Rally Week, ya, we still have Covid-19 to deal with but-

      And day shift Kill worked so I spent my Saturday reminding myself that I could cope with whatever and whoever.  But I am home, up in my studio, and have a lot that I want to get done before heading down to St. Louis for the rally.

     I'm staying at an Airbnb that I stayed at earlier this summer when I took the Liberty down for service, it's an easy walk to Diana's Bakery, in a very nice vintage/historic house and that's already paid for, my gas funds and play funds are out of savings and what Ben owes me.  He will be doing a prepaid Visa card for me to use.  That will be a very new experience for me but safer for me financially.

     And yes, we are still wearing masks, yes, we will have them at the rally, in fact, that's the theme this year and I have some fabric that is very MartiGraw masks looking and have cut masks from that but still need to do the sewing.  And I need a new tool roll as I don't yet have 1 in the LXV which is what I will be riding this year.

     It's starting to get cooler now, down to 42 this morning, but I haven't yet brought the potted plants inside and that will be done before I head down to St. Louis. I have a list that is growing for what all I need to do before heading down to the rally, including some repair work on the LXV.

     Politics is either interesting or just downright scary, Trump is still lying most or all the time, Bill Barr is looking more like the general at the New Dictatorship and Biden is doing his best to show all of us that we still do have some adults left in the government that do know and like our constitution.  I never had any desire to be living in such an absolute 'this has to be fiction' reality but that's what we have here in the USA.  

     My life has had a lot of ups and downs, I wasn't raised to be independent, I wasn't taught good life skills, I was terribly stupid about a lot of things, like Job Service, factories have jobs that make a good living.  I made a lot of mistakes and poor choices but learned from them.  I didn't have the best parenting skills but I didn't grow up with really great parentings examples to learn from or to help build that foundation.  But I was raised with good work skills, with a lot of other 'stuff' that has helped me fix my mistakes, learn to research first, but most of all, I learned to Not trust, and that I was more capable than I was taught to believe.  

     So, at 64, I do like myself and how I am living my life.  I know my flaws and I know which ones I am willing to work to change and which I think will just be how I am, at least for now.

Life in a Pandemic

     I never expected to be living in a pandemic, it was not on my list of realities but that's what the world has now.  Covid-19, originated in Horseshoe bats in China, been making life hard, challenging, and deadly around the world now.  It's been over 6 months to get to where we are now.
     But so far I am safe and still working, still living my funny little single life.  Still riding scooters and still needing to put more effort into house and yard work.
      But today was a fun ride over to West Quincy for cigarettes for Ben, check if motorcycle shop had filters for my rides, they didn't, buy food for Blue quaker, and enjoy some road time.  I miss runs down the river to St. Louis, way too much closed, way too much health risks for the fun I have enjoyed past summers.
      My long-planned vacation to Colorado was postponed and I spent my week off here and didn't get much done.  I did brood and pout some, did work on a few things but think I just felt sorry for myself and the situation.  Our current administration and president is a disaster that just keeps getting worse.  I keep thinking he has hit the bottom of that and then something else is done or said or happens,
     Ben is doing ok, he's talking needing a low budget and economical car and also looking for a place to buy, he is not wanting to keep renting and there are issues with the current situation, renting the upstairs in a house,  I won't discourage buying, it works for me and I do like my old house, even when I spend $$$ on non-essentials instead of old house repairs.
     Jake called this week, on a tear about what his paternal grandmom wrote in her little more fiction than fact history of Lily Park and her family.  He's upset about her lies and bad mouthing me and how she treated his dad.  I told him I am fine, she is years dead and hasn't been able to hurt me or do me any damage for a very long time.  That my life here is good and it works well for me.  She and what she wrote are just not important, really, and that he just needs to let it go. 
     I have worked to make this life good for me, and it gave all my sons a place to come live when they needed that.  And it keeps giving me that, a job that pays more than my living, a town I am ok with living in, and more importantly, a life that is mine and lived my way.
      I started reading Mary Trump's book and find it interesting, but it's also already having me look at my past, at my family and what influences and patterns and so forth have been a part of my life, including all the poor decisions and poor sense of self-worth.   I was raised with, some of which still makes some waves in my emotional pond.  I cannot change the past, and I certainly cannot change who my grandparents and parents were but I have quit letting some of that continue to damage my life and quit measuring myself by their yardsticks.
     I sometimes am lonely, but I have chosen wisely for my life and future, and now, at 64, there is NO way I want to make any amount of changes to how I live or how my earnings are spent or share my space, my home.
     I am working on trying to eat better-balanced meals, that's a huge challenge for me, I don't dislike veggies, I just forget about them far too often.  Like I can go weeks without eating any, forget to put them on the grocery list, forget to buy them.  Before the pandemic and everywhere shut down I think my trips to Hibachi Grill and their great foods, especially veggies was my easy fix, not often enough bur far more often than I have since early March.   So, now I am making more effort, have decided I can afford baby carrots, they make a good and healthy snack, far better for me than lots of jelly beans and M&'s are. 
     And I am trying to put some order in my attic area, both the studio and the south retreat.  I tossed some stuff out, I boxed up some of the dolls, I sorted through a plastic tote bin, still need to decide what to do with some of the stuff out of it, but the fabric mountain is now in the tote and the desk chair that needs to be thrown away is downstairs.  There is still a LOT more that I need to do but I did get started and have made a dent in the mess.  I really do like my old house and my life here, and I have put so much work and $$ into this place and into creating this attic space.  But when it's a mess I am NOT able to enjoy my studio or my retreat, and the mess was mine, no one did it to me.  I worked on the storage area, that someday might become a bathroom, during the week some, and now have started tackling the other areas. 
     I am a little blue today, or this evening, sorting head things out, and that's always going to have some blue spots, not deep dark depression, just a bit sad.  The past is done, it cannot be changed, I can 'walk through my memories' and put them into perspective, and understand better and grow some, balance some and accept what cannot be changed, especially when it's other people and I can't get answers, asking the questions of the dead just doesn't get answers.  I've done plenty of that and it doesn't change. 
     But I'm going to shut down up here in the studio for tonight and get myself fed and try to put me into bed and asleep at a more reasonable time, for a change.

Covid-19

  It seems like a tiny thing, a little virus, apparently from a bat common in China but it's now spread worldwide, killing thousands and changing life for almost everyone on this planet. It will be many months before there is a vaccine and in the meantime, here in the USA with our for Profit health care system and our narcissist, greedy, tiny minded and egocentric president, we are heading into a huge recession or depression and the death toll grows rapidly every day.
    Food production plants are still working but a lot of the USA is shut down with no idea when things will be back to some sort of normal.  I am part of that working group of people with the rest of our plant.  But it's got some crazy spots, like all the people running about with spray bottles of sanitizer and cloths to wipe down stair railings, locker doors, bathroom stall doors, our cafeteria tables, and benches.  The newest change is an earlier start time to Kill floor, the idea is to try and give some time separation between A shift and B shift. 
    We have more than 2500 people every day in and out of our plant and from a huge area of this state, some travel over 60 miles each way, every day for work.  So the possibilities of someone bringing this virus into the plant and sharing it are huge.  Especially as this virus might not even be severe enough for a person to realize they have it, and it's contagious for a long period of time.  This means that most of the employees, the contractor's employees could all be exposed before anyone knew we had a case in the plant. 
    Add in the fact that the USA has not enough testing kits, and are only testing Sick people unless you are rich or rich and famous.  This is that 'interesting times' in that Chinese curse.  May you live in interesting times was not about a lot of fun and holidays, it's stuff like this that we very spoilt Americans have NO idea of how to cope or what to do.
     So, I really need to update that will, I am in that 'high risk' group, high risk of death stuff and the current will was done when Jake was still in high school.  He's now turning 31 next month, and my life has gone through some changes so that's on my list of stuff to do this coming week, I have both Sunday and Monday off and with the internet and a computer, and we know I have more than 1 of those things and a printer, and yes, that lives here too.
     I want it warm enough to get a scooter out and take a ride, and I want my old 'normal' life back and NOW would work fine.  But that scooter ride depends on the weather and March has decided to go out like a lion so I don't expect to have the scooters out very soon.  And that virus will set our schedules for some time to come.  It would be nice to think it would clear up soon but the darn virus seems to have a long life span, at least 17 days on a solid surface and a person can have a 14 day time period from exposure to showing symptoms, with most of that they are contagious.  It is going to be a long and hard spring.
     But my life here is really good, I have a life I do like and I know I have worked hard to make this life work, to have the financial stability that I now have, and the stuff that I own, from the scooters to my dolls to the fabrics, yarns and such that I enjoy.  The road has had some rough spots but those have made me a much stronger and more confident person and smarter, harder and tougher.
     I miss eating out in a restaurant, take out is NOT the same, and I miss the doll club meetings, they are canceled for now.  I miss trips down to St. Louis and the shops I go to down there and the places I like to see, and the people down there that I enjoy seeing.  I know it's all still there, and I will be going again, just not on my next paid day off.  It has become 1 of my favorite ways to spend a paid day off, early morning run down to the city and Diana's Bakery and then off to MotoEuropa to visit and drop off a box of bakery goodies, look at the rides and talk bike talk, eat at Triumph Grill and then off to do a bit of shopping before heading back home.  Scooter runs when the weather is good, and a car trip when it's not.
     But for now, I have 6 day work weeks, plenty of sewing projects and some knitting ones to work on and picked up tacos from my convenient taco truck so that took care of supper.  My house is warm and I have food, the car has plenty of gas and the price of that is very low.  My credit rating is solid, and my finances keep working, bills get paid on time, debt is going down and savings are growing.  My health is stable, which means my arthritis is livable, my allergies are not too bad and there is no one making a mess of my finances, my house or my emotional stability.  I still want the dog gone but I still feed him and walk him and clean up dog hair everywhere.