Counting down days

I expect to finally be released to return to work after 90/30, 8.5 months after the accident occured. It's become a long and stressing healing process, and I will never completely heal, my right foot and ankle will never get back to what it was. And my life won't either.
But I am trying to get some things here done that need done, and trying to get all the insurance paperwork done I can so it's done and turned in. Trying to get chores done, projects done and so forth. I'm tired a lot this week, think part of that is my body healing from the appendix project.
I have another box ready to ship to Jake, just need to finish his red socks and write a letter. I cry now every time I write him, every box I pack, know he's over in the middle east and I worry more. It's that Mom stuff.
Finances will be snug here for a while once I return to work, have at least 1 house payment to catch up but the bank will work with me, and I am deeper in credit debt and have medical bills to pay on, State Farm will re-imburse me for what I pay on all the bills connected with the accident but I will have bills with the appendix emergency that will be my responsibility.
But I will get through it and I will manage, won't see much going into savings but have not seen any going into savings for the past 8 months either.
Life seems so off track still and I know it will stay that way until I am working, until we know if the foot will tolerate work, until State Farm and I have a settlement on this accident. It all takes time and more patience than I seem to have left.
Tamara and Ben are on line shopping for parts/lights for her car and Ben shops on line or drools on line for cars, I know what I want for a newer car and will, if I can afford it, buy new from the dealer in Springfield and even know what salesman I want to work with.
And I have several house plans, depending on the size of the settlement, I want at least 1/2 of it tied up in long term investments, so depending on the total amount, I will make decisions. I like the idea of tying up 2/3 to 3/4 of the total amount for growth and to help support me once I am no longer able to work at Cargill.
But in the meantime I have to live each day and work though what each day gives me to deal with. The garden and I need to spend more time together, think I need to start selling chilies on the streetcorner. And I sure need to work on knitting projects and the yarn is wound into balls for the helmet liners that the guys will be wanting and needing this winter so I need to get them knit and shipped to Jake and his friends. I have yarn for 4 of them now.
I might go to Springfield tomorrow evening to the Barnes and Nobles knitting group, it would be good outing for me and I am thinking about it...
And I think about someone I choose to walk away from, I wasn't the person he thought I was, he wasn't the man I thought he had become, and financial management issues became a huge issue.
If that salvage business was sold at a profit, did anyone think about capital gains taxes and tax laws? 3 years to re-invest, sell a home, you have to re-invest in a home, sell a business, you have to re-invest in a business or pay capital gains taxes on the capital gain. So, there's huge tax issues that I had a right to know were paid up correctly, and a huge mortgage that was in foreclosure that was lied about, and lies that date back to before my accident.
Financial obligations that could have had me living in poverty trying to help that man meet his financial obligations, possible tax debt that the IRS could and would have attached my property, investments, income to help pay that debt.
So, that dream of having a life together, that twice in the past we walked away from, this time became a reality that we could not build a bridge across. I will not believe someone loves me when they hide financial issues that could impoverish and destroy the small amount of financial stability I have built for myself.
So, tougher, stronger, and smarter, wiser about financial matters than he expected me to be, or he lives in denial about his financial matters and does not even look at them and accept them as something he has to deal with. IRS will get their money, even from the dead, they can be relentless, they have the legal ability to take everything, from the roof over your head to the business that makes your living...they can take it all and they can take it out of your social security or disability.
I won't get messed up with IRS problems, I will keep my taxes paid and I will not put myself in a position where the IRS can take my bank account, my home, my vehicle. It's far easier to pay them their due, to keep the books in order and stay on their good side.
No hate or anger, some regret, some questions about why, and that 'how stupid did you think I was' thought. At 54 I can be single and very comfortable, and I do like who I am, and I am making my life work, even with the challenges I have had this year.