Counting down to Vacation

     Right now work has some issues, maintenance issues at the front end had us standing around way too much today, we had some product, and a gap and then a bit more and another gap and the day drug on until after 2:30.  We will be working Saturday, and I am not complaining, I can sure use the $$.
     I did get out and set up the little tent Jake gave me, and there is no way I can take it to Michigan Fiber Festival and camp 4 nights in that tent.  It cannot be fastened down to the ground well enough to be secure in any amount of wind and it will not be dry if there is any rain.  So, I ordered a better 1 that should be here early next week.  I will also pick up seam coating stuff and some water proof spray so I can treat all the seams and the cover here, once it comes.  I do not want to be soaked or have my stuff soaked, and there is no weather control.
     That standing around give my brain too much time to wander around, and it has been dragging out some of the trash from the past, yes, I need to sort our and 'clean out' some of that, there is no changing the past or mistakes and poor choices I made in the past, I have grown a lot and changed a lot, I am not the same woman I was at 21 or 25 or even 45.
     I might create silly day dreams but I am firmly rooted in the real world and know who I am and what I want and need in my life.  I don't need or want a romantic or intimate relationship with anyone, I don't want a companion, a live in or a man to complicate my life and my enjoying my life.
     It is my life now and my time and my chance to do things I have wanted to do most of my life, to go when I want to go and where I want to go.  The new tent will easily pack on the GTS that I recently bought and we can go camping where I want to camp, just me and the scoot, I can run the roads I want to run, see the places I want to see on my own time schedule.
     Living alone here once again is working, some adjusting and some issues, like pet care when I am going to be gone very long/overnight but I will work on that, Ben is still living close and I have a pal or 2 I can trust with a key to the house.
     Finances are snug right now but the paychecks are improving, and that will help the finances.  All my medical bills are paid off right now, Lowes is paid off, Bergners has closed their credit accounts so that 1 was paid off and is now also closed. 
     I have changed my car insurance from Progressive to Geico and that should same me some $ also.  I will also change the bike insurance but not this week, juggling money some right now, have a lot that has to be paid in the next couple weeks, and that I want paid before I head off on vacation.
     It's been 12 years since I went to Michigan Fiber Festival, and that time I took angry, unhappy, pregnant Cami with me, 14, and in the middle of a huge family conflict, she needed away before her parents could abuse her more than they had.  My daughter has not yet made peace with me for standing up for Cami's right to make the decisions about the pregnancy.  Her mother knew she was having sex with a 28 year old man that Stormy worked with and didn't care, but was going to force Cami to terminate the pregnancy because of the problems it made in Stormy's life. 
     That is not a decision that others should make for a woman, regardless of age.  She is the 1 who has to live, the rest of her life with that decision, push counseling, push thinking about what your life will be like 5 years from now, 10 years from now, but let that woman make her own choice for the reasons she believe are right for her. 
    For most of my life I had let others make my choices for me, and did what they wanted me to, tried to be the person they thought I should be. And I still have some anger issue about that but you can't reason with the dead, you can't change the dead and the only thing you can do is look at all the reasons why they might have made those choices, why they did what they did, learn from it and move on. 
     So, the first and so far, only trip to Michigan Fiber Festival had some kid issues, but I really enjoyed it and this time I am going alone- ok, so not quite alone, I'm taking a 12" doll for company, she will not take up space, won't eat anything, won't complain, and I might have some fun with photo ops.  I need to dig out some patterns her size and make her a few things, if they are not finished, 1 can finish them up at Allegan.

Work, weekends and vacation time.

     Work is ok, longer days which means a few more $ in the paycheck, which sure helps, I'm running a very tight budget, my own not being careful enough with spending and buying the GTS is a huge part of that.   But I refuse to have regrets and I did sell the Rebel and paid down credit debt with most of the $.
      Last weekend I got pal Kim to go with me to play in St. Louis, she needed a go play break, she's an only child and now dealing with aging issues for her parents, her mom requires far more care and supervision than Dad can provide and is now residing in a nursing home, doesn't know Kim or her husband when they visit.  Kim and her parents are very close, and this is so hard for her.  Watching and dealing with a much loved mother dying by inches is hell.
     And my vacation in August is coming, I am working on getting my act together as I am going to Michigan Fiber Festival, taking 3 classes there and going alone!  I had talked with pal Larry about going and he really wants to but I don't feel his health is up to the travel and possible weather conditions and I am NOT going to spend my hard earned vacation dealing with some one else's health issues, or worrying about them. 
     And I like my own company, don't want to spend that much time with him and do not want to deal with sleeping arrangements and having him wanting to maul and play with my body.  I don't have any desire to get sexually aroused and do not appreciate a damn incapable of the act man trying to stir my body.  It just makes me screaming mad, his desires and wants in that line are not acceptable for me.
     I would love to be able to pack up and take the GTS but know I can't afford the costs of a pull trailer that the scoot could haul, the hitch, the wiring work for the lights and the cost of title and plates for a blasted little go behind trailer for my scoot.  So, maybe I will work on seeing if I can accomplish that for next summer and be glad my little car gets great gas and will have enough room for everything I need/want for my little camping trip and classes up in Michigan.
    And I don't know what I am doing with this coming weekend, but running the GTS is probably very high on that list of what I will do. 

Making progress, at least with a few things

     I did get the Rebel sold, and paid down debt on buying the GTS, which is a great ride and a very good buy.  I do have a cover and the USB outlet ordered, and Ben will help me get it installed.  And since it's bigger and heavier, I am finally working with improving the grading from the street to the bike patio to get better drainage and make it easier for me to move the GTS in and out.
    And I am working on that family tree, I seem to 'hang dead bodies' on it every time I am working on it, it's expanding in some interesting directions, like the cousins and distant cousins and their spouses, which are actually not in my bloodline, but their children, would be.  So, I think that private in the Confederate Army is not a blood uncle xx times removed but the husband of that xx times aunt..  But I am slowly gaining on the tree stuff.
     Jake is now back in Colorado to live, Jaime is settling in to having his place to himself and likes it, Ben is now living on the other side of the tracks, so he's a few blocks away but it takes a round about trip to get to the house he's living in.  And I am happily adjusting to living here with just the dog and parrots for company.
    Work is going ok, shorter hours and the change of jobs in plant is helping me have less pain and hurt less, all very positive things in my small and silly little life.
     Temps are warm to hot, and the past few days have not cooled much at night.  I am still keeping the thermostat set at 78 for the air conditioning, upstairs is not very comfortable unless temps drop and I can get some cooler air coming in the windows but I'm not up there much, just not much time to sew or hang out up there.
    It's a quiet life here, I like being single, bills get paid, there's food in the house, I have peace of mind and like myself and what I am doing with my life.  I do think about what it might have been if this or that relationship had worked differently and thank God for not letting me end up with those disasters.  I count being single as a very huge blessing.