I heard it alot, from the time I was very small. My maternal grandparents raised me, along with a sister older and the brother younger. Money was tight, rules were rigid, and I knew that Grandpa ranked up there just under God when it came to authority in my life.
"Whoever pays the bills writes the rules." I knew growing up that meant Grandpa was the boss and Grandma was boss after him. And in my life as an adult I also lived by that rule, if the man, regardless of marriage or not, was supporting me, he was the boss. When I have been the one paying the bills, I have been my own boss.
What I buy with my own money is mine, I do not have to share it, it does not become 'ours' just because I have a relationship with a man. I also do not consider what he owns to be mine, and my debts are mine alone, and his debts are just his and will not become mine.
That also will go with my settlement from this accident. I appreciate input but it needs to be just that, input, and not framed with any 'we' or 'us' words. Because it is clearly not 'we' who was in this accident, unless the 'we' happens to be my son Ben or/and his gal pal Tamara.
If I re-roof this house, finish renovations here, that is my project and my decisions and my financial obligation. This house will never become a joint venture with a man, I have had it for 5 years now and have 5 years of money and sweat equity here.
If I buy land and built, again, unless someone has a partnership agreement with me and is putting the same funds into the project, cash, not loans, it stays JUST my property and my decisions and I might share ideas but it will not become 'our' project if I am the person paying the bills.
Maybe that sounds selfish, maybe that sounds hard and mean but I have footed the bills and been on the loosing end with relationships before. I know I have some debt load now and a house with a roof that leaks. But I also have some credit, a paid for truck that runs, insurance that is paid for months to come. I also will be seeing a rather good sized insurance settlement with this accident and do not need some man 'helping' me invest or spend it--to his advantage.
My finances are slowly improving, I admit my checkbook math was off this week, I admit I forgot to put down the utility bill and ended up pulling from savings, but I did have funds in savings to pull.
7 months tomorrow from the accident, I am still not back to work but I am getting some parts of my life in order. I do have some goals once again, I am now emotionally far more stable than I was several months ago, it took some time for me to accept that it wasn't a nightmare. Then it took some time to realize just how much damage had been done to my right foot, and what that damage would do to me, for the rest of my life. And I am still healing some.
Life is hard, and to survive it, I have to make hard choices.
May Day, Bealtaine, The Start of Summer!
1 year ago
2 comments:
For any of you that do not know me I am Mike, and seem to be well know by many of you by now. I wish to state my feeling about POSTS concerning myself.
I have only offerd Maggie my love, and have never intended to hurt her in any way. I do not want part of her house, or her settlement, and have made sure that this would not happen, by telling her to set it up for her and her children. Any offers of help I have made were with no desire to take away anything she has or will get in the future. I am like most people, I have small problems, many of us do financially these days. I own a semi truck and trailer, own my own business, and am getting things straitend out after a bad marriage.
As to my honor, I wish others to know that I am an honorable man. My wife left me for another man, and yet I gave her everyting, including the house which I had put a large sum of money into from a business which I had sold a few years earlier.
I have offered to help fix the roof on Maggies house when I can affort to, but she feels it is my way of taking control, or ownership of part of her posessions. I asked nothing in return, I have repaid her anything she helped me with financially, and do not wish to control anyone. Love is a giving thing, and any investment in her home, or ideas I have, are for her benefit, and would never be sought in return other thank her love. I wlll defend myself from all negative posts, I will read her BLOGS from now on, and will not be humiliated publicly. I still offer her my Love, and help if she will except it, and hope future posts from her or me are of positive words.
No, I am not going to lower myself to post much of a reply.
I asked that you get your financial house in good order. I also know re-roofing my old house would be $10,000 or more..
As to putting in support, when I suggested going dow and buying the materials Mike said no, the job could be done later. Mike is not physically able to do much of that sort of climbing, being in the heat and his weight would have been a problem with that balance on ceiling joices while trying to put in the support 2x6's and floor to ceiling jacks. I sure did not need him having a stroke or heart attack in my attic, nor did I want to chance him falling through that ceiling and being hurt.
Mike, you have difficulty pushing my small mower on my rough ground.
I live in IL and am aware of laws that could allow someone else to put a legal attachment on a property. So, I do very carefully keep my poperty and assets free of such.
Mike's last wife Annette put her home up for collateral for that salvage business they owned. She also took out the personal loan for the semi and trailer he owns. Not my business but I do have concerns about his financial stability and have a right to protect my ability to provide for myself long term.
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