Friday--6 weeks from date of accident..

And the foot kept me awake most of the night with pain and Yes, I did take meds..and more meds and I was NOT up a lot Thursday, had foot elevated a lot of the time.
Just 1 of those kind of days..some days healing is more painful than others...but I am healing..slowly, slowly.
Sun is out but it's cold, hope to see the first check for lost wages, mailed several days After I was told it would be mailed, will make note on envelope and put that in the file too.
Ben got the fabric down I wanted for work on Mike's quilt top so I hope to cut the borders today and maybe the backing pieces cut and ready to seam. I am not sure I can get the layers together with the cast. If I can I do not know if I can machine quilt it either..
But I have several things I can be doing, a bit at a time, do a little, back down with foot up, and then do a bit more...foot is going to have 'rough' days and better days..I will hope the better days outnumber the rough ones soon...

Bad cast lining..

Lost track--didn't get this posted..but cast and foot were seen, new cast and liner done a bit different, told to do more down time and try to be up less..
And most of the medical billing has been dealt with. State Farm agent was out of office a few days but said the check was mailed so expect it Friday or Saturday.
I need to go see the financial office at Memorial hospital and my bone dr. anyway and make sure they have the correct insurance billing information. My Blue Cross from work will be paying on the bills and has set up an account or something, they will then bill State Farm for the costs and by paying a % of the bills that will help avoid me being turned over to a collection agency..
With the long length of time I will be under medical care I am glad to know that medical insurance from work will be looking out for my best interests better than either my car insurance company or the insurance company of the man who caused the accident.
Mike is doing better but I think it will take a few weeks for his body and the maint meds for his high blood pressure and thryoid to get in balance. I am so glad he is working to take care of himself, he's so very important to me.
I was able to go join the knitting group at Sticks and Strings, the yarn shop in Jacksonville Saturday for a few hours, nice to be around other knitters and nice to be out of the house for a bit to 'play'.
Jake called while I was there, and he told me how wonderful I am because I knit him socks..boy knows how to keep Mom knitting him socks. I have a pair done and plan to ship them to him Monday.
State Farm says I am approved for lost wages to be paid while I am off work, the first check will be mailed Monday, I have some form to sign and I also will be getting my disability pay, did let the State Farm agent know that had been cleared up and would be paid also. He said that did not affect my lost wages but appreciated that I let him know.
I don't think State Farm will 'catch up' the past weeks but I will keep track of what they pay and all the lost wages will be caught up with the settlement--and I will remember that I am OWED those wages, it's not part of the 'pain and suffering' and neither is the medical costs, they too are the responsibility of the driver at fault or his insurance...
There will be lots of paperwork and numbers to look at and keep track of..and I need to remember that man's insurance is NOT doing me a favor by paying what they are obligated to pay--
No amount of money will give me back the lost time, or erase the pain I have already had to go through. No money will fix the problems I will now have the rest of my life with my right foot and leg. That metal plate will cause me pain when it gets cold for the rest of my life..that's just something I will have to live with, it's not going to go away.
I did go to the union hall and Do get disability and that is in process and I need to check on it Monday also. And they will pay me 18 weeks total and catch up the back weeks from the time of the accident..so that will help me get thing caught up and some $ put back into savings to replace what I pulled out, my auto insurance paid so I don't worry about that, Ben's contacts paid for, my new glasses paid for--which State Farm will have to re-imburse me for...
Did finally get forms to fax back on disability from Cargill. This is something that we actually 'buy' with our co-pay for our insurance--so woman in HRD that said i did not qualify was wrong...and they will catch up the back weeks so I can expect a good sized check when they get to that point..at least I know it's in process, finally.
Got another pair of socks done, and am knitting on a doll dress for the Kish 14 inch dolls, have 1 so she can try it on..and knowing me, once it's done I will photo and set a price--quite willing to sell the clothes off the backs of my dolls..

Casts and pain..

The trip west had more adventure than we hoped or planned as Mike got sick while we were on the road between Albuquerque and Provo and ended up in the hospital there. He is out and will be taking much better care of his health now and I coped well with the situation.
The staples came out Tuesday, more x-rays, decision was fiberglass cast for 5 more weeks, heel bone has gone from very small pieces to 'mush' but I saw x-ray and think mush is progress. Dr. Mulshine does not know if that heel bone will have a socket for the leg bone to fit into or not yet..it's wait and let things heal and see.
The bone with plate and large screws is looking good, the other small broken bone is healing ok, everything in place...
It's going to be so much longer than I expected. I did get to the union hall and have 18 months to be able to return to work and still have my job. I also paid 6 weeks of my health insurance co-pay so my savings is almost empty but have that monkey off my back for a couple weeks. I do qualify for disability pay and Duke, with the union got the paperwork for me and I made the call, today I will call Dr. Mulshine's office as they have form faxed to them to fill out and return..and although it's not what I make a week, it will sure help and I am not as paniced about money to live on.
It pays 18 weeks and right now it looks like I will be off work longer than that. When I got out of the hospital I knew I had a couple broken bones in my foot/ankle but imagined I would be back to work in 8-10 weeks. Now I will be in casts 10 weeks and not know what will be next step in repairing my foot.
Today I woke up around 6 am by that pain monster, got some tea and tylonal, still having pain but it's more tolerable than about 3 hours ago. I was up and about a lot the past 2 days, that might be part, the foot is not swelling, I am wearing a full cast, not split and if I swell any I will sure know fast. So, it's not swelling, but that plate and screws hurts, the scar from that surgery in not comfortable and the ankle on other sides says ouch, top of foot is uncomfortable..foot has a lot of tissue damage and swelling still.
5 weeks and it's still a huge ankle and foot compared to the other one..
I am getting dressed in work cargos and shirts now, not in bed all the time, cooking some of the meals here, doing the dishes some. Trying to re-gain as much of my life as possible but 5 weeks into this accident and I grieve for my life the way it was BEFORE this accident. A long list of things I was getting done that has become a long list of things I cannot get done.
Hours and hours in bed with my foot up and trying to deal with pain that my allergies prevent me from taking any heavy pain meds for.
Worry about finances because HRD at Cargill told me I did not qualify and no way to get to union hall and talk with them for weeks..worry about my credit and how I would by food and pay utility bills.
Worry about crawling into a dark hole called depression and having problems crawling back out. Being up and dressed is helping some with that, having bedroom north curtain open more is also helping, I need light and being in the dark bedroom for so long was hard on me emotionally.
The trip out west really helped me get back some of that emotional stable ground I have stood on for so long. People who really care about me, lots of bright natural light, better meals, and even Mike getting sick and my coping with that, instead of being the helpless cripple, I was the strong woman who stayed with the truck and had it ready to roll when his son got there, who made sure our stuff was out of the truck and at Leonard and Jessica's house. Mike learned some of my strength and stability, instead of his taking care of me, I took care of his truck and our stuff while he was taken by ambulance to Price, then Prove...from a shy and insecure girl I have grown into a very competent woman.
But I will still have problems dealing with this accident and what all it is costing me, from replacing a very loved red truck to the things I am not getting done to missing my job and the faces there, the work I do..that at times eats me up, I wake up so early on Saturdays and Sundays, my 'day shift' days and then it hits me, no work for me..long hours to get through...

Finding my solid ground again...

I am now in Albuqueerque with Mike and his sister Nora, their mom and the kids, actually slept all night last night, first night I have slept more than 3 hours in a row since the accident. The cast is not comfortable but I only took tylonal 1 time yesterday!!
I still have to deal with the financial situation, hope that State Farm will pay the lost wages or part while I am off and I will talk to the union to make sure that I am not eligible for disability pay. All those years of paying union dues I hope the union is able to help with this situation and I am getting my emotional balance and my brain working very practical and logical, or as logical as I get.
Being here is good, I am eating better and my digestive system likes that, and seeing the mountains gives me a joy. I like this desert country, looks so like where I grew up but I know I thrive in my mid-west river town. I have put my roots down in that sand and am growing and love my life there so much.
I miss the plant, my job, the faces that are part of my normal work days, miss it so much it hurts at times but I will heal and I will be back to work, supply clerk, I might not walk as fast, move as easily but I will be back and rejoyce often to be there.
I still have no understanding why that man chose to try and pass other cars when it was obviously not a safe thing to do. He isn't paying, unless you call death paying. I don't know where his soul is, but I do belive in the afterlife he does have to be accountable for this accident, for what he has done emotionally to his family, and for what he has done to Tamera, Ben and myself. There is no price high enough for causing harm to someone else.
But I will deal with this, leave some things in the hands of God, put my strength in God and in those close to me. Being here with Mike and family is so emotionally good for me at this time, and being out of my bedroom and bed is also helping me get a better prespective and think clearer...need that to deal with all this stuff.

lost Wages

Well, now I have had 3 weeks of suffering from this acccident, 3 weeks of no wages earned and paid into my bank account so I can pay my bills and live my little life here. My call to State Farm about my lost wages got me many hours wait for a return call and then to be told they expected to pay me my lost wages with the final settlement once I was medically released.
This is NOT acceptable, my wages are earned weekly, paid into my checking acccount weekly and I keep my bills paid, put money into savings, pay my income taxes, budget my own finances..live my very single and independent life.
At this time I cannot even take care of my dog, or clean my house. I cannot function in my own home without help, I cannot drive or walk un-assisted or do any of the things that are part or were part of my normal life before this accident.
It is totally unacceptable for me to become impoverished or have any financial problems due to this accident and my not able to go to work on my normal work schedule.
I have been required to spend most of the past 3 weeks in bed, with my foot propped up, dealing with pain that, due to my allergies, I am seriously limited in choices for pain relief.
I now have had the first surgery and have at least 1 more to go through. I am facing weeks of not only unable to go to that job I do really love and miss, but not able to earn my living, not able to walk, to drive, to shop, to do my own cooking and cleaning.
I do rrealize it was not Mark Young's intention to mess up my life so badly, nor was it his intention to make me suffer so much or to financially impoverish me. But his decision to pull out into the west bound lane to pass the car ahead of him was the cause of this accident that he died in and that now has me trapped in a un-ending nightmare I cannot wake up from.
I hurt so bad, nothing will change that much except time. My whole life has become a mess that I don't know how to put back in order. There is in asking why this happened to me, it certainly was not my choice and it was not God's doing either.
A man going east made a poor choice, my truck, myself and my passeners happened to be heading west, the timing and place we all were in made me the other car in that accident.
Facts, hard and not changing by anything I can do, the accident happened, State Farm will need to pay my lost wages in a timely manor every week, including the 3 past weeks, it was their client driving that was at fault..laws and responsibility issues.
It does not matter that is suits State Farm to pay it all lump sum. I earn my own living and I get paid weekly and I then use this paycheck I earn to pay my bills and buy my groceries, put into savings or do whatever I choose to do with my earned wage.
I will get this matter dealt with today, hopefully, and talk with the doctor and then do what it takes to get through the next days ahead.
And I will keep working on getting through this accident and my injuries. I will not let it totally foul up my life, nor will it turn the plans Mike and I have for a future into a mess.
We have a right to our life and future together, we have a right to build that life together, and this accident will not foul that up, we will not let that happen.

First Surgery done..

And I do like Memorial--but the woman assigned to take me from prep room down to surgery floor was not polite, nice or at all people friendly..Ben was good, made calls to Mike for me, did update post at Facepage for friends, made sure when I came out they had my bear and knitting to hand to me--they were NOT sure about those needles..but the bear goes under my right knee to give a bit of lift and support, makes foot more comfortable, offered pillow or rolled blanket, no Bearsie fits just right and he comforts me..silly thing but works. The knitting helps me cope with pain..even if it's 1 very slow stitch at a time and as I cannot have much for pain due to allergy issues--Yes, I Need that knitting in hand...so, they learned something about pain control with limited drugs.
1 bone repaired, 1 is healing correct and the heel bone could not be worked on due to open abrasions on skin in that area that still must heal before surgery. I did not talk to DR. and Ben thought he would talk to me also so didn't pay as much attention as he should have. But Dr. feels postponing surgery is actually better for heel bone as it will have more growth, bigger pieces and better chance to do more/correct more.
He did not like having to put me through another surgery but with open wound in that area, no other choice.
Ben is already asleep, early, not yet 9. Facepage is having 'issues' so I can't update there or post on friends 'walls' to let them know I am ok.
I am having pain and counting hours until I can again take something..know that should be short term.
I will have to make calls tomorrow to the city about not being able to pay my water bill at this time and to the insurance companies about some disability pay. This is clearly Not my fault that I am not working but in the meantime, tonight makes 240 hours of missed pay and I have no other income, no one else here working to pay the bills..and the stress is upsetting me terribly. So, I will start with phone calls and see what can be done about getting insurance companies moving on that disability pay I am entitled to..and as soon as possible and direct deposit IF possible...
I have also dropped between 7-10 pounds in the last couple weeks..and at my height of almost 5'6" and 124 pounds to start with--no, I do not have weight to loose, not eating well and stress, it sure can't be all the exercize I am gettiing, napping knitting and keyboarding does not burn many calories....

Updates--

well, to start I corrected my birthdate here..I am really not 253, and not born in 1756..not sure how I made that error..but it hits me funny today.
I actually did get a lot more sleep, nice change. And today the phone calls have been medical, my specialist office about my surgery, time is moved up, the hospital with my pre-registration, a lot I can do by phone and make the very early morning very easy for me...and Nancy. I will have Ben take me instead of her hauling out so early, but let her know how we are doing. Not am I more comfortable with Ben as my anchor going under and coming out of anasthetic, Mike is more comfortable with knowing Ben is there and has the cell phone to call him off and on and keep that man so far away in close touch with what is happening.
I managed to get a load of clothes into the washer and even into the dryer. Was a challenge to get my walker close enough to the dryer and had to use something to push the on button as it was out of reach but the clean clothes are drying! I might even tackle the dishes. The kitchen condition really upsets and stresses me...know Ben is a lazy slob and know nagging him upsets and stresses me as much or more than the mess in my kitchen.
I am worried about finances, Darrell called and I mentioned it and his comment was go get lawyer...God, how I hate that sort of Stupid...
I know there is disability pay coming to me, I know I am keeping up on my end of paperwork but things take time..including disability pay...
I know we have food and a roof and I am not running in the red yet. Yes, I have bills I want paid, hate to not have the city water and sewer paid in a timely manor..need to call them today and let them know the problem..hate that too, is hard blow to my pride.
I know, it shouldn't be, but it's like a direct hit to my independence and self suffeciency, my strength...being able to pay my bills and pay them on time, have worked hard to have that, it matters to me, it is a part of WHO I am...so not being able to have them paid and paid ON time or early, really psycologically hurts me..that's just a part of who I am..
it will get better, I know some of that is just me stressing about what I can stress about...but still, it would be nice to get something from somewhere that assured me of income while I am unable to work, due to no fault of my own.

Paying bills, trying to get life back on track..

I don't know when I will see any disability income, the tax refund is almost spent and I still have a stack of bills needing paid..this not working stinks, this spending a lot on gas for rides to doctors and such does not help..
All the hard work I have put into keeping my finances balanced, trying to pay down debt, trying to save a bit now and then seems to have gone down the river with this accident. And the frosting on this cake is bill collectors for bills owed by the prior owners of this house.
Collectors are--against law, mind you, running this address through phone directorires and calling MY number to try and locate these people. The house was sold to me years ago, public records available, the phone # I have was mine more than a year before I bought this house, again, records the collectors have access to. I do know some of the regulations governing bill collectors and I am Not in a good mood about a lot of things--calling me over debts that are not mine, calling My phone # to try and locate someone I never knew, I bought a house, did not have to get to know the sellers...adds to my anger and stress.
Yes, it's Maggie on the war path and wanting someone to fight with, or just some answers and being sure I can keep my bills paid on time. It upsets me terribly to not have my bills paid, to not be putting a bit in savings every week. To be so unsure of what my future will be, when I will be walking again, when I will be back to work..I hate being so scared of so damn many small things...
I know I am doing what I can, I know I need to calm down and find some patience and faith. State Farm is being very responsible, and so is Met Life. I have my medical disability paperwork at the plant turned in, I have the paperwork for the bank here and will drop that off today on the way to the eye appointment.
I know I didn't foul up my life, I know I am not fouling up my finances and my long term future but at this very minute I feel like a huge failure..but yes, I do know I am not the fault and that things will work out..I just need to do what is my job, keep paperwork in order, keep the foot up, eat food good for me and Not let stuff get me upset...today a lot of small things are making huge waves in my small pond and I need to get a grip, it is MY pond, I can stop the waves..relax, and just do what needs done and not blow things out of scale...

This not sleeping well stuff is the pits...

I did go to sleep around 9:30, watched Star Trek dvd's until I was nodding off and had hoped I would sleep at least 4 hours. I took Tylonal and was comfortable--or as comfortable as I seem to get but was awake well before midnight.. foot itches and burns more than hurts, nerves tingle and 'crawl' and that isn't something like Tylonal 'fixes'. I think Bayer Back and Body helps some, know it's part of the healing, know I have to get through it and will.
My body hurts some from being in bed laying on my back or propped up that way, can't be on my side long, this stupid damaged foot won't tolerate that..great, my life seems to be under the control of my right foot...
Mike didn't call as he didn't want to wake me, I wasn't on line so he hoped I was asleep and just e-mailed me, he will load out of Albequerque some time tomorrow, not sure what direction he will be going, he will let me know. So far his brother Steve is winning the 'loose 20 pounds' contest they have going..we all do a lot of posting on Facebook, fun way to keep in touch for those of us that like the net.
Sister Lucy is having ups and downs, in the process of divorce, health issues and the man is elsewhere for work..not exactly sure which man this is...not the one she was so in love with a month ago..
But I have sure done my share of changing men in my life...and am not living her life...would not trade ever...
I will get through this accident and it's complications, will be sewing doll fashions and taking care of my garden, will be working my supply clerk job and paying my bills. In time Mike will relocate his trucking here and be based out of central IL instead of the southwest corner of Utah, and we will still talk a lot...I might not be able to go run jump into his arms, but his arms will still be there for me..this accident will slow me down in some ways but it will not stop me from living and enjoying my life.
I did take some Bayer Back and Body, am snacking on some crackers so hope to soon be back asleep for a couple more hours, eye appointment to replace my lost and probably badly broken glasses, will be nice to quit wearing safety glasses but at least I have them.
Maybe I can go to Albequerque for a few days after my first surgery, Nora and Mike's mom would love to have me, he might come get me for a few days, I sent a list of the yarn shops there..a change from my walls here. I can take the train from Galesburg right to Albequerque and the train is handicapped friendly. The cost isn't too bad either, about $200 round trip..we will split the costs probably.
Right now he can't afford to take off a week and fly out here, and with the accident I would not be skipping work. It will all depend on my medical team, I have not asked yet but Nancy thinks they won't allow it. My thinking is that is is very possible if I am ok after surgery and I set up dr. appointments so I don't miss any. I am not talking about a couple weeks, just a week or so, and I will be well cared for.
Well, ate my crackers, have my tea almost gone, guess I look this over and post it and hope the foot lets me get a bit more of that sleep stuff..

Broken bones, life on hold, nothing will ever be the same..

My little red truck is a mangled mess, my right foot has broken bones that might not ever be correctable, I am spending my hours down in bed with my right foot up, dealing with pain I have never had, not even with 2 kids born at home.
Today I decided to make cornbread, something I fix so often I don't need to look up directions, takes about 5 minutes to mix it up from scratch and then about 25 to bake..hot out of the oven, split with knife, butter and honey and eat while hot. It took me 2 hours to end up with cornbread to eat and then I had help getting it out of the oven. I also ended up back in that bed, with that rigth foot back elevated, more pain..no, it's not my normal life any more and it won't be.
The face brusing is healing, I will replace the broken glasses and quit wearing my work safety glasses.
I will put money and work into this gold truck and have transportation I can depend on, but I loved my little red truck and have lost that forever, and I have no extended cab so I lost that space also. I need to pay Fischer Auto for the last of the bill on the brake work on the red truck..not sorry I had the needed brake work done..this accident was nothing I did wrong or didn't do that I should have.
From what I have learned, it was nothing more than a poor decision to pass another car, made by a man on his way to work on a 3rd shift job. He did not intend to die in an auto accident, he certainly did not intend to hurt others
or cause them problems.
But, his action of pulling into on-coming traffic when there was no chance to pass safely, and to not get back into his original lane was the cause of this accident. My actions of trying to slow down, of trying to get as close to off the paved road bed as I could might have reduced the damages we recieved, but the cold and hard facts are I was in a very severe accident. It has changed my life, my plans and schedule and will continue to impact my life, probably for the rest of my life.
This is Sunday, it's normally 1 of my most favorite days at work, maint will be busy, I have the floors to clean and office deliveries to make, make sure there is enough paper in the copy/post office room. Contractors through the plant doing what they do, sometimes equipment in and out through our back warehouse dock.
I'm in the boiler room coffee club, we all chip in to buy the coffee and filters, Sundays are often the only day I can get down to fill my cup, every other Sunday Carl McDaniels is the boilerman on watch and he always has the coffee going. He's a good man and I miss seeing him along with all the others that make up my routine.
I have been blessed with a job I love and go bouncing into work almost every day. I work with people I absolutely like being around and have management that I admire and really care about. I think I have the best bosses in the whole world..
And right now, every day, I am here at home, in bed, with my right foot up, 1 bone so badly shattered I don't know what if anything can be done medically to repair it.
I miss my job, the work, the management, the faces that make up my work world..I miss it from the time I wake up well before day light, I miss it as I am falling asleep at night.
I love my old house, this little bit of land it sits on, but the job and Cargill, that's what gives me balance, what pays for all I have and I take great pride in that I EARN my living and my way in life.
And now, today, I have no idea what I will have for income as I heal, how I will keep bills paid and food in the house. A disability check is not the same, it's money that will pay the bill but it does not feed my heart the way that earned paycheck has done. My emotional balance, my self sense of worth, all of that is tied up with that earn a paycheck and pay in my share of taxes.
This accident has taken that from me, maybe not for ever, but for now, I do not have the emotional security and sense of self worth that paycheck from Cargill has given me every day since I started work there.
I have not cried over this accident, I will not let myself cry over it, I am afraid if I start crying I won't stop. There is so much I hurt emotionally over, so much I have lost already with this addident. If I start cryiny I will fall into a dark hole I am not sure how I will climb back out.
I am afraid of how this will financially impact my keeping my bills paid, growing my savings, fixing my old house, paying down debt load. I'm afraid of how it will physically change my life. To never dance for joy, or hop and skip, to not run, roller skate, wear silly high heels I love. I might never run jump into someone's open arms--that was on my up coming schedule. Now I hope I don't trip over my walker stumbling to meet Mike...no slim, dancing woman...and I am afriad I will stay mad and angry about the last minute choices of a man now dead...
I am afraid of the up-coming surgery, not the surgery but it's that being put under with no one here to be my anchor to hold onto. My friend Nancy will take me but she doesn't have or understand my fears, She doesn't know how that dark terrifies me, a dark I am afraid of going into and not being able to find my way out to the light.
I should be looking for dormant oil to spray the plum trees with in the next couple weeks, it needs done while they are dormant but I now can't do that job. I need to be planning the garden and what goes where, what I am goint to start from seed so I can have those special plants. But I cannot do that this year, I plan a garden, I will have some sort of garden, for me, for friends and neighbors, but it won't be the garden I had planned last fall.
How do I measure the changes in my life? The cost of not getting stuff done that was on my list, the saddles not oiled and put away, the doll outfits not made and sold, the house chores I can't do, the friends old I can't visit, the cookie boxes to the Marine and his platoon I am not making?? What price can you put on this stuff?? HOw can you know what each of these and all the other things means to me??
How do I explain my happiness and joy at going to work every day??
And how do I keep facing another day in this bedroom with my right foot up, not knowing how many more days and weeks I will be laid up, waiting on healing?
I know I am strong and determined and will get through this battle and survive. But it's not a battle of my chosing or of my doing and being mad at a dead man I never met doesn't gain me much peace at this moment

So, I keep on updating

It seems that boy has grown into an amazing man--and single and did know the rest of tht poem he had written many years in the past. He's runnng his own business in the southwest, he makes me laugh, I don't have a clue why this is our time, 37 years ago was not our time, nor was 33 years ago but now is..and we are working on building something that bridges years and a lot of miles, a huge amount of miles some days..
Life here was looking really good, the tax return was filed, Ben was still here at the house and he and I, along with his gal pal were off to play in Springfield, on my day off.
I have to admit I love that having Thursdays and Fridays off, and taking Tamera with us to Springfield for a few errends, a meal out and time to get to know this girl my #2 son is fond of, oh, ya, great Thursday for me, Jan 14..a few $ so I could afford to feed all of us, custom coffee cups to pick up at a shop in the mall, a couple things on my silly list including a bag of bread flour at GFS...and home by a reasonable time...nothing wrong with the plans, solid little truck I keep putting work into, fixing, taking care of.
The son I am closest to, the first gal pal he's ever found important enough to bring into Mom's life..ok weather for this time of year, laid back time schedule because I have Thursdays and Fridays off...did let Mike know we were off to play, had the TracFone with us, but not my Net tablet...Ben had the current David Weber book in hand, and it was a great afternoon.
OK, so the shop didn't have the cups done--cups that were ordered several weeks before and now were 2 weeks late in being ready--but they got done while we mall crawled--ok, so the coloring was a bit pink but the lettering was good..2 matching cups with photo of the Jake, Ben and I on them, 1 for me, 1 for that boy from the past..and then off to the east side of town for Asian buffet, cuz it's really good and I was feeding a guest..then to Wal-Mart, bluetooth for the laptop, wow, Star Trek Voyager season 1 for $20, and season 2, ok, a bit more but I am collecting and a Trekkie....then head home, first to my house to go through the sock yarn stash for yarn for socks for Tamera, then take yer on up to Rushville...
We were west bound, a fair amount of traffic, close to 9:30 at night, I wasn't thinking about 3rd shift people heading into work, just wasn't thinking about why there would be such heavy traffic at that time of night, knew we were running around 55, not much more, cars behind us but none close in front at that time..dry or slightly wet in spots roads..good traveling....
The traffic east bound was steady, not much gaps, when the 2nd car coming east pulled into the west bound lane, to pass the car ahead of him?? I don't know, I just knew we were in a shit load of trouble, traffic moving too fast, car right behind me, too much slope and soft, if I take the truck off the side I will turn it over and hurt the kids.....just seconds and then I was in the hospital, cold, bright lights, voices, hurting all over--Nude!!!now, that paniced me a second, warm blankets tucked around me..where were the kids??? Were my kids alright...I need on line, need facebook to let Mike know we are ok,,no phone # with me, no cell phone and NO, I do not remember or know phone ###...and no idea what happened after I saw the car pull into the west bound lane and thought I had a shit load of trouble heading my way...
Tamera has broken bones in her face, it could have been far worse, she is also afraid in a car at night, gets panic attacks..not a bit of fun and is afraid of surgery to repair the broken bones. But she lived, she is alive and will heal, will deal with the emotional trauma and fears.

Ben, that boy got his friend out of our mangled truck, got his mom's legs freed and her to the passenger side, worked on trying to calm that mom as help arrived and the pros came to do their job. His sternium got cracked, he got some brusing, he is not staying at Mom's taking care of me..at 24, he is not doing much living his own life but taking care of mom...

too long without posting and too much has happened

I should have posted here when Jake was here for Chirstmas, and I had a house full of tall and loud sons laughing..it was a great week, had some time off with that tall Marine, Ben came to stay and be able to spend time with Jake, Bryon came over to bug Mom and spend time with Jake, he visited Kim..did the bar crawl 1 night..his saddles are still on mom's bedroom floor, still needing oiled and stored.
I baked and made fudge and Jake took back about 16 pounds of goodies to share with 'our' platoon...and a pair if hand knit socks he won't be sharing.
It was great having my tall baby home, that boy is now just over 6'3" and stands tall, at just over 150 he needs a few pounds to cover all those long and lanky bones, is maddly in love with his SAW which I understand is a very big and heavy Gun that can cut down trees...
Jake's dad and step mom are selling out the farm and moving to the Phillipines this June so Jake has to move everything here he wants to keep, including his not running right 1961 Studibaker Lark....

Then there was the maintenence guys gabbing at the storeroom window, like they will do if there is more than 1 of them there-about Facebook and looking up old pals and school mates..and me running the name of that boy from the past through Facebook.
Jake is why I had a Facebook account, and that boy from the past, I hadn't found him through Google or the Mormon church stuff I could access..best place to look for a Mormon boy--or so I thought....
Facebook is fun, and there were 4 guys with that name but only 1 that had a daughter also named Stormy, only 1 that went to school at Roaring Fork, only 1 who had JD for another facebook friend--so 4 lines of an old poem and a question asking if he knew the rest..
I didn't want to make any waves in his life, just wanted to know if he was alive and doing ok..my life here in IL is so good, I am finally able to say I am 'home' and belong. I really like my old house and my funky life here, the crazy hours I keep with work, the job as supply clerk in the 3 rd slot..the garden and flower beds which bloom and grow maddly for me..didn't want to make any waves with that very special boy from the past, just wanted to know he was alive and ok...

White cold stuff outside!!!

I came home from work on roads starting to get slick and was very glad to be staying home. It wasn't a bad shift, no contractors moving equipment through the warehouse for a change.
Ben fixed supper and I made peanut butter fudge, need to make and gift that stuff along with home made bread..and need to get busy with cleaning out the computer desk so it's ready to move.
I did add some photos to my facebook but have a lot more I want to have accessable to pals on line..in time, at least I got some up there...
And the Christmas letter is done and 6 copies printed out, now to buy some cards and get them addressed and out into the mail..before Christmas.
House feels cold but I know it's not really that bad, furnace is up to 74 right now and it's not that bad outside..temp check---29 happy degrees!!! NO, the snow won't be melting during the night...
Right now I'm scheduled to work 3 more shifts and then be off 4 days but I have to wonder about Sunday--maint and contractors are working but no one in supply is scheduled to work..I will talk with my supervisor tomorrow and make sure everyone is on the same page and in the same book...
I am connecting with old friends through Facebook, it could be interesting, but I am not looking at making any huge changes in my life--other than the living room changes that I have coming up and hopefully the window replacement changes that I want to have take place this coming spring/summer.
It's nice to have Ben here but it's just for a short visit, he's helping me with some things here before Jake comes, will house/bird/dog sit so I can be gone overnight to take the computer desk to MO and come back with Jake..and he's going to spend the time he can with Jake while Jake is here...
I need to get to bed soon, got stuff I need to do tomorrow before I go to work, need to get busy with boxing or bagging up the stuff here at my computer desk and clearing off the library table, it will move to this corner to be my new computer desk...

white stuff outside tonight. . .

Well, I guess as it's December and a week before Christmas I can't whine too loud...and it isn't as cold as it was last week while I had vacation.
Jake will be getting on a plane in a few hours, he flies into Kansas City, his dad will pick him up and I go over the 24th, see Cami and her boy and then get Jake and all the things of his we can move here...
Sam is planning to relocate to the Phillipines with his wife..she's from there and Jake will adjust his lfe plans..not much else he can do with Dad selling the farm Jake has helped keep going and helped support.
Jake will change his legal home address to here and move what he can to here for me to take care of for him, his great grandpa's desk, his Aussie saddle, his Studibaker Lark..quilt mom made...what ever else is important comes to Mom's house and he works on building his own life...
Ben is here visiting and has been helping me with some projects I needed done to make space for that huge old desk. I still have a lot of tidy work to do and my computer desk is going back to Mo and to Cami, she has place for it and can use it so I will gift it to her and then have the space once things are moved around for that very big desk that has become Jake's...
I'm battling the heels in his current socks but have them almost done and will before I go to bed. The alarm is set already, start work at 7 am tomorrow..
Will be having 4 days off over the holidays, that was a nice suprise, it will give me more time with Jake than I expected to have.
Well, at least I got around to posting something here...

Marines and boxes from home

That Marine called while I was out and left a message, he did receive his most recent box and was very happy to have his PSP and it's games and appreciated the cookies that came with it---but did I Have to decorate the outside of the shipping box? Of course the answer to that question is YES! I get great pleasure from decorating/labeling those boxes, I have no doubt he gets plenty of attention from it but he is a Marine, he can handle a bit of flack..and it's that Mom love thing..I may love him but I also have to bug him just a bit...it's the Mom job.
the garden is growing, the weeds and I are battling, I am enjoying a day off work and am even being productive. The laundry will be caught up, the dishes will be done, there will be food cooked in this house...and I am enjoying my day.
But I did not enjoy the dental appointment, that needed bi-annual cleaning stuff and I got an estimate on the crowns I would like to have done and the office will submit it to the insurance company, and I set up appointments for the work, Aug and Sept. so hopefully I can afford to have to work done then. Budget is tight but I will see how things go.
I am getting some overtime at work, I am still glad I have the job and won't let the people with attitude drive me out. I do my share of mistakes, my share of work and then some and I love my job, even on the bad days or with working 19 days in a row.
The dating Casey thing is going well, he seems to be very keepable, and wants kept. He did get a trucker job on the cut floor and the hours are better for us, I still work every weekend, but at least our start times during the week are the same or almost and we get off at a lot closer to the same time.
I have no idea what sons #1 and 2 are doing, they have to live their own lives, I am busy living and enjoying mine. And I do enjoy my life, not having Ben live here is great. Dating a guy who is tidy and responsible is terrific, the weather warming up is very nice, and I have a better watering system this year for my garden and back plantings/yard.
I need to work in the front beds some, still have to remove the dead lavender plants and that should have been done weeks ago. I will do it today or so I tell myself.
And I need to plan to make cookies for that Marine, need some nice colored markers for decorating his box too- -yes, I am that sort of Mommy person....and he knows me. . .
the Tonner convention is getting closer, I did order a dress that I hope will look good on me and be suitable for that very dressy dinner we have on Saturday night...
guess I better go check my watering project and scatter the seeds I bought for the south back flower bed.

The Baby Marine

Jake called tonight, he graduates tomorrow/Friday and flies to Kansas City, Dad is to pick him up and then next Thursday i will go over and steal him away for a few days over here.
He's enjoyed himself, can't march in formation, his shirt tails still come un-tucked but he is keeping boots laced up and doing well with most things. He says everyone in his recruitment group of 89 people knows his name and face.
So, his first pair of hand knot boot socks are waiting, I have another pair started, enough black yarn for 4 pair and can get more easily. I will keep a pair going as long as he is serving and hopefully get them sent to him on a regular basis.
And it's below 0 here, the floors are terribly cold, the house feels cold even with the furnace set on 73 or 74 and the wind blowing doesn't help. I really need to work on insulation work and sealing drafts with the new foundation so that I can keep the house more comfortable when the temps drop so low.
My w-2 was available on line and is printed out and my federal taxes are sent off to the IRS, hopefully I will get an e-mail tomorrow that they are accepted. It should be 2 weeks or so before the refund hits my bank account and I can put it to use, it will pay down some credit debt, including the new tech toy I am getting this year..
Well, I am cold and want to find a warm place to watch Star Trek DS9, am working my way (again) through the entire 7 seasons.

Weekend and Play with sons

This is my 3rd weekend to not go to Havana and spend time and $$ with Ray. And I once again have extra funds for non essencials here. The funds spent in Havana were spent by my choice, sometimes more at the grocery store than I was pleased with but I didn't object and I was staying there 3 or more nights a week and eating there also.
I have to take Jake back to MO tomorrow and it will be a long and cooking hot trip but we are going to play in Springfield again today, Ben, Jake and I...and I plan to go to at least 1 of the 2 yarn shops there.
I stil have not heard a thing about the tech service job I have been trying to get for about a year now, tests done in April, interview done 2 weeks ago...patience, patience--not something I ahve much of. We are seeing very hot nights at work and I am trying to come up with a more comfortable way to dress. Being wrapped in blue plastic aprons makes for a long and sweaty night so loose and comfortable clothes are a must.
I think Jake and Ben both have had a good 2 weeks together, Jake has also been able to spend quality time with pal Kim, she was on days the first week and on vacation this past week. Of course my living room is gaming central, Ben's games and books have now grown to the point of taking over far too much space so I am going to have him buy the support brackets and put up a shelf here in living room for his collection. I have the shelf board and had planned to get it up eventually, set up high for my tins and dolls but will first have it become Ben's shelf.
The house is very warm, I did not get any work done on insulation in attic--again but have almost 3 full rolls of insulation to start the job up there. I am going to buy another small window air cond. from pal Nancy and put it in the north bedroom window for now. The air cond. in the kitchen window has seen 5 summers now and just isn't cooling enough for our current heat wave.
I am not sorry I became involved with Ray but do realize how expensive it was becoming. That is not the only reason I chose to step back, the most important reason was his attitude and treatment of me, I deserve better than to be yelled at and walked on, I know he has a lot of anger issues, had them for many years and none of them are my doing. I did enjoy the weekends up there, especially when both Bryon and Ben were living here.
The house is just too small for 2 adult sons and me to live and get along in, Bryon and I don't share as close a relationship as I do with Ben and Jake, he and I like each other far better with him living on his own a block away. So, my being able to escape up to Ray's every weekend helped Bryon and I get along here at my house until he was ready to move out, instead of me telling him to move out before I threw him out or murdered him.
But it's time to post this and get some breakfast cooked so sons and I can go play...

Jake's Here!!

Off to Missouri yesterday to get Jake, camped overnight at 1000 Hills, and went to Havana before coming home, to take Jake to meet Ann and to catch Ray or leave hiim a note about the few things there I forgot and would like to get.
Jake is now off to visit Kim, Ben went down but came back while I was outside pulling sand burrs. I now have the water going outside, a much needed chore that has been terribly neglected for several months.
Jake has 2 weeks here this summer and I am sure we will all enjoy that, I am planning to set the tent up in the garden area and did some cleaning and raking an area so I can set it up. I don't want it on grass areas and kill out my grass, I don't have enough of that as it is and there aren't many places that I can set up my tent.
I think the house will be too full some times with both Ben and Jake and possibly Bryon stopping by, the tent will give me a place to retreat to and also sleeping place for Jake or myself.
I did the interview for the tech service job and now will fret about wether or not I get the job but I did the best I could, and I do feel I would be competent and hard working and reliable.
a net friend sent me some Anne sock yarn in a great purple so I have started it on 2mm needles but am not sure I like it yet. The color is great but the yarn feels really fine for those needles but I know socks on smaller needles go even slower than my normal slow...
Need to check my water and go bug Kim and Jake.