Working on me

   I’m working on me, trying to work on old house projects, on getting my finances in better order, and in setting some solid goals to reach for.   Life here is doing ok, and I am managing ok, but there’s times I want that man who went back to Mexico and his life there back here, in my life, in my world and yes, back in my bed.

     Funny, a house built without a solid foundation never stays solid, never holds up long term, and that’s what our 5 years together was, a house with no foundation. And that’s what we really had.  So, I will keep working on this old house and on my own foundation and accept my flaws and work on building my strengths and work on liking who I really am.

     The hand is healing, and it seems that I have won the war against the pathological infections, so that’s so positive and I am going to keep working on the little finger and hope for more improvements but I know it’s going to take time and it’s going to be slower than I like.

    But in the meantime I have some fun dolls to sew for, great fabrics and I have ideas and fun making doll clothes and probably more doll debt than I should have.

Damn! Didn't think out and plan for bitter cold weather!

 So, now I am seeing the flaws in my. totally electric room by room electric heating.  I obviously was heating under the house far more with that forced air furnace and all it's under the house ducting than I realized.  And this is the coldest winter we have had in years so ya, good way to see all my flaws in my heating system.  But I will deal with it, and work on it and learn and improve, but it's going to be a very cold week here.  Even my attic studio is cold!

     And I am still having weight problems, but am finally off the antibiotics, so hopefully I am well past that septic 3 pathogens problems.  The right little finger will never recover completely or be 'normal' again, but it will continue to gain some for a while.  And I am not being very abused at work, it seems that all of management appreciate my willing to work and do as much as I can, and not complain and I seem able to work well with most people.  

      American Girl seems to be the dolls of choice for my current doll sewing projects, last winter I did a lot of quilt top piecing and I might still do some of that this winter but am working on doll wardrobes, 1 is for that Marie-Grace that belongs to my daughter Stormy, I am finally finishing up the last items for her wardrobe, I did get those books and enjoyed them and so now I am doing the nightgown and will make her 'wrapper' which is a tied housecoat thing, .  it wraps and ties, so ya, housecoat, dressing gown, robe, and at that time and place, a 'wrapper' for a young girl in a family of modest income...  the nightgown only needs handwork to finish and I have finally made a decision on the fabric and pattern for the wrapper.  I will tweak/alter the pattern from the 1840's girl's work dress for that item as I haven't found a pattern and can make this 1 work.  The next wardrobe and doll is for my daughter in law's niece Stevie, she's getting a red haired doll, I replaced the original wig and she's a farm girl who loves pink so her doll will get clothes for that farm life and some of that pretty pink stuff too.  I have several of my older American Girl dolls that I plan to make some clothing for, I have never sewn for Josefina, despite having her and her patterns since she was released.  And I have my own Molly version, she's probably a re-wigged Kirsten with a brown wig, as these are her blue eyes and the right era doll production.  I did make Addy clothing years ago but never sewed for Josefina or Julie and now have several more dolls to sew for so plan to work on wardrobes for each.  And I spent a lot more than I should have at the American Girl winter sale so have a lot of seperates and yes did buy multiple of some so can put the same sweater/top in wardrobes and then make or come up with skirts and/or pants to go with them.  And estate sale flannel has become nightgowns, 4 of the same and 1 of just the pink with big dots for Stevie's box. And that used up almost all that flannel.  I am putting a lot of donated and estate sales fabrics into the doll sewing and making good use of those purchases.  

     And I am involved in a 'treasure hunt' here. . .it seems that while stealing my new Timex watch the cat or cats managed to pull off the back and that part and some of the watch 'guts' are missing.  I expect to have a much cleaner house as I seem to be cleaning as I hunt. . . and I am chasing out dust bunnies and cat hair, dust and what not while I hunt every crevice and under everything.  Darn cat!

     Life is very good here, yes, I have spent way too much $$ on things I didn't need but it is my earnings and my life and my responsibilities.  My electric bill will be very high this coming bill, but I will manage and am not going to regret ending the natural gas furnace.  Some work and investment in insulating under the house, especially the underside of the floors will help a lot.  

     We are currently working over 8 hours and 6 day weeks, but this winter storms and cold has slowed this week down, some was the wet slop making it hard or unsafe for trucks to get in and out of farms to haul pigs to the plant and now it's this very cold spell.  We worked short Friday and were less than 6 hours today.  And as I am back on the production floor, I am working the full shift, in different jobs that have me doing quality control work, but. no knife handling or other work that's damaging to my already damaged hands.  

   The cats are looking for warm spots, they think it's cold tonight too. 

Time Passes Too fast

      And I don''t find time to blog, or check posts at Modern Vespa but today I  really need to write/verbalize my thoughts and what's going on in my life.

     Work has given me carpal tunnel in both hands, I will have surgery, it did get postponed once already.  My prognosis is minimum-moderate recovery, oh, that's months ago and yes, work has made the problems worse.  And I get to add in a work injury that got me a permanently damaged right little finger, 9 stitches, 3 pathogens and a fungal infection, and yes, all that stitches and bugs was the local emergency room.

     I did't ride much this summer because of the hand problems and this fall I didn't get the bikes in for winter storage or even batteries out.  Blame the hands, the work accident, the 4 days/3 nights in the hospital fighting the infection problems.  But it adds to me feeling like I have failed once again.

     But I am now back on 2nd shift, life patterns work far better for me when I work 2nd shift,  I have a very good team of doctors, so the infections are almost cleared up and I know I have a top surgeon for my carpal tunnel surgeries and they will now be done in Springfield Clinic outpatient where I will not be in any risk of getting any infections or pathogens to go with the carpal tunnel repairs.

     I spent too much $$ on dolls and doll stuff, but it's my $$ and my life and I am sewing dolls clothes and being ok with my rather solitary, single life.

     I did't think about the floors and how much heat those darn vent tubes gave off, but am now room by room electric heat, and no more gas.  And I will insulate those floor, but this winter My feet will not be very happy downstairs.  I am making progress on some things, it's not a perfect life but it's a work in progress, and that's all we get, trying to do right, trying to do better and trying to make life work.

     And I did a crazy thing that might be a waste of $60 or might get me some discounted, probably factory reject American girl dolls from a overseas company that buys pallets of 'imperfect' made for American brands goods.  So, I might get the dolls and have to do some work to fix/repair/or buy wigs, storage boxes, or I might ge scammed.  But I did call my credit card company and they are replacing the card.  And I have over 30 days to file a claim if my 'goods' don't show up.

     And I am now finally getting to where I actually use my $$ MacBook Air,  I finally decided my huge problems with it were the blasted trackpad and I just needed to get a mouse.  After spending all the $ on it and it sitting for the past year, or longer, ya, I just needed to get a silly mouse.

     We are having a mild winter so far this year, and I hope it stays that way.

Interesting possibilities on the horizon

      I’m very comfortable with my solo life, and it’s been years since I have dated or even wanted to, but there’s that guy who’s now in maintenance, he was in our quality control department ages ago, and left.  But he’s back, has been for a while and I’m no longer just a familiar face, there’s that smile we both seem to have when we notice each other, it’s a fun flirty thing, we are well past teenagers in school but ya, there’s some of that vibe going on.

     No, neither of us know where we are going with this attraction, and with our crazy working hours, our shifts overlap, I start before he does, maintenance works 12 hour shifts now and often 7 days a week, my life has 10 hour working days but rarely a Saturday or Sunday.   We do both live in the same small town and even on the same side of the railroad tracks, he has a dog, I have too many cats.  I don’t know if we have any common ground, interests, or anything at all besides that little spark…

     But we will just have to see what happens, I think we have both been through some rough, hard times, both of us are not moving very fast, but ya, I think there’s a possibility of romance and maybe even some intimacy, but not just yet…

Darn contagious respiratory crap!

     Being sick was NOT on my schedule, or budget but I've come down with some respiratory crap and yes, have been to the doctor, and yes, I did pick up the prescription, and yes I will be wearing face masks at work the rest of this week to reduce sharing it.

     So, I am working on Ben's socks, did start setting up the yarn for the next pair of socks, but still have to wind it into 2 balls.  And I am hiding up in my studio because the kitchen feels cold and I am already miserable.  And chilling easily, while running a temp.  But I did see the doctor, and I did forget to pay my co-pay so will go back tomorrow before going to work and get that paid.

     And watching YouTube and some of the people I follow, touring chatou in France.  Way too grand for me to live in but fun to watch.  And will be going to bed early.

Neighbors and life choices

      I do like my neighbors, I don’t know most of them very well, and I only visit with the retired couple across my south street side.  And today I baked bread, I do that almost every weekend as I don’t buy bread.  And so I called and asked if they would like a loaf, and took it over and chatted a bit.

     But i don’t know if I can do much more of that, she’s so bitter, angry and looking to blame so many ‘others’ who don’t ‘belong’ here.  And she’s also lost a grandson, adult due to drug overdose.  And of course she’s blaming all the ‘illegals’ who come across our southern border, dressed in the most expensive clothes and bringing all those drugs.  And the crime and high prices are partly due to all those Africans who should go back where they belong. . . .

      But it’s actually US legal citizens who are bringing those drugs in, and it’s a damn shame so many people Choose to use those drugs, and who choose to drink.  And those people who she’s complaining about what they buy at our local stores, they are MY coworkers and we have been running anywhere from 44-60 hour weeks for about 2 years now. The overtime pay is nice but we all could get by without so much of it and have more quality family time.  

     Yes, they are, or many are driving good vehicles, and they are paying for them too, many have been here and legal for many years, people who had babies now have college graduates, honor roll seniors, kids looking at buying their first homes.  My little kids are also adults too, time has flown by.  

     I get it that their fixed income doesn’t go as far as they would like, and I do understand that his stroke, soon after retirement has not been easy for either of them, but it’s not any of our immigrant families here that are at fault, they worked darn hard for the $ that is buying those groceries and that meat in those shopping carts at our local Walmart. 

     And the border is Not open, those Africans worked hard and paid filing fees and more fees and worked for years to come here, and most work darn hard in that same meat packing plant where I work.  And the Hispanic people have worked hard for what they have, from cars to homes to clothing to kids going on to College. And the Burmese are here now and are great workers, clean, tidy and polite. 

    I also have a good car, and a couple Vespa bikes, but I don’t have any $ television subscription service, no reason to pay for something I don’t want or need. I also make a good living at that plant, and because I overpaid my taxes, and I deliberately do that, I had a very healthy refund from both the federal and the state revenue services. 

     I wish she wasn’t so angry, so bitter and I also wish she didn’t listen to so much trash from Fox News and similar sources, but I can’t change her mind and I can’t make her life happy, rich or bring back that dead grandson, an adult who did work at our plant years ago, I actually was training him on a job when he quit, I don’t think he worked a full month at or plant, or at many of the jobs he’s has had over the past 15+ years, so, thinking and adding, he was not a young kid but a man in his mid 30’s to early 40’s. A man who had a long history of making what I saw as poor choices.  

     I don’t want to ever get that bitter, that jealous of  others, that angry at life and at people I don’t know.  My life isn’t perfect but I will say I am happier now that I am back on 2nd shift. My life just has better balance, and I have quality time playing with yarns and fabric and making things. I like being a maker of things like quilts and socks and doll clothes.

Vacation time 2nd shif7.5

  

    I have finally gotten back to working 2nd shift, and slowly the balance and rhythm of my life, my way is coming back and I am getting things done, house cleaner, eating more healthy and am happier.

    And I still have 3 single vacation days left to schedule/use in the next 2 months.  Which can be a good thing and as I have a road trip I want to make, to a huge fabric warehouse north of Minneapolis, over 7.5 hour drive, and am already looking at Airbnb accommodations and thinking about how big that place is, and wanting to not battle the weekend crowds it probably has, yes, I have already put thought into this trip I hope to make.

     Now the problem seems that a friend thinks it’s just the ‘girl’ trip ‘we’ should make.  Of course neither of us have a car she thinks she could comfortably make that trip in, we should ‘rent’ a vehicle for the trip. In an area it’s almost impossible to find a rental car!  And she doesn’t sew!  And it’s my bloody vacation time and will be my bloody funds paying for this trip.

   Yes, I did make a winter vacation trip down to KY, last February and yes I did take someone with me and yes, her child too.  And that’s not going to happen again.  Weather problems, whiny adult and child problems, phone and mapping with phone plugged into car problems.  

     I do care about my few close friends but I also know that this is MY vacation time, MY $$ and my project and I am absolutely not going to take anyone along that’s not a doll out of my doll collection.  Not even a doll club member who also sews.  It’s a fabric hunting/buying trip, it’s my luxury fun and I don’t plan to waste my $ on a rental car when I know I can make the trip there and back with my own car and I am not wanting company.  And when would work for her is NOT when I hope to make this trip, I want to play in that huge fabric warehouse on a Monday, or a Tuesday, and absolutely not on a Saturday or Sunday.  And I want 2 nights at the Airbnb and to go to that warehouse more than once.  I’ve seen videos and know I need 2-3 visits as the first will be a huge overload of all the fabrics, from wools to linen to silks to awesome quilting cottons to trims.  Yes, I plan to have some lists, yes I know what I want to hunt out first, wools and especially the clearance/remnants bin for wools.  I have a wool quilt project in mind and that’s part of why I want this trip.  Linens are awesome and good quilting cottons, 100% cottons that are lightweight and would work for doll sewing, fine scaled trims that would work for doll sewing.

     Being back on 2nd shift means I have studio time before work and I am actually sewing and creating again.  That feeds my soul, and makes me smile.  Yes, I do have a lot of fabrics but not any wools that wold work for the quilt I want to make.  Yes, I have cottons for quilts but I want some things that are or look like they would be very suitable for quilts from the 1920-early 1940’s and play with my Kansas City Star newspaper quilt patterns that I’ve had for so many years.  

    And I want some very much needed away from home, the house, the cats and without any problems or people to just breath and to regenerate and to enjoy the time, the place on my schedule and without having to take consideration of another person.  It’s not selfish, and as she’s married and has vacations with her husband, something I don’t have, it’s not like she doesn’t ever get trips or a vacation away from home. 

    I will work it out, sort it out but right now I just want to whine a little.  I know it’s not even scheduled time off from work, I need to talk with my supervisor about the time to see how much conflict/problem it will be to get the Monday/Tuesday that I want before I even book with Airbnb, and that’s something I want to do before too long.  And yes, I know the weather could cancel my trip, it’s winter, it will be winter all February and probably all of March and it’s going farther north, and yes, the winter has been harder there than here but I’m going to hope I can go, and get started with plans.  And it will be a ME only trip, dolls don’t count.