Heat wave. . . so I decided to make bread!

 It’s been a long time since I baked bread, I don’t buy bread, if I really want that stuff. . . I get out ingredients and make the stuff. . . so. . it’s running over 80 degrees outside, cooling down nights to below 75. . ya. . .not much cool down. .   but the bread turned out good and I will eat the stuff. . 

And the mowing is done, except for some areas that I trim by hand , ,  and yes, I am still hunting down bug and eggs on the zucchini plants and murdering the bugs and their eggs. . and eating the zucchini and sharing the stuff.

It’s a quiet life, and the financial house is a mess but it will get better, my screw up, and part is helping a family member move and the rest is the darn plants and 3 Japanese maple trees. . but I will get the finances  back in order, the plants are all perennials that I have wanted, most are in the front bed along the new front porch and I have now started the bed along the fence between the shop and the block end cap of the berm under the power line on the south side of the back yard area. . it will take several years to get that  planting area to fill out and be what I want. . and yes, I am putting flowering plants in a lot of places.

I did get a phone call from Jake this week, it’s always good to talk with him. . it sounds like the crew are all doing ok and staying well.  Jake sounded in good spirts and I am glad of that.

Kim gathered me up this morning and we went to Hardie’s for breakfast, I had finished the mowing and was sweeping the front sidewalk as that needed done.  I let her know some of what I am doing with things, she’s the personal rep for my estate and has my will so as I give away some stuff, like dolls and some of my jewelry I want her to know. . 

I am getting out with Jenkins, the dog in the mornings before it’s too hot and we are walking again, healthy for both of us as long as I watch the temps and do not cause either of us to have heat stress. . 

Sweater knitting is making progress, it’s been years since I have knit myself a sweater and this 1 has been ripped back and tweaked and is now finally looking like I might actually finish it. . a change from knitting socks. .   

Summer is getting HOT

 And the idiot dog and I are going to start walking again but earlier in the morning than we did today. .   and I am still killing, by(Yuck) hand bugs on my squash plants. . cuz I am eating that green stuff and giving some away. . and need the plants to live. . so I can eat zucchini this summer. . 

I need to finish up a sweater for myself I have been working on and I need to work the ends in on a pair of socks I have bound off this morning. . all small parts of a quiet retired life.

Money is way too tight. . my choices and poor math and planning. . but I do have some perennial plants and we have had a lot of rain so they have gotten a good start, the front bed along the new front porch that was done last year, 3 Japanese Maple babies, and some perennials for what will become a border between the shop building and the retaining block end of the berm under the power line.   I will manage better. . I made some poor financial decisions and the charges for over draft have me very in the red. . which I have NOT had a problem with for many years.  . I am beating myself for it and will work hard to get my financial shit back in good order. . but the plants are doing ok, some are actually thriving and they are ALL perennial plants that will, with a bit of time and care, really make an improvement that I have wanted for years.   

And the Rose of Sharon ‘sticks’ that I was given last summer are doing well, neighbors on the north let me remove the ones in their yard. . I have spent years watching them try to kill them out by chopping them down. . . which makes them put up more shoots. . . they are doing ok, it will take them a few years to. really become something pretty, and it will create a visual barrier between my north property line and their south side, and also provide more privacy for them on their own front porch.  Their solid fence across the street side does a lot of that, and in time, my plantings will increase my feeling of privacy here on this very exposed corner lot.

I am battling some depression, and will work on that my way. . I know life here is ok, I know that I can survive the darn bugs in the squash, squishing them is gross but easy and my hands wash easily enough. . 

The dog is occasionally a stress problem. . that’s on me, not on him, not his fault that his first 5 years were in an kennel and probably a hobby breeder. . this is a good place for him and he is good for me, we need to get out earlier and walk every day, we did for months and then I got stupid and lazy.  . we will both be healthier and better balanced if we get out and walk in the mornings.

We did have a big storm come through and it took down the power lines and the huge old oak tree across the street, now the view out that west facing living room window seems wrong and way too open.  The house is a rental and the pit is still a gaping mess that I am going to get ambitious and go over there with a rake and see if I can pull some more of the soil back where it should be so the area can get grass seed and quit being an ugly scar.

And I have named a tree here, it’s Squirrel as that pecan that sprouted was probably dropped by a squirrel as there are NO pecan trees anywhere close, it will take years to grow any amount, but i will baby it and fuss and talk to it. . and probably leave it where it’s at now, the front corner of that planting bed along the sidewalk, under the junk Chinese elm is were it was when I found it. . and yes, I am pleased,  I doubt if I live long enough  to see it mature enough to have nuts, but I can enjoy watching it grow. I have done that will all the other trees here, the first I have bought are. the Japanese maples, the sassafras and tulip poplar were ‘rescued’ from a house that was in foreclosure and were growing against the foundation.

 

Being sad

    I am feeling sad and lonely today, a bit lost and without direction. . . But I know it not going to last long, my plants outside are growing and I took my first cutting from the kiwi vines to put in a pot so they can root.   And I did some much needed cleaning and putting stuff away.  

     I have 2 quilt tops made, 2 quilt top kits to them into quilts and plenty of fabric and even batting. . And yes, plans for tomorrow are to set up backing and lay out and layer and pin at least 1 quilt together.  I will machine quilt them here.  I have neglected the upstairs and studio area for about a year now, it’s time to take that space back under control and be creative, I need to do more than knit socks.

  I wish there was a way to rebuild a relationship with my only daughter but I know that reaching out to her might be similar to sticking my hand into a basket with an angry cobra. . . I know she told me to get out of her life and to stay out of her life, and for what, 18 years, I have done that, kept out of her life, kept her in my thoughts, my prayers and have stayed out of her world/life. . . Always wishing het health, to be happy. to be financially ok, and to have a happy life. .. 

  I am working with the plants here, this area is centuries of river deposited fine sand and silt, so growing much that nature didn’t design for this area has been a bit of challenge at times but my winter hardy kiwi vines are doing well. . Ok, the $$ plant bought At an area nursery did not survive our winter well, but all the other kiwi plants/vines have, so I took some cutting and am hoping they will root, 1 will go at the south end of that front bed, along the ‘new’ front porch and I am not sure yet where I will be putting the others IF they survive and grow roots.  .

   Thinking back and time. . It’s been years since anyone has lived here with me, or even spent the night, no one has slept over until recently when #2 son and his partner stayed. . And I learned that I. Don’t cope well at all with other people here 24 hours a day. . .my failure more than theirs. . . At times I feel” like I have failed life, parenting and a long list of . . . .

   But there’s that idiot dog who loves me, the cats that are comfortable here and that I do keep their litter boxes cleaned, and food in the bowls and all the 4 footed housemates manage to share the same water bowls. . And the house plants have survived the winter, some will go back outside once it’s warm enough, I am not winning the battle with the weeds outside it I do keep fighting that war.  

     I have been retired for over 6 months now. . And am still adjusting, I miss the $$, the routine and balance that working has given me, the patterns and now I have all that time to figure out what I need to do, what I should be doing and how to make sure I live with far less $$$ to do that living with.

But it’s past my bedtime and that rescue insane dog already has most of the bed. . . .I will be ok, and I am making slow progress on upstairs cleaning, the weed pulling, the debt reduction and life.