E-mails for Meds we don't need.

Today's mail had an e-mail from a guy I used to be involved with...and I think his e-mail has been hacked. If not, then he's sending me links for meds that Larry and I don't need, for problems we don't have. It's ok for others to use Viagra or Cialis or such but here it's not needed or wanted.
I'm not bragging or complaining but Larry and I have great communication, Good chemistry and a very honest and close relationship. We are both tactile and verbal people, like a lot of the same things for activities, same foods, and 'get the joke'.
It's a very new relationship, we know we are building for long term, and with a solid foundation and understandings.
Someone once told me that someday I might just meet my soul mate and I assured him that would not ever be happening, Larry thought his wife and he had a very good and solid marriage and nothing would ever come close, companionship was what he was looking for.
And now we are both figuring out this passionate, close, bonding thing we have between us, nothing either of us expected or were prepared to deal with.
We bring out something in each other, it's there, others can see it, feel it, hear it, it's more than a sexual thing, but that's sure right there, we'd NEVER be able to convince anyone that we are 'just friends' or platonic...
But when it comes to 'sexual enhancement aids' we really don't need them or want them...and e-mail links to them are not wanted...even when it's from hacked mail accounts.
Yes, I know Larry has a pacemaker, I was with him, and watched all the high tech stuff that was used yesterday for the annual device check up. And I go with him for the bi-weekly blood work that he has done every 2 weeks. And I will be there with him if he's in the hospital- -but I am not letting him go hold my hand the end of this month for my dental cleaning...I will probably walk down, it's just a few blocks and then show him my shining teeth once I have survived it.
I don't ill wish anyone, but do have some resentment about the funds I spent with trips out west, poor investment, not a cheap learning experience but I enjoyed the trips so will write off the costs and be so very glad I did the math and figured out the financial issues, found the foreclosure notice on line and learned I had been lied to about some huge financial obligations before they became my problems too.
My debt load is big enough without taking on that of someone else, but it's going down a bit at a time and Larry is very financially stable, able to pay his own way, puts into savings, everything he has is paid for and taken care of.
He also takes good care of his health, and that really matters to me, I am not a total health nut but do believe in personal responsibility and that includes for ones own body.
Now I need to get with payday errands, auto insurance, quick old house project and then get the pansy plants into the ground. Larry and I picked them up yesterday while we were in Springfield for his check up.

Another Monday

And it's cold and overcast, I thought we were to get warmer and sun, and I know Thursday and Friday to expect RAIN, ya, again on my days off. Larry and I are running to Springfield, it will be a good day, regardless of the weather.
The Kindle came last week and it now has a knitted cover, screen savers are on the was and a waterproof cover too..so I can soak in the tub and enjoy e-books. And I really like it, have been taking it to work and reading on my meal breaks, know I will enjoy this device a lot, but still will be reading paper books. I won't spend a lot buying e-books when there are so many available free..
The missing jeep keys turned up yesterday. I parked in front of the house and found them in the street, along the curb. They are the right keys, the jeep moved a few feet further into the yard and Andy's blankets are now in the back seat and NOT in my house, in my way.
I won't go into all that could have happened, the house keys on that ring are NOT to my doors, the jeep didn't get stolen and the keys are now safely here in the house. Not very responsible of the son that had them, am sure dropping them was an accident that will not happen again. He won't have the keys again.
Made it to a doll club meeting yesterday, did some needle felting, but think I am making some sort of dog, not a cute white sheep. But it was nice to be able to go and I didn't loose much work time.
And I came home right after, got the dog fed, and a change of clothes so I could go to Larry's house.
He waited supper on me, we had steaks and vegies, the broiler set off the smoke alarm which would not shut up, we put it outside for a while. The meal was good, the movie was ok and we were asleep early, and woke up way too early.
He's not happy with the colder weather, he's been working on getting the camper ready to go play, wants to go as soon as we can, not far,just an out of town escape, he talked this morning about sitting out, drinking coffee and watching it get light. I am going to remember to raid my blankets so we can wrap up in blankets and not freeze while we do that sit out side and watching it get light stuff.
I know it's not every one's idea of camping but it will work for us, we don't have to go far, just a bit of escape from the routine and town.
And we are doing coffee at home more often, mornings we wake up together, unless it's the weekend, then I'm heading to work and it's McDonalds and I eat breakfast and head to the plant.
The plant is ok, did bid for a job change, hourly management and my dept.head has that department and will be making the decision so I do have a chance. It's look at our records, interviews and so forth before a decision is made, it's not by seniority and I do think I have a fair chance of getting the job.
Life is going ok, get unhappy with my foot and then have to remind myself just how far that foot has come beyond what was expected and how much more I am doing, how much less pain I am having.
Still don't have the settlement done with State Farm and I need to make a call and nudge a bit on that one. Would like it done, those medical bills paid and off my back and know if I have enough left to put on that much needed new roof here.

Quiet house, too quiet..

Friday's storm did something to the phone lines and I have had NO dial tone since then but still have internet. Am waiting for AT&T to deal with the problem which is their problem and NOT in my house..checked the little box outside with a phone I know works...
My new Kindle is out for delivery so I am impatient to get it here and be able to use and enjoy it, and learn how to use it.
It's about 32 outside today with winds that give us a wind chill of 27. Larry wants to start doing work with the camper and in his garage but it's too cold, he has a heater he can take out there but I don't see any reason for him to go get chilled and be miserable. That stuff will wait and maybe I can help him with some of it.
I'm going to toss a dvd in and watch the last of Eureka season 3, knit on the Kindle sock I started yesterday and relax, not much to do here but wash dishes, sweep the floor, fold a basket of clean clothes...and get ready for work...
Ben has not shown up, his stuff is together and waiting for him, Kid is being quiet, the birds are content.
I know I will have a busy shift but doubt if I get the 200 chain put away, it's too heavy for me to lift, wish I had gotten it received Saturday so maybe it would have been put away by Anthony or Dave...oh, well, we will manage.

The lust has died...not buying iPad2

Here I have waited and drooled and waited for iPad2 to be out or at least have that official Apple news conference and now it's come and gone and there's not enough improvement/change for me to want 1 any more.
Which is great for the budget here, and once the state taxes are in my checking account I will be on line at Amazon.com to order that Kindle instead. And to set up a dedicated file, get another flash drive to dedicate to books so I can start working on that e-library I will enjoy.
And it's cool and gray today, had coffee early (for me) with Larry and now have a load of laundry going, bread dough raising and will be making some cinnamon rolls today. And maybe get the camping dishes washed up so they can go over to the camper.
I'm a bit restless today, need to sit and work on the knitting projects, need to get some things ready for tomorrow's trip to Springfield and Darrell's surgery. He's to have all his pre-op stuff done so that I don't end up making this trip and the surgery postponed. I let him know that I would be screaming mad if the surgery was not done and my valuable time taken up.
So, babysit the laundry and the baking and play with my knitting and Kid and quality time with Larry.
As for the iPad, I have a good net book, a good laptop, Jake's laptop, desk computer and will have an e-reader. I wanted a sd card slot and more ram at the same price, LOL, I don't consider 2 cameras to be a huge plus as I would not use them or would rarely use them...great way to save my $$$$ but I still think Apple puts out some great tech tools and toys.

Sad Day

I came home with foot hurting and sad. 1 of our maint.supervisors has passed away suddenly. He took 2 months off to go play in Florida, planning to return in April, work a bit longer and then retire. His last conversation with me had to do with him going where it was warm and sunny and me having to stay and deal with the cold and snow and issue out parts.
Now I want to go curl up in Larry's bed and feel his arms around me and just be sad. But he's sleeping and I will be sad, drag the tea and popcorn to my bed and watch something on dvd for a while and think about Bob Brown, who will be missed in our plant and town.
And I am going to treasure and cherish every minute I have with the people who are close to my heart, be glad they are a part of my life.
And I am going to thank God for the techie box in Larry's chest that helps keep his heart working, for the meds that help keep him alive and healthy and for the the fact that he has become, that we have become a part of each others life.
We talked about his wife today, I know I would have liked her, he still loves her and I hope he always does. They had 23 years together and each day was a treasure for them. He knows she did not want him to spend his remaining time alone and grieving for her, but I know a part of his heart is hers and will stay that way.
I hope she is somewhere that she can look in on how he's doing, I hope she is ok with me becoming his gal pal, his lover.
I hope that Mrs. Brown has great treasures in her heart from the years she and Bob were together, that she has comfort in her time of loss, just no way for me to explain how hard this had hit me, to walk into work and hear the news.
We don't control that time we are walking on this earth, it's not really ours. We can be careful, we can eat right, live a good life and still, it's not always something we have much control or choice about.
Larry did not die with his heart attack, Bob Brown did, I didn't die in that car accident, Mark Young did.
I'm not ready to put into words spoken out loud my feelings for Larry, but the feelings are there, they are in my actions and on my face. And right now I want to curl up in his arms and grieve for the loss of a respected supervisor and for his wife's pain and loss.

Monday again..

The past 2 weeks were loud, busy, occasionally insane but great. Ben is somewhere about but not here at the house, Jake is up in Chicago with his new girlfriend and will fly out from there, and the house is quiet and I am gaining on the cleaning.
Larry and I did supper out and then went by the skating party for his grandson. I didn't skate but both my feet thought they might be able to. Larry loved seeing me so 'grinnney' watching the kids skate.
It rained in the night, enough for me to need to move the bed and hear the roof leak. It won't always be that way, I cope now and Larry does understand how much better off this 'land bound' woman is with her own bit of land and leaking roof, old house than if I was in some rented apartment.
It will take a while to get things here back in order, I need to make more space in the storage area under the house for some more of Jake's stuff and will not gain on that for a few days. My next Friday off I am committed to being the driver for a friend having surgery so the day will start early with Larry and then I will be off to pick up Darrell and to Springfield and his surgery.
So, maybe it's a good thing that Larry starts his days around 4 am all the time.. We will do early breakfast at McD's and then I will be off to Virginia, take Darrell and his car, my netbook, knitting and book to Koke Mill Medical center.
We are talking camping and Larry thinks it's warm enough to start doing the stuff with the camper to get it ready, the drains, put water in the tank and run it through to check for leaks and I will help with some, wipe down the fridge inside and we have to start with stocking the kitchen with dedicated stuff, so we will go through my camping stuff first as I know I have some of what we will want.
We aren't going far, just getting out of town, away from my heavy street traffic, his place, just away from the routine and the tv and friends. We won't do a lot, walk, talk, enjoy quality time, but it will make a nice change of scenery for us. And the pals will imagine we are having a wild time, LOL, his son calls in the late afternoon and hopes he's not interrupting anything, Larry was sitting at the kitchen table and I was dealing with the laundry here. His daughter askes if he's getting enough rest and hopes his heart is doing ok.
Really, people, get a grip, We do Not spend All our time together Tearing each others clothes off.
Not that it's not a fun idea but real life seems to get in the way, as does the dog, my job, food and sleep needs....but we smile and laugh a lot, we like that holding hands stuff and ya, that was his hand on my bum while we stood rinkside and watched the kids skate last night, and neither of us were worried about who noticed (the lighting was dim, we were at the end of the protective wall there).
I'm not going to the Celtic Women concert, we watched the dvds I own, we talked and he would go if I did the driving once we got close to Peoria, and I woke up wanting to replace the bathroom sink here more. I can buy the dvd and cd and enjoy them over and over, the dvd won't let me pull the music for my ipod so it takes both here. And I can start looking at white pedistal style bathroom sinks that would suit me.
It's funny, for several months going to that concert was so high on my list and now I am really wanting the $$ for that bathroom sink replacement. It feels good to know I make those choices for my reasons and someone supports me, listens to my reasons and lets me bounce ideas around.
He watched my recovery from this accident and saw something he wanted to know better. Now he's seeing all the bits and pieces that were not showing there at McD's and other places here about town. I saw a quiet and good mannered man who did not look at me with pity or with disgust over my awkwardness and physical challenges. Who didn't talk to me often or gawk at me like I was some side show from the circus.
Now we are learning so much more, we are both very tactile people, and we talk, we ask and we listen. We both like quiet lives and hold some people very close to our hearts but don't need loads of friends or out with people all the time.
We both try and eat sensible and listen to our medical professionals so we are able to take better care of our bodies and have better quality of life.
We don't want big vacations, huge homes or to go on a cruse and for both of us, this town is Home, we like it here and don't want to move elsewhere. He takes care of what he owns, he manages his finances carefully and practically and he's at peace with the man he's grown into.
So, here I sit, knowing despite the leaking roof, the stuff that is taking up a lot of floor space in my tiny sewing space, the mess in the living room, I really have a very good life that just keeps getting better. And when I'm ready to try that skating, Larry will be there to support me, cheer me on if I can skate, even if it's slow and awkward and hug me close, no matter what.

Weekend and weekend and days off..

I did have a great 'weekend' off and my Saturday and Sunday, days 1&2 of my work week were good too, and then there are 3 more days to the week, Larry's off those days, it's our small joke, he enjoys 'my' weekend, and the calendar weekend and then has 3 days off. It's my way of giving him a different way to see his life with retirement, for medical reasons far sooner than he had planned.
We had fun Thursday, with 6 for supper here, we were busy Friday and even got my plum trees pruned up. We hit McD's for my usual before work breakfast, and I had a busy but good work day and then it was supper at my house and a movie. Sunday was breakfast again at McD's, again,my usual for before work on Sunday and home. Me to rest and get off my foot, Larry to his place, long chat on the phone before I went to soak in the tub.
Boys are still in MO, not something I am happy about, reasons for that stink, and are not Jake or Ben's fault. they should be home Tuesday and Larry will get me to work if need be, I caught a ride home with friend Leta as I will NOT let Larry get up and come get me at that time of the night. I know he doesn't sleep well and he starts his days around 4 am most of the time.
I think we will be taking his camper out as soon as some place is open, set up on Wed. before I go to work and then I can come to my house, do what I need to, get Kid and head to 'camp' and then have until Friday late to break camp. Just be away, out of town and kick back, not far away and nothing exciting planned.
It will be good to have the boys and my truck home, I fret.

Life updates

Jake and Ben are in MO with my truck and might not be back until tomorrow, that guy from McDonald's has been my ride to work and home, he also was part of the help trimming the plum trees this past Friday. And he's Larry, who also likes camping, somewhere close to just get away and be lazy, flea markets and estate auctions, holding hands and cuddling up. We do a lot of laughing and talking, we are comfortable together.
He lives northeast of me, an easy walk most of the time, and has spent months biding his time, getting to know me and for me to get to a place where my life was more together than it was 6 months ago, 8 months ago...
The foot is hurting but I have worn my lower, less support boots for the past 2 shifts and run hard both shifts so I think foot and I have done ok. Foot has to get where we are using the muscles and tendons and ligaments for support instead of depending on high leather boots laced snug.
Nice to have a quiet 'after work', I will take Kid out for bathroom break, call Larry and then go see how long I can soak in the tub, with tea, book, and the phone handy.
And ya, it's nice to be keeping company with a man whose finances are stable, who takes reasonable care of himself and what he owns, who doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs, and who gets along with my dog.

Tranis and references...

Jake is on his way home on leave, catches a train in Chicago Monday morning early and I collect him in Springfield around 10:30 am. It will be so great to have him home for a bit, and for him to see that I am doing so much better than when he was home on leave in March.
And 1 of the breakfast at McDonald's gang offered me references and asked if I was in the phone book and what my last name was...his references check out very well...he did find my number in the phone, he's paid enough attention that he knows my work schedule...and we did late lunch out in Jacksonville yesterday and had a comfortable time--I probably talked too much...I hope to continue to get to know him better.
The weather has warmed up so the snow is melting some, most of my place is still huge mounds of dirty white stuff but I hope it goes off slowly as that will reduce the flooding problems for many people.
Busy Saturday, they usually are and the 2nd shift clerk managed to be ticked off at what I did--cleaning up some of the mess he made out of a shipment of labels. They are now tidy and on a cart, checked over and ready to be received once the paperwork is retrieved from the office, he put it through the door slot so I could not get them received today.
Actually, receiving freight on Saturday is part of my job duties, as it's also his, and putting away freight is part of everyone's job duties... The man likes to find reasons to be in a snit, it's a common attitude problem but it's not contagious so I don't plan to catch it, nor do I plan to let poor work habits of others change me.
I'm a little nervous about this prospective dating...not about the man but about just getting involved with anyone. I am glad he's not looking for something that moves fast, has watched me recover from this accident, has had time to watch and think and does want to get to know me better. He's talked with his daughter about it, she's comfortable with the idea of her widowed father dating..and as her husband is 1 of our maint. supervisors I expect her to have him 'check me out' some. I am ok with that too, if it was my dad, ya I would want to ask a bit and do some checking.
My neighbor north of me thinks well of the man, and if asked, will give his honest opinion of me, I mentioned it to him today..and as Steve L has been my neighbor since I moved here to this house, he's seen a side of me that others might not have seen. He is also now 1 of our maint supervisors so he would be who I would go ask if it was my well liked and respected father in law who was getting back into the dating pool. He's been widowed for about 2.5 years now...
Of course right now my world centers around Jake coming home on leave and my job, everyone who knows me or is around me is aware Jake's coming home..

Bad dog, bad dog...

Kid tore up his bed that lived in his doghouse. The fabric bed was out in the snow, the green stuffing is everywhere--obviously a bored and Bad dog today while I was at work. There will be NO new bed for that kid..at least not for a while...
Work was ok, got done everything I needed to do, some of the inventory counting that is running behind (normal) and had a good day. Foot would not agree but we know foot is whiney and complains a lot.
House is peaceful, just the dog, birds, tv and me. Not much good but am watching Murder she wrote re-runs, thinking I want the house warmer, that there's not much really good to snack on and that it's great to have no other humans in the house when I get home from work.
I did watch a cute, funny movie last night, Smooch, and it was fun, I would have liked it better with no commercials but at least Halmark does movies I can enjoy.
I've been back at work over 4 months now, been picking up the pieces from this accident and what it's done to my life and making some progress. And weekend breakfast is usually at McDonalds, see the same guys there most weekends, they have watched me go from the walker and to the cane and back to work..don't really know them but they are part of that emotional support I have had with this long and hard healing.
There's not any way I can explain how much I hurt after work some shifts, or how hard it gets to just do my job and not sit and bawl.
And I come home to that bad dog,who is beside himself excited to have me home..he knew I was not happy with what he had done, but gee, Mommy's home..look, look Mommy, see how high I can jump, look, look Mommy, I am wagging my tail so fast and hard I'm almost bend double...
It's a good world, got some solid friends, got my feet on solid ground, and I live in my own place, where I'm in charge of my own life. I am able to support myself and my pets, and have a few 'goodies' in life.
And today someone asked if I was in the phone book, not quite the same as asking for my phone number but it gave me a lift.....even if the phone doesn't ring...it's a female thing...

Time to 'clean house'

The storm has come and gone, it's bitter cold outside but the roads are safe to drive..I am going to get Ben's gal-pal safely to her home in Rushville..he can go too if he wants. He can stay there if he wants--but I will have at least 1 less human in this house before noon..
I might end up being called in so will have to get the humans up and moving soon...and they are not morning people..too bad...she needs to get home and I need fewer humans in this small house before my attitude gets Nasty.
I so want to be living alone, Ben out and just people who visit and for short visits. I have plenty of 'social' at work..and I have friends, and the internet. I don't need humans living here with me.
I also do not need phone calls from creditors looking for other people, but it happens. Does let me know that person has unpaid bills that they are not being responsible for. And I am not responsible for so not my problem. I have plenty of my own problems and responsibilities here.
I do have the heat turned down, lower than I am comfortable with but not willing to heat or feed those adults staying here more than I have to...but I do understand she needed to deal with her car, they were at the store Saturday when car developed problems and it could be the timing belt. Car could not be moved and she needed here to get it to shop. And then the storm came in, so can't blame anyone for the tiny house with too many humans problem. It just happened..but I can get her safely home this am, I can get house a bit more tidy, my x-box back in my room, the son can tidy up what mess/disorder he is responsible for and maybe I will like my day off tomorrow..
It's a small paycheck due to the day off sick last week, and the next 1 will be short unless I am called in today, I only worked 4+ hours yesterday, but at least I did work those hours. I could have stayed longer but the computer there was being 'glitchie' so that made receiving a battle and most of maint had called in so not much demand for parts from supply..time to pack it up, lock the door, turn in the keys and get home...
I need to motivate me and then the humans in the living room...it's almost 9 already and I need to Rushville and back before noon..

I'm Jacob's mother...

And he gets it from me..that verbal stuff while playing video games..Ben plays quietly, you hear the game but rarely Ben. Jake is all there, loud, involved, vocal..he's that kid of gamer..and now I own an x-box 360 and How to Train your Dragon..and I'm loud, and I am vocal and I might not be very good at the game but you can tell I am playing my silly video game before you get to the front door...ya, I'm Jacob's mother and he got that from me.
Hopefully in a couple weeks he will be here on leave and it will be Jake telling his character how to do it right...and I will find it far more funny now than I did in the past. Now I do know where he gets that from...

bugs and germs at work

It might have been elsewhere but I am blaming work, I came home Tuesday from work with a sniffle, by 4 am I was getting cold meds out of the cupboard and miserable. Called in Wed. and I have spent the entire time in bed, sleeping for the most part other than bathroom needs and up to consume more juice.
Between my badly congested lungs and aching head this old body was miserable. Today I feel a little more human but lungs are still some congested and head hurts, just not as bad. I might even want some food today...
I have not been sick enough to call in to work for a long time, not counting that accident stuff. But there was no way I could make it to work, I did well to make it out of bed to the toilet or kitchen and back.
Today I have bills that have to be paid, a bank account that needs balanced and hopes to have lunch at Pizza Hut with pal Kim. I need a shower, my bed needs clean sheets and I have work tomorrow and will be rested and ready..so I hope.
At least I feel more human today than I have for more than 48 hours...and I will sanitize all phones, keyboards, mice and such here at home and at work and hope we all don't share this nasty bug I picked up.

Ready to either hibernate or run away

It's about 21 above, it's snowing again, and I want to either hibernate until spring or run away to somewhere really warm and green. I have hid in the house most of my week of vacation and can't say I have gotten much done, watched some dvds, read some, knit some, worked on learning to play my silly video game, cooked a bit, did some laundry and wanted it to be warmer.
I will be glad to be back at work tomorrow and hope the roads aren't bad by then. Ben has been here over a week and I am really ready to have the house back to just the critters and me again. I admit to being very content all alone. And I am not actually alone, 3 parrots and a rather large dog do not make very alone.
The time off has been good for my foot, but knitting has been hard on my hands, which is why I have not done as much as I had hoped to be doing. I will not worry about how long it takes me to get things knit, it's not how I make my living but what I do for my own pleasure and enjoyment.
I need to bake cookies and pack up a box to ship to Jake and the rest of his pals, it's been too long since I sent the kids a box.
I am glad I have this old house and that the wiring and furnace are both really recent and that I have gotten part of the windows replaced. I hope to end up with enough from the final insurance settlement to put a new roof on the house, with a dormer and also do the needed knee walls and cross ties the attic will need, for support for the roof job and for the conversion from un-used attic to my studio.
Was asked about what happened between me and Mike and did honestly explain about Mike lying about financial matters, including that huge $275,000 mortgage in foreclosure his name was on. The friend was glad I found out about things before I ended up in financial ruin and agrees I did the right thing to back away before I ended up with huge problems in my life that I did not need or deserve. Not easy to step back and away, but know I have to act responsibly and have to insure that I am able to stay self supporting and keep a roof over my head.

That IPAD addiction of mine

I want an e-reader now, and I want it to be an IPAD but know gen2 is coming out within 3 months and will be huge improvement on the gen 1 IPAD so it's worth waiting for. So, I have to read e-books on my laptop and put $$ into saving to wait for Apple to release the gen 2 toy I want.
It's a good life, I shoveled snow today, not just my snow but Chuck and Alberta's snow too, and that is something I didn't think I would ever be able to do so I have come a long way in the past few months. I know it won't be easy but I will be able to do some things that matter to me. It might seem stupid to others but ya, shoveling the snow for my neighbors does matter to me, it's something I have enjoyed and thought I had lost because of this accident.
Finances will be tight, and I will be struggling for a long time here with paying down debts and with getting this house fixed. But I will be able to do more than I had expected to be able to do. I don't know if I will get back some of what I have lost but the little things do matter to me. I am going to be able to shovel snow and maybe come summer I might be riding that bike of mine.
So, for now I will read my e-books on laptops and be glad I have them, and I will be glad I have a good and good health insurance and I will be glad I have no relationships that are financially draining and that the dog loves my company even when I have scolded him or smacked him for some thing he should not have done.
I will let my little sister chase the love of her life, or whatever, think I can live with my quiet friendship and rare times together out of the plant with a man who has his act together, who is very financially stable, keeps a good job and doesn't lie to me or try to use me.

Vacation---do I HAVE to be off 7 whole days???

So, it's going to be lousy weather, it's cold, I don't have money to play with, and Jake's leave got moved to next month. By the time he let me know it was (of course) too late for me to have my vacation moved.
But Kid got me up early and I made coffee and scones. This time I used 1 cup of bread (high gluten) flour and 1 cup of whole wheat pastry flour, organic and $$$. It was the only pastry flour I could find at County Market last trip to Springfield and GFS, where I buy my bread flour does NOT carry pastry flour--but could order it for me.
We do like the texture of the scones with the flour mix, but at $6+ for 5 lbs and the cost of gas for trips to Springfield..I sure will ration that pastry flour.
I will clean out my sewing space and do some sewing, and I will work on some paperwork that needs put into better order, shred some through the paper shredder and try to not go screaming insane.
Today there is a meeting with our corp. management at the High School and I did a cheat sheet for some thing..so will eventually shower and go play, gets me a $25 Wal-Mart card just for going and I will learn some about projections for this coming year, and so forth.
I did look on line, with Ben's help for Wii games, and have debated getting a Wii but when informed by my very educated (about game systems, anyway) that Wii will NOT play DVD's I totally lost interest.
We know, honestly, I just am NOT into game playing, I like watching Ben play some games but I don't play them, won't really start playing them and so will instead wait for the next generation IPAD to come out, which will happen in April.
I would use an e-reader, but I want 1 that does more---and then would get give the net book to someone...got a short list for that too. I would use an e-reader, do have some e-books downloaded and read them on the laptop but want more portability..and want the bigger screen, the new Kindle with big screen is great for b/w reading but does NO color, there goes colored graphs for knitting and what good is wi-fi if the only thing I can really do with it is download books??? I can do that at home.
I want a card slot, both for the camara card and for holding books I want to keep. I can create a safe place and label little cards...so that's on the waiting list...
And my Fossil watch that Ben gave me does not keep time accurately, so guess it needs a new battery and that means a trip to someplace that can do that...research on line at fossil website...
Oh, well, guess I better get more coffee and save Ben from those scones....

Anniversary date

A year ago I got to meet Tamara, my son Ben's new girl friend, and Ben and I went to Rushville to pick her up and then on to Springfield to play on my day off. We didn't make it home that night, because a man named Mark Young had a fight with his wife about his adultery. And then he headed to his 3rd shift job. I am sure he often made that drive from his home in Petersburg IL to Springfield IL where he worked and I have no doubt he knew the road and the normal traffic conditions on those drives.
But he had been involved in what probably was a bitter fight with a wife of many years and his mind was not on his driving, he chose to pass when the conditions were bad, he chose to not try to minimize the impact of the car in the on-coming lane, or he just didn't notice, or care or --well, he's been dead a year now, we won't get a lot more answers than we have now.
And I am finally released from my surgeon who, with his great staff, put a lot of time and work into helping me have as much recovery as I have had in the past year. So, now State Farm can start getting things done for that accident settlement and all those medical bills paid and off my back.
And I won't be out on the roads tonight, or go to Springfield, I was there yesterday and yesterday I also spent some time with the pal Carl, who while I was sitting on the floor with shoes and socks off, so he could see the difference in my feet now, was told there is a very noticeable difference in the length of my legs from that position, ya, I know, at least 1/2 inch. He thinks more. I think I walk funny/different and will live with what can't be changed.
He is 1 of the few people who really 'get' what I am saying when I say this has changed me profoundly, he had that huge life changing event at 26 when he suddenly became a widowed father of a small boy due to a bacterial infection that couldn't be detected in his young wife until it was too late to save her life.
So, ya, those changes that we can't put into words or explain, he's been there and does understand and does know, as I do, that I will be a while figuring out how and what all 'inside' has changed.
There are some pains/hurts that never go away, you just learn to live with them. That's something he said yesterday..his son is grown with children of his own, but that girl and all she meant, the gaping hole her passing left, after over 34+ years, it is still a loss that hurts.
And it's ok if I have some emotional pain and hurt that doesn't go away, that I find ways to live with and go on, it's what we do.
But today, I am alive, I am back to work and off work today, my normal schedule, and there's a paycheck in the bank , some errands here in town to run, some bills to get paid, it's still cold out but the most of the streets are bare now, the roads are good, we still have snow covering the ground but it is winter.
And tomorrow we work, which means I will see Carl at work, trips to the coffee maker in the boiler room, the razing of the crew about our personal relationship, which is our business and not theirs...and my talk will be about the doctor appointment and the dog, and that Jake's leave won't be until mid-Feb. Silly nosy guys in red bump caps, they don't need to know what is or isn't going on in my personal life, or Carl's but they will still bug us...

Getting ready for Tax time..

It looks like my best tax return is by filing an itemized/long form so that means waiting for the bank to send me the statement on my mortgage interest. But I did file a small hill of paperwork that needed filed and started getting my tax stuff ready and will enter what I can into my tax program.
And part of that filing was bank statements for the past year, ya, I am way behind--so that meant coming across the bank statement from Feb. and March and seeing again how much I spent when out west. Ouch, I sure went through a huge amount of my disability income in a few short days...it's done, it's over. And I learned something I needed to know...and am moving on.
It's snowing and Kid and I went out to clean the snow from the porch and sidewalk, we will do my truck later, it's still snowing, very fine stuff that takes a long time to amount to much but it's been snowing since before I got off work last night.
Kid got worries about noises he was hearing outside early this morning and had to go check, someone with a pickup and blade was clearing the parking lot at the news paper office. Idiot dog bolted across the street, checked out what was going on, sniff, sniff, and then bolted back--he doesn't even look for cars..he just does not understand that he could very easily be squished Dog under car tires fast...I so need a fenced yard, and might get in touch with the guy at work that has the electric fence ad up on the board and see if it's still available...
Have my vacation coming, and didn't find out when Jake's leave is scheduled in time to get my vacation changed so will be off and do a few things here and clean house, read, knit and so forth. I hope to see the power cord for Jake's laptop come soon. It seems to be somewhere between the seller and here but I can't see it moving since getting to an inspection/mailing place in China...
am hoping it just has not been updated and that it's really not spending a week or 2 in a inspection/sorting location. Seller gave me a 10-14 day ship time...but it will get here when it gets here.
Well, got to go play with the tax program...fun, fun...hey I actually like most of that accounting stuff....

Cold winter, hard work shifts

It's winter in central IL and cold, even the sunshine is cold, but it could be worse. It was a busy day with a lot of walking from the back dock to the gate and back. Escorting a 'mud buggy' hauling concrete from a truck packed at the end of our ramp to the halls. I have no idea where the concrete was going but it sure was not our normal weekend 'patch work' going on. And maint had me running when I wasn't escorting the contractor and his mud buggy.
Heat is turned up to 72, I turn it down to 69 at night or when I'm gone, still feels cool and I have yet to give up my work sweater. Kid is being an attention demanding brat this afternoon. He spent most of the night getting sick and tossing his cookies so neither of us slept well. Now he is bored and wants me to sit on the futon so he can try to crawl onto my lap.
My doll sweater knitting is going very slow, I haven't worked on it for several days but do have the ribbing done on my purple sweater and have started the body pattern. Jake has 2 socks going now, starting the heel increases on 1 and the other has a good start. My socks are just past the toes but will be a long time in getting done, they aren't high on my priority list right now.
I hope Cargill has our W-2 available early on line, I had my taxes filed by 1/14/2010 last year. That turned out to be a very good thing as I needed that tax refund to live on after the accident until State Farm agreed to pay my lost wages while I was off work.
This year my income is less than 1/2 of what I earned last year, but I was off work 8 months and 17 days. It's been a very long, hard year for me. I know the next few years will be financially tight but I hope to see debts paid down and some paid off, the house get the needed work done as I can afford it and to make some progress with some of my landscaping projects here.
I think of some of the dreams that died this past year, and of the days and weeks hurting and not knowing if I would be able to return to work.
I'm a harder, tougher, stronger person now, I am not as patient or as kind, or giving as I was. But I don't feel some of that is negative changes, I have a lot of personal responsibility on my shoulders, there is no one helping me with my financial responsibilities or repairing my house.
So, being harder and tougher will keep me earning the living and and getting done what needs done here. And it will keep me from letting anyone take advantage of me, use me, scam me and that is important.

And on the first day of the new year

I got up early for a woman who didn't go to sleep until after 2 am, and got the dishes done, corn bread made, stirred the soup in the slow cooker, it went in after I got in from work.
Otto, my good neighbor and friend came to have lunch with me and talk, we don't see each other often now that it's cold and I am working. I won't go over there if I am not feeling well, he's older and living alone, doesn't need to get sick So, it was good that I am over my cold and weather today is cold but sunny. Kid was glad to see Otto, he goes there to visit often, and chase the cats.
I'm making good progress on the doll sweater I have going, very fine lace weight alpaca yarn on 1.5 mm needles means it takes 16-18 rows to make an inch. I am so glad it does not take many inches to have the body of the sweater long enough to divide for fronts and back and made the under arm.
I love the colors of the yarn and it's by the same company that makes the yarn I used for my blue gansey so maybe they do this or similar dye in their sock yarn. I could see me wearing a work sweater from these colors.
Otto is 1 of the people I can talk openly with about the pain I have and about the emotional pain and mess this accident has made of my life, and might always make of my life. The guy that brings me coffee in Viagra cups also understands some of how this has changed me and my life.
But today is a good day, foot might not be cheering happy but I am walking without the cane, didn't even need it at the start of my day.
The book I am waiting for didn't come, the power cord for Jake's laptop is in shipping, so that means I can make goodies to pack in a Jake box and take into work tomorrow, I start at 5 am so will be starting the coffee there. If the book came I would be nose buried in the book, if the power cord was here I would be dealing with Jake's computer and hoping that it will operate and be usable.
No book, but have dvds yet to watch, knitting to play with, sweater started for me in purple, socks in blue for me, socks in left over blue gansey yarn for Jake and this green/teal/gold/brown I am knitting the doll sweater out of.
Kid has a huge bone to enjoy, he earned it by being my devoted companion, my source of laughter, my warmth when I'm cold, puts up with me on my worst days...it's a dog's job but he does it well.