Working through the emotional stuff

I called a friend in Craig, had her Facebook me info for area food bank, decided that doing flowers was a waste of money, sons need to do something, and a donation to the area food bank in Memory of their grandmother was workable for my head, and since it is actually my money and my check that got mailed off, it needs to work for my head too.

Have not seen the boys grandmother for many years, my guess would be 15 years or more.  She came to MO once that I know of, after Sam and I were divorced, remember it was when I was putting new decking on the front porch, with the help of boys, so that would make it over 14 years this past summer.  Ben was 12 that summer.

My sons never really knew her, we moved from Colorado when Ben was 7, boys did not spend any time around Sam's family, if and when we could prevent or avoid it.  Our marriage was not in their plans and neither was Sam having any children of his own to inherit what he had worked to build up.

Sounds so stupid, almost like poorly written fiction, family feuds and all the bitterness that was also a part of dealing with my husband's family.

Know the past year or more has been hard as Kathrine's mind has slowly failed, hard on her children living close to watch and deal with.  Hard for Sam as there was a lot of hurt and pain between them that has never been resolved.

I wonder what will happen now, she was the glue that held them together, and that helped keep their children, her grandchildren a family, with the exemption of my sons, the ones who not only lived away, but who were also rejected for being my sons.

I feel for their loss and hurt, but I am so glad we moved away, far enough away that my boys grew up free from the family issues and problems that ran rampant.

Now I do the correct, polite thing, in their names, and know my life here in central IL, despite the old house needing a lot of work, the huge debt load, the physical pain I have a lot more of with going back to production, I am so far better off a long way away from that family.

And I will not guilt trip myself over that being happy about how far away we are.