Feeling sorry for myself

I try and not do that very often, feel sorry for myself, wallow in self pity, or even think I have a rough/hard life because I know I have a good life, despite a few problems, some pain issues, too much debt load, old house needing a lot of work and money.
I have a good employer and good supervisors to work under, good co-workers to work with, a very short drive to work, a scooter that is paid for and in good shape and gets great gas milage for that short ride to work.  A lot more things to be thankful for and to appreciate but there are still times I feel sorry for myself.
And envy, ya, that green eyed monster stuff shows up now and then too.  But then I remind myself that I might not have gotten that cute bjd (ball jointed doll)that she got recently but I do have central air that works and a great unit up in the attic that makes a huge difference up stairs and I do most of my own home repairs.
The landing framed  up well, my sons were good help but I was the one who had it planned out and made sure it was done and done right, and I will get the needed step built this coming weekend, and the decking will go on next weekend.
So, I can't afford to go to the 40th year class reunion this month, I can get by in life without going, and so, I have not done as well with my life as some of those I graduated with.  I can live with that, with the choices I made and the mistakes I have made and had to deal with. 
The flax I planted at Clayville.org did well this first year and now is field retting, I ripped it last weekend, which means I removed the seed pods and I am slowly cleaning them, along with leaves and dirt, hopefully I will get it all sifted out by the end of this coming weekend and have some mature seed to mix with what I will buy next spring for re-planting.
I did get a pair of mittens done and the next pair started and have a lot of yarn to enjoy, stockings I am knitting for my 1820's clothing for Clayville and a sweater started I need to find time to work on, and bobbin lace to play with.
My life is pretty good, our weather has been cooler this summer so that has helped things grow with little watering and my grape vine put out it's first grapes this year, concord, not enough for much but eating but they are picked and Jake will help me get them eaten.
Ben managed to loose a key off the keyboard for my Nexus 7, I am not happy about that, but Ben is the kid that looses keys and it is not the first time a keyboard has lost keys with his help. I doubt if it is ever found, if it hit the floor and the foolish dog found it, he chewed it  up.
So, I can whine about that or I can be glad I have my iPad and my Nexus 7 and all the other goodies I enjoy, even the ones that don't get used very often.
The company picnic is at Knight's Action Park and I signed up 4 guests and plan to take Ben, Jake, Darcy and maybe Larry.  But I want 2 vehicles so I can leave the kids to play and escape when it suits me.  So, another thing to appreciate in my little life, the perks that come with where I work, paid vacations, paid play, and ok paychecks.
I dream about what I would do with lottery money but know it would create a mess and lots of problems, fun day dreams while working a labor job but it is only day dreams, not reality and I can get by with what I earn.  But funds to pay off the debt load, and to contract out work here and get this house done, like I dream of having it sounds good any day.  Little by little I am making improvements, and I accept the reality that I might never have this house finished before I die.  Discouraging thoughts but very possibly the real future here. 
In the meantime, I keep working on things, and enjoying living here and liking my life, and work on not feeling sorry for myself when I know how good my life really is. 

Catching up some

The plant is working 4 day weeks some this month so I put my paperwork in for a paid vacation day so  the paycheck would not be too short and then put today to good progress on the landing between the kitchen door and the new patio.

Ben and Jake were great help and the landing is waiting for decking and I hope in 2 weeks to have the funds to buy the needed lumber for that part.

This does not make the kitchen door a working door but it is getting closer, and I like how our little landing is looking.  It will need 1 step between it and the patio to pass any insurance inspections but that will not be a hard build.

And the boys went off to the movies so Shadow and I enjoyed a quiet house.  I got the tools all put properly away and then a shower, played on line some, hunted down some doll clothes to try on a doll from the recent UFDC convention.  And I knit on my mittens, watched some DS-9, put a few things away while I was looking for some of those doll clothes.

Finances are tight, will stay tight but life here still feels pretty good to me. The old house has made some important progress, my debt load creeps down a tiny bit every month, I keep working and life keeps being good.

We had a bit of rain this evening and so far this summer few of the nights have been very warm so the attic space has stayed comfortable also, and I hope to see a reasonable utility bill again next month.

Way past my bedtime now.