional stable ground I have stood on for so long. People who really care about me, lots of bright natural light, better meals, and even Mike getting sick and my coping with that, instead of being the helpless cripple, I was the strong woman who stayed with the truck and had it ready to roll when his son got there, who made sure our stuff was out of the truck and at Leonard and Jessica's house. Mike learned some of my strength and stability, instead of his taking care of me, I took care of his truck and our stuff while he was taken by ambulance to Price, then Prove...from a shy and insecure girl I have grown into a very competent woman.
But I will still have problems dealing with this accident and what all it is costing me, from replacing a very loved red truck to the things I am not getting done to missing my job and the faces there, the work I do..that at times eats me up, I wake up so early on Saturdays and Sundays, my 'day shift' days and then it hits me, no work for me..long hours to get through...

Finding my solid ground again...

I am now in Albuqueerque with Mike and his sister Nora, their mom and the kids, actually slept all night last night, first night I have slept more than 3 hours in a row since the accident. The cast is not comfortable but I only took tylonal 1 time yesterday!!
I still have to deal with the financial situation, hope that State Farm will pay the lost wages or part while I am off and I will talk to the union to make sure that I am not eligible for disability pay. All those years of paying union dues I hope the union is able to help with this situation and I am getting my emotional balance and my brain working very practical and logical, or as logical as I get.
Being here is good, I am eating better and my digestive system likes that, and seeing the mountains gives me a joy. I like this desert country, looks so like where I grew up but I know I thrive in my mid-west river town. I have put my roots down in that sand and am growing and love my life there so much.
I miss the plant, my job, the faces that are part of my normal work days, miss it so much it hurts at times but I will heal and I will be back to work, supply clerk, I might not walk as fast, move as easily but I will be back and rejoyce often to be there.
I still have no understanding why that man chose to try and pass other cars when it was obviously not a safe thing to do. He isn't paying, unless you call death paying. I don't know where his soul is, but I do belive in the afterlife he does have to be accountable for this accident, for what he has done emotionally to his family, and for what he has done to Tamera, Ben and myself. There is no price high enough for causing harm to someone else.
But I will deal with this, leave some things in the hands of God, put my strength in God and in those close to me. Being here with Mike and family is so emotionally good for me at this time, and being out of my bedroom and bed is also helping me get a better prespective and think clearer...need that to deal with all this stuff.

lost Wages

Well, now I have had 3 weeks of suffering from this acccident, 3 weeks of no wages earned and paid into my bank account so I can pay my bills and live my little life here. My call to State Farm about my lost wages got me many hours wait for a return call and then to be told they expected to pay me my lost wages with the final settlement once I was medically released.
This is NOT acceptable, my wages are earned weekly, paid into my checking acccount weekly and I keep my bills paid, put money into savings, pay my income taxes, budget my own finances..live my very single and independent life.
At this time I cannot even take care of my dog, or clean my house. I cannot function in my own home without help, I cannot drive or walk un-assisted or do any of the things that are part or were part of my normal life before this accident.
It is totally unacceptable for me to become impoverished or have any financial problems due to this accident and my not able to go to work on my normal work schedule.
I have been required to spend most of the past 3 weeks in bed, with my foot propped up, dealing with pain that, due to my allergies, I am seriously limited in choices for pain relief.
I now have had the first surgery and have at least 1 more to go through. I am facing weeks of not only unable to go to that job I do really love and miss, but not able to earn my living, not able to walk, to drive, to shop, to do my own cooking and cleaning.
I do rrealize it was not Mark Young's intention to mess up my life so badly, nor was it his intention to make me suffer so much or to financially impoverish me. But his decision to pull out into the west bound lane to pass the car ahead of him was the cause of this accident that he died in and that now has me trapped in a un-ending nightmare I cannot wake up from.
I hurt so bad, nothing will change that much except time. My whole life has become a mess that I don't know how to put back in order. There is in asking why this happened to me, it certainly was not my choice and it was not God's doing either.
A man going east made a poor choice, my truck, myself and my passeners happened to be heading west, the timing and place we all were in made me the other car in that accident.
Facts, hard and not changing by anything I can do, the accident happened, State Farm will need to pay my lost wages in a timely manor every week, including the 3 past weeks, it was their client driving that was at fault..laws and responsibility issues.
It does not matter that is suits State Farm to pay it all lump sum. I earn my own living and I get paid weekly and I then use this paycheck I earn to pay my bills and buy my groceries, put into savings or do whatever I choose to do with my earned wage.
I will get this matter dealt with today, hopefully, and talk with the doctor and then do what it takes to get through the next days ahead.
And I will keep working on getting through this accident and my injuries. I will not let it totally foul up my life, nor will it turn the plans Mike and I have for a future into a mess.
We have a right to our life and future together, we have a right to build that life together, and this accident will not foul that up, we will not let that happen.

First Surgery done..

And I do like Memorial--but the woman assigned to take me from prep room down to surgery floor was not polite, nice or at all people friendly..Ben was good, made calls to Mike for me, did update post at Facepage for friends, made sure when I came out they had my bear and knitting to hand to me--they were NOT sure about those needles..but the bear goes under my right knee to give a bit of lift and support, makes foot more comfortable, offered pillow or rolled blanket, no Bearsie fits just right and he comforts me..silly thing but works. The knitting helps me cope with pain..even if it's 1 very slow stitch at a time and as I cannot have much for pain due to allergy issues--Yes, I Need that knitting in hand...so, they learned something about pain control with limited drugs.
1 bone repaired, 1 is healing correct and the heel bone could not be worked on due to open abrasions on skin in that area that still must heal before surgery. I did not talk to DR. and Ben thought he would talk to me also so didn't pay as much attention as he should have. But Dr. feels postponing surgery is actually better for heel bone as it will have more growth, bigger pieces and better chance to do more/correct more.
He did not like having to put me through another surgery but with open wound in that area, no other choice.
Ben is already asleep, early, not yet 9. Facepage is having 'issues' so I can't update there or post on friends 'walls' to let them know I am ok.
I am having pain and counting hours until I can again take something..know that should be short term.
I will have to make calls tomorrow to the city about not being able to pay my water bill at this time and to the insurance companies about some disability pay. This is clearly Not my fault that I am not working but in the meantime, tonight makes 240 hours of missed pay and I have no other income, no one else here working to pay the bills..and the stress is upsetting me terribly. So, I will start with phone calls and see what can be done about getting insurance companies moving on that disability pay I am entitled to..and as soon as possible and direct deposit IF possible...
I have also dropped between 7-10 pounds in the last couple weeks..and at my height of almost 5'6" and 124 pounds to start with--no, I do not have weight to loose, not eating well and stress, it sure can't be all the exercize I am gettiing, napping knitting and keyboarding does not burn many calories....

Updates--

well, to start I corrected my birthdate here..I am really not 253, and not born in 1756..not sure how I made that error..but it hits me funny today.
I actually did get a lot more sleep, nice change. And today the phone calls have been medical, my specialist office about my surgery, time is moved up, the hospital with my pre-registration, a lot I can do by phone and make the very early morning very easy for me...and Nancy. I will have Ben take me instead of her hauling out so early, but let her know how we are doing. Not am I more comfortable with Ben as my anchor going under and coming out of anasthetic, Mike is more comfortable with knowing Ben is there and has the cell phone to call him off and on and keep that man so far away in close touch with what is happening.
I managed to get a load of clothes into the washer and even into the dryer. Was a challenge to get my walker close enough to the dryer and had to use something to push the on button as it was out of reach but the clean clothes are drying! I might even tackle the dishes. The kitchen condition really upsets and stresses me...know Ben is a lazy slob and know nagging him upsets and stresses me as much or more than the mess in my kitchen.
I am worried about finances, Darrell called and I mentioned it and his comment was go get lawyer...God, how I hate that sort of Stupid...
I know there is disability pay coming to me, I know I am keeping up on my end of paperwork but things take time..including disability pay...
I know we have food and a roof and I am not running in the red yet. Yes, I have bills I want paid, hate to not have the city water and sewer paid in a timely manor..need to call them today and let them know the problem..hate that too, is hard blow to my pride.
I know, it shouldn't be, but it's like a direct hit to my independence and self suffeciency, my strength...being able to pay my bills and pay them on time, have worked hard to have that, it matters to me, it is a part of WHO I am...so not being able to have them paid and paid ON time or early, really psycologically hurts me..that's just a part of who I am..
it will get better, I know some of that is just me stressing about what I can stress about...but still, it would be nice to get something from somewhere that assured me of income while I am unable to work, due to no fault of my own.

Paying bills, trying to get life back on track..

I don't know when I will see any disability income, the tax refund is almost spent and I still have a stack of bills needing paid..this not working stinks, this spending a lot on gas for rides to doctors and such does not help..
All the hard work I have put into keeping my finances balanced, trying to pay down debt, trying to save a bit now and then seems to have gone down the river with this accident. And the frosting on this cake is bill collectors for bills owed by the prior owners of this house.
Collectors are--against law, mind you, running this address through phone directorires and calling MY number to try and locate these people. The house was sold to me years ago, public records available, the phone # I have was mine more than a year before I bought this house, again, records the collectors have access to. I do know some of the regulations governing bill collectors and I am Not in a good mood about a lot of things--calling me over debts that are not mine, calling My phone # to try and locate someone I never knew, I bought a house, did not have to get to know the sellers...adds to my anger and stress.
Yes, it's Maggie on the war path and wanting someone to fight with, or just some answers and being sure I can keep my bills paid on time. It upsets me terribly to not have my bills paid, to not be putting a bit in savings every week. To be so unsure of what my future will be, when I will be walking again, when I will be back to work..I hate being so scared of so damn many small things...
I know I am doing what I can, I know I need to calm down and find some patience and faith. State Farm is being very responsible, and so is Met Life. I have my medical disability paperwork at the plant turned in, I have the paperwork for the bank here and will drop that off today on the way to the eye appointment.
I know I didn't foul up my life, I know I am not fouling up my finances and my long term future but at this very minute I feel like a huge failure..but yes, I do know I am not the fault and that things will work out..I just need to do what is my job, keep paperwork in order, keep the foot up, eat food good for me and Not let stuff get me upset...today a lot of small things are making huge waves in my small pond and I need to get a grip, it is MY pond, I can stop the waves..relax, and just do what needs done and not blow things out of scale...