A great spring Saturday

Shadow had me awake and up early, usual schedule for us now that I am working day shift.  But it gave me time to start graphing out my property, I need to plan the fencing so I can get costs of it by section/area.  And I start with graph paper and drawing it out.  I have marks where the house is but cannot draw that onto my map until the survey is done.  Then I draw in the fencing, measure and write in the distance from each corner post to next, figure spacing for posts, gates, how much chain link it will take.  And the easy part is the paper, the hard one will be the cost.  It will be a case of getting some posts, setting them, filling in the needed posts between 2 points, then the chain link fencing, and then the next section.
Jake went to Springfield with me, we walked the entire quilt show, saw every quilt, walked by every vendor and then went to Lowes to get the bike patio pavers and wall blocks.  Out to eat and then leave me for the doll club meeting while he ran where he wanted to go.
He took Shadow for a long walk while I started taking down the retaining wall so we could dig back another 16" by 11 pavers long.  Most was done before I came in, I did hit some ground that was still frozen, but the hope is, regardless of weather, I will get the area dug out, the new patio pavers set in where they go, the retaining wall built back up and rake some.
The first contractor will be here Monday after I get home from work, I need that bike parking area done so his measurements can be close to accurate for his bid, and I want my bikes back where they belong.  I will worry about the south end of that retaining wall and planting bed later, it moves back far enough I can walk between it and the fence, once the fence is installed.
I hope this is the last time/year I add to or change that bike parking space, it had grown a bit every spring, but it did resolve several problems for me, the sand washing down in front of the utility space door, a solid place to park my scooter, a shady corner to sit out and enjoy some fresh air.
I want to do a small patio in the front, on the north side of the porch, partly is better drainage and a place for the trash container but it would be nice to have a bit of a sitting area on the west side of the house that did not feel as public as the higher and more visible front porch.
I have been invited to attend a meeting of the quilt guild in Springfield, it meets monthly on the 2nd Monday of each month so I will try and see if I can make the meeting next month.  I miss being in a quilt guild and now that I work days I can start doing some of the things that have been on my waiting list for so many years.
Bikes were out today, and I am putting off buying that wind screen for the scooter until I have the survey and the concrete patio job paid for.  I really want it and to be running that very cheap on gas ride to work as soon as I can, the wind screen will make it easier to ride in cooler temps so run to work mornings sooner, thus saving gas and miles on the truck.
But the big projects outside are first, and the fencing costs need to have priority and importance and I will not put the windscreen on credit. Rats, rats, that financial discipline stuff I am working on. Good for me in the long run but not so much fun to live with in the here and now, want it now world.
I have to remind myself how very fortunate I am, all the nice goodies that I already have, the amount of credit debt I am paying interest on because of some of that want it now.
My dental work, the big jobs on my truck that went on plastic, the air conditioner for the attic, those things are not my credit problem, but a doll, or tech device, a few other things, those are the stuff I need to absolutely Not put on credit, and that includes bike stuff, gifts for others, music CDs or any DVDs.
It is getting better, I am getting more stable each month, I have the funds for my survey and the patio pour, and neither are small cheap jobs, the additional materials to make the bike parking larger is also paid for, the bills will all be paid this month, and there will be food in the house.  But I will not be adding even 1 cheap $5 cd to my music collection, I will not be adding any new plants to my planting beds, books to my collections, or doll patterns, fabrics, yarns....
Any one who knows me well, knows I have plenty of dolls, patterns, books, fabrics, yarns to keep me entertained and those who know my place here in Illinois know I have plenty of work outside to be done this spring, lots of pampas grass to get cut down, lots of grass to remove from planting beds, roses to clean up, dog poo to keep on cleaning up.
I will be fine with a strict budget, I will not feel sorry for myself or think I am abused and a year or two from now, I will look back and see just how much I gained.  A lower debt load, a nicer property that I do love and want to take pride in, and dolls with lovely clothes I have made, maybe another quilt or two to put on a bed or gift, knitted things that money cannot buy.  All gained by strict budget and working on what really matters long term to me.  But I still want that $159 before tax and shipping wind screen.  It will still be available when it will work into the budget without cramping me or causing a delay in what really needs paid for first.

That book I would like to read

The one that is my life and go back about 4+ years! and see how it would go if a man had been honest about his finances.  I wonder what difference that would make, what roads we would have taken and where we would be today.   I know you cannot go back and change things but I have to wonder how that might have changed our lives.

With honesty, you can find a way to resolve things, make wiser choices, find a way to deal with stuff like major financial issues.  Without that honesty, some day the world will come crashing down, and every one looses.

Here, in this old house I make slow progress on stability, pay down debt load, fix a bit on this place, keep my truck running, keep going to work, and keep liking who I am and what I am doing with my life.

But it is spring, and as I start cleaning the outside grounds of my small place, as I watch plants come back to life, I wonder where would we be if just that one thing was changed.

I am finally getting the property surveyed and have plans to start fencing and I am hoping to finally get the concrete pour done for the patio off the kitchen and have the kitchen door replaced.  Yes, the house still needs a lot of work, yes, I will keep at it, probably the rest of my life.

Well, there is no way to change the past, and no way to fix some things, honesty would have gone a very long way to make a huge difference so long ago.  Now, I work on my life and hope that his life is going well and he is happy.

For the most part I am, oh, not with my lungs and the crud in them from my recent bout with the flu, or the annoying foot and ankle, but those are small things, most of the time I am very glad to be me and doing what I do with my silly little life.  

Do I miss him? Yes, but I can live with that too, I miss my grandparents and my mom, people that matter are never replaced, their space in your mind and heart is only theirs and when they are gone, no matter why or how, the space is still there, it just sits empty.  I dust it out now and then and go on living in the real world, not some book where I get to re-write parts and see what happens.

Rains and gray skies

I had hopes for some sunshine but got up to rains and the day stayed damp and cool.  But not bitter cold, not snowing and no winds whipping around.

So, instead of clean up outside, I did laundry, and cut out 2 doll dresses and got the machine work on them done, will work on the handwork tomorrow and watch movies, do not expect it to be nice enough for me to spend much time outside.

But at least I am making some progress on my UFDC project.  Shadow tried to help so now I need to retrace and cut out the back bodice pattern he managed to destroy for me. We had a quiet day for the most part with Jake off at work, the local radio station playing and just me and the dog here at home.

There is so much I need to get started with outside but I will not battle the cold and damp for a bit of yard work yet.  And the weather channel is already predicting another winter storm hitting this area mid week so I won't get excited about spring just yet.

Friday Started Funny

and I wil give credit for that to both the local paper and the early morning gang at McDonalds.  It seems that the front page told the world that Cass county will now be able to issue same sex marriage licenses.  That alone isn't so funny, it's just updates in changing laws, funny was Johnny Walker telling Larry Lung they could now come out of the closet and go ahead and get married.  They went to school together, and off into the service about the same time, both ended up with heart problems and disability about the same time, Larry spent the last 4 years of his wife's life being home to care for her, Johnny's wife is still living and battling COPD, the same disease that took Larry's wife.
So, they have known each other most their lives, seen each other through hard times but no, they really aren't romantically involved, or even interested in changing their hetrosexual life style.
Larry doesn't think he wants to support Johnny's stint collection or share the remote control for the tv.  So, it looks like I might still have invitations to go camping and Johnny's wife will still have her driver and yard sale buddy for now.
At work I followed Jeff today on our job rotation, with Enricho following me, normally Jeff is behind me on the rotation, not sure what happened today but know I didn't remember where I was to start and the guys seem to depend on me to remember.  We managed to get through the day, shave hams, pull toe nails, shave bellies, shave hams, pull nails, shave bellies, and around and around 3 of us go, 9400 hogs was today's count.
Vacations are being scheduled, I have 3 weeks now but will take 1 week as seperate days and hope to use 1 for the concrete pour on that patio that I have yet to see any contractors here to look over the job and it takes that to put in bids.  But the weather is improving and it is time for the production departments to start scheduling the coming year of vacation time, hourly management went from June 1 to May 31, production does it in March and I have no idea when maintenence does their scheduling.
I am going to try and work on keeping my budget tighter so I can pay down the debt load more, waste less money and also put more into the old house, with outside being higher on the list this spring/summer.  I need the survey done and paid for, I need to start fencing and I want the patio done, the back door usable again and that might mean a $$ replacement and then build the landing and stairs down to the patio.
The work inside can be nickle and dime work for now, as will the fencing be, corners and then posts between and then buy chain link to go as far as I can, 55 feet across the east line will do the alley. Not sure how far up the south side before I corner for parking area and then come to the south east corner of the house, with 2 gates, walk through and a larger one for the bikes to go through from their parking patio.
I will have to see where the north line ends up and then know if the neighbors have a problem with their above ground pool and the deck with it.  None of that is grandfathered so it will have to be within city and state code once the survey is done.  I will not agree to giving them use of any of my yard but wil agree to some very limited time to get any structures or things off my property.  But I will either fence to the line or both of us will fence with a 2 foot space we both maintain between the properties, with each of us loosing 1 foot x 115 feet for that space.  City code allows the fencing to property line between 2 properties if both agree, if not, both are reqired to fence and each has to give up that foot by length of property and both get fined if it is not maintained for grass and weed growth.
The house is still a run down old house but the foundation is now solid and the roof is good. Most of the windows are new, double paned and the electrical, air and water systems are good.  I look at what all still needs done and feel that I have gotten so little done but forget what all I have done, and that includes the bikes, the trips, the dolls, books, yarns and so forth. 
So, it is a good life here, and I do like this old house, and do plan to keep on working on it, some nickle and dime, and once it is paid off, and the furnace replaced, the hope is to refinance for a major kitchen renovation and have the kitchen done well and long term very usable.  Right now I can't see the kitchen done, but I do know that I no longer want white cabinets and that I do want them to go to the ceiling or at least be closed off to the ceiling as I do not want a dust/dirt area that takes a ladder to clean.  And seeded glass in some of the cabinet doors that will match the framing of the art glass I now have hanging in the dormer window. 
But for now, I will be content with what I have, and my weekend to get some things here done, including clean up after our dog outside, doll sewing for our UFDC convention that I am not going to and some sleeping in, if Shadow will let me.

12 degrees outside and covered in that cold white stuff, again

It is now 13 degrees outside, covered in white stuff and the dog has had me out so he could potty and play.  I did start shoveling, and will work on it here, and across for Alberta and Chuck during the day today.  But wish the dog would drag out other humans, I seem to be his designated human for cold, snow, winds ,rain trips out to potty.

My lot in MO is sold and the money in my bank account, and I hit the Springfield Home and Garden show Friday after work.  I have 2 concrete companies that will come look at my patio job and hope to get at least 2 more to come look, put in a bid, 1 is here in town so want to give the very local company a chance for the job. 

The bike patio will have to get some changing first, I have survey planned and fencing so need the bike parking entirely behind the house, not with a 16" paver row hanging off that line.  I added those pavers for my longer Rebel and it was just so much easier to add them there than unstack the retaining wall and dig out another 16" by 14 feet long area.  I will be doing it now, before the patio is done, and then have that so the patio will be able to tie in somewhat on the south side.

The fence will be gated across the bike parking space, and I need a human gate, and I will probably have more gates than I am happy paying for, but in the long run, they will be worth having, it will be just the initial cry and whine as I buy each one.

Today I will work on the snow shoveling and the laundry, have a load in the dryer to pull out and fold, have work jeans  yet to spray and wash the bottom 6" of the legs and then get washed, dried and put away and will knit, work on finishing the 2nd doll dress, plans for a quiet day. Jake and I will work on getting his taxes done too, and he will be doing part of the work, or all of it with Mom's help.

 Handed  my current case to Ben, with the new Nexus tablet he does not know I bought for him.  He will owe me help with mine for years to come, LOL, but it think he can handle that.

The Home and Garden Show in Springfield was smaller than I had expected but I had fun, found plenty to look at, came home with information on stuff I am interested in, and a place to order that platform with drawers for my bed when I am ready to move back downstairs. I looked at specialty baths, with plans for going very handicapped accessible when I move/replace the tub downstairs in the future.

The tub moves to the north wall and the door between the bathroom and laundry area moves east a few feet to make less problems with my much loved, used and needed spiral stairs.

But, alas, until I get a bathroom upstairs or the funds to pay a bath company to come in and do the job while I have some vacation days, the tub will not get moved and I will duck under the metal stairs and occasionally nail my head or shoulder on metal stairs.

The end of this month will make my 11th anniversary at Cargill here, and I am glad to be back on the kill floor, like working days, the end of March also marks my living in this house 9 years.  When I look at that time frame I feel like the work on this house has gone very slowly, but it have less than $5000 left to pay on the 2nd mortgage, the one that paid for replacing 1/2 of the foundation, at a higher cost than I paid for the place.  And the metal roof is done, paid for with no refinancing to pay for that.  Most of the windows are replaced, with the addition of 4 new ones, south attic retreat, 2 in the north attic studio area and the last new window is my east dormer window.

Part of the attic has drywall up, all is insulated, the 2 baseboard heaters work great and allow me to adjust the upstairs temps to suit my needs/wants.  The portable air conditioner was a good decision and will be even more effecient as I get more drywall work done up here in the attic.  All the wiring is done except what will be needed in the future bathroom and it is framed in and had drywall on the outside walls.

I will have to do a lot of reading on bathrooms before starting work there as it will get a custom tiled shower, to fit the space and sealing for moisture in the entire bathroom area is very important and the place to start. I have plans for a single unit for heat, light and exhaust in the ceiling, and then there will need to be at least 1 outlet, possibly 2, and a light over the sink.  I am planning a corner sink unit, might go custom with base and splurge on a cool vessel type sink.

Well, now it is almost the end of the week, Ben likes his Nexus 7, will help me with mine and I am going to order the case with keyboard as soon as I can to replace the case I gave Ben.  And I will do some tweaking with my Nexus also.

The weather has gotten a bit better so I need to start cleaning up the dog poo that Shadow has dropped all over the place.  And call contractors about the patio job so I can end up with several estimates/bids for the job.

I get discouraged at the credit debt I have, the lack of progress on this old house, my personal relationships, my poor choices in life, the past mistakes, you name it, I manage to find plenty of reasons to mentally beat myself up some days.

I need to work on the reasons I waste money and add to my debt load when I really do want to pay off credit cards and get some of those accounts closed.  I know at times I am my own worse enemy, but that does have some advantages over the days when I was letting some man screw up my head and my finances.

The winter seems to have been so long this year and cold.  The house seems to have stayed a mess, no matter how much work I put into picking up, sweeping, cleaning, you name it, I keep loosing that battle everywhere in the house and the dog does the outside mess for me to clean up again and again.

But I do know it is not a terrible life, I am ok with my place of work, like my old house and know the problems and the costs and the years of work ahead that might never end.  It is my house and my life now, not in the hands of someone else and me having little or no choice in the direction I am going.

Outside plans for this year

I know inside the house needs a lot more work but I am going to put some money and time into landscaping and outside stuff this year.  I have a survey planned and money put away for that and I am making calls to concrete contractors for bids on doing the back patio this spring also.
Once the survey is done I will start the fencing work, east/alley line first, then up the south side to the parking area, back to the northeast corner to start that fence.  I want something decorative on the front/southwest side and I am not sure where gates will be or what will be completely fenced but do want that for most of the property so I have a safer dog area.
I will work flower beds and grasses around the patio, plans include a 6 foot high privacy screen on the south side of the patio, above the bike parking patio.  The house gets a small, narrow landing and steps down to the patio and I am looking at grills.  I hope to see the back door replaced and using it most of the time before fall, and I will find time and some funds for more of the drywall up in the attic area, but I need a fence to keep the dog out of the neighbor's pool and out of the streets.
It looks like I will have the current mortgage paid off in less than 18 months, wee, and then I will save up and plan for furnace replacement summer of 2016, then to save a bit and talk to bank for the kitchen to get professional overhaul and solid surface counters and nice cabinets. 
The property in MO is sold and that money will be paying for the patio or most of the costs, have called 5 contractors but have yet to see any one here to look at the job.  Winter is slowing that down but 2 have contacted me back.   My calls had me leaving messages on machines, but I will call back in a week or so.  I am not in a huge hurry but know I do need to get contractors looking at the job and bids so I can make a decision and get on someone's work schedule for this spring or summer. 
I have not heard any more about Cynthia's condition, nor seen anything yet on Facebook, do know it is normal to keep a person sedated for up to 2 weeks after the surgery she had to deal with the brain bleeding.
I have them all in my prayers, something to leave in God's hands and then go about my life, take care of my own responsibilities here.
And part of that is UFDC donation for this coming convention.  I have the doll,shoes, undies and 1 pair of tights, nightgown needs hand work, 2 dresses need hand work and I need everything I am donating done by our April doll club meeting so Donnell can do the photos, paperwork and pack it to take to the convention.
I won't say I am thinning down my doll collection very much but UFDC will probably get at least 1 doll every year as part of our club's donations to help with costs for something.
It has been a very long and cold winter here this year, colder than prior years for me, and more snow and ice.  I am not the only person tired of this weather but there is a home and garden show in Springfield this weekend and I plan to go, Larry will go with me but I don't know if we will go Saturday or Sunday.  We are hearing rumors of work Saturday but schedules are posted Thursdays.
Getting to this place in life, and this place with this old house has not come easy, hard work, making good choices over and over, cleaning up the mess from a poor choice or two, working every day even when I hurt, trying to watch my spending and working on breaking some bad money habits.  No one handed me any of this stuff in my house or the house, the truck or the job.  I have worked for them and I will keep working to keep them and take care of them. 
Wish a few other people would accept that their crappy lives are the result of their crappy choices and accept the fact that unless they work to make their life better, it will just stay crappy and NO, blaming others won't fix a thing.  Figure if I can do it, than others can too, especially if they are in the same genetic line as I am.  Not talking about anyone I gave birth to but a sister that I do love but will not feel sorry for.  Her crappy choices have put her where she is and in the financial situation she is in, I won't help her out, she has to start getting out herself and working on being honest about her situation and why she is in the spot she is in. 
In the meantime, I will plan to play with graph paper and plan out some of the outside stuff, see about getting some plants on a wish list, look and see if I can buy the basin wild rye plants this year or just seed and so forth but right now it is time to shut down and get to sleep.

A day off and life progress

The plant has a big new equipment install going this weekend so kill floor is off today and cut floor off Monday so the work can get done and the $$$ outside contractors that came to install some of their company equipment can get their job done and leave.
So, it is still cold and still windy, doubt if I do the outside clean up I need to do, Shadow and I need to take the cart and clean up after him as soon as we can, again.
Jake and the girlfriend are inJacksonville, decided to stay there, bad winds and her parents didn't want them on the roads after class so Jake gets parked on their sofa.
I need to make the house payment today, will leave me with 24 or less to make, paying extra every month means I might actually be down to 23.  Nice thought, will probably refinance for doing the kitchen, expect to replace the furnace without needing to do that, have it planned for after the house is paid for and before I retire, easier to replace it early while I can easily manage the cost than once I am on a fixed income and it has a problem and the parts are no longer available.
The news on Cynthia, Jake's step mom is not much and not really good at this time, she is under sedation while the medical team watch her brain, normal after the surgery to deal with the bleeding issue.  It can be as long as 2 weeks waiting time, hard hours with a hospital a long drive from their home town.  The extent of damage the stroke has caused cannot be determined at this time but it does seem to be more on the right side than the left. I have asked those I know to add the family to prayer lists, and I know all of this is very hard on Jake and Ben.
We all hold grudges, she put a lot of work into driving the boys away from their dad and into trying to make my life miserable once she married Sam. She was a huge cause of the financial problems which forced the sale of the farm, including what should have been Jake's with our divorce agreement and property settlement.
We do not want to see the burdens that will be placed on Sam with this stroke and the damage that will come from it.  It was a severe stroke, there is no way she will recover completely and she will have a very long and slow recovery, with no idea at this time, and huge medical bills that are not all covered by insurance.  Trips down to Columbia from Milan will be long and cost, James is still in school, their son and they are the caregivers for their grandson AJ, her older son's child.
And we are over here in Illinois, with our not perfect lives, Jake and I live in this old house I am slowly fixing, he works part time, takes college classes and has a girlfriend. Ben lived at the town north of us, working at local restaurant, shares a place with friends and is working on paying off his debts.
I have a labor job at the local meat packing plant, good insurance and benefits, a life I really like, good friends, some outside interests like the doll club I am a member of and that Honda Rebel I love to ride.  I do believe in karma and think the scales of life get balanced in ways we do not understand.

Know I am blessed with my life

I hurt a lot, foot and leg from the accident, hands from work but I usually bounce out of the plant after work and I go in ready to work and glad to be there.  I take some over the counter pain meds but not a lot and like the days I take nothing for pain.

Jake's step mother had a stroke early this morning, life flight down to Columbia MO for surgery to stop/control bleeding in her brain.  No idea at this time what her condition is or what her future will be. 

She abused both Ben and Jake, called me a whore and did all she could to make as much hell in my life as she could when we lived in the same county and I have no liking for her and not much sympathy.

But Jake loves his dad very much, they are close so what hurts Sam, hurts Jake, who despises his step mother but arecently wired money to her for meds she has to have and did not have the funds for.

So, I count myself fortunate and blessed.  I like my life, like my job, live in my own home and am slowly improving it and my health is pretty good, all things considered.

I don't think Jake's life would improve by this woman being dead or seriously disabled, I do think she may have earned such but it would make Sam's life harder and that would make huge waves in my son's little world.

So, I will pray for her healing, for them to get through this very challenging time and I will count my many blessings.

Another winter weekend

Seems like winter plans a long stay this year, plenty of snow, ice and cold to go around.  The side streets herein town have been an icy mess for about 2-3 weeks now, city is out of ice melt and no funds to buy more, and none available to buy.

My house has too many humans here too much of the time, my hands hurt too much of the time and I am so tired of this cold weather.

But I have gained a bit on my list of things I need to get done, would not trade lives with anyone I know and know the weather will improve some day.

Weather and coming plans

Our weather this winter is colder harder winds than any winter in the past 10 years, this makes my 11th winter in central Illinois.   But my old house has made progress, the utility bills have never gotten over $250 for the coldest month.  I now have at least 600 more feet of living space, that is not finished so I know the attic looses heat, the kitchen windows still need replaced so they loose heat and both front and back doors need work or replaced so I loose heat there.

So, I will not gripe about high utility bills, I make progress every year on the energy gain, and the old house makes a bit of progress.

The federal return has been accepted, I will know by 2/3 when to expect the deposit into my account and the paperwork has been sent off to the surveyor so he can work up costs for me.  I hope to see that property survey done before the end of Feb., and have some funds from the tax return to at least set the corner posts for chain link fencing for most of my place.

And I have started the work on my donation to the UFDC convention this year, it will be a 16" Kish Seasons doll with a wardrobe.  I don't know how many outfits she will end up with but panties, nighty and the first dress are cut out and waiting for me to start the machine work.

Finances are snug again this week but not impossible, I have bills paid that need paid, food for humans, food for the dog and parrots, but not the extra $25 for membership in AQS, which I plan to get back in.  My state taxes still need done and this year it looks like there might be enough refund to buy the scooter a wind screen.  

I hope for some extra money for drywall as I would like to finish the ceiling in the north studio area and both the north and south end walls.  I do have part of the north end wall done but none of the south end wall, and still have both sides of the ceiling slope on the south end to do.

The current sock knitting is a pair for Jake's girlfriend, will soon be doing heels in them, she picked the yarn from my stash, and the stash grew from the vacation days I was able to cash out when I went from hourly management back to production.  I spread that extra money around, a new, large, top quality frying pan, yarns, a bit on debt, a couple pair of new jeans.

Life here looks pretty solid, not perfect, not always easy but it works, I make some progress every month on debt load, some progress on projects, and am content, often happy.

Vacation Time

I managed to get a few things done today, laundry is done and most is put away.  I have suitcases out to pack for my holiday in Paducah and have started to pack.

Jake lent me a needed hand so I could finally get the outlet in the book nook, the outlet and light switch done for the ceiling light in the studio done.  So, the box fan is now moved to the north side of the book nook, the humidifier no longer is using an extension cord and it is so handy to turn that overhead light on with an easy to find switch instead of trying to find the pull cord.

Shadow helped me spread out 2 bags of mulch so that eliminates 1 more mud area, the truck is down to the shop for the oil change.

Federal taxes are done and in the cyber pipeline for the IRS, state taxes are done on paper, I will do them at the free state web site next month, my normal tax filing system.  I am glad to have that done, know what my refund will be and able to plan what I want on that priority list.

And I did some work on doll clothes patterns, worked on a doll dress that needs finished.  I am not content with the pattern yet but will get the snaps on this dress and sort out some fabric to cut another with the pattern changes I want to try out.

Tomorrow after the truck is out of the shop I want to haul some things to the thrift shop, that clears a bit of space and I found Ben's missing clothes.  Packed in the suitcase I had planned to use, he is glad to know where his missing clothes are and I might haul them up to him so I can reclaim my luggage and use it.

I hope to get the rest of my trip planning done, shops ans maps, charge up batteries on things including my camera, look over the road map, pack up the knitting and hand sewing projects, wash dishes and mop the kitchen floor.  Both Larry and I are looking forward to the trip and so far the weather reports look favorable.

And maybe I can get a bit more drywall work done after I get back.  The south wall of my attic retreat is my current area to work on.  It will do a lot for energy savings and I can also get my flat screen on the wall mount, the antique library table down to the living room and storage cube system in under the tv.

Every bit of progress helps, and I like it when I gain both more energy effecient and better storage, more tidy and more comfortable living spaces.

This year I will work on

Putting my financial house into better order, being more thoughtful about my long term goals and what I need to do financially to reach them.
I have to plan for having to be on disability or retiring much earlier than I hope to, and that means managing my money better than I have been doing lately.
Yes, the old house has made some progress and the debt load has dropped, despite adding a few dolls to my collection and financing the Rebel.  But I need to get tighter about spending, watch how I spend a bit better, keep gaining on the progress I am making.
I now am putting 7% of every paycheck into my 401k, and Cargill puts or should be putting in 3% for me, they will match up to that amount.  So that will build up and be there for later on, much later, I hope.
Any work I do on the house that makes it more energy effecient will pay off in time, from changing some lights to LED from fluorescent, doubt if there are very many incandescent bulbs left in my house to change out but the newest and most energy saving is LED, costly but for places where it takes a ladder for me to change the bulb, they are the first to change out, with the lights that are on the most, that are left on the most next on that list.
Drywall work in the attic area and get started with the bathroom up there, beginning with the ceiling light/exhaust/heat unit I want in there.  I need it in and vented out the south wall of the house before I can close up the south ceiling of my retreat area as I need access to that outer wall from the inside also when I do the hole and put the outside vent stuff in place.
I hope to get the last 2 windows in the house dealt with, the kitchen is the only room
to need windows replaced and it would be great to afford them this summer.
I am managing ok, I just know I can manage better, see the debt load go down a bit faster, make work on the house a bigger priority than it has been all too often.
Fortunately for me, I have no man trying to get his sticky fingers on my funds or derail my goals in life, just my moods and wants to deal with and I can usually make me behave, and when I splurge, I am the one who has to make it balance out.

Cold, snow and No work!

Ok, so that won't be so great if it lasts very long but we had no production at the plant today, this snowstorm and the cold has the pig trucks off the road, too cold to haul pigs to the plant, we don't want them frozen to death or damaged by the cold.
And I am ok with being off work, know I will see overtime on Saturday but am on vacation next week so would like my check to be as large as possible, please. 
I shoveled out here early yesterday and then across the street for Chuck and Alberta, and then again just after noon, wanted to get it done before the temps really dropped and the winds came up. It was 24 when I got up yesterday, 20 when I first shoveled out, 18 when I did it again and -9 when I woke up this morning with 30 mph winds. 
That bike of mine, and the scooter are under their covers and I did remove some of the snow from the patio, need to make sure I can get into the utility area if need be.  But that summer photo here on my blog sure looks good this time of year.  We hit a high of 4 above 0 F today, Woo, a real heat wave.
The magnetic engine heater moved from my truck to Jake's jeep before I started my truck, and I cleared the snow off both this morning.  Son is off to see the girlfriend and took Shadow so it's just me and 3 loud, small parrots.
I am glad I have worked on insulating the foundation, replacing windows, put a lot of insulation in the attic, have gotten part of the drywall work done up there but when it gets this cold and windy, I know where I have a lot of heat loss problems to work on still.
The outer walls are poorly insulated, blown in and work done for prior owners/low income free stuff and a poor quality job done, some spaces not done, you can tell by the plugs outside, some done lower so insulation is probably settled down to 4-6 feet and the ceiling is 9+ feet from the floor. 
In time I will need to strip the old asphalt siding off, install insulation board and then something for siding.  My dream is to have the outside finished with stucco, but that will depend on what I can afford when that time comes.  I know I will do all I can to avoid cheap vinyl siding, don't like how it looks, do not like how it holds up and I want better, I want something that aesthetically suits my eyes and that will last for many years with little or no maintenance work or costs.
Well, I am in the living room corner, on the desk computer and getting chilly so am going to shut this down and move somewhere warmer and more comfortable, need to set my alarm for work tomorrow as I have not yet seen any cancellations for work tomorrow and I do want the paycheck.
Off to find that warm corner, my book, knitting, music and enjoy my home and my really great life.

2014, getting it started

Shadow and I ended last year early, both the dog and I tucked in our beds before 8:30, and slept soundly until after 5a.m.  Now I have a load of laundry in the dryer, coffee is made, plans to put clean sheets on my bed up in my attic retreat and get the dishes done.
Temps are above 20 here, sky is gray but I don't see much movement in the tree branches or the dead pampas grass, my wind indicaters here.
Am tired and hurt and will give in soon and take something for pain.  But I am not on prescription drugs for pain, so, all things considered, that is a huge plus in my small life.
Jake's socks are close to done, but my hands are not up to much knitting and my job duties at the plant so I sleep in splints, do hand stretches and such and knit very little for now.  It  old be worse and I have hurt worse, my hands have been worse.
Jake went out with friends yesterday and called after 8 last night to check on Shadow and me, we were tucked in our beds, you have fun and stay off the roads.  He will show up some time today but I might be over at Larry's with a movie.
Lots of ads for sales in my email, not much to tempt me but did see a great readers/knitter's bag that I would like to have.  But not enough to buy it right now.  I have vacation plans with Larry in 2 weeks and that means watching the pennies now so I can pay all my bills, still have food and gas money and be able to have play money too.
The trip, motel costs and so forth are my Christmas gift to Larry, a few days winter escape, play tourist down in Paducah KY, see the National Quilt Museum, play tourist a bit, eat out some,  if the weather allows.  The trip moves to April if the weather is not good for a mid-January holiday.
I have a doll wardrobe project  in mind, not the clothing, but the trunk/case to hold the clothes, shoes and doll.  Will have to keyboard and rough sketch what I have in mind and then go shopping for the materials to turn a purchased mini trunk/ suitcase into the dolly box my mind is picturing.
The house is so quiet when I am here with just Shadow and the birds, no tv or radio on yet, no computer games going,

Getting ready for the New Year

I did get the papers sorted and the tax software downloaded, have used TaxACT for many years and it works well for me.  Started the annual letter and so that made a good end to a day that started with 8+ hours at work.
Jake took his gal over to MO to meet his dad and to visit, Shadow stayed home with Mom and has been working on bad dog/good dog stuff.  He earned some time out on the chain run and it seems to have helped cool down that bad dog attitude.
I replaced the batteries in my electronic thermometer and the outside part.  I don't know how many years I have had it, but I think it was bought late the same fall my house got a new roof and I started turning that empty space below the roof into my studio and retreat.
We have cold weather once again but did get several days that warmed up into the high 40's or above.  I used the nice weather after work yesterday to clean up all the dog poop, owning a dog, and a big dog means there is a lot of poop that needs cleaned up on a regular basis.  Glad to have most of that cleaned up but it is like dishes, no matter how often you wash dishes or laundry, you always have more growing somewhere.
Work seems to have either lost more people this past week or people had single vacation days.  I know at least 1 person in my work area is out on indefinite suspension and probably will not be back. Using a knife to clean/ remove meat, work debris from clothing is not acceptable in plant.
I know I have work habits and home ones, and the 2 do not mix.  I might use a knife here at home in ways that would get me walked out in plant, but I do try to comply with all company rules.  It just works nicely for me, keeps me employed and makes my life easier.  I also have work clothes that I use spray stuff on before they go in the washer.  Works better than a knife with less problems.  I am also quite willing to use my very washable fingers to pick stuff off my clothes if needed.
So, the past year had some down spots, more up spots and some progress with the old house improvements and with the debt load.
This coming year I want to get more drywall up in the attic, and some wiring work done, and I am going to slowly change out light bulbs to LED bulbs.  They are more expensive than fluorescent ones but last a lot longer, use a lot less power for the same amount of light.  The lights that are on the most will be the first, and I know that over time it will be well worth the cost of the bulbs.
Well, the bread dough is risen enough to be worked again.  I cleaned the sourdough jar today and put some started base back in, need to buy something in a jar big enough to make a 2nd sourdough jar so I can move my starter into a clean container more often.  I started this base just before Jake got out of the Marines so it has been going and living since 8/12, that is the longest I have ever been able to keep a starter alive and healthy.

That Christmas stuff

I am behind and did not get my annual letter done yet but will before the end of the year. will also clean off the downstairs computer desk and file papers so I can use that space better.
But as for this Christmas stuff, I am still not playing.  It is still a holiday that was adopted by the Catholic Church to help convert and keep converted those pagans I am probably genetically related to.  And it was turned into a big commercial thing to help stores make money and help guilt trip people into spending a lot more money. 
Yes, a lot of good things get done at this time of the year. People who will not otherwise part with change, will drop it in red buckets, or will write a check for a charity.  They will donate to food banks and other things and remember to be more polite and nice to their neighbors.
I just don't play any more than I have to.  I appreciate the 2 paid days off I now have, now that I am back in production, and I like food, but for the most part, I just want left out of all the merriment and so forth.
I finally got the sewing studio mucked out again, no more drywall leaning against the book wall, no drywall jack in the way so can enjoy sewing in there and I even have the rocking chairs cleared off so I can sit or a guest can sit there.  The south end, my retreat has most of the ceiling drywall up but I need to do part/most of the slope on both sides plus that area in the storage/doll areas and the entire south end.
The north end has more area done or rather the drywall up but it is a long way from finished and might never get done.  I will keep working on it as I have funds, energy and a bit of help.
Wish 1 and all a very good winter season, and so forth. And often thank God for the choices made, by myself and by others that has my life where it is and living how I live.
Jake has a 3.6 grade average this term and is enjoying the holiday break from class.  He spends time with the gal pal, and is putting more hours in at the livestock sale barn where he works.
That dog is almost 7 months now, and we know he spells Attitude in all capital letters some days.  And he is vocal about his displeasure, very funny but I would not have tolerated it in my human children.  So, yes, he is spoilt rotten here and knows we cave in.  But I am working on some issues with him and know he needs more structure (discipline) a firm view of Mom as pack leader to be respected and neutered.  Jake has that scheduled for this coming Monday, as he forgot, slept, had company, any of the above for missing the appointment I had made this past Monday.
Occasionally cross paths with someone I used to date, back when the house needed the waterline trench dug and the new line put in.  And religion was the issue there, but he is a good man and a nice guy and now married, retired from the plant so I cross paths with him at local stores.  He says hi, smiles and his wife looks like a not happy, not joyful woman.  But, hey, not my place to judge, and not my life.  And I am so very glad she is his wife and I am not.
Mike F. has posted a comment on my Facebook and an occasional google search has never pulled up an obit on him so I know he is still alive.  Still has not told me he deliberately lied and attempted to deceive me about his debt obligations but since I did find that foreclosure notice on line, and he sure was not honest about that, and the cell phone bill kept being unpaid or under paid and I kept paying on a cell bill that was not my usage.  Ya, I made a wise choice to call a halt to that.  Sorry we could not have found a way to be friends but I will toss that one his way.  I was not the one lying/using the other party.  Acknowledging,admitting, saying, 'ya, I screwed up, finances are a mess and I did not want to admit it' would have gone a long way.  I screw up and I sure hate to admit it, to myself and to others, especially to those that matter. 
But I also learned a very long time ago, that the only way I could fix things, make better choices, clean up my mess, was to start with admitting there was a mess, and that I had some or all the responsibility for that mess happening.  And I am still doing that.
Hey, it is my fault the water heater has some issues, hey, I am the person who should have been draining/flushing it every year since I put it in and ya, I am the person who will be dealing with it, and it is top on the list once the temps are staying getting a bit warmer and I have a day off work.  I will do what it takes to clean up the mess, I will buy the thing a new lower element and I will work at being more responsible about flushing the stupid tank yearly. 
I am honest about liking living by myself best, this old house and my own life.  I don't get bored often or lonely, just so much here for me to do when I do have time off work and energy to do it and I like my own company.  I am so glad I got rid of tv service, I don't miss that either.  I do have Netflicks and don't use that very often but don't mind the $8/month bill for the service. 
I like the man I date, better as we have been dating almost 3 years, but I like a lot more alone time in my own space than makes for a good relationship for him.  We manage to accept each other as we really are and enjoy the time together, but I spent all of yesterday holed up in my house, and glad when Jake and his gal-pal left so I could have the place to just me and the critters, Shadow the dog and my loud and vocal parrots.
So, anyway, I start the new year with my employer taking out 7% for 401K and I am not sure how much they match, but have decided I can afford that, already have an account they set up for me so will keep adding, right now it would pay off the house, next year it should be enough to pay off house and most of the credit debt if I keep working on both house payments and debt load the way I have. 2 years from now it would pay any remaining debt and do a bit more work on the house or vehicle. 
Looking down the years at the possibility of being disabled and not able to work until retirement, or having to retire at 62.  And it is not that far away, so ya, I need to think to my future and plan to have some stability and not be starving out or loose my home. And the coffee is made, I have scones I made yesterday to eat for breakfast and some sewing plans for this morning.  I go with Larry to a meal at his daughter's house today.  Would rather stay holed up in my attic space, play with my dolls, take my dog out for potty walks....

Less than 26 more house payments

I pay extra every month so that pinches a bit off the last payment but it is nice to be getting closer to paid off home.

We are getting to enjoy a ice storm, I took Shadow out and coming back in the dog slipped coming up the steps onto the porch, he didn't think it was funny.

I hope to get Jake to help with some drywall work today as I have 2 sheets still that need used and out of the way, then I can tidy up and enjoy my attic studio and retreat for the winter and plan more drywall work later on.  It will be a long and slow job before the entire attic has all the drywall installed and then I still have to tape, mud, sand, prime, paint, but the materials are paid for and not another debt I have to pay off.

The credit debt is still way more than I like but I am working hard on more self control, putting more into my 401k and paying as much as I can on credit debt every month so it goes down, just not as fast as I would like.

Jake's grades this term were good, he is enjoying some well earned time off school but putting more hours in at the livestock sale barn. He has his gal pal here and we get along well, and she and the house wild dog usually get along.

I am much happier now that I am back in production and I do really like bing on day shift, bid on the job I am doing, came to the floor as a temporary but a permanent opening came up so I bid on the job. I know it is hard work and I know my hands hurt a lot, I sleep in splints every night now, once again and expect to all winter and maybe even longer.  But, I am happy and I am earning enough to keep the bills paid, food in the house and a bit extra now and then for things I want.

Right now I am waiting for 100 3/8" woven labels for Bernadette's Closet that I ordered, better size for the doll clothing I am making and a bit more class than the printed labels I have.  I did take advantage of a good sale but it still was 1 of those extras, along with some doll shoes, 3 pair are part of the wardrobe for the doll I will outfit and donate to UFDC this convention as part of their fund raising helpers.  A fellow club member will take it with her to the convention and our club get the credit and pat on the back for donating.  Now, I have to plan outfits and have boots, sneakers and dress shoes to plan clothing to go with but I will probably buy some of the things, undies, tights, socks.

I am hoping life is good for people I am no longer in touch with, when I see a semi tractor, especially blue ones, I think of Mike, and remind God that man needs watched and cared for, along with all his family, hope his life is good, happy and stable.

I know my life here works well for me, I make that happen, by my choices and my hard work. And the fact that God does take very good care of me.  I have some great friends, Jake, and a good job, a town I really like, an old house I am turning into the home that works best for me.

I am designing again and enjoying sewing, am making some progress in turning the attic space into a real working studio for my creativity with a retreat that is my nest.  In time I will have the downstairs bedroom back, once Jake is elsewhere and I have replaced that badly water damaged ceiling.

But, the attic south end will stay my retreat, my private space to tuck into and relax, with hand sewing and knitting and books.

Hump day and getting stuff done

Well, it is now 12/18 and I finally made a vet appointment for Shadow to have his rabies shot and to be neutered, Jake will take him early Monday morning and then pick him back up that afternoon.

And I finally got around to setting up my on line stuff for my 401K, and tweaking how much I want put in weekly and the annual % to increase.  The change from hourly management to production stopped my weekly additions but I think by the start of the new year I will see money going in once again and I increased how much I am having taken from my paycheck.

Larry and I went to supper at Pizza Hut, my treat, tonight, nice to not fix a meal and to spend a bit of time with him.  We plan a very lazy Christmas, I have 2 days off and asked for a pot of soup and lazy time.

There are 2 jobs up for bids this week I plan to bid on, even though I am not yet back in the union.  I might be by Monday or by the time my name makes it to the top of either job bid list.

Making slow progress on gaining the job skills, and even slower progress on reducing hand problems but sleep in my splints every night.  I know it helps, as does my gaining job skill and strength.

It will be a long, painful and slow winter at work for my old body but I am happier back on the kill floor than I have been for a very long time at work.

I hope to get help from Jake and see drywall work done again this weekend.  I only have 2 more sheets of the stuff in the house, need a lot more but would like these up and then put my attic studio into better order and worry about more drywall work in the spring.  It goes slow and I spend too much money on other stuff so house funds are not top of my list often enough.

The bills stay paid, the house stays warm, we have food and I think both Jake and I are content most of the time.  

His grades were good this term, and he is enjoying his classes most of the time, still working all he can at the local livestock sale, and spoils that dog we share.  I like the gal he is dating and she seems comfortable here and with me.  

I think 4 out of the 9 of us from the frock room too the lay off, or will be 4 by the time our lead is released from her work injury.  I knew it was the wrong choice for me, could not get a better job and will not choose to go back to poverty if I can stay working and keep all my benefits but I do understand why a couple chose the lay-off, but not the 1 much younger than me with no job skills to market, kids at home still in school and a retired husband whose income is not very much.  

They came here from poverty with job recruitment, clothes stuffed in plastic trash bags and in the 8 + years or so, they have lived well, their youngest 2 have thrived and done great in school in this area, often on the honor rolls.  But she is lazy and did not want to go back to being labor, funny, she was glorified labor in the frock room.

I will and really am, happy to be working, like starting my Wednesday with looking in the company computer what my paycheck will be on Friday and planning out what I will do with it, bills first, food and then what else I can do or have.

Live a good life here with a lot of perks, nice stuff, play money and know pain is part of being labor in a meat plant, and so is paid vacation says, paid medical coverage, money in savings, paid for scooters and motorcycles, and tablets along with all the other goodies in my life.

Winter and Saturday chore list

The list starts with dealing with the water heater, I need to get it flushed out, know the bottom is thick in crud, know in have neglected it and know the lower element might need replaced before winter is done and that means draining the blasted tank first and that means getting it to flush out, drain out.

And I would like to see if I can get some of the drywall up as it will do me more good installed than it does being in my way.

I tried to pay some of the bills on line this morning and Chase and I had interesting computer glitches, so I have pending payments of duplicate payments on some of the bills and my checking account almost drained.  I did make a call and learned that I am not the only person with early morning banking problems and it should be resolved tomorrow.

Work is going ok, hurt but that is normal and I am now rotating on the job, it is a 3 spot/person rotation and it will take me soe more time to be reasonably good at all the jobs but I am making progress each day and I like being back in production.  I have far less stress and enjoy the work more along with making as much or more money.

Will try to keep on track with knocking the credit debt down as much as I can this winter, need to play with, sew for the dolls I have, piece a quilt top or two, knit, mess with my loom and not waste money on things I do not need.  

And early this morning I ordered some doll shoes on line, and now have no idea what shoes I did get ordered.  Guess I will find out when they get here.

Working through the emotional stuff

I called a friend in Craig, had her Facebook me info for area food bank, decided that doing flowers was a waste of money, sons need to do something, and a donation to the area food bank in Memory of their grandmother was workable for my head, and since it is actually my money and my check that got mailed off, it needs to work for my head too.

Have not seen the boys grandmother for many years, my guess would be 15 years or more.  She came to MO once that I know of, after Sam and I were divorced, remember it was when I was putting new decking on the front porch, with the help of boys, so that would make it over 14 years this past summer.  Ben was 12 that summer.

My sons never really knew her, we moved from Colorado when Ben was 7, boys did not spend any time around Sam's family, if and when we could prevent or avoid it.  Our marriage was not in their plans and neither was Sam having any children of his own to inherit what he had worked to build up.

Sounds so stupid, almost like poorly written fiction, family feuds and all the bitterness that was also a part of dealing with my husband's family.

Know the past year or more has been hard as Kathrine's mind has slowly failed, hard on her children living close to watch and deal with.  Hard for Sam as there was a lot of hurt and pain between them that has never been resolved.

I wonder what will happen now, she was the glue that held them together, and that helped keep their children, her grandchildren a family, with the exemption of my sons, the ones who not only lived away, but who were also rejected for being my sons.

I feel for their loss and hurt, but I am so glad we moved away, far enough away that my boys grew up free from the family issues and problems that ran rampant.

Now I do the correct, polite thing, in their names, and know my life here in central IL, despite the old house needing a lot of work, the huge debt load, the physical pain I have a lot more of with going back to production, I am so far better off a long way away from that family.

And I will not guilt trip myself over that being happy about how far away we are.

Death in the family

My sons grandmother passed away late last month, funeral to be held the end of this week.  That woman has actively hated me since she first met me, we will do appropriate thing, flowers and I will get the call for that made after work today.  Glad we are too far away for either/both of the boys to be expected to show up.

Does not chage my life any, may she rest in peace, my life has been free of her hate for many years and my sons were raised free of her hate and messed up head problems.  But I know their dad will grieve, despite the problems between them, he loved his mother and forgave her for many huge things.

Doll sewing is making progress

I am working on small, 10" Tonner child doll dresses, Ann Estelle and such as I have a doll club Christmas party and gift exchange coming very soon and the dog does not sew.  Nor do the parrots or Jake so that leaves me.

So, after work, after walking Shadow, feeding Shadow, getting work boots and leg brace off, having a cup of tea and checking my e-mail and Facebook, I am off to the attic studio and my sewing projects.

Since I also have dolls of this size I cut out in sets of 2, 1 for the gift box and 1 for my dolls, unless I trade or sell it.

Monday was a write off due to pain but I am making better progress every night since then, and getting dishes done more often, laundry caught up, doing some real cooking.  I might get to really like this working day shift stuff, I might actually join the human world once again.

I know it is a lot less stress right now than the past couple months in the frock room and I am not missing the stress.  Money will be tight for several weeks but not impossible and I know I am happier and feel better on the harvest/kill floor where it is warm than I do working 8 or more hours per shift in the cold on the cut floor.

We are having rains, today walking out from the plant to my truck I thought about Ireland, if I had been walking there I would have said we were having soft weather.  Not a hard rain and no wind, not too cold with just my lightweight fleece jacket on.  

And I though how blessed I really am, a job I can like going to every day, a home I like coming home to every day, people that matter and that I am important to in my life.  3 loud birds that care about me in their way and this new pup, coming on 6 months old and often wild, into things, creating a mess but he loves me too, and he depends on me.  Jake named him Shadow and it is a good name, he likes to be our shadow, and like a shadow, he is underfoot some of the time.

Jake is at class, he has evening class on Thursday nights so it is just me, Shadow and the birds, no music going and no loud tv either.  Not many of my evenings home are this quiet so I am going to enjoy and appreciate this one.  And go play dolly dressmaker for a little while before tucking myself into bed once again.

The new job and all the fun at work

Well, I got pulled a week early to make my job change, this left the new crew with no one trained or even aware of what needs done during that hour between shift changes.  I did do cheater notes and hope they all had fun last week.  I admit to being thrilled to escape early.

Now I am learning to shave hogs, finally got all the job sheets signed, am dealing with the most ditzy trainer working in the plant, and the 1who skims through stuff the employee signing on that job is to read each and every line before signing any forms.  But I spent several years on the harvest/kill floor, 2nd shift so know I will manage without the trainer.

The prescription safety glasses are ordered, the new lenses are in my good glasses and I want to keep them in good condition.  And I will be getting lace up waterproof boots, they are ordered but I am not sure if I will end up having to pay for them or the plant will.  Part of this is issues of wether I need to do a written request asking for the company to accommodate my disability, that brace I wear every work shift and that now needs something waterproof to cover it and that has safety tred, is plant approved to wear where I am working.

But I keep thinking I will manage to get through the issues with the job change and the tighter finances I will see for the next couple weeks.

And I am making slow progress on the sewing for our doll club Christmas party.  I do have some doll outfits done and a small mountain of things cut out.  I sewed the seam on 8 small white collars, 2 per dress, and ran gathering stitches in the skirts for pinefores and dresses, used the fray check on things that are now drying.

Shadow is working on being a brat tonight, I did get his squeaky toys and brought them into the kitchen so he could torment me instead of Jake but I might have to go fetch them several times.  Jake is trying to study, and our 6 month old wild dog child is absolutely no help at all.

I did get the roses and day lilies planted and so far I have not seen any dug up by my own dog, maybe they will manage to get settled in and start growing those roots so I can enjoy them when spring comes.

And I got the batteries out of both the scooter and the Rebel this past Sunday, I still need a cover for the scooter but once my lost vacation days from the job change are paid out, next Friday, according to HR, I can afford to order a scooter cover on line.  I can get a better 1 for less money by shopping on line instead of getting 1 from the local Honda shop.

The current sock knitting is for me, pink Trekking that was bought with a bit of that insurance settlement money from that damn life changing car accident.

I came home from work last night hurting more than I have in more than a year, sure is discouraging, I expected my hands to be making me miserable but find it is that damn leg and foot.  I did better today, also was able to sit some, rotated with another woman so 2 of us worked on shaving the back/spine side of hogs and traded spots back and forth so we both had turns working seated.

I have been back to work over 3 years now since being injured in that car accident, and not once did I find a reason to, or have to, look at myself as disabled.

Now, a pair of needed, lace up, short rubber boots have me looking on line about disabilities in the work place and laws and what I might need to do in order to have my employer help or totally pay for the boots.  But I do have a job, and I have insurance and even paid vacation days, pretty good life here, despite all the areas in my attic space that need drywall yet, the 2 windows that need replaced, the ugly asphalt siding that needs removed and replaced with something, some day down the line.

Dealing with job changed

I am counting down days, have been working on helping G&K employees learn the tasks that they will be doing as they take over and do the equipment bagging.  So far they seem to work hard and want the jobs they are taking up, that helps.

I know I will be facing some huge changes going back to production, and changing to day shift but am looking forward to that and maybe some new life opportunities it might give me.

The plants I ordered have finally arrived, and it is pouring rain at this moment so the ground will certainly be wet enough for them.  I have them soaking now and will start planting them tomorrow and hope it goes fast.

Our lead is on leave, someone is in a snit if I try and talk to 'her' trainee, did tell her to 'take it up with our department head' and she snipped back she was taking it up with me and I was to stay away from her trainee.  Oh, gee, and here I thought we all were to do what we could to help all the G&K employees learn all the stuff they needed to know for their jobs.  They are Not 'our trainees' but the new equipment room crew.

She is on vacation next week, it will be my last week and I have someone checking with our dept head about creating some sort of check list for G&K employees on 2nd shift so they have less chance of something slipping through the cracks.

The 'trainee' is who asked me about a written check list, which at this time does NOT exist and she did not ask her 'trainer' about a list, she asked me.  There is not one but I will ask about getting one done for them.

The days will get better, I will get the plants into the ground, I will get the doll outfits done for our club Christmas exchange, I will survive the next few days, it is my turn to work the Saturday overtime if only 1 is needed, paycheck this Friday will pay down some more of my debt load and allow me some spending at Joann's for a change.

Time for bed.

Simplifying parts of my life

I am working on simplifying some parts of my life, it is just too busy and I just do not have much time right now.
A big job change in plant will be coming for me this winter, need less something to be able to deal with and cope with this change to my life, and there is a new puppy needing trained in my life who needs a lot of time, my time.
I removed my profile at Our Time, just no time or interest in dating right now, and too much I want to do that is more important than a dating relationship right now.
Do now have privacy film on most of my windows and think it helps me open those insulated curtains and let in some light, but allow me to feel I still have some privacy.
I expect finances to be snug all winter, and plan to try and work that credit debt back down again.
Allergies are flaring again and that has me feeling beat tired now.

Going to Paducah KY for overnight stay

I have a 3-day weekend and am going to KY to bring back a puppy for Jake and I to spoil rotten.  And we better do some 'puppy proofing' around the house before that set of sharp baby teeth start to taste every thing Jake and I need to pick up, put away, clean up or get out of the living room or his bedroom
Kid is not replaceable but I hope this puppy will help heal our pain and fill those empty spaces the house and our hearts now have.
And at work, several are taking the lay-off in December, several, including me, age going to production and I think there are a couple who have not decided what to do.  9 of us will be replaced by contract with the company that provides our clean work frocks and shirts, at a far lower wage than we make.
Does not come at a good time for any of us, but I will go back to production, think I have the least time as hourly management and the most time in production in our plant.
I will get by, the paycheck will be a bit tight for about 2 months but then I do file my taxes early so that will help and right now I am trying stay practical about finances and credit and not waste money or credit.
I am putting off buying the garden plants I want but hope I can get them in a couple weeks, I have worked some overtime once again and that should help next paycheck.
The weather has turned cooler and we have had some rain that some of us have been very glad to get, my outside plants sure appreciate all the moisture they can get.
And I now have privacy film on most of the windows so can have the curtains open and not have the world watching me all the time.  I live on a busy street corner but that does not make my life inside my home the business of anyone else.
I still need to pack an overnight bag for my trip to Paducah, am hoping to make it to the Quilt Museum while I am there, it is open on Monday but not much else I am interested in will be open, no yarn shops to play in, they all take Mondays off.

Toys and wanting a new tech toy

I have no interest in smart phones, texting or having a cell phone plan for Internet and calls, prepaid works well for me for a cell phone.

But I own an Apple iPod classic, a Touch 5th generation and the iPad 3 along with a laptop and a working desk/tower computer.  And these are not shared devices, mine alone, along with the Xbox I rarely use.

Now I keep wanting a Nexus 7, not because I need it, not to replace any of the 'tech toys' I already have and that are paid for, but cuz I think it is neat, and would be fun to have.  I do not have the extra funds to buy one, so it would add to that credit debt I am trying to pay down/off.  

I keep telling myself all the reasons to not buy one, and have already decided which skin from DecalGirl.com I want for that new toy I keep saying I am not buying.  But some little voice keeps telling me that I will buy the new toy, no matter what reason I come up with to NOT buy it, not now, not next week, not next month.  

Stupid battles with myself, all the reasons why I should not, all the excuses why I want to buy it.  My worst fights seem to be with myself, and they go round and round until 1 side or the other wins.

My credit has improved over the past year, my debt load has gone down, even with buying the Rebel, I have less debt now than I did a few months ago.

I also keep working hard to make good choices with both my paycheck and with my credit. Not always an easy thing for me to do, and I spent the past 3 days getting things done I needed done, including the trip Sunday to Springfield with Jake,  I came home with the needed drywall, weed&feed for the lawn and a couple other things on my list.  I did go look at a Nexus7, and cases, and checked on a few things with that toy but I did not buy it, I did not go buy it on credit and I did not come home and order it, I still want to, so am going to keep battling that war until 1 side or the other wins.

Losing Kid does not help, and neither does someone keeping close tabs on me, not a stalker as much as a bored and lonely man who should spend his time chatting with his on line smutty chat pals instead of driving by my house.

I now have privacy film on a few more windows, enjoy having the curtain pulled back and seeing my bird feeders but still having privacy in the house.  And it will allow me to let light in and not have so much problems with passive solar heating up the living room and throwing the thermostat off as much.

I also have a profile up at Senior Connection and got a call on that, ya, and I am not paying a membership fee but am checking what happens, some is for another person who is thinking about it to meet someone for long term, dreams of rosy future and happy ever after stuff.  Me, I was willing to fill out the questions and put up a photo, start an account to see what happens.  

I do date a man, and live in my own house, earn my own paycheck, pay my own bills, and am in charge of my own life and life choices, not any one's business if I have my profile out at any on line meeting/dating sites.

And not my business who that man I date chats with, or what the chats are about.  I stay out of his personal life and space most of the time, do not go cruising around to check on his place or him, figure I have plenty to do here and really don't see a reason to keep tabs on him.

Back to work Wed. afternoon, did get a lot on my fall list done, or a good start on that outside list and found a huge air draft/problem with the front door I need to take care of.  Still need to clean the bird cage but dog beds got washed and are drying, bike and scooter got stabilizer in the gas tanks, mowing is done again and I started on clean up on the front south flower bed.

Finished Jake's socks, started the 2nd for the pair I am knitting for me or to gift, did a small amount of house cleaning too.

And Jake and I are working on adjusting to loosing Kid, not easy, having a couple days off and a list of things needing done has helped but I keep looking and Kid is not there, not on Jake's bed, not at the door, not waking my up before daylight to go out and potty, not nudging me while I sit in the kitchen or at my computer desk with a book and my knitting.

Way too many empty spaces here right now, about 80+ pounds of empty space to learn to deal with, hard for both of us. Working on it, know it will take time, and then some more time.

Huge heartache here

He was just another stray puppy when he came to me, huge feet, long skinny legs, so young he still had all his puppy teeth but someone had taught him a few things, like to sit and he was potty trained.
And I was healing from a bad car accident, could barely walk with a walker or cane.  But he needed walked, so I pushed through the pain to take him walking and to the park to walk the track there, where he could run free, sniffing everything to sniff and I could work on gait, balance and just walk.
He took over the house, he wanted to be friends with every one, but dogs, and thought cats should want to play with him.
Jumping in the truck any time the door was open, he always wanted to go too, and loved to snuggle, a Velcro dog, someone once told me they thought he was part Lab and part Weimaraner.  And when that youngest son came home from the Marines, it was love.  Kid thought the greatest thing I did was get him a boy of his very own, to follow, to cuddle, to sleep with.
And so Kid became Jake's running buddy, if Jake could, Kid went too, to get videos, to the bank where the girl in the drive through knew the Dog's name but not the name of the young man.  To MO on visits to his dad, and off to play at the local gun show Saturday and then on to Macomb.
But no one thought to make sure that Kid did the potty thing before getting into that jeep for a ride, and somewhere, on the road, at a rural house with a yard sale, they stopped, so that oversized puppy could empty his bladder and my sons could stretch  their legs.
Ben on 1 side of the road with that long legged dog, and Jake across the road to check out the yard sale, no leash, no thoughts about how thoughtless that dog would be.  A quick dash to cross the road to be with his  best boy, a fast moving semi truck who never slowed down, and I came home from work to learn I had lost my much loved companion, my emotional support during the hardest couple years of my life and my reason for pushing myself on those pain filled days to be more than a cripple.
My pain and hurt wants me to yell and blame 2 sons, but they, too, are grieving, for the loss of a dog they loved, and for the pain they know this has given their much loved mother.
Jake has been hunting on line for another dog, to help him heal, Ben is working through his pain, in his own way and I am trying to not get lost in mine.
No easy fix for this loss, no way to explain that another dog doesn't fill Kid's space, that I just want/need everyone to step back and leave me alone to hurt and grieve and mourn my way.
So few years, just past 3, and the most life changing years in many ways, that I have had to live through.  This dog wandered into my life, no owner came or called to claim him, he needed me as much as I needed him, and now I have to find the road alone, and figure out how to walk it by myself, and how to keep going, when he is not here to nudge and push and bug me to walk.

They pimped out our jobs

Corporate is cutting costs in our plant, and the latest cuts put our frock room jobs contracted out.  We knew it was coming but all of us hoped it was put off, until we all retired. LOL, but there are great options, okay, maybe not great but going back to production will work for me and I get to see what jobs are open every week for the next 2 months or so.
I am going to be fine, it will take a bit to settle, there will be changes but it could be far worse, and might be for some of the others.  I need to try and manage my finances a bit tighter for the next few months, did figure out what my total debt load is, at this time.  Running at just over $17,000.  That is a lot but manageable.  I will keep paying down debt, I will keep trying to watch my spending, and I will work on my personal issues and a few other things.
This has made some feelings of instability in my life, but I am working on that.  And working on not making that rocking worse with credit buying and raising my debt load.  A bad habit of mine, 1 that I keep working on, I worked hard to get good credit, and to rebuild it, but there is a reason I have the amount of debt that I do have, and there is a reason I have so many goodies that I do not need.
I have quit adding to the dolls that I really did not want, just wanted to get myself something to reward myself or to 'comfort' myself over what ever is hurting at that moment.
Right now the goodie I want to buy myself is the Nexus 7, not something I need, and I love my iPad, and I use it all the time.  But that newest Nexus 7 sure has me wanting to buy it, and with my world rocking, now is not the time, I do keep telling myself that but I have not stopped wanting that new toy.
Today is going to be another good day, at home, and at work, I am determined that I won't let anything or anyone turn the day bad or ugly.

Back to normal life

Well, the camping trip was good, at least for me.  Larry had some problems with the heat and with his back hurting, we had no cell or tv reception and I like that, sure did not miss tv.  I did take the bike into Macomb a couple times, hit the yarn shop and got yarn for 2 pair of bright and bold Jake socks, and caught up on line with stuff, checked in at home and so forth.
The sissy bar came while I was gone and putting it on the bike was 1 of the first things I did after unpacking the bike and opening the box.  It is not as tall as I would like to have but sure will work for now.
I am glad to be back at work and we are working full production this Saturday, I don't mind working and will be glad to see the extra income on the paychecks.
I am going to get some more Robin Hood roses ordered and am working on watering more so I can work the flower beds, clean out grass and weeds and get the day lilies divided.
I have a doll club meeting this Sunday and will take the bike, have a few things I want to check on, and the weather is to be great so it will be a nice ride.
I have Monday's off most of the month, and a couple Tuesdays so will work on catching up here outside and in the house.  The budget will be able to afford some drywall and with a bit of help from Jake or Ben I hope to get at least part of the south end drywall up.  I know it will help with heating/cooling costs and the looks of the space, bounce light better so it does not seem so dark, and maybe even stay a bit cleaner.
My iPad won't fit in my tank bag so I am dreaming of owning a smaller pad, like the Nexus 7 and know I don't need it, it is not on the budget, and I have no reason to buy 1.  But I want to play with it and buying it would let me do that.
The bike and I need crash bars more than I need another toy.  And I have bills that need the funds before I can buy the bars, which cost as much or more than that mini tablet. So, I will work on being responsible and using the paycheck for what it needs to be used for, and I will stick with making good choices with my funds, doing what works best for my long term life and liking that I am making good choices.

Vacation time

I should be packing up what I need for a week of vacation, camping and play, instead I am dragging, want a morning nap and not enthused about going to work today.  No problems with work but just lazy today.
Most of my clothes to pack are clean, just need packed, have the oil for the bike oil change but need to get with doing that, need the cooler out of the utility space and the brown quilt in that and hauled to Larry's house. 
The camper and his golf cart is already up in Spring Lake so we did get that done yesterday while there was still camping space.It looks like cooking hot weather with today being the hottest of the summer.  And I need to get busy so my bike is full of gas and packed up, covered for the morning.  I need to get dressed and get busy.
Ben will house sit, I need to set up a few things for that to be easier for him, Jake is going to MO and talking about taking Kid.  Ben will have the Metro to run and I will fill the gas tank on the way home from work so he has gas in that.
I need to plan and pack up knitting projects, maps of the area and so forth.  But first is out to eat and gas the bike, change the oil.
Know it is a good life, have a lot to be thankful for.

The First bike trip

I was able to go to MO for the weekend, had business about the lot I still own in Green City 

 

 The weather was great and the bike ran well, I came back from Moberly, where I spent the night with Alyse, we graduated together and took 24 to 36 so came by Mark Twain Lake and Hannibal MO before I crossed back over into IL

 Love this very old, very huge Gothic stone building I went by on the way down to the river in Hannibal

Of course, there is the Hotel Mark Twain in the background, down at the marina, had to park and walk a bit, take some photos, has been more than 37 years since I had been down there, a huge amount of changes.

It was a great weekend, and spent time with my grandkids, a special friend, saw great scenery, the bike ran well, and I enjoyed the first overnight trip on a motorcycle I have made in years.  There will be others, but this is the first since my car accident, since moving to IL, since buying this Honda Rebel. 

Broke Saturday

Know I am in charge of my finances so know who to blame for a very tight budget and no play money on a weekend.   But both the Metro and Fraelsi have gas in their tanks and the sun is out.  The house is quiet, the grass too damp yet to mow, but I still need to change out the filters for the water and the furnace/air conditioner.  And that job does not need the grass dry.
Great to get up to a quiet house, even Kid is gone, probably to help Jake work.  I am glad Jake is here, getting started with his college education and life after the Marines, but I do miss living alone at times.  And I remind myself how much I have missed that boy over the years, and how glad I am to have the time with him.  But, the living room used to be mine and I think it was generally cleaner.  I have nothing to say about the condition of the downstairs bedroom.
The new air filter is on the way, I am still not pleased with the new check out system at E-Bay, but seller had the part shipped out the same day as I did that 'buy it now' and had to pay for it then, not wait for seller to send/email an invoice.
Fraelsi means freedom in the Farose language, and that is what this small motorcycle gives me back, and the Farose are the place I would love to go and stay a month or so.  Not sure how I could ever afford that, the way I manage my money right now.
But I am not sorry I have the new bike, and I do have it running, rough but that is possibly air cleaner and air/fuel mix so I should be able to deal with that on my own.  I might get some help/oversight with checking the valve clearance, not a job I have ever done, book and Internet make it doable but not sure what tools I will need and would like, if Larry will, to have a bit of supervision the first time I do that.
Hand are again hurting a lot, most the time, waking me again at night, and it is the jobs I do at work, they improved for a while, when I was moved off sorting pins and equipment racks and just bagging the equipment, but I am back to doing the bag pins, sorting the equipment before bagging and then finish the shift bagging so once again the hands are hating me.  I will hunt down the splints and start sleeping in them again as I need my hands for everything I do, and do not enjoy this pain stuff.
Finances will improve, a week at a time, bills are getting paid and no one is starving out.  Not having extra money to play will not damage me, and I don't really want to jump in the truck and go anywhere .

Waiting on the mail

I am actually waiting on a card from the motorcycle safety class I took and on an air filter for the 2008 Rebel I now own.  It needed a bit of work, gas left in the tank and gas shut off left turned on so the carb was fouled.
I am now good at removing, taking apart, cleaning and putting back on that carb, the bike will run now, but rough in lower gears/rpm, too rich and before I tweak the air/fuel adjustment any more I want to replace the air filter.  Early next week for that part to come and the card so I can update my driver's license with the motorcycle validation should be here the end of next week or soon after.
Jake's jeep is back in the shop again, so that means he uses my truck, so regardless to weather here, my transportation is my Metro scooter and yes, I do ride in rain, have to get to work and have to get home.
Right now I am a bit surly about that, just being miffy, as Jake would not be driving my truck without needing to and he does not use it without my consent, and I have sure been able to use his jeep when I needed or wanted to.
I actually hate the damn thing so sure did not drive it often and it does IRK me hugely that he has to keep putting $$ into that pile of junk he got talked into buying.  He does not always think it is junk, but this week would probably agree with me.
Work is going ok, no Saturday work right now so shorter checks and I spend money like water, or so it feels.  A very tight budget with a long list of wants for that new ride.  But the gas today in the Metro was $2.63 and the last time I put any gas in was 7/27, put $1.93 in that day, and on 7/24 I got gas in the 2.5 gal can and filled scooter, spent $8.99 and most was the 2+ gallons in the gas can.
Temps are going up and down lately, did finally turn the air on upstairs but had my leather jacket on this morning when I was out, after 10 am to run an errand.
This summer is cooler and wetter than last year, but we had heat waves and drought last year.  I think we are cooler and wetter than the prior year too, and my utility bills are lower than then, despite having all that new attic space to enjoy and it still needing a huge amount of drywall and finish work.
So, despite what I grump and whine about, my life here is really good and soon I will be able to spend some of my weekend time out riding that Rebel, getting back as much of my old bike skills as I can and just running, I want to explore all the winding rural lanes and back roads around here, the small spots that are almost gone, and just enjoy that freedom a motorcycle gives back to me.
Think about a weekend trip to MO and back but need a way to haul some stuff first, so saddlebags when I can afford them and am looking on line and at shops, and then set up the bike to hold those bags safely, so I can pack a few things for an overnight stay.
Think about a few people from the past and bikes, wonder who still rides, wonder where they are riding and wish them good roads and easy miles.  Think about Mike, living where he probably has a longer bike season than we do here and some great places to ride to, and wonder if he is doing better, hope his health and finances have improved and he is enjoying life, special man but way more baggage than he was honest about.
Think I could have dealt with it all, but would not and still will not accept being lied to about stuff that could sink my boat, finances, legal issues. 
Well, a few things to do before I get that brace and boots on and head off to work once again, wishing today there was someone significant who was around to ride with me on the weekends and whose health would let him just get on that bike and run.

So, now that I am 57

Life doesn't look much different than it did last week, LOL.  But the 16x16 pavers son Jake paid for and I set added some length to my little back patio, it's my bike parking pad.  And I sat out there yesterday afternoon, in the shade and knit some on Jake's sweater which is almost done.
My newest ride is a Honda Rebel that needs a bit of maint. work and the carburetor and I are not exactly good friends yet.
I am signed up for the state supported motorcycle safety course and start that in less than 2 weeks, 1 evening and 2 full days in Springfield, and I was able to get in the class on a Friday I am already in Springfield for some medical stuff and have a paid vacation day set up for that.
I sold the red Passport and that paid off what I owed on the Metro and put some on the debt against the Rebel, looks like I keep finding ways to stay in debt.
Working on some head issues and attitude issues, work related for the most part and my problem, not theirs. I need to spend some time re-reading a few good books that have, in the past, helped me get my head and my life on a track that I like and can live with.
I currently have a time change when I start work and will be interesting to see how that works out, know it gives me more day time at home to get things done here, if I choose to use the time.  Today I am baking bread but once the bike parts come, it might mean I can remove that carb, get it cleaned so the float does not stick, back together and back on that bike. 
Huge battle there to get it off and back on and tight fit, problems with damaging the gasket between carb and manifold so have 2 of those coming, know I will be needing at least 1 and hope the 2nd is a good luck charm so everything works right this time and I have this baby running and can try her out.
The last bike of this size had the same engine and transmission but different frame, and bought new, never in the years I had the Nighthawk were there any problems.  But I also did take care of it, never left the gas sit and get old and going into the carb to foul it up.  I have a good book on the Rebel, and a great on line forum for help, and know I will be able to take good care of this little bike and keep it running and enjoy it for years.
Jake has no interest in bikes and Ben is not living here and NOT allowed to ride my bikes any longer, he can, if need be, use my truck, very short term/short drives, but I am not allowing him to run my scooter or the new bike.
I will have to add a few photos but need to take them with something besides my iPad or iTouch as they and this blog don't seem to get along, or I have not yet figured out how to make them work together.

Blue Day

I am having a blue day, no reason so will blame body chemical balance, makes as good a reason as any other one.
Work is going ok, weather has improved, I have gotten some outside work done, finally cleaned out the front north flower bed and moved some day lily shoots there, still a problem finding any plants that will thrive and grow well in that shady corner and will battle the tree roots from the neighbor's tree at that corner.
Jake's sweater is making some progress, and so is the seed I scattered in the back lawn, new grass is coming in and I am hand pulling weeds, a few here, a few there which helps the grass grow.
I need to gather up a load of laundry soon and get it done, need to plan out this Friday's bills to get paid, need to do some cleaning and moving stuff up in the attic so the little love seat has a place to go when I get it paid off Friday and picked up.
I behaved really well with our doll club annual trip down south this past Sunday, gas in the truck, meal out and a small chest of drawers, 2 pair of shoes for Zellie kept my finances in good order, no huge splurges, no putting stuff on my credit card, no buying myself a doll that later I wish I had not put on my credit card.
Now, I need to plan out and make Zellie outfits to go with those new shoes, a pair in pink and a pair in green.  I have plenty of fabrics so just need to hunt through the stash.
Think I have managed to drop a couple of pounds, not very many but enough that work pants are not as snug and I am feeling more healthy, most of the time, being a bit more active.  And today is the first day in several weeks that I woke up feeling stressed and blue.  So, I know, despite today's moodiness, I have made good progress and life is stable for me.