Getting ready for the New Year

I did get the papers sorted and the tax software downloaded, have used TaxACT for many years and it works well for me.  Started the annual letter and so that made a good end to a day that started with 8+ hours at work.
Jake took his gal over to MO to meet his dad and to visit, Shadow stayed home with Mom and has been working on bad dog/good dog stuff.  He earned some time out on the chain run and it seems to have helped cool down that bad dog attitude.
I replaced the batteries in my electronic thermometer and the outside part.  I don't know how many years I have had it, but I think it was bought late the same fall my house got a new roof and I started turning that empty space below the roof into my studio and retreat.
We have cold weather once again but did get several days that warmed up into the high 40's or above.  I used the nice weather after work yesterday to clean up all the dog poop, owning a dog, and a big dog means there is a lot of poop that needs cleaned up on a regular basis.  Glad to have most of that cleaned up but it is like dishes, no matter how often you wash dishes or laundry, you always have more growing somewhere.
Work seems to have either lost more people this past week or people had single vacation days.  I know at least 1 person in my work area is out on indefinite suspension and probably will not be back. Using a knife to clean/ remove meat, work debris from clothing is not acceptable in plant.
I know I have work habits and home ones, and the 2 do not mix.  I might use a knife here at home in ways that would get me walked out in plant, but I do try to comply with all company rules.  It just works nicely for me, keeps me employed and makes my life easier.  I also have work clothes that I use spray stuff on before they go in the washer.  Works better than a knife with less problems.  I am also quite willing to use my very washable fingers to pick stuff off my clothes if needed.
So, the past year had some down spots, more up spots and some progress with the old house improvements and with the debt load.
This coming year I want to get more drywall up in the attic, and some wiring work done, and I am going to slowly change out light bulbs to LED bulbs.  They are more expensive than fluorescent ones but last a lot longer, use a lot less power for the same amount of light.  The lights that are on the most will be the first, and I know that over time it will be well worth the cost of the bulbs.
Well, the bread dough is risen enough to be worked again.  I cleaned the sourdough jar today and put some started base back in, need to buy something in a jar big enough to make a 2nd sourdough jar so I can move my starter into a clean container more often.  I started this base just before Jake got out of the Marines so it has been going and living since 8/12, that is the longest I have ever been able to keep a starter alive and healthy.

That Christmas stuff

I am behind and did not get my annual letter done yet but will before the end of the year. will also clean off the downstairs computer desk and file papers so I can use that space better.
But as for this Christmas stuff, I am still not playing.  It is still a holiday that was adopted by the Catholic Church to help convert and keep converted those pagans I am probably genetically related to.  And it was turned into a big commercial thing to help stores make money and help guilt trip people into spending a lot more money. 
Yes, a lot of good things get done at this time of the year. People who will not otherwise part with change, will drop it in red buckets, or will write a check for a charity.  They will donate to food banks and other things and remember to be more polite and nice to their neighbors.
I just don't play any more than I have to.  I appreciate the 2 paid days off I now have, now that I am back in production, and I like food, but for the most part, I just want left out of all the merriment and so forth.
I finally got the sewing studio mucked out again, no more drywall leaning against the book wall, no drywall jack in the way so can enjoy sewing in there and I even have the rocking chairs cleared off so I can sit or a guest can sit there.  The south end, my retreat has most of the ceiling drywall up but I need to do part/most of the slope on both sides plus that area in the storage/doll areas and the entire south end.
The north end has more area done or rather the drywall up but it is a long way from finished and might never get done.  I will keep working on it as I have funds, energy and a bit of help.
Wish 1 and all a very good winter season, and so forth. And often thank God for the choices made, by myself and by others that has my life where it is and living how I live.
Jake has a 3.6 grade average this term and is enjoying the holiday break from class.  He spends time with the gal pal, and is putting more hours in at the livestock sale barn where he works.
That dog is almost 7 months now, and we know he spells Attitude in all capital letters some days.  And he is vocal about his displeasure, very funny but I would not have tolerated it in my human children.  So, yes, he is spoilt rotten here and knows we cave in.  But I am working on some issues with him and know he needs more structure (discipline) a firm view of Mom as pack leader to be respected and neutered.  Jake has that scheduled for this coming Monday, as he forgot, slept, had company, any of the above for missing the appointment I had made this past Monday.
Occasionally cross paths with someone I used to date, back when the house needed the waterline trench dug and the new line put in.  And religion was the issue there, but he is a good man and a nice guy and now married, retired from the plant so I cross paths with him at local stores.  He says hi, smiles and his wife looks like a not happy, not joyful woman.  But, hey, not my place to judge, and not my life.  And I am so very glad she is his wife and I am not.
Mike F. has posted a comment on my Facebook and an occasional google search has never pulled up an obit on him so I know he is still alive.  Still has not told me he deliberately lied and attempted to deceive me about his debt obligations but since I did find that foreclosure notice on line, and he sure was not honest about that, and the cell phone bill kept being unpaid or under paid and I kept paying on a cell bill that was not my usage.  Ya, I made a wise choice to call a halt to that.  Sorry we could not have found a way to be friends but I will toss that one his way.  I was not the one lying/using the other party.  Acknowledging,admitting, saying, 'ya, I screwed up, finances are a mess and I did not want to admit it' would have gone a long way.  I screw up and I sure hate to admit it, to myself and to others, especially to those that matter. 
But I also learned a very long time ago, that the only way I could fix things, make better choices, clean up my mess, was to start with admitting there was a mess, and that I had some or all the responsibility for that mess happening.  And I am still doing that.
Hey, it is my fault the water heater has some issues, hey, I am the person who should have been draining/flushing it every year since I put it in and ya, I am the person who will be dealing with it, and it is top on the list once the temps are staying getting a bit warmer and I have a day off work.  I will do what it takes to clean up the mess, I will buy the thing a new lower element and I will work at being more responsible about flushing the stupid tank yearly. 
I am honest about liking living by myself best, this old house and my own life.  I don't get bored often or lonely, just so much here for me to do when I do have time off work and energy to do it and I like my own company.  I am so glad I got rid of tv service, I don't miss that either.  I do have Netflicks and don't use that very often but don't mind the $8/month bill for the service. 
I like the man I date, better as we have been dating almost 3 years, but I like a lot more alone time in my own space than makes for a good relationship for him.  We manage to accept each other as we really are and enjoy the time together, but I spent all of yesterday holed up in my house, and glad when Jake and his gal-pal left so I could have the place to just me and the critters, Shadow the dog and my loud and vocal parrots.
So, anyway, I start the new year with my employer taking out 7% for 401K and I am not sure how much they match, but have decided I can afford that, already have an account they set up for me so will keep adding, right now it would pay off the house, next year it should be enough to pay off house and most of the credit debt if I keep working on both house payments and debt load the way I have. 2 years from now it would pay any remaining debt and do a bit more work on the house or vehicle. 
Looking down the years at the possibility of being disabled and not able to work until retirement, or having to retire at 62.  And it is not that far away, so ya, I need to think to my future and plan to have some stability and not be starving out or loose my home. And the coffee is made, I have scones I made yesterday to eat for breakfast and some sewing plans for this morning.  I go with Larry to a meal at his daughter's house today.  Would rather stay holed up in my attic space, play with my dolls, take my dog out for potty walks....

Less than 26 more house payments

I pay extra every month so that pinches a bit off the last payment but it is nice to be getting closer to paid off home.

We are getting to enjoy a ice storm, I took Shadow out and coming back in the dog slipped coming up the steps onto the porch, he didn't think it was funny.

I hope to get Jake to help with some drywall work today as I have 2 sheets still that need used and out of the way, then I can tidy up and enjoy my attic studio and retreat for the winter and plan more drywall work later on.  It will be a long and slow job before the entire attic has all the drywall installed and then I still have to tape, mud, sand, prime, paint, but the materials are paid for and not another debt I have to pay off.

The credit debt is still way more than I like but I am working hard on more self control, putting more into my 401k and paying as much as I can on credit debt every month so it goes down, just not as fast as I would like.

Jake's grades this term were good, he is enjoying some well earned time off school but putting more hours in at the livestock sale barn. He has his gal pal here and we get along well, and she and the house wild dog usually get along.

I am much happier now that I am back in production and I do really like bing on day shift, bid on the job I am doing, came to the floor as a temporary but a permanent opening came up so I bid on the job. I know it is hard work and I know my hands hurt a lot, I sleep in splints every night now, once again and expect to all winter and maybe even longer.  But, I am happy and I am earning enough to keep the bills paid, food in the house and a bit extra now and then for things I want.

Right now I am waiting for 100 3/8" woven labels for Bernadette's Closet that I ordered, better size for the doll clothing I am making and a bit more class than the printed labels I have.  I did take advantage of a good sale but it still was 1 of those extras, along with some doll shoes, 3 pair are part of the wardrobe for the doll I will outfit and donate to UFDC this convention as part of their fund raising helpers.  A fellow club member will take it with her to the convention and our club get the credit and pat on the back for donating.  Now, I have to plan outfits and have boots, sneakers and dress shoes to plan clothing to go with but I will probably buy some of the things, undies, tights, socks.

I am hoping life is good for people I am no longer in touch with, when I see a semi tractor, especially blue ones, I think of Mike, and remind God that man needs watched and cared for, along with all his family, hope his life is good, happy and stable.

I know my life here works well for me, I make that happen, by my choices and my hard work. And the fact that God does take very good care of me.  I have some great friends, Jake, and a good job, a town I really like, an old house I am turning into the home that works best for me.

I am designing again and enjoying sewing, am making some progress in turning the attic space into a real working studio for my creativity with a retreat that is my nest.  In time I will have the downstairs bedroom back, once Jake is elsewhere and I have replaced that badly water damaged ceiling.

But, the attic south end will stay my retreat, my private space to tuck into and relax, with hand sewing and knitting and books.

Hump day and getting stuff done

Well, it is now 12/18 and I finally made a vet appointment for Shadow to have his rabies shot and to be neutered, Jake will take him early Monday morning and then pick him back up that afternoon.

And I finally got around to setting up my on line stuff for my 401K, and tweaking how much I want put in weekly and the annual % to increase.  The change from hourly management to production stopped my weekly additions but I think by the start of the new year I will see money going in once again and I increased how much I am having taken from my paycheck.

Larry and I went to supper at Pizza Hut, my treat, tonight, nice to not fix a meal and to spend a bit of time with him.  We plan a very lazy Christmas, I have 2 days off and asked for a pot of soup and lazy time.

There are 2 jobs up for bids this week I plan to bid on, even though I am not yet back in the union.  I might be by Monday or by the time my name makes it to the top of either job bid list.

Making slow progress on gaining the job skills, and even slower progress on reducing hand problems but sleep in my splints every night.  I know it helps, as does my gaining job skill and strength.

It will be a long, painful and slow winter at work for my old body but I am happier back on the kill floor than I have been for a very long time at work.

I hope to get help from Jake and see drywall work done again this weekend.  I only have 2 more sheets of the stuff in the house, need a lot more but would like these up and then put my attic studio into better order and worry about more drywall work in the spring.  It goes slow and I spend too much money on other stuff so house funds are not top of my list often enough.

The bills stay paid, the house stays warm, we have food and I think both Jake and I are content most of the time.  

His grades were good this term, and he is enjoying his classes most of the time, still working all he can at the local livestock sale, and spoils that dog we share.  I like the gal he is dating and she seems comfortable here and with me.  

I think 4 out of the 9 of us from the frock room too the lay off, or will be 4 by the time our lead is released from her work injury.  I knew it was the wrong choice for me, could not get a better job and will not choose to go back to poverty if I can stay working and keep all my benefits but I do understand why a couple chose the lay-off, but not the 1 much younger than me with no job skills to market, kids at home still in school and a retired husband whose income is not very much.  

They came here from poverty with job recruitment, clothes stuffed in plastic trash bags and in the 8 + years or so, they have lived well, their youngest 2 have thrived and done great in school in this area, often on the honor rolls.  But she is lazy and did not want to go back to being labor, funny, she was glorified labor in the frock room.

I will and really am, happy to be working, like starting my Wednesday with looking in the company computer what my paycheck will be on Friday and planning out what I will do with it, bills first, food and then what else I can do or have.

Live a good life here with a lot of perks, nice stuff, play money and know pain is part of being labor in a meat plant, and so is paid vacation says, paid medical coverage, money in savings, paid for scooters and motorcycles, and tablets along with all the other goodies in my life.

Winter and Saturday chore list

The list starts with dealing with the water heater, I need to get it flushed out, know the bottom is thick in crud, know in have neglected it and know the lower element might need replaced before winter is done and that means draining the blasted tank first and that means getting it to flush out, drain out.

And I would like to see if I can get some of the drywall up as it will do me more good installed than it does being in my way.

I tried to pay some of the bills on line this morning and Chase and I had interesting computer glitches, so I have pending payments of duplicate payments on some of the bills and my checking account almost drained.  I did make a call and learned that I am not the only person with early morning banking problems and it should be resolved tomorrow.

Work is going ok, hurt but that is normal and I am now rotating on the job, it is a 3 spot/person rotation and it will take me soe more time to be reasonably good at all the jobs but I am making progress each day and I like being back in production.  I have far less stress and enjoy the work more along with making as much or more money.

Will try to keep on track with knocking the credit debt down as much as I can this winter, need to play with, sew for the dolls I have, piece a quilt top or two, knit, mess with my loom and not waste money on things I do not need.  

And early this morning I ordered some doll shoes on line, and now have no idea what shoes I did get ordered.  Guess I will find out when they get here.

Working through the emotional stuff

I called a friend in Craig, had her Facebook me info for area food bank, decided that doing flowers was a waste of money, sons need to do something, and a donation to the area food bank in Memory of their grandmother was workable for my head, and since it is actually my money and my check that got mailed off, it needs to work for my head too.

Have not seen the boys grandmother for many years, my guess would be 15 years or more.  She came to MO once that I know of, after Sam and I were divorced, remember it was when I was putting new decking on the front porch, with the help of boys, so that would make it over 14 years this past summer.  Ben was 12 that summer.

My sons never really knew her, we moved from Colorado when Ben was 7, boys did not spend any time around Sam's family, if and when we could prevent or avoid it.  Our marriage was not in their plans and neither was Sam having any children of his own to inherit what he had worked to build up.

Sounds so stupid, almost like poorly written fiction, family feuds and all the bitterness that was also a part of dealing with my husband's family.

Know the past year or more has been hard as Kathrine's mind has slowly failed, hard on her children living close to watch and deal with.  Hard for Sam as there was a lot of hurt and pain between them that has never been resolved.

I wonder what will happen now, she was the glue that held them together, and that helped keep their children, her grandchildren a family, with the exemption of my sons, the ones who not only lived away, but who were also rejected for being my sons.

I feel for their loss and hurt, but I am so glad we moved away, far enough away that my boys grew up free from the family issues and problems that ran rampant.

Now I do the correct, polite thing, in their names, and know my life here in central IL, despite the old house needing a lot of work, the huge debt load, the physical pain I have a lot more of with going back to production, I am so far better off a long way away from that family.

And I will not guilt trip myself over that being happy about how far away we are.

Death in the family

My sons grandmother passed away late last month, funeral to be held the end of this week.  That woman has actively hated me since she first met me, we will do appropriate thing, flowers and I will get the call for that made after work today.  Glad we are too far away for either/both of the boys to be expected to show up.

Does not chage my life any, may she rest in peace, my life has been free of her hate for many years and my sons were raised free of her hate and messed up head problems.  But I know their dad will grieve, despite the problems between them, he loved his mother and forgave her for many huge things.

Doll sewing is making progress

I am working on small, 10" Tonner child doll dresses, Ann Estelle and such as I have a doll club Christmas party and gift exchange coming very soon and the dog does not sew.  Nor do the parrots or Jake so that leaves me.

So, after work, after walking Shadow, feeding Shadow, getting work boots and leg brace off, having a cup of tea and checking my e-mail and Facebook, I am off to the attic studio and my sewing projects.

Since I also have dolls of this size I cut out in sets of 2, 1 for the gift box and 1 for my dolls, unless I trade or sell it.

Monday was a write off due to pain but I am making better progress every night since then, and getting dishes done more often, laundry caught up, doing some real cooking.  I might get to really like this working day shift stuff, I might actually join the human world once again.

I know it is a lot less stress right now than the past couple months in the frock room and I am not missing the stress.  Money will be tight for several weeks but not impossible and I know I am happier and feel better on the harvest/kill floor where it is warm than I do working 8 or more hours per shift in the cold on the cut floor.

We are having rains, today walking out from the plant to my truck I thought about Ireland, if I had been walking there I would have said we were having soft weather.  Not a hard rain and no wind, not too cold with just my lightweight fleece jacket on.  

And I though how blessed I really am, a job I can like going to every day, a home I like coming home to every day, people that matter and that I am important to in my life.  3 loud birds that care about me in their way and this new pup, coming on 6 months old and often wild, into things, creating a mess but he loves me too, and he depends on me.  Jake named him Shadow and it is a good name, he likes to be our shadow, and like a shadow, he is underfoot some of the time.

Jake is at class, he has evening class on Thursday nights so it is just me, Shadow and the birds, no music going and no loud tv either.  Not many of my evenings home are this quiet so I am going to enjoy and appreciate this one.  And go play dolly dressmaker for a little while before tucking myself into bed once again.

The new job and all the fun at work

Well, I got pulled a week early to make my job change, this left the new crew with no one trained or even aware of what needs done during that hour between shift changes.  I did do cheater notes and hope they all had fun last week.  I admit to being thrilled to escape early.

Now I am learning to shave hogs, finally got all the job sheets signed, am dealing with the most ditzy trainer working in the plant, and the 1who skims through stuff the employee signing on that job is to read each and every line before signing any forms.  But I spent several years on the harvest/kill floor, 2nd shift so know I will manage without the trainer.

The prescription safety glasses are ordered, the new lenses are in my good glasses and I want to keep them in good condition.  And I will be getting lace up waterproof boots, they are ordered but I am not sure if I will end up having to pay for them or the plant will.  Part of this is issues of wether I need to do a written request asking for the company to accommodate my disability, that brace I wear every work shift and that now needs something waterproof to cover it and that has safety tred, is plant approved to wear where I am working.

But I keep thinking I will manage to get through the issues with the job change and the tighter finances I will see for the next couple weeks.

And I am making slow progress on the sewing for our doll club Christmas party.  I do have some doll outfits done and a small mountain of things cut out.  I sewed the seam on 8 small white collars, 2 per dress, and ran gathering stitches in the skirts for pinefores and dresses, used the fray check on things that are now drying.

Shadow is working on being a brat tonight, I did get his squeaky toys and brought them into the kitchen so he could torment me instead of Jake but I might have to go fetch them several times.  Jake is trying to study, and our 6 month old wild dog child is absolutely no help at all.

I did get the roses and day lilies planted and so far I have not seen any dug up by my own dog, maybe they will manage to get settled in and start growing those roots so I can enjoy them when spring comes.

And I got the batteries out of both the scooter and the Rebel this past Sunday, I still need a cover for the scooter but once my lost vacation days from the job change are paid out, next Friday, according to HR, I can afford to order a scooter cover on line.  I can get a better 1 for less money by shopping on line instead of getting 1 from the local Honda shop.

The current sock knitting is for me, pink Trekking that was bought with a bit of that insurance settlement money from that damn life changing car accident.

I came home from work last night hurting more than I have in more than a year, sure is discouraging, I expected my hands to be making me miserable but find it is that damn leg and foot.  I did better today, also was able to sit some, rotated with another woman so 2 of us worked on shaving the back/spine side of hogs and traded spots back and forth so we both had turns working seated.

I have been back to work over 3 years now since being injured in that car accident, and not once did I find a reason to, or have to, look at myself as disabled.

Now, a pair of needed, lace up, short rubber boots have me looking on line about disabilities in the work place and laws and what I might need to do in order to have my employer help or totally pay for the boots.  But I do have a job, and I have insurance and even paid vacation days, pretty good life here, despite all the areas in my attic space that need drywall yet, the 2 windows that need replaced, the ugly asphalt siding that needs removed and replaced with something, some day down the line.

Dealing with job changed

I am counting down days, have been working on helping G&K employees learn the tasks that they will be doing as they take over and do the equipment bagging.  So far they seem to work hard and want the jobs they are taking up, that helps.

I know I will be facing some huge changes going back to production, and changing to day shift but am looking forward to that and maybe some new life opportunities it might give me.

The plants I ordered have finally arrived, and it is pouring rain at this moment so the ground will certainly be wet enough for them.  I have them soaking now and will start planting them tomorrow and hope it goes fast.

Our lead is on leave, someone is in a snit if I try and talk to 'her' trainee, did tell her to 'take it up with our department head' and she snipped back she was taking it up with me and I was to stay away from her trainee.  Oh, gee, and here I thought we all were to do what we could to help all the G&K employees learn all the stuff they needed to know for their jobs.  They are Not 'our trainees' but the new equipment room crew.

She is on vacation next week, it will be my last week and I have someone checking with our dept head about creating some sort of check list for G&K employees on 2nd shift so they have less chance of something slipping through the cracks.

The 'trainee' is who asked me about a written check list, which at this time does NOT exist and she did not ask her 'trainer' about a list, she asked me.  There is not one but I will ask about getting one done for them.

The days will get better, I will get the plants into the ground, I will get the doll outfits done for our club Christmas exchange, I will survive the next few days, it is my turn to work the Saturday overtime if only 1 is needed, paycheck this Friday will pay down some more of my debt load and allow me some spending at Joann's for a change.

Time for bed.

Simplifying parts of my life

I am working on simplifying some parts of my life, it is just too busy and I just do not have much time right now.
A big job change in plant will be coming for me this winter, need less something to be able to deal with and cope with this change to my life, and there is a new puppy needing trained in my life who needs a lot of time, my time.
I removed my profile at Our Time, just no time or interest in dating right now, and too much I want to do that is more important than a dating relationship right now.
Do now have privacy film on most of my windows and think it helps me open those insulated curtains and let in some light, but allow me to feel I still have some privacy.
I expect finances to be snug all winter, and plan to try and work that credit debt back down again.
Allergies are flaring again and that has me feeling beat tired now.

Going to Paducah KY for overnight stay

I have a 3-day weekend and am going to KY to bring back a puppy for Jake and I to spoil rotten.  And we better do some 'puppy proofing' around the house before that set of sharp baby teeth start to taste every thing Jake and I need to pick up, put away, clean up or get out of the living room or his bedroom
Kid is not replaceable but I hope this puppy will help heal our pain and fill those empty spaces the house and our hearts now have.
And at work, several are taking the lay-off in December, several, including me, age going to production and I think there are a couple who have not decided what to do.  9 of us will be replaced by contract with the company that provides our clean work frocks and shirts, at a far lower wage than we make.
Does not come at a good time for any of us, but I will go back to production, think I have the least time as hourly management and the most time in production in our plant.
I will get by, the paycheck will be a bit tight for about 2 months but then I do file my taxes early so that will help and right now I am trying stay practical about finances and credit and not waste money or credit.
I am putting off buying the garden plants I want but hope I can get them in a couple weeks, I have worked some overtime once again and that should help next paycheck.
The weather has turned cooler and we have had some rain that some of us have been very glad to get, my outside plants sure appreciate all the moisture they can get.
And I now have privacy film on most of the windows so can have the curtains open and not have the world watching me all the time.  I live on a busy street corner but that does not make my life inside my home the business of anyone else.
I still need to pack an overnight bag for my trip to Paducah, am hoping to make it to the Quilt Museum while I am there, it is open on Monday but not much else I am interested in will be open, no yarn shops to play in, they all take Mondays off.

Toys and wanting a new tech toy

I have no interest in smart phones, texting or having a cell phone plan for Internet and calls, prepaid works well for me for a cell phone.

But I own an Apple iPod classic, a Touch 5th generation and the iPad 3 along with a laptop and a working desk/tower computer.  And these are not shared devices, mine alone, along with the Xbox I rarely use.

Now I keep wanting a Nexus 7, not because I need it, not to replace any of the 'tech toys' I already have and that are paid for, but cuz I think it is neat, and would be fun to have.  I do not have the extra funds to buy one, so it would add to that credit debt I am trying to pay down/off.  

I keep telling myself all the reasons to not buy one, and have already decided which skin from DecalGirl.com I want for that new toy I keep saying I am not buying.  But some little voice keeps telling me that I will buy the new toy, no matter what reason I come up with to NOT buy it, not now, not next week, not next month.  

Stupid battles with myself, all the reasons why I should not, all the excuses why I want to buy it.  My worst fights seem to be with myself, and they go round and round until 1 side or the other wins.

My credit has improved over the past year, my debt load has gone down, even with buying the Rebel, I have less debt now than I did a few months ago.

I also keep working hard to make good choices with both my paycheck and with my credit. Not always an easy thing for me to do, and I spent the past 3 days getting things done I needed done, including the trip Sunday to Springfield with Jake,  I came home with the needed drywall, weed&feed for the lawn and a couple other things on my list.  I did go look at a Nexus7, and cases, and checked on a few things with that toy but I did not buy it, I did not go buy it on credit and I did not come home and order it, I still want to, so am going to keep battling that war until 1 side or the other wins.

Losing Kid does not help, and neither does someone keeping close tabs on me, not a stalker as much as a bored and lonely man who should spend his time chatting with his on line smutty chat pals instead of driving by my house.

I now have privacy film on a few more windows, enjoy having the curtain pulled back and seeing my bird feeders but still having privacy in the house.  And it will allow me to let light in and not have so much problems with passive solar heating up the living room and throwing the thermostat off as much.

I also have a profile up at Senior Connection and got a call on that, ya, and I am not paying a membership fee but am checking what happens, some is for another person who is thinking about it to meet someone for long term, dreams of rosy future and happy ever after stuff.  Me, I was willing to fill out the questions and put up a photo, start an account to see what happens.  

I do date a man, and live in my own house, earn my own paycheck, pay my own bills, and am in charge of my own life and life choices, not any one's business if I have my profile out at any on line meeting/dating sites.

And not my business who that man I date chats with, or what the chats are about.  I stay out of his personal life and space most of the time, do not go cruising around to check on his place or him, figure I have plenty to do here and really don't see a reason to keep tabs on him.

Back to work Wed. afternoon, did get a lot on my fall list done, or a good start on that outside list and found a huge air draft/problem with the front door I need to take care of.  Still need to clean the bird cage but dog beds got washed and are drying, bike and scooter got stabilizer in the gas tanks, mowing is done again and I started on clean up on the front south flower bed.

Finished Jake's socks, started the 2nd for the pair I am knitting for me or to gift, did a small amount of house cleaning too.

And Jake and I are working on adjusting to loosing Kid, not easy, having a couple days off and a list of things needing done has helped but I keep looking and Kid is not there, not on Jake's bed, not at the door, not waking my up before daylight to go out and potty, not nudging me while I sit in the kitchen or at my computer desk with a book and my knitting.

Way too many empty spaces here right now, about 80+ pounds of empty space to learn to deal with, hard for both of us. Working on it, know it will take time, and then some more time.

Huge heartache here

He was just another stray puppy when he came to me, huge feet, long skinny legs, so young he still had all his puppy teeth but someone had taught him a few things, like to sit and he was potty trained.
And I was healing from a bad car accident, could barely walk with a walker or cane.  But he needed walked, so I pushed through the pain to take him walking and to the park to walk the track there, where he could run free, sniffing everything to sniff and I could work on gait, balance and just walk.
He took over the house, he wanted to be friends with every one, but dogs, and thought cats should want to play with him.
Jumping in the truck any time the door was open, he always wanted to go too, and loved to snuggle, a Velcro dog, someone once told me they thought he was part Lab and part Weimaraner.  And when that youngest son came home from the Marines, it was love.  Kid thought the greatest thing I did was get him a boy of his very own, to follow, to cuddle, to sleep with.
And so Kid became Jake's running buddy, if Jake could, Kid went too, to get videos, to the bank where the girl in the drive through knew the Dog's name but not the name of the young man.  To MO on visits to his dad, and off to play at the local gun show Saturday and then on to Macomb.
But no one thought to make sure that Kid did the potty thing before getting into that jeep for a ride, and somewhere, on the road, at a rural house with a yard sale, they stopped, so that oversized puppy could empty his bladder and my sons could stretch  their legs.
Ben on 1 side of the road with that long legged dog, and Jake across the road to check out the yard sale, no leash, no thoughts about how thoughtless that dog would be.  A quick dash to cross the road to be with his  best boy, a fast moving semi truck who never slowed down, and I came home from work to learn I had lost my much loved companion, my emotional support during the hardest couple years of my life and my reason for pushing myself on those pain filled days to be more than a cripple.
My pain and hurt wants me to yell and blame 2 sons, but they, too, are grieving, for the loss of a dog they loved, and for the pain they know this has given their much loved mother.
Jake has been hunting on line for another dog, to help him heal, Ben is working through his pain, in his own way and I am trying to not get lost in mine.
No easy fix for this loss, no way to explain that another dog doesn't fill Kid's space, that I just want/need everyone to step back and leave me alone to hurt and grieve and mourn my way.
So few years, just past 3, and the most life changing years in many ways, that I have had to live through.  This dog wandered into my life, no owner came or called to claim him, he needed me as much as I needed him, and now I have to find the road alone, and figure out how to walk it by myself, and how to keep going, when he is not here to nudge and push and bug me to walk.

They pimped out our jobs

Corporate is cutting costs in our plant, and the latest cuts put our frock room jobs contracted out.  We knew it was coming but all of us hoped it was put off, until we all retired. LOL, but there are great options, okay, maybe not great but going back to production will work for me and I get to see what jobs are open every week for the next 2 months or so.
I am going to be fine, it will take a bit to settle, there will be changes but it could be far worse, and might be for some of the others.  I need to try and manage my finances a bit tighter for the next few months, did figure out what my total debt load is, at this time.  Running at just over $17,000.  That is a lot but manageable.  I will keep paying down debt, I will keep trying to watch my spending, and I will work on my personal issues and a few other things.
This has made some feelings of instability in my life, but I am working on that.  And working on not making that rocking worse with credit buying and raising my debt load.  A bad habit of mine, 1 that I keep working on, I worked hard to get good credit, and to rebuild it, but there is a reason I have the amount of debt that I do have, and there is a reason I have so many goodies that I do not need.
I have quit adding to the dolls that I really did not want, just wanted to get myself something to reward myself or to 'comfort' myself over what ever is hurting at that moment.
Right now the goodie I want to buy myself is the Nexus 7, not something I need, and I love my iPad, and I use it all the time.  But that newest Nexus 7 sure has me wanting to buy it, and with my world rocking, now is not the time, I do keep telling myself that but I have not stopped wanting that new toy.
Today is going to be another good day, at home, and at work, I am determined that I won't let anything or anyone turn the day bad or ugly.

Back to normal life

Well, the camping trip was good, at least for me.  Larry had some problems with the heat and with his back hurting, we had no cell or tv reception and I like that, sure did not miss tv.  I did take the bike into Macomb a couple times, hit the yarn shop and got yarn for 2 pair of bright and bold Jake socks, and caught up on line with stuff, checked in at home and so forth.
The sissy bar came while I was gone and putting it on the bike was 1 of the first things I did after unpacking the bike and opening the box.  It is not as tall as I would like to have but sure will work for now.
I am glad to be back at work and we are working full production this Saturday, I don't mind working and will be glad to see the extra income on the paychecks.
I am going to get some more Robin Hood roses ordered and am working on watering more so I can work the flower beds, clean out grass and weeds and get the day lilies divided.
I have a doll club meeting this Sunday and will take the bike, have a few things I want to check on, and the weather is to be great so it will be a nice ride.
I have Monday's off most of the month, and a couple Tuesdays so will work on catching up here outside and in the house.  The budget will be able to afford some drywall and with a bit of help from Jake or Ben I hope to get at least part of the south end drywall up.  I know it will help with heating/cooling costs and the looks of the space, bounce light better so it does not seem so dark, and maybe even stay a bit cleaner.
My iPad won't fit in my tank bag so I am dreaming of owning a smaller pad, like the Nexus 7 and know I don't need it, it is not on the budget, and I have no reason to buy 1.  But I want to play with it and buying it would let me do that.
The bike and I need crash bars more than I need another toy.  And I have bills that need the funds before I can buy the bars, which cost as much or more than that mini tablet. So, I will work on being responsible and using the paycheck for what it needs to be used for, and I will stick with making good choices with my funds, doing what works best for my long term life and liking that I am making good choices.

Vacation time

I should be packing up what I need for a week of vacation, camping and play, instead I am dragging, want a morning nap and not enthused about going to work today.  No problems with work but just lazy today.
Most of my clothes to pack are clean, just need packed, have the oil for the bike oil change but need to get with doing that, need the cooler out of the utility space and the brown quilt in that and hauled to Larry's house. 
The camper and his golf cart is already up in Spring Lake so we did get that done yesterday while there was still camping space.It looks like cooking hot weather with today being the hottest of the summer.  And I need to get busy so my bike is full of gas and packed up, covered for the morning.  I need to get dressed and get busy.
Ben will house sit, I need to set up a few things for that to be easier for him, Jake is going to MO and talking about taking Kid.  Ben will have the Metro to run and I will fill the gas tank on the way home from work so he has gas in that.
I need to plan and pack up knitting projects, maps of the area and so forth.  But first is out to eat and gas the bike, change the oil.
Know it is a good life, have a lot to be thankful for.

The First bike trip

I was able to go to MO for the weekend, had business about the lot I still own in Green City 

 

 The weather was great and the bike ran well, I came back from Moberly, where I spent the night with Alyse, we graduated together and took 24 to 36 so came by Mark Twain Lake and Hannibal MO before I crossed back over into IL

 Love this very old, very huge Gothic stone building I went by on the way down to the river in Hannibal

Of course, there is the Hotel Mark Twain in the background, down at the marina, had to park and walk a bit, take some photos, has been more than 37 years since I had been down there, a huge amount of changes.

It was a great weekend, and spent time with my grandkids, a special friend, saw great scenery, the bike ran well, and I enjoyed the first overnight trip on a motorcycle I have made in years.  There will be others, but this is the first since my car accident, since moving to IL, since buying this Honda Rebel. 

Broke Saturday

Know I am in charge of my finances so know who to blame for a very tight budget and no play money on a weekend.   But both the Metro and Fraelsi have gas in their tanks and the sun is out.  The house is quiet, the grass too damp yet to mow, but I still need to change out the filters for the water and the furnace/air conditioner.  And that job does not need the grass dry.
Great to get up to a quiet house, even Kid is gone, probably to help Jake work.  I am glad Jake is here, getting started with his college education and life after the Marines, but I do miss living alone at times.  And I remind myself how much I have missed that boy over the years, and how glad I am to have the time with him.  But, the living room used to be mine and I think it was generally cleaner.  I have nothing to say about the condition of the downstairs bedroom.
The new air filter is on the way, I am still not pleased with the new check out system at E-Bay, but seller had the part shipped out the same day as I did that 'buy it now' and had to pay for it then, not wait for seller to send/email an invoice.
Fraelsi means freedom in the Farose language, and that is what this small motorcycle gives me back, and the Farose are the place I would love to go and stay a month or so.  Not sure how I could ever afford that, the way I manage my money right now.
But I am not sorry I have the new bike, and I do have it running, rough but that is possibly air cleaner and air/fuel mix so I should be able to deal with that on my own.  I might get some help/oversight with checking the valve clearance, not a job I have ever done, book and Internet make it doable but not sure what tools I will need and would like, if Larry will, to have a bit of supervision the first time I do that.
Hand are again hurting a lot, most the time, waking me again at night, and it is the jobs I do at work, they improved for a while, when I was moved off sorting pins and equipment racks and just bagging the equipment, but I am back to doing the bag pins, sorting the equipment before bagging and then finish the shift bagging so once again the hands are hating me.  I will hunt down the splints and start sleeping in them again as I need my hands for everything I do, and do not enjoy this pain stuff.
Finances will improve, a week at a time, bills are getting paid and no one is starving out.  Not having extra money to play will not damage me, and I don't really want to jump in the truck and go anywhere .

Waiting on the mail

I am actually waiting on a card from the motorcycle safety class I took and on an air filter for the 2008 Rebel I now own.  It needed a bit of work, gas left in the tank and gas shut off left turned on so the carb was fouled.
I am now good at removing, taking apart, cleaning and putting back on that carb, the bike will run now, but rough in lower gears/rpm, too rich and before I tweak the air/fuel adjustment any more I want to replace the air filter.  Early next week for that part to come and the card so I can update my driver's license with the motorcycle validation should be here the end of next week or soon after.
Jake's jeep is back in the shop again, so that means he uses my truck, so regardless to weather here, my transportation is my Metro scooter and yes, I do ride in rain, have to get to work and have to get home.
Right now I am a bit surly about that, just being miffy, as Jake would not be driving my truck without needing to and he does not use it without my consent, and I have sure been able to use his jeep when I needed or wanted to.
I actually hate the damn thing so sure did not drive it often and it does IRK me hugely that he has to keep putting $$ into that pile of junk he got talked into buying.  He does not always think it is junk, but this week would probably agree with me.
Work is going ok, no Saturday work right now so shorter checks and I spend money like water, or so it feels.  A very tight budget with a long list of wants for that new ride.  But the gas today in the Metro was $2.63 and the last time I put any gas in was 7/27, put $1.93 in that day, and on 7/24 I got gas in the 2.5 gal can and filled scooter, spent $8.99 and most was the 2+ gallons in the gas can.
Temps are going up and down lately, did finally turn the air on upstairs but had my leather jacket on this morning when I was out, after 10 am to run an errand.
This summer is cooler and wetter than last year, but we had heat waves and drought last year.  I think we are cooler and wetter than the prior year too, and my utility bills are lower than then, despite having all that new attic space to enjoy and it still needing a huge amount of drywall and finish work.
So, despite what I grump and whine about, my life here is really good and soon I will be able to spend some of my weekend time out riding that Rebel, getting back as much of my old bike skills as I can and just running, I want to explore all the winding rural lanes and back roads around here, the small spots that are almost gone, and just enjoy that freedom a motorcycle gives back to me.
Think about a weekend trip to MO and back but need a way to haul some stuff first, so saddlebags when I can afford them and am looking on line and at shops, and then set up the bike to hold those bags safely, so I can pack a few things for an overnight stay.
Think about a few people from the past and bikes, wonder who still rides, wonder where they are riding and wish them good roads and easy miles.  Think about Mike, living where he probably has a longer bike season than we do here and some great places to ride to, and wonder if he is doing better, hope his health and finances have improved and he is enjoying life, special man but way more baggage than he was honest about.
Think I could have dealt with it all, but would not and still will not accept being lied to about stuff that could sink my boat, finances, legal issues. 
Well, a few things to do before I get that brace and boots on and head off to work once again, wishing today there was someone significant who was around to ride with me on the weekends and whose health would let him just get on that bike and run.

So, now that I am 57

Life doesn't look much different than it did last week, LOL.  But the 16x16 pavers son Jake paid for and I set added some length to my little back patio, it's my bike parking pad.  And I sat out there yesterday afternoon, in the shade and knit some on Jake's sweater which is almost done.
My newest ride is a Honda Rebel that needs a bit of maint. work and the carburetor and I are not exactly good friends yet.
I am signed up for the state supported motorcycle safety course and start that in less than 2 weeks, 1 evening and 2 full days in Springfield, and I was able to get in the class on a Friday I am already in Springfield for some medical stuff and have a paid vacation day set up for that.
I sold the red Passport and that paid off what I owed on the Metro and put some on the debt against the Rebel, looks like I keep finding ways to stay in debt.
Working on some head issues and attitude issues, work related for the most part and my problem, not theirs. I need to spend some time re-reading a few good books that have, in the past, helped me get my head and my life on a track that I like and can live with.
I currently have a time change when I start work and will be interesting to see how that works out, know it gives me more day time at home to get things done here, if I choose to use the time.  Today I am baking bread but once the bike parts come, it might mean I can remove that carb, get it cleaned so the float does not stick, back together and back on that bike. 
Huge battle there to get it off and back on and tight fit, problems with damaging the gasket between carb and manifold so have 2 of those coming, know I will be needing at least 1 and hope the 2nd is a good luck charm so everything works right this time and I have this baby running and can try her out.
The last bike of this size had the same engine and transmission but different frame, and bought new, never in the years I had the Nighthawk were there any problems.  But I also did take care of it, never left the gas sit and get old and going into the carb to foul it up.  I have a good book on the Rebel, and a great on line forum for help, and know I will be able to take good care of this little bike and keep it running and enjoy it for years.
Jake has no interest in bikes and Ben is not living here and NOT allowed to ride my bikes any longer, he can, if need be, use my truck, very short term/short drives, but I am not allowing him to run my scooter or the new bike.
I will have to add a few photos but need to take them with something besides my iPad or iTouch as they and this blog don't seem to get along, or I have not yet figured out how to make them work together.

Blue Day

I am having a blue day, no reason so will blame body chemical balance, makes as good a reason as any other one.
Work is going ok, weather has improved, I have gotten some outside work done, finally cleaned out the front north flower bed and moved some day lily shoots there, still a problem finding any plants that will thrive and grow well in that shady corner and will battle the tree roots from the neighbor's tree at that corner.
Jake's sweater is making some progress, and so is the seed I scattered in the back lawn, new grass is coming in and I am hand pulling weeds, a few here, a few there which helps the grass grow.
I need to gather up a load of laundry soon and get it done, need to plan out this Friday's bills to get paid, need to do some cleaning and moving stuff up in the attic so the little love seat has a place to go when I get it paid off Friday and picked up.
I behaved really well with our doll club annual trip down south this past Sunday, gas in the truck, meal out and a small chest of drawers, 2 pair of shoes for Zellie kept my finances in good order, no huge splurges, no putting stuff on my credit card, no buying myself a doll that later I wish I had not put on my credit card.
Now, I need to plan out and make Zellie outfits to go with those new shoes, a pair in pink and a pair in green.  I have plenty of fabrics so just need to hunt through the stash.
Think I have managed to drop a couple of pounds, not very many but enough that work pants are not as snug and I am feeling more healthy, most of the time, being a bit more active.  And today is the first day in several weeks that I woke up feeling stressed and blue.  So, I know, despite today's moodiness, I have made good progress and life is stable for me.

Living my life

I am working on doing just that, living my life my way, being the person I want to be, making the choices for my life that I feel are best for me, for my reasons.
I do see what I need to work on, do know the direction that is best for me and am able to get there, 1 step at a time, 1 day at a time.  Not fast, but progress, not much back sliding and not letting someone derail me.  And it is ok that I do this, my children are all adults and I nave no obligation to a man, no responsibility for a man, and plan to keep it that way.
I interviewed for a job as Administrative Assistant, clerical, in our plant, not sure it will be offered to me, at a pay scale I can accept at this time but I plan to get some schooling in computer software skills that will improve my chances of getting such jobs at an acceptable pay scale.
Like where I work, and with 10+ years, now in hourly management, I have 24+ paid days off, paid sick days, paid holidays to go with those paid vacation days and good medical at a very reasonable cost.  Less than 6 miles a day round trip to work, good working conditions and that paycheck I earn gives me a stable quality of life.
My old house slowly gains improvements, my debt load goes down a bit at a time and I occasionally can afford nonessential things too. Not a bad way to be living, and right now I have 2 paid days off, will be working Saturday, by my choice, and have a doll club meeting that is our annual trip down south, with a bit of spending money for me.
The lawn is mowed, the new grass seed I scattered is coming up so that means the wild birds didn't get all of it eaten, slowly I am gaining on grass and getting more of that sand tied down so it does not track in, getting a property I enjoy living in and know it suits my needs and wants.
Foot and I are getting along most of the time, I am feeling healthier than I did this time last year and more emotionally stable, am happier more than I have been for several years, and my financial position gains a bit of stability a every month, or almost every month.
Less depression, fewer blue days, and a little more energy, all positive things here.  I am actively working on eating more healthy, trying to make time for projects that need finished, getting more organized, again, all good things.
Would like to tell that man out west that he lost the best thing, the best woman that had ever come into his life with his lack of total, true honesty about his finances.  I don't have any ill wishes for him, but do figure he will manage to keep his life messed up, and know his money management skills still stink when collection agencies call my place trying to locate him, and they still do.
Hey, I am not the one with the problems, or at least not being able to accept and deal with being loved, I just don't deal well with being lied to, or anyone trying to play head games with me, or being used.   And I am secure enough to know my weak points, my strong points and know what issues and problems I need to work on.
Life at The Removator's Nighmare is pretty good living, that attic space is slowly shaping up to be a great studio, the south retreat is going to be great and it so very much my space, and some day I will have that very handy bathroom up in that attic space too.
And I will do some classes at the local community college, and I will start every day liking the person I am, and I will end every day knowing I had a good day, maybe not always a great day, no perfect days, but good days in a very good life, my life.

Making some progress

Well, most of the pampas grass has been cleaned up, the grass has been mowed, and Tam has her new/used car.  Progress here, and the river level has dropped but think tonight's rain will raise the river level once again, not good progress on that part.
Work is going ok, longer hours right now as our lead fell in plant and broke her arm and spends time looking a bit like a chicken trussed up for roasting.  The break is in her upper arm and too high for a cast,  so it's a support and arm thing strapping her left arm to her body and making life a real challenge and our very small department short handed.
So, this week I pay off the charge account for the new towels and new sheets, and I pay off the account that goes to my Apple goodies, this iPad, my Apple TV device and my new iPod Touch.
I also pay the phone bill and on my 3 major credit cards, not that those debts get much closer to being paid off but progress is progress.
The printer here will be needing replaced soon, I have plants on my spring wish list and I want to lengthen the bike patio some, all which need money.
Life is working out ok, not how I had thought it would go if I had been asked what I thought my life would be like years ago, but in ways and directions that really do work for me, in ways that I make work and that I choose.
I have knitting and sewing and outside work needing done, but the laundry is washed, and I will get it  put away, the dishes will get done and the rains will end and I will get outside work done.  All positive progress.

rains today

And I know the rains are needed, and it is not cold, I have a dry roof and so can sit on my dormer landing and watch the rain and the birds in my back yard/lawn.  The grass is really growing, along with the weeds but I have started clean up, the plum tees are almost dead so they come out this spring and I need to get the pampas grass cut back down to the ground before the new growth is coming up.
Jake turns 24 today, he is having a wet work day at the area live stock sale and I have split pea soup on for him and will make corn bread, both foods he likes and will be nice to come home to a meal waiting, no matter how late he has to work.
I did have windows open up in the attic but they are closed now and the box fan going to move the air about some, both baseboard heaters are shut off now and heat downstairs needs turned down to 70, it has been at 72 all winter.
Current socks are for me and getting close to done, working on Jake's sweater and will have a lot of sock yarn left from that once I am done, I got a bit carried away with calculations and so ordered about double what it will take. good thing it is sock yarns we will enjoy, think Jake will have several pair of those socks.
Working on scheduling my vacation days for the coming 'year' at work, runs from June 1 to May 31 and I have 24 or 25 days total and have turned in forms for 10 of those days but have not heard back if all the dates are ok and on the book.  I need to schedule at least 10 more and then have 4-5 free to use as needed.
I did schedule 1 for my July mammogram appointment and should plan for the pap smear in January as it is already scheduled.
Little boxes for the doll club event are done and I have that Friday off so can help with the set up stuff, am looking forward to the event but do not plan much if any spending, I need to keep finances tight here so I can meet all my expenses and still find some funds for more drywall.
I do think what Jake and I got done is an improvement and will help with the utility costs plus help keep the attic spaces easier to keep clean and it does look better.
I need to get both the scooters going, new one needs a new battery, I let that freeze, lazy and thought I could get it later.   And the other needs new fuel lines and the carb taken off and cleaned, some new parts put in, can thank a man for some of those problems but instead just moved my bikes and book and such to my place and covered the older one.  I need a cover for the new scooter and that is on the list of stuff that needs funds too.
Working on some of my 'head issues' here, less stress now that Ben has moved out and a much quieter house and easier to keep clean, Jake mentioned it is easier to keep food in the house and less cost.  Hopefully my finances will start getting in better order too, I have less depression spending when I have less stress and having that almost 28 year old son here, living off me, bringing his pot into my house and thinking I won't find out, adding to the mess and not helping enough with the cleaning, ya, stuff that adds to stress.
Jake is missing his company some but doesn't want the pot in his life and he doesn't want to be supporting his older brother who is too lazy to work.
Hard, but part of the problem and not of my doing, and I can't fix it.  It is time for both Jake and I to step back and work on our own lives and our own problems.  Ben will have to find his own road and his own way, not something we can do for him and the longer we help carry his weight, the longer he will avoid supporting himself long term, or living under a bridge or in a box.  People do have the right to make that choice and I will let them live with the choices they make, including the bad ones. 
There is a limit to the charity I am willing to do in this world, and supporting adults who are capable of supporting themselves is not a charity I donate to for very long.

this old house and life

The attic needs a small fortune to be finished, a lot of drywall yet to buy and install, lights, and a bathroom that will cost a lot to do right, downstairs needs a lot done and will be years before I can get much done, and there are still 2 windows to replace, 2 doors to deal with, no back steps, no patio and the front porch steps need a lot of work.
My finances are a tight budget and way too many bills, I get discouraged at how slow my debt loads are going down and how little I have in savings and how many things still need paid sitting on my computer desk.
And then I get home from work to a message on the answering machine, a collection agency looking for Michael R Farrin, wanting to contact him about money owed.
Somehow, the slow progress here on old house repairs and attic conversion, the cracked plaster in the bathroom, the sagging ceiling tiles in the bedroom, the debt load that won't shrink very fast all gets a lot smaller and not so bad after all.
No one is getting calls from collection agencies looking for me and money for bills I have not paid. I might not have a lot to show for the years of working but I do have an acceptable credit rating and am getting the debt load to drop a bit every month.
So, maybe things here are not as bad as I see them at times, it is my own house and it is my own life, and I manage to keep it in enough balance that the collection agencies aren't hunting me down or bugging other people because if my debts.

High price of doll patterns

I can make my own but don't have a lot of play time and do want to sew for a couple dolls I have 1 or no patterns for and balk at paying $12.99 for a pattern that is not even a good fit and has design flaws or issues I need to tweak to get the garment to look good.
So, I will whine a bit and try a lower priced pattern designed by someone not as well known and see how it works up, I am just wanting pants and a shirt for a male doll, not some elaborate costume and I would like a few basic pattern pieces for another doll I bought nude at a very low price.
My coming 4 day weekend will be spent with old house work, I hope to start putting the drywall up in my attic space, bought the drywall lift almost 2 weeks ago, it is still in my truck, think budget will allow 8-10 sheets of drywall and that will get a lot of the ceiling areas and start on those slants that my steep roof creates.
I hope to slowly get the area drywalled and then will be even slower with the taping and muddying, and no longer have tools for that so get to add to the cost.
But I do have a sewing area and I did have some fun sewing for 1 of my dolls this past snow bound Sunday and things will improve.

Not enough shelf space, plenty of books

The past 2 weekend have put book shelves here in my attic space, both in the north sewing/ studio space and in the small space/ nook created behind the future bathroom, which divides the 24x29 foot area into the north studio area and the south 'nest' area which is my current sleeping place while the youngest son lives here and gets started on his college.
I put books on shelves, unboxed more books, put books on shelves, sorted out a few for the library, gave a duplicate to that son here, gave 1 to the maint guy at work who shows me photos of his scroll saw work, knew my scroll saw book had a good home with Stevie.   And I still have books in boxes, and I still have way more stuff than I can find room for here in my attic space.
There are 3 boxes of cotton crochet thread that will go to 1 of our local thrift shops, the hammock that will go to someone I know, and I tucked a few things out of the way and my sewing space is still a mess.
It will get better, I will do some sorting, think some, thin out a bit more and think where else I can put shelves, and what books am I really willing to part with.
I am having a problem today seeing any progress I have made in dealing with my attic disaster area, know all that work, money and time had to make a dent but right now I just cannot see where I have made any progress.
But it is time for work, to earn the money that pays for everything, including all the drywall I want to start putting up before my ceiling insulation falls down.  And maybe when I come home I can look around and see the progress today's work made.

March, so, now we might get Spring?

We keep getting snow, maybe only a few flakes, maybe a bit more, but it seems like, every day, it is gray skies and that cold white stuff falling.  Been like that for about a week now, had fun, used the snow shovel I bought before last winter started, had my fun, now, can I please have my bare ground back?
Did locate some major drafts up here in my attic space and stuffed quilt batting in them for now,  can or 2 of that foam stuff will make a better seal, on the list and will deal with them this weekend.  By the time I have drywall up I will have few drafts for it to seal off.
Jake's socks are done and a pair now cast on for Ben but need to work on sweaters.  And need my attic in working order.  But the anti fatigue matting is a huge improvement for my feet and easier to sweep clean.
This coming weekend I will be starting to mount shelving on the walls up here, on the north end and also plan for book shelves against the back outside wall of what someday will be my upstairs bathroom.  Will make use of a space that is out of the way, needs to be open between the 2 areas for air flow and allow me to have a wonderful library nook to enjoy and hopefully help me create a more tidy and organized attic nest and studio.
Find work issues to add to this week's stress load, think some need to use their brains better, think some one needs to understand the concept of being a leader, if you have the position of lead in my dept, gee, I expect to see some leadership in your.
Tired before the work week is done, body is glad we are not doing 6 day work weeks, but the budget misses the extra money that overtime brought.  Will try and keep a snug budget and work on gaining some order in the attic and keep working on paying down that debt load I have plenty of.

On being happy

I am really happy with who I am and with my life right now.  The house is quiet and warm, my tea pot rests on a tea pot warmer so my tea stays hot.  My old truck has 4 good tires so I know I can get to work and home, no matter how much snow we get.
I will get shelves up in the attic soon and start gaining some order in the studio area.  The attic nest is in better order but it also will get more tidy in the next couple weeks,
The humidifier is cleaned, new filters and is running so that should help with the dry problem here.
Got a job that has good benefits and a paycheck that pays the bills and now and then pays for old house progress. And most of the time I like the job I do.
Falling asleep so need to post this and get tucked in, hear the wind howling outside and am glad to have my house, shelter from the storms and my sanctuary from the world.

Tax Refunds

It doesn't take long to get it spent, have a far longer list than I do funds but the truck got 2 new tires, same as last year's 2, so should be good for 30-50,000 miles, a long time in my life as I don't put a lot of miles on that truck every year.
And some debt reduction, some house stuff, some non essential stuff that has been many months on a wish list, music and storage boxes that roll under my sleeping space up in my attic nest so I can have a more tidy area.
But, hey, it's great to have those funds and I am ok with how I spend them, every year I get rid of 1 more debt/bill I am making payments on, so there is gain, and every year that old truck gets something it needs so it can keep getting me to work and other places.
Still waiting on the state refund, and it also has a longer wish list than funds but I am ok with that too, like having wish lists, gives me more reason to go to work on those days I would like to stay home.

Budgets, income taxes and making end meet

I am trying to stay on track with finances, trying to keep a tight budget and be practical.  My tax refund is going to be later this year than in past years and will not go as far as I want or do all I had hoped it would do.
But I will pay off Barclaycard/Apple toys, and I will get an Exercycle and use it, and I will get the truck 2 new tires, and do what else I can on the wish list.  But will not accomplish all I want to and that makes me a bit down.
I know I am making progress with debt load, with old house repairs and with stability here but it is such a very long and slow progress and that gets me down.  I know I am on the right track, know it is worth the ups and downs but there is no way to make slow progress and not have some down times over how slow it goes or how irritating it becomes at times.
And sharing the house with both Ben and Jake adds to the stress at times, hope Ben gets things going soon so that he is on is way and going where works best for him, Jake has school and work so he is busy and not the same schedule as mine, and although finances are tighter due to the added humans here, I can cope, I will cope, and we will survive.

Working on January

We are now past the middle of the first month of 2013, and it will be a different year from 2012.  I can start with the fact that IRS will not start accepting returns until 1/30/2013, and for years my refund has been in my bank account days before that date.  Grump and whine, but I will file a bit later than most years for me and be ok, do understand why, did go read at irs.gov so have correct info on that.
Ben is back here and too many people and too much disorder in a small house, way too much noise, way too much of the time, but we will all work on it.
Work is ok, some stress there but that is normal for working in a small dept that is all women, I am glad my job duties have me working alone and a nice walk from the others for most of my shift, time to think, time to enjoy music in my little music box, love tech goodies that lets me have 1000+ different songs in my pocket to enjoy while I work.
Pain with the foot and leg is an up and down thing, cold bothers me more, and so does all the long weeks we have been working but I will miss the overtime money  that has helped on debt load, allowed some extras and added to my feeling secure and stable.
Too many trips to Springfield this month, last week I had appointment with my gyn and now have to go back for more radiology and consult with radiologist this Friday.  I am using some of my paid vacation days for these so get paid to go to town.
I can't find all the medical records from the car accident, think some of the radiology repeat might have more to do with the calcified lymph gland that was on those records, full body scans were done, lots of scans were done while I was out, have NO clue what all was done during the 4-6 hours after the accident I have no memory of, to be honest.
So, it's back to Springfield, and I don't have much play money and it is cold, and I don't like the drive and I don't like the road, gripe, gripe and whine.  But if I want, Larry will go with me, I am not worried about there being any chance of breast cancer, but I do have some concern about that calcified lymph gland, some days.
It looks like we might have a job up to bid in our small department as our youngest member of our funny little crew is looking for a job in Chicago.
Her family is looking at making a move back to Chicago, they lost a house here in a fire, got the insurance settlement and think relocating is a good idea, now that her dad has lost his job at the plant, her mom is off on long medical leave after surgery and they have that wad of cash in hand and seem to think it is a huge amount of money.
First time home owner's loan taken out by the 20 year old daughter, with only 6 months of loan when the fire happened, electrical problems inside a wall in an old house.  And I know those govt. backed first time homeowner loans come with strings that can get interesting and haunt a person for years and years.  Glad it was not my loan, my house and my future problems that might show up.
This old house is making progress, I hope to do the last 2 windows this spring, the kitchen ones and it will mean custom and tear out the old ones, do any new rough framing needed and measure, order new ones and wait for them to be made and get here.  And the kitchen a mess for weeks or months, that could make a real fun life for a while.
I am seeing slow progress on paying down debt load here, and slow progress on this old house, and most of the time I am content with my life.  Having both Jake and Ben here gets insane and loud and crowded at times but I have assigned chores to both and that helps me cope some.  Jake is now in school and has classes 2 days a week, works 2-3 days a week.  Ben is taking up space and I hope working on a future that does not have him coming back to live at Mom's house over and over.  He needs to be more stable and able to support himself long term and I need that too.
Still dating that same guy, still spending a lot of this winter hiding up in the attic with my knitting and quiet, the cold and all the overtime has me worn out and tired, and very anti-social.
Doing a lot of thinking and weighing what the priority list for the tax refund will be this year, not a big return and it matters that I use it wisely, that is getting to be the normal for me but I do remember the years when the boys and I had weekend trips to Des Moines and new clothes, new toys, meals out, books and it was tax refund celebrations.
The world has changed for me, I now am far more practical and think long term, work on reducing that debt load I built up, work on paying off this old house mortgage and on the repairs it needs.  The days of my buying myself new dolls for any and every occasion are gone, the days of buying the books I want, the days of supporting kid's electronics and games are also past.
I started Monday grumpy, 3 years from that life changing accident, and it got worse as the day progressed but yesterday started to improve and today the sun is out and I am coping better, planning to make the trip to Springfield a day of enjoyment instead of bad attitude, and go enjoy a few shops I have not been to for ages, enjoy a meal out and a paid day off.