Winter is Coming

     And not just in Game of Thrones, it seems to be hitting Illinois now too.  The wind chimes on the front porch sing all night, the wind howls and I am so glad to have done as much work as I have gotten done to make this old house more weather tight and energy effective.
     But life here is pretty good, I've been single for over 11 years now, have not been dating anyone for about 3 years, maybe longer, it just really doen't seem important.  I am really liking my life, who I am and what I am doing, most of the time.
      There is nothing wrong with being in a relationship, making that work, but I've really done badly at it and now, I'm 60, and I can enjoy the single life without feeling I owe it to someone to let them take up my very valuable off work time with their wants and needs and demands.
      Winter plans are for lowering debt, getting more interior work done here in the house and better order to my chaos, and plan for and save up for a vacation up to Canada, about 520 miles each direction, not counting all the play I do, for the Mad Bastard Scooter Rally, being held in London, Ontario Canada in late June.  I will need wet riding gear, a passport, a map of where all the yarn shops are between here and there I want to visit--  and my old truck, my new Vespa and I will, all by ourselves, make my very first trip out of the country, my very first real vacation.
      And I am still not happy with who our President elect is, or all the hate and anger and racism this long and ugly campaign season has brought out, or all the nasty attitudes it seems to have opened the doors to.  But I am vowing to stand up against such, every where and every time it rears it's ugly head, including at my place of work, a very racially mixed, immigrant heavy location, and that mix of people suits me well.
     And I am still battling with Windows 10 and Microsoft, and my silly iPad refuses to let me use my blogger app to post on either of my blogs.  But knitting is going nicely at the kitchen table while I use the iPad to watch Netflix and The Crown, my current knitting entertainment.
     I am considering my managing to escape several things to be a God given blessing, and I am now starting to remind myself to take my own advice-don't rise to the bait if you don't want to be the fish- especially when it comes to stuff on Facebook.
      Yes, it is a rather solitary and self centered life, but I am solitary by nature, most of the time, and I am paying for that self-centered life with my own hard work and earnings, which are mine, then, to do with as I see fit or want to.  I don't owe it to anyone else to make their life better, easier, nicer, happier and I don't expect them to do that for me either.
      If it suits me to do things for someone else, that is my right and my choice.  I do get to pick who I let into my small. personal life and time and who I will do things for, spend money on and so forth.  That again is my right, and being related by blood does not make any obligations.
       And now it's time to eat my breakfast and head to the plant for a 8+ hour Saturday once again.  

Busy life

     I tried to start this several weeks ago on my iPad and had problems so nothing was posted.  Now I am trying again with my laptop but also chasing a doll sale on line, trying to clean up my attic north end, the sewing area, my current sleeping area and get started with finishing drywall work on the south end.
     I spent the summer playing when I was not at work, the old house got no work done, no doll sewing was done, not much knitting was worked on but I put about 3000 miles on 2 small motorcycles and really enjoyed my off work time.
     So, now that the plant is working 6 days a week, and bike riding season is about gone, I will try and deal with the attic disaster/mess, the south end not being a finished area, not enough time, hurting a lot and needing a place to sew.  Today is the start-and Ben is still living here o I do have help at hand, and I can afford any needed materials with all the overtime we are making!
     This old house is important to me, it's my home, my shelter from the weather, and from the world, my sanctuary from all the ugliness out there some days.  But, since I live here with just my parrots, dog and occasionally a son, and I don't have much company/visitors, it is easy to just put off or avoid all the work that needs done to have a weather tight, easier to keep clean, looks nicer in the eyes of others, home.
     So, this summer I put a lot of miles in riding, on my 2008 Rebel which I've owned 4 years now, and I traded my small Honda Metropolitan in for a Vespa LXV 150ie, which was new, fuel injected and runs like a dream.  We've spent the last 2260+ miles getting to know each other.
     I've gone on 2 different runs with people from the St. Louis MO area, both times to Hermann MO, the first was with people working for or who have also bought 'rides' from Moto Europa, the shop in St. Louis where I bought my LXV.  Much bigger, faster, more powerful bikes but I had a great ride and proved that little 150cc LXV could really and that I could ride.  The most recent run was with 30 DSG out of the St. Louis area, a scooter group.  And it was the coldest ride I have made, so I learned I could do that 57-67 degrees stuff but sure would dress warmer next time and my chaps would be on me, not at home.
     Now, it's November, the day is sunny and nice and I am staying home, the laundry is done, I am started working on the south end of the attic area and my little bed now has clean sheets and the quilt is on the bed, still not tidy or tucked in but at least that is started.
     And I will work on cleaning up and making some order here in the north sewing area so I can gt some needed sewing work done, before the doll club meeting and before the Doll Club Christmas party the very first Sunday in December, which is now less than a month from now.
     The Presidential election this year has become a very ugly campaign season, I have a lot of concerns about this election and who is running, neither candidate is a really good choice but 1 is a far worse choice than the other.  But the hate and ugly attitudes that have come out all over the country, including in my place of work have e wondering how we, as a nation, can recover and men those torn down fences and walls.  Hate, once turned loose, is very hard to get caged back up once again.  But I can refuse to be a part, and I can work to keep my heart and soul in good order, to avoid people filled with this ugly hate, racism and nasty attitudes.
     I have made some really poor, crappy, stupid choice in my life,and have worked hard to fix the mess and problems.  It has taken me a long hard walk in life to have this life I live, and I keep working to keep it the life I want and I like.  I keep a job and I keep my bills paid, My credit rating is good, not excellent but I can live with good credit.  I don't need excellent credit, and i am working on paying down that long term, high interest debt I have built up on those damn credit cards I have been too careless with.  My debt, my decisions and my job to pay them down and accept paying that money eating interest while I work those debts down.
      There are no words that really explain how I feel, where I am at with my life, and so I will just say that this life works well for me and I am content.  Or I am able to do what I want when it matters, I can afford what really matters to me and no one else runs my life or makes my decisions and I am not making decisions to make someone else happy.
     When I was a young woman I lived my life to make a young man happy, all decisions were based on what he wanted and what worked for him and what pleased him.  Today I can honestly say that he is part of why I can ride a motorcycle as well as I do.  Because he made me learn to ride the bike and not the brake.  His pushing me, his criticism made me learn a skill that I use and enjoy now and has others complimenting me on.  Now, he's a burned out, discontent, petty and lives a poor and miserable life.  His choices have created that life, and all the best of the man he was back when I was 17-20 are, as far as I can see, the parts he threw away or wasted.
     But the best of what he taught me is part of the good parts of me, of the woman I am, of the life I enjoy.  My choices, my decisions and my taking my life back from him and his influence and becoming smart enough to finally just stay away from him.  He's not around to watch and say, with pride, "I taught that gal to ride when we were both young and crazy."  That's a bit sad, but it's also how life goes, people need to be cared about, appreciated, important and when getting stoned is more important than a relationship with someone, in time, if they are smart, they go away and never come back.
     Gifts are sometimes the skills we help others learn, my life is so much richer from the skills someone cared enough to teach me, pushed me to learn, forced me to help them so I learned on the job.  I carry that with me, the memories, both good and bad, and I use those skills for so many things, from cooking to knitting to working on my own vehicles and my 'rides'.  I am a better person for those skills but some came at rather high prices and I spent a long hard time emotionally paying for those skills.
     Yes, I have sympathy for those with problems, but I know those problems had some help getting in their lives, choices, we just have to make choices, it's part of being humans, and you can't always see where that choice will lead you or what it might bring into your life.  But each of us has to work on our own roads and life, I can't live my children's lives, or the lives of their children.  I can't and sure don't want to live the lives my coworkers have.  It's not a shoe that fits me, and not what works for me, some have really solid, good lives, some don't.
     So, here I sit, the first drywall mud is on in the baseboard heater area, the fan is going, Ben helped me get up the plastic sheeting to close off the south attic area so drywall dust won't filter through the entire house, or at least make it harder for that to happen.  And I will keep the power off on the attic baseboard heaters until the 1 on the south end is back on that wall.  That means the drywall area finished, primed and painted.  Both heaters are on the same breaker so having 1 off the wall and not safely usable means having both shut off.  Yes, incentive for me to get off my lazy bum and get the work done today.  I don't have to do a huge area, but I will do the immediate area and do it correct and so it looks nice before that heater is attached where it belongs and the power back on.  I have a couple small plug in heaters and 1 is running now here on the north end, to keep this space tolerable for me to be in.

Fall once again

     And I am not ready but have a week of vacation and plan to get some things done around here.  But I am not making good progress today.  I did turn the dried chilies into chili powder and have named it Toxic Waste Chili Powder, and it is way stronger than any I have had/grown in the past.

   And I am making progress on a pair of socks for Ben, but not much else.  But I am crying over anything and everything, not just it being 9/11 once again.

     Yesterday I was screaming mad most of the day, and today it's tears over nothing, and ya, I know the cause and it will continue 9 more pills and some time to flush some of that anti-inflammation drug out of my system.  I wasn't this impatient to take any medication in my life, not even pain drugs at any time with the car accident.  Wait, I was desperate for them to put me under when I had the perforated appendix and was sick and miserable with pain and getting septic from all the poison leaking into my system, ya, I begged them to put me under fast and get the surgery done.  So, now it's 9 more pills and 6 hours apart.  And the sciatic nerve in my left hip/leg is doing much better so the drugs are doing their job.  And I will work harder with yoga stretches and hope to not have sciatica flare up so bead ever again.

     And I am on vacation so that gives me time to heal up and get some things done, and I know I am ok, this is a common and normal side effect from this med, which the doctor let me know I would possibly get to deal with and he wanted to know if I would have any problems with it.  No, I go through that weepy stage some times with over the counter meds for seasonal allergies, first week is weepy, the next is just sad and blue and by the 3rd week I am more 'myself' and hoping the trees quit shedding pollens in the spring or that we get a hard, killing frost in the fall and I am rid of rag weed pollen and I look forward to rains that lower the pollen levels.

   But life here is pretty good, despite the moods and not getting much done today.  And I will probably get more than pjs on soon and go outside for a while.

Cousin Envy

     I don't have a lot of family or relatives and the ones I do have and stay in contact are very important to me.  And I watched my aunt's children grow up and marry, and really like them.  They have had far more stable lives and made better choices than my siblings and I have, at least, what I have seen.

     1 of my cousins is just very awesome, she had to overcome hip problems when she was a baby and spinal problems that had her in a huge, ugly brace through most of her high school years.  And she married a local guy, 1 I went to school with, from a solid ranching family.  And that has been a good marriage, 3 adult kids that turned out pretty well, and a happy life.

     My aunt made some crappy choices when she was young but she got her head sorted out and her life on track, met and married an awesome man who wanted to be the Dad to the 3 children she brought with her to that marriage.  They have grown old together, and made their life work well, and showed their kids how to make marriage work.

    So, now here is my cousin, the ranch wife, with the long term husband, making plans for a vacation to Yellowstone.  I have been there, both to their ranch and Yellowstone.  And I have envy issues this week, oh, not so much that great house or ranch, or that awesome way of life.  Not even really that vacation to Yellowstone.  I envy that marriage, that still together, still really like each other, not just love, but like and accept each other, see each other's faults and have been living with the faults and the pluses and want to keep doing that growing old together stuff.

      I didn't make the right choices, made a mess of my life several times, didn't give my kids the good foundation my aunt gave her kids, my cousin and husband have given their kids, and I know I can't change that.  No going back and doing a 'rewrite' on life, but I have come to terms with me, my choices, worked through some head problems and make better choices now.

     But my life is solitary, no one to grow old with, no one who really knows me, all the years of my life, or most of them.  Not even my adult kids know me well, so ya, I am really private and solitary, far more than people realize.

     And my cousin has solid, church attending religious beliefs, I have solid beliefs, but they follow no church and they have me walking a solitary life.  Most of the time I am very ok with that, and I really do like my life, now, and the person I have grown into.

     No, I don't want to trade lives, no, I don't want to be my cousin, it's just a twinge of cousin envy, and it's ok that I look at her and her life and am so very glad she has that husband, and life, her family and friends and I really hope they have a great vacation as I know they have worked hard and earned a holiday.

     I have a week of paid vacation time coming up this month, old house chores that need done, and taking the Vespa to St. Louis for the first oil change.  I work at that meat packing plant so have stuff my cousin doesn't, like affordable health insurance, paid vacation time, money to spend on yarns, fabrics, dolls and motorcycles.  My cousin doesn't want the motorcycles, really doesn't collect dolls and isn't into yarns but she sews and quilts and does awesome work with fabrics.

     My cousin has had high colesteral for years and has some weight issues, her doctor would like to see her drop at least 25 pounds, so that's something I don't have and sure don't envy.  And I have been known to do awesome things with both fabrics and yarns and I like those bikes and dolls, so that works really well for me.

     And I have financial stability that does not depend on someone else, so that has to matter, if her husband died, I don't know if her life would stay as good and stable, it's always been a family ranch and I don't know what that situation is and it's not my business.  But I do know she's not been employed much and so has not paid into that Social Security system any amount, so she could see draw on her husband's but I don't know if she has much built up on her own account.  I also have a pension locked that I can start drawing in just under 5 years, from a prior meat packing plant, and a 401K growing, good credit in my own name, and the house is in my name, it's my mortgage.  

     Those vehicles and the Rebel are mine, no liens against them and I have 35 more payments on the new Vespa, unless I pay it off early and I probably will.  So, ya, I have that stuff, credit cards and the worldly goods that my wages have bought me.  So, I am doing ok and no one makes the decisions in my life or how my paycheck gets spent.  Bills first here and then groceries, then if anything is left, those extra things, which includes meals out.

       And I really like being single, and don't even want to date, don't have a lot of time, seems I am busy or I have things I want to do with my time and my life and I don't want to share, not the time, not the house, not the rides, and not the paychecks.  So, really good reasons to stay single, to not date and so, despite a twinge of cousin envy, my life is working pretty good.  And I don't want her vacation or house or husband, think I have sorted out that envy and am ok with the fact that I have/had a bit of cousin envy.

Attitude and age

     I turned 60 this week, and as I do believe in reincarnation, feel I have lived before but never to this age.  Yes, I am liking this living and aging, yes, I do have pains and aches and am aging, but I love being alive and doing the living.

     I have made mistakes, poor choices, trusted those not worth trusting and been a fool, but I have grown, and learned and loved and laughed too.  This is my life to live, for the reasons I am here, even when I am not sure what those reasons are, I know God has purpose for my being here, alive at this time and for my being the person I am.

     So many choices, over the years, good choices and bad ones, appreciate and enjoy the good choices and learned from the bad ones and accepted the clean up job to put my life back in order.  That matters too, that I accept responsibility for my decisions and the results of those decisions.

     And I am not, and never have been the failure that my only daughter has told the world I am, I did not fail her, and I did not look the other way or allow anyone to abuse or molest her, ever.  I am not why she is the way she is, that is her life and her choices, not my fault, and not the fault of her children or their father.  Her decisions and her choices, no matter what she says, it is hers and hers alone.

     My days are good, and that is my choice, no matter what problems we have at work, no matter how tight the budget is, or how cold it is, how much pain I have, my days are good, because I choose to make them good and worth having days.

     I know my choices and how I choose to live just doesn't work for some people, but I am not living their lives and I am quite willing to let them have their life the way they want it or the way they make it be.  They are not running my life, earning my paycheck or paying my bills, so I don't worry too much if my choices are approved by them or not.  It's a working system for me.

     Yes, I am riding this weekend, and probably alone, and old highways that follow the rivers, slow old roads that get me down south, at an easy pace and with not a lot of traffic, most of the time.  My day to enjoy my life and my peace.  

New Rides

     Last Saturday I took some old roads down to St. Louis, new rides for me and the trip down on the Rebel was to look at new rides also, at the Europen bike shop, I am trading in the Metro for a Vespa, bigger, a bit faster, and I can afford the payments.

     I might have a local buyer for the Metro, we shook hands on a firm price, paid in cash today but the man has tried, again to get me to agree to a lower price than the 1 we shook hands on, that will not happen and I have no problems trading the Metro in on the new Vespa, bike shop has no problem with that either so truck is ready to go down, and the Metro is ready to load.

     That sort of stuff annoys me, I do not do it to others, once a price is agreed on, I pay that or I don't buy, if I cannot afford something, I accept that I don't get the item, and if I am not willing to pay their bottom price, I accept that they have that right, and since my original price for the Metro was below book, dropping it 20% was a very good deal and the man knows it, and can afford it but thinks he can push me to accept a lower price.  NO, and no I am not telling him what the bike shop will give for trade in, it is none of his business, if he wants my Metro, he can pay the agreed price, and I will not mess around after work, bike shop needs to know before closing today, that is 6:00 so I will be calling before then and loading the scooter by then.  

     And stuff like that is why trading it in is so much easier, and no one coming back, after they mess up the little machine and wanting their money back cuz the ruined the little scooter...

Flying time and old vehicles

     It seems like time has escaped me, and it is finally warm enough to pull the cover off the air conditioner and turn it on, to change the oil in the Rebel and get the battery in that and a few other things that needed done around here.  

     But the list of what still needs done is very long and my time goes by so fast.  I have spent the past week with both the car down and the truck down.  The car had transmission fluid leaking last Sunday and was towed to a shop near Pekin, the problem being the cooling lines in the radiator for that transmission fluid, not the lines to and from it but inside it.  It is now fixed and waiting for the bill to be paid and someone to go up there and get it.

     Jake has been using the truck, never a good thing but I have also neglected to keep up with maintenance on it.  The brake hoses, connecting the brake lines have gone bad, 1 started leaking and broke before Jake got the truck back home last weekend.  Ben, with some help from me, has changed 2 of the 3 hoses, replaced a very rusted brake line that broke while we were trying to get things apart but it has brakes now, we have the part to replace the back hose and that will get done once the car is home.  

     And I will be buying shocks for the front of the truck, the ones on it are very, very badly rusted and are not really road safe.  I am very glad it is warmed up enough I can plan to run the scooter to work and errands here in town.  

    My drywall work in the attic is not done, so I will have a very hot attic and we will start getting the work done soon, I know every seam sealed and every bit of insulation covered with drywall helps with the heating and cooling here but I have not put enough effort after work evenings on getting stuff ready so we could start working in the south end.  

     I keep thinking I am getting the finances in better order but now vehicles are putting me back deeper in debt, $500 on the car, not counting the trip up and back to get it home, and now the brakes and shocks on the truck.  But Ben is doing the work and I am buying the parts and some tools at Auto Zone so the costs are a lot lower than if the truck was in the shop and I know what is done.  

    The car was in the shop 3 times this winter, when I first bought it and knew it needed some work, that bill cost me more than I paid for the car, but I did also have new tires put on, and then 2 more trips back to the shop over a brake problem, which ruined a new tire and gave me another shop bill.  IF things had been done correctly and with all new parts on those rear brakes there would not have been 2 more trips into the shop and a ruined rear tire.

   Which is part of the reason I did not consider having the car towed down here but had it taken to a shop in the Pekin area instead.  And that is why Ben is doing my truck work as I buy parts, he might drive me crazy with dragging out the work some but he does live here with me supporting him and I would rather he did the work than pay for the shop I have used for over 13 years and wonder what they did not do that will become another shop trip and another shop bill that messes up my budget.

    But I did not think about those rubber brake hoses and needing to check them, nor had I looked at the shocks or such for years on the truck.  My neglect and my problems, but I will be looking over brake lines and hoses on the neon once it is home and also on the shocks so that if they need replaced, we do it before they are in as bad a condition as the ones on my truck.  

      But work is ok and stable for now, a bit less time on the clock right now so a bit smaller paychecks, but I have paid down some of my debt load and I am working to be more careful about my wasting money so I can get the debts paid down faster.  I had hoped to put some more on debt this week but instead I have added to that with parts and will add more with the shop bill up north.  

     So, I will hope that Ben and I can keep the car and truck road safe and repairs done for a while and that weather will let me run the scooter to work a lot and not put wear and miles on the vehicles or burn as much gas.

     I need to tidy up in the sewing room again, and that is another place where I seem to be dragging my ass and not getting things done, I read and knit and shut out reality far too much in the past month or so, pain levels with my hands and right foot, but the foot seems to make some progress, anti-fungus cream seems to be resolving the skin growth or whatever that is putting so much pressure on some of those damaged bones I stand on all work shift.

     But life here is quiet and calm, no huge battles or other issues, I might still not be happy with the political games and who is running for office but there is little I can do about that and I know my quiet, single life is working nicely for me, despite the vehicles having mechanical issues and sucking up a lot of money.

Stupid runs rampant

     Just strikes me some days that stupid runs rampant on Facebook and among people I actually know in the real world.  A very few funerals are 'State' events where dignitaries attend.  Most are for the grieving family and friends, our President and our First Lady do not belong there, unless they are related or friends.  The security and the media circus are not wanted or needed at a funeral, sending a donation, flowers, appropriate words of condolence is the proper action.  

     And, it was not the correct thing to cut short a months on planning political tour starting in Cuba and going to Argentina, and other countries south of the USA when the terrorists attacks took place in Brussles.  Our President was not out of touch, he was not insensitive, he was taking care of international business with our southern neighbors and was keeping in close touch with experts and his advisors both here in the States and in Europe.  Yes, the man does have knowledge of modern communications and has a good staff, and knows how to get the calls made, take the actions, direct the people he needs to direct and still work on building better working relations with our southern neighbors.  

     I think he has made his share of poor decisions and choices that did not go or do what my choice would hav been, but then, no president has either.  We are more economically stable now that we were when he took office, and we have more terrorist problems that were years in the building.   I do not know of any actions he could have taken that would not have resulted in similar issues or worse.  

     I do know the next few years could get far worse with the current slate of candidates we have running right now.  And I know I am getting too old to think it is any fun.  I like stable and I like race time.  But I am not running our country or the world so will have to work with what I have.

Making progress upstairs.

      In 1900, when this house was built, no one planned for it to have an upstairs living area, but it has been gaining on that since I bought it in July 2004 and the north sewing studio is close to done.  The windows need trimmed, as does the peg board.  And a few other small things, but I am slowly putting my sewing area back into working order and love having ceiling done and painted, walls done and painted.

     I know I have put a lot of money and time into this old house and will continue to do so, it is my place and my life and my pay checks.  This is my place, where I like being and where I do a lot of the things I enjoy.  So instead of vacations, or meals out, I would rather put the money here, long term enjoyment and improved quality of live.

     The paint on the sewing desk has had at least 72 hours of drying time now so after work I start sorting fabrics and putting them on the shelves, about 10 feet of shelves for me to play with, enough space to have a good part of my cottons easy to get to and away from any amount of light that would fade them.  

      Work needs done outside to set and level the timbers that will support the wood shop building, I want that job done so the building can be delivered.  And once that floor has been painted and given 72 hours of drying time, I start moving saws and tools and such out to it and gain back some house space, and do a lot of cleaning.  Another play area for me to put funds into, and again, an investment in my quality of life.

The sewing space.

K     I need a place to sew, to create, to dream more than I need a living room, cable tv, a significant man in my life and since 8/2004 I have been working to create a great sewing space in this old house.  That dream, my needs and a lot of money and hard work have gone into turning all that 'lost' space below the roof rafters and above the ceiling joices into not just more living space but my sewing studio.

    That first winter here was cold, but I kept replacing the plastic over the never installed north attic vent opening and my tax refund that spring put 3 windows into that space, 2 in the north end and the 3rd in the south. So, in the early spring of 2005 my attic expansion began and today the sewing desk became a reality and the sewing machines are ready to get back to doing what they do well.  A lot of small stuff yet to be done, a lot of fabric and other things yet to be put away but I finally have my studio.

     And I have a lot of tools yet to pick up and the remainder of that attic area to get finished, next is the south retreat, my current sleeping area, I will sleep in the servant's bed, tucked under the east eaves of my attic sewing studio while the south end is a work area.

     Between the 2 ends is the rather small but framed and wiring partially done future bathroom, current storage area, it might be several years before that little space is a real bathroom but the space is started.  And in the meantime, Ben and sometimes Jake will help me get the south retreat done and the timbers settled and level for the small work shop building I spent this year's federal tax refund on.  My house will feel bigger with the tools living in their own building and my radial arm saw will be easier to use out in a little wood shop than it is in my living room.

  Plans for a life beyond working in a meat packing plant, plans for me to be able to like my life, have things I enjoy doing every day, days to look forward to and places set up for me to create and build what matters to me, and it fix and repair an occasional antique, a place for the much loved bike and scooter to hide from winter weather and hopefully, down the road, a place for solar cells on a south roof to produce renewable energy and make my carbon footprint a bit smaller.

  Time for bed and another week of earning my living, paying my share of taxes and bills and being just another grain of sand in this big planet I live on.

The cost of cars....

      Well, my purchase price was reasonable for the age and condition of the neon, but now I get to keep investing money, it started with insurance before I even drove the car out of the parking lot.  Then there are the sun shade, the seat covers, the license plate frames, and today the cost of title transfer and license plates, oh, and sales tax.

     Monday the car visits Fisher Automotive, oil change, new tires, if they are in, and brake work, which might just be air in the lines but with my luck, it will be more expensive.  Getting a security key from the Dodge dealership and having that programmed will run me around $170+, but I can send Ben to Jacksonville with the car and not miss work, I sure need that paycheck.  I did order more keys and key fobs from Amazon, but it takes 2 'original' or dealer programmed keys to clone more keys.

     I want to order custom covers for the dash and back deck, or that black interior will really show sun damage here fast.  I will make the back seat cover, am sure I have plenty of fabric for that job.  And I bought a pack of cheap CDs and made the car some music disks.  

     My slush funds savings had over $3800 before buying this car, it is now down to just over $1200.  So, I have spent or invested a lot of money in the car and a bit in the house, lighting in the sewing area, a new, on sale coat for me.  And this does not cover that dealer key and programming it, or the visit at Fisher Automotive.  

     But I do need transportation and I do want something that is more space than my truck, more dry cargo area than my truck and I can afford this car and to have my truck repaired.  I will put my tax refund to good use on the truck repair costs, and other needs.  My wish list for that tax refund had stayed small and now that I bought the neon, it will stay very small.

     And it has been too cold to play with my new car, so I hope to have it warm up a bit and get the seat covers on, the license plates on, start the car and get it turned around, and give Ben a chance to at least sit in it.

     Now, it is time to head for bed, know I get to go to work tomorrow and will again turn down the chance to go home and have a day off, JBS is having our supervisors keep the manning very tight, both Monday and Tuesday someone in our area has gone home soon after start up.  And I will keep saying no, I now have a truck in the shop with a big repair bill and a used car that needs tired and brake work before I can start driving it safely...

Well, at least I got the photo up on my blog.

     But none of the fun stuff, like the brakes are way, way to soft and not very responsive for my liking, the tires look ok but I want far better road gripping tread on tires so they will be replaced also.  The interior is very clean and in very good shape but black, so I will be doing beige or tan seat covers, back deck and front dash cover or the critter will cook here with no garage or car port.  I picked it up off Craig'sList, about as soon as the seller posted it, I was awake and going o try and copy/paste the BMW convertible I was drooling over to share with my pal Mike Ferrin and up pops this for sale car, priced at $1800, good buy at the condition the car is in, below KBB value for private sale.

  The weather looked to get ugly by evening so Ben and I headed out early and it was getting ugly by the time we made it to the PizzaHut meeting place in Lincoln IL.  Met the seller, but not his wife, in their bigger vehicle, with the kids and parked a very safe distance from the little red car.  Very safety smart family. I liked that. But the roads coming home got worse and worse long before we found our way back to Wall St. and parked both the little red car and Jake's jeep.

  Now, I start spending money, title transfer fee, sales tax, current registration, renew the plates on my old truck also, 1 stop spending into the state revenue coffers.  That will be Tuesday.  The car only had 1 key and it is chipped security key, and 1 key fob, so that is a call to the dealership in J-vile to hopefully order a couple correct, chipped, expensive keys and another key fob.  Monday's 'car is costing me money' thing.  And stop by Fisher Automotive to set up appointment about those squishey brakes I do not like, an oil change and please order correct for the car tires with far more road gripping tread for my driving security.

  I will be moving funds from slush funds to support this new to me car, and that will include seat covers, custom dash and back deck covers, I already picked up a steering wheel cover so that is done.  And since the car has a CD player, I need to make some car CDs and get some sort of small storage bin that will fit in that between the seats storage critter.  The back seat will need a cover, I will pull out fabrics and make that. 

     And the truck will still get repaired and come home to be the old house and other jobs truck and the back up for the Back Up,   Buying this car, now, I feel, is a good decision but I know it eats into my hobby/wood/bike building funds.  So, I plan to start out taking good care of this purchase, do have insurance on it, did that at PizzaHut, after paying for the car and while sharing a meal with Ben.  It will impact doll spending funds but the truck has already done that.

     It will not impact my on going old house project, which has ceiling paint drying with wall paint going on soon.  I will cry about the cost and arrange to have 4 sheets of drywall delivered from my 'up the street' place of business, where I also have a paid in full account.  They will deliver, and the fee is not that bad, the cost per sheet is higher than buying it out of town but the truck down did that in and it is either my attic job is on hold for a month or more or I get the needed drywall here in town.  

     A month delay is not workable if I am to remain sane and live in this house.  My sleeping area in the attic is a disaster, I have no sewing area, I have stuff everywhere, dolls are packed up once again and the attic is drafty, or draftier than it will be once all the drywall and osb is installed, seams done, a bit of foam in a can used to seal up some drafts.  And it will be cleaner, better organized and way past time I got that work done.

     Ben is my labor while he is living here, not always the best at getting with the needed work but he does a good job, just drags things out and doesn't put in a lot of work time when he could.  Progress is progress, and he lives here, I am supporting him and he is my 'free' labor for now.

   So, a nice car to drive once again and not bad on gas, I will flag the antenna so I can find it, that will take some time, once I am driving it to work, to recognize my own car.  

New to me car, and old house progress.

Changes in spending plans here

     The old truck has developed huge transmission issues that will be very costly to fix, still cheaper and better choice than a different vehicle, at least at this time, a key and note in the box for my mechanic, the loan of a vehicle from son Jake and I will get by until the truck is fixed and home.

     The old house will still make some progress on improvements, the north end of the attic right now, and I will continue with plans for the hobby shop building I sent plans to builder for and have funds set aside to pay for.

     I am ok with keeping the truck, and can afford that easier than I can afford to buy another used vehicle at this time.  But I will keep working toward the goal of being able to buy new, under good warranty in the future, 3-5 years down my road.

     My spending was done and I was on my way home when the transmission went out, Ben and Jake came to my rescue so my building supplies are home, the truck is at the shop and my 2 paid days off are going ok.  It will give me back part of that blasted credit debt I just paid down, but I can manage that, and I will gladly work any offered overtime, still be able to have money going into 401 and savings, so will manage here.

     It does stop me from buying any dolls I really don't need at this time, or ordering any yarns I don't need right now, but it will not hugely re-order my little life here.  And I can happily keep driving that old truck for years, hauling the building supplies, getting me to work and such, and know I will be running that Metro or that Rebel once the warm weather returns.

     But, maybe I will just tuck back into bed for a nap this very early morning and be glad I have a home, food, a job and a life that really does work for me.

401K moved, 1 pension locked, the other cashed outn

     And that cash out has paid down credit, arranged for a hobby building to be built and set on my site, has bought some goodies, filled the cupboards, and given me some additional financial stability for my long term future.
     That long, hard battle to recover enough to return to work, that daily battle with pain and people to be at work, to do the job to the best of my ability, the change of jobs, in plant, and the continued battle to rebuild my life, to stay employed is why I had that cash out oppertunity and I do appreciate it and know I did earn it.
     And I have again moved, in plant, to another job, qualified and now own that easier on my aging body, and I will continue to earn my living, continue to build that 401 stuff, pay into the tax system, work down my debt load, pay down my mortgage.  I will slowly keep working on old house repairs, and slowly work on chasing some of my silly dreams.
     The hobby building will give my wood shop tools a home, and in time, wiring so they run without me needing extension cords and they will give my scooter and my Rebel a dry winter home that is not inside my house.
     I have worked hard to get here, where I am right now, with a really good credit rating, with a job I should be able to work long term and might even pick up some daily overtime, that remains to be seen and I can live without that extra money, but know my savings and 401 are on a % so the more I earn, the more they get each week.
     The medical bills should be all paid off this month, and I will be very glad to see those behind me, the dental appointment is done and no additional costs there, the optical appointment has been done and I now have a paid for smart phone with a year of paid for service.  Small things but things that matter in my small world.
     I paid $1000 on my mortgage principal this week, and have been paying a bit extra on each payment.  That will continue and the tax refund might allow me to pay another $1000 or so on that principal,  I know it is not a big loan but I want get it paid down all I can while I am working.
     And I start every day counting my blessings and end my days counting my many blessings.

Moving on, forgiving and people that matter

     There are very few people around now that knew me when I was a child, a young woman, growing up.  Oh, there are plenty of people still living but not that I have any contact with.  I have moved too much, gone so far away, not come back 'home' often enough to keep that contact going.
     So, the few that do exist and are, in some way, a part of my life now really do matter, even if there has become issues that have pushed us farther apart.
     I wish I had tucked my pride and ego into my back pocket and said those words I had ready, for years, I forgive, I even do understand some of why and how and all that stuff, you matter, ya, the truth mattered a lot then, but you still mattered more then and do now.
     Michael, I have known you since I was 16, and cared, built you and your life into some magical 'he got it right, did it right' think in my head.  Thought of you when I was at low points and remembered you saw something special in me, when no one else did, that you cared and thought me worth caring about when it seemed that no one else did, and that mattered, that made a huge difference in my getting through those bad, hard, rough times.
     Six years ago, a bit more, we got back in touch, much older, far from where we were when we were young, and a long way from the very young people we were back then.  And a choice I made to go to town, on my day off, a choice someone else made, and my world, my life, my future changed when that Buick crossed the center line and smashed hard into the front of my little red, much loved truck.
     My life changed, my world became a pain filled nightmare that seemed to have no end, but you were there, you were light and comfort and solid ground.  When I needed dreams of a good future on the other side of a long and pain filled healing, you helped me build those dreams, helped me get through that long hard first months.
     But, you also deceived me, lied to me about financial issues, stupid, ya, easy for me to find out, ya, damn, the little things you didn't know about the woman I had grown into.  Like, I do my own taxes, like,  I think and run financial things in my head.    
      I thought a lot about you, about the time I spent with you during my accident recovery and what a big and valuable part of my recovery that time, and you were.  About the reasons we 'fell out' and that I missed you, but know our lives, for many reasons, both big and small were heading in different directions.  I can't cry and grieve over that, it would not change any of the past, nor would it build a road to the future.
     As I go through the minutes and hours of my quiet little life, my work shift, my home time, my thoughts and prayers often are for you, with you and knowing that I am, again, finding ways to let you go, to accept that I will never make it back west to see you and talk with you, laugh with you, get a big hug from you, say so many things that matter.
     Know that you matter, know that I am working hard to keep my life on a workable track, my finances out of the red, my old house making progress.  Know that I am a better person for our friendship, for the time I have known you and spent with you.  I pray for your healing, and I pray for all of us to cope, and accept what God and life hand to us, and know that the prognosis for your future is not bright and rosy.
     I miss you, my friend, and I pray for you.
    

Cell phone entertainment

     I have used prepaid cell service for almost 13 years, cheap, poor quality phones and very low budget costs for the phone and service.  And it has worked and seems to keep working, not those phones, I have no idea how many cheap cell phones I have gone through in those years, about 2 years per phone or so would be my guess and very low budget, and low quality.

     So, more than a year ago I ditched the land line, the lousy quality of that service that kept getting more and more costly and the very poor internet service I also was paying for with that land line.  I went to my local cable company for JUST internet service, no tv service, no cell service and no phone service, because I just did not need them.  And I still do not.

     But I have decided I do want a good quality unlocked, will work with my current prepaid cell service that runs me around $200-225/year.  And, normal for me on such purchases, I started looking at unlocked cell phones, both on line and at Best Buys and our local Walmart, not saying those stores sell or promote those unlocked phones but I knew I could often find that same phone, unlocked for sale on line, but I could see, touch, handle that display phone in the store.

     And I Googled for reviews, was entertained by 'destroy the phone' videos, Motorola droid Turbo 2 won that contest hands down, and I liked the 1 I saw in the store, but for ram, hard drive and costs, it fell short on the first 2 and ran high on the last one. But I still liked the video and how tough that phone is.  But I am not buying, it is too over priced, it has too little a hard drive and it doesn't have as much ram as I would like. 

  So, having finally made the decision of which phone I wanted, which brand, model and so forth, I then went shopping for where was the best place to buy this item.  Which ended up being from the maker, gee, that works for me, and no, I am not buying Apple.  I wanted android based and also a phone that there was a jailbreak or re-rooting out there already.  I will be wanting rid of all that bloat ware, apps I have no use for that come pre-installed and will not leave without re-rooting.  Apple calls that jail breaking and has actually gotten a law passed so it really is illegal to remove the original operating system, software, and install a custom one.  Some companies void a warranty for that and some say 'have fun' and think if developers can make improvements and on their devices, all the better, works well for Google and their Nexus line, but I am not buying a Nexus phone either.  

     But Asus made the Nexus 7 and they make great quality tech things, including cell phones, my new phone will be 128G, 4G ram, cool, purple back, good price which includes a screen protector and case.  My coming phone is the Asus ZenFone 2, and I will be pleased when it gets here and once it is all set up.

     But putting it on my credit card proved another entertainment.  My credit rating is just at the low side of excellent, and I am not buried in debt, and have several major credit cards, 2 of which are from my very big, nationwide bank, as opposed to my local, has my house loan and safety deposit box bank.  So, I thought, as it is the easiest of my credit cards to make payments on, I would use that bank plastic, the cards that live tucked away and rarely get used.  And the order would not go through, it was refused by the credit card,  strange, I thought and tried again, but again that automatic system refused the charge, but they also sent me fraud alerts....about 3 of them that I then got to deal with.  I got out another credit card, which gladly accepted the charge, so the order did get placed and I did deal with the fraud alerts, Yes, that was really me, yes I really was trying to place that order.....

     Last night I was annoyed, it made a purchase a real hassle, and a trip up and down stairs several times, which hurts, with that big black dog helping or hindering, which is another hassle at times.   And I know the big hassle comes when that phone arrives and I battle setting it up, getting my service changed to that new phone, which, like the current cell phone, will live in the kitchen most of the time, it the case, being quiet.  And I know I will probably end up re-rooting that new phone, but not right away, but I will probably be setting up the needed filed for that re-root and tweak stuff in my laptop in the next few days so it is handy when I am fed up with those blasted not needed, not wanted, in my way apps that come pre-installed.

     Companies like Amazon, EBay, Twitter and so forth actually pay to have those apps, their apps pre installed and not removable in that new phone, and most people either use them or ignore them but I get in a snit fast when they take up MY space in MY device I paid for, when they want to download their updates for something I have NO need or want in MY device.....  And as much as I love my Apple devices, that is an issue I have with them and their pre-installed apps, I did discover I can tuck some into a 'folder' and I did all I could to keep them inactive and from wanting updates or anything else.

     But I want android for a smart phone, and a BIG amount of data space.....and that means I want rid of anything I have no use for, like sports, or financial, I can download and install the apps I want, buy an app if it suits me...  And I am glad my credit cards attached to my bank where my paycheck goes every week are so well screened...but it was an annoyance last night.

Changing employers

     Thursday was the last production day for Cargill Meat Solutions, Monday we go to work for JBS and an hour later than our normal start time.  I have done some of the needed stuff with my Cargill Pension and with my 401K plans so at least that is started.
     Yesterday I picked up my new Arizona boot, that brace I wear.  The new one is full base, not the full foot I expected and that had to be cut back some and the tongue of the brace was way too wide so Hanger changed that and the brace and I went to walk in the Mall and see if there were any fit/pain issues that developed with walking.  I did ok and picked up some bright pink laces for it.
     We are having a cool and wet weekend so far, I am hiding in my attic sewing space and did get another doll dress done.  Tomorrow I will work on making a new bodice pattern for my Wiggs Nelly body and a dress for Laryssa, probably the fall fabric I picked up at JoAnn's Friday.  I might try and sell some of my work at the doll convention in St. Louis I am attending in 2 weeks.  But for now, I am working with making some pattern pieces that will allow me to create several styles for the dolls.
     I worked with updating the music in my devices last weekend and with the new laptop to remove Microsoft apps I did not want and to set some things to suit me.  Now, all the removable memory is in the laptop bag except the portable drive, and I am working on getting my bookmarks and stuff set up, a little at a time. but
     I did go to Best Buy while I was in town and looked at a lot of things there, the newest iPad is not in stock yet, the Pro which is bigger than I want, I like my Nexus 7, and I like my iPad 3, but am looking to replace it with the newest version in the same size, with bigger hard drive.  I had hoped to see a new release in that 'classic' or original size but they released another mini and the Pro.  I like the physical size I have but know with my luck Apple will put out a newer and better version within 2 months of my buying the most current model out.
    But life here is quiet, or is most of the time, Shadow whines, the parrots do their loud and annoying noises, especially if I try and use the phone but life is calm and I am content.   The bill are getting paid on time,, there is food in the house and no one is driving me crazy.
     I did check my credit rating on line tonight and it is excellent, and I have worked to get it there.  I am hoping to make good progress on paying down the credit debt this winter and on the attic work.  It would be nice to get all the drywall up in both the north sewing area and the south retreat area. 
     Not a lot to say, I work, and do dishes, cook some, read, knit and sew, and like the quiet life and not having a dating relationship.  It has been years now since I had a significant relationship, some dating that never got very important since Miguel returned to Mexico and for close to 2 years now, I have not even been dating. 
     I do think or day dream about men from the past, long ago past, and hope they have or had a good life, it is ok to build day dreams while I work, makes the time and job go faster but I know it is jut silly entertainment to get through the work shift.  I am not the scared and messed up young woman I was back then, back in South Carolina, and I am so glad I made it to where I am now with so little damage.  It took me a very long time to become capable or running my own life, of knowing I was capable of far more than anyone ever believed I could do or become. 
     I like this very independent and stable me, and I work hard to be this woman I have become.  And I paid the price for all those hard lessons.  I know others don't understand, not a problem, it is not their life, it is mine and I am doing just fine taking care of it MY way.
     I am looking forward to the adjustment to a new company in the same plant, doing the same job, at least for now.  I know we will keep fighting with the old scald tank and the old dehair machine but maybe there will be more effort to keep the people who should monitor those things to be doing their job so we have less problems with our jobs down the line but I don't expect any huge changes or improvements any time soon.
    Now, back to the book I am reading and think about getting to bed,

My Sunday progress

     I got with the house cleaning, some was done upstairs yesterday but today I worked in the downstairs bedroom and hauled out 3 bags to the trash, the small book shelves belonging to Jake are now out of there and stored out if my way, the radial arm saw is clean and I used it this weekend to cut the wood bases for the doll clothing racks that will be my presentation at the doll club meeting this next Sunday.  The belt sander and the band saw are back under the house, my big wood equipment moved to the living room when we worried about flooding and I am working on getting it back there or up for sale or donated, depending on what is is and why.

     I do have the radial arm saw up for sale now, posted on 2 Facebook groups for that, will see what happens.  I told Ben I am willing to consider turning that bedroom into a wood shop and winter bike garage if the saw does not sell at my very reasonable price.  I want to move down to the bedroom but I can really see me making a bike and play with wood area out of it for a few years also.  I know me.

     And I can finally get into the Cargill benefits site and register, I cannot pull up the pension plan information but at least the site will let me register.  The company is holding meetings for us this coming Tuesday for pension information and I will make the one after I get off work.  They actually have a 3 day schedule but since I need to start looking into what I can do and make a decision, based on what I feel is my best long term choice, the sooner I have information, the sooner I can start some number crunching and shoving and look at the long term effect of each choice I will have so I can hopefully choose the one that has the best chance of making my long term life better.

     I will be able to roll over my 401K plans, and hope to take the 2 pre tax ones and combine them.  I do not want to see the smaller 1 cashed out, with the taxes and penalty that goes with that choice if it can be put with the the other 1 and keep growing.

     And I might see the Kaye Wiggs doll that I paid for and preordered this past January with some of my tax refund some time this month.  I had thought I might get some sewing done for her but have not had the time this weekend.  But my sewing space is much closer to being a usable area once again and that is a huge step in the right direction.

     The current socks are for Ben, his red yarn from last tax refund yarn stash buy and I am to the heels on both, 1 has the heel picked up and ready to work and I hope before I go to bed to get the second 1 to that place but it will probably be tomorrow or later.

that new Laptop

     Well, I finally made a decision and ordered direct from Toshiba, and the shipment got tangled in a customs snag but finally came.  And I am starting to add my favorite web sites, have to move my music to iTunes still but at least I have started on the set up.
     Cargill is still doing the change over with JBS, our soon to be new owner, it should be final by the end of next month.  I do not expect huge change for most of us in production, but we will have some changes, just no idea what they will be.
     Here, at home, it is wind down time, the Fall Festival at Clayville is done, and now we have Fall Festival in town, and get ready for winter.  I need to do some outside clean up still, mow again and so forth.  It will soon be time to pull the batteries from the bike and scooter and get covers on them for the winter but the weather is still nice enough to ride some.
     I need to get clean up done here in the house also, and both Ben and Jake are to clean up and get their stuff out of my living spaces, no more computer parts, no more scattered papers and so forth, books.  I need to be able to clean and I need to be able to start tearing down the damaged ceiling tiles so they can be replaced and then the walls repaired and painted.  I really want to get moved back down to my bedroom this winter or early spring.
     But, for the most part, my life here is calm and quiet, the house has not made a lot of progress this summer but it has made some.  And I need to start cleaning out unwanted stuff and junk, sorting and making order out of my chaos upstairs.  And I need to keep a tighter budget here, work harder on paying down my debt load, using my credit wiser or Not At All.
      I do like my life, not dating works well for me, and I like how my life is working out, the more I do not date, the more I like who I am and what I am doing with my life.