My new ride, Fraelsi

My new ride, Fraelsi
Fraelsi means Freedom in Farose

Wednesday, July 25, 2018

Counting down to Vacation

     Right now work has some issues, maintenance issues at the front end had us standing around way too much today, we had some product, and a gap and then a bit more and another gap and the day drug on until after 2:30.  We will be working Saturday, and I am not complaining, I can sure use the $$.
     I did get out and set up the little tent Jake gave me, and there is no way I can take it to Michigan Fiber Festival and camp 4 nights in that tent.  It cannot be fastened down to the ground well enough to be secure in any amount of wind and it will not be dry if there is any rain.  So, I ordered a better 1 that should be here early next week.  I will also pick up seam coating stuff and some water proof spray so I can treat all the seams and the cover here, once it comes.  I do not want to be soaked or have my stuff soaked, and there is no weather control.
     That standing around give my brain too much time to wander around, and it has been dragging out some of the trash from the past, yes, I need to sort our and 'clean out' some of that, there is no changing the past or mistakes and poor choices I made in the past, I have grown a lot and changed a lot, I am not the same woman I was at 21 or 25 or even 45.
     I might create silly day dreams but I am firmly rooted in the real world and know who I am and what I want and need in my life.  I don't need or want a romantic or intimate relationship with anyone, I don't want a companion, a live in or a man to complicate my life and my enjoying my life.
     It is my life now and my time and my chance to do things I have wanted to do most of my life, to go when I want to go and where I want to go.  The new tent will easily pack on the GTS that I recently bought and we can go camping where I want to camp, just me and the scoot, I can run the roads I want to run, see the places I want to see on my own time schedule.
     Living alone here once again is working, some adjusting and some issues, like pet care when I am going to be gone very long/overnight but I will work on that, Ben is still living close and I have a pal or 2 I can trust with a key to the house.
     Finances are snug right now but the paychecks are improving, and that will help the finances.  All my medical bills are paid off right now, Lowes is paid off, Bergners has closed their credit accounts so that 1 was paid off and is now also closed. 
     I have changed my car insurance from Progressive to Geico and that should same me some $ also.  I will also change the bike insurance but not this week, juggling money some right now, have a lot that has to be paid in the next couple weeks, and that I want paid before I head off on vacation.
     It's been 12 years since I went to Michigan Fiber Festival, and that time I took angry, unhappy, pregnant Cami with me, 14, and in the middle of a huge family conflict, she needed away before her parents could abuse her more than they had.  My daughter has not yet made peace with me for standing up for Cami's right to make the decisions about the pregnancy.  Her mother knew she was having sex with a 28 year old man that Stormy worked with and didn't care, but was going to force Cami to terminate the pregnancy because of the problems it made in Stormy's life. 
     That is not a decision that others should make for a woman, regardless of age.  She is the 1 who has to live, the rest of her life with that decision, push counseling, push thinking about what your life will be like 5 years from now, 10 years from now, but let that woman make her own choice for the reasons she believe are right for her. 
    For most of my life I had let others make my choices for me, and did what they wanted me to, tried to be the person they thought I should be. And I still have some anger issue about that but you can't reason with the dead, you can't change the dead and the only thing you can do is look at all the reasons why they might have made those choices, why they did what they did, learn from it and move on. 
     So, the first and so far, only trip to Michigan Fiber Festival had some kid issues, but I really enjoyed it and this time I am going alone- ok, so not quite alone, I'm taking a 12" doll for company, she will not take up space, won't eat anything, won't complain, and I might have some fun with photo ops.  I need to dig out some patterns her size and make her a few things, if they are not finished, 1 can finish them up at Allegan.

Thursday, July 19, 2018

Work, weekends and vacation time.

     Work is ok, longer days which means a few more $ in the paycheck, which sure helps, I'm running a very tight budget, my own not being careful enough with spending and buying the GTS is a huge part of that.   But I refuse to have regrets and I did sell the Rebel and paid down credit debt with most of the $.
      Last weekend I got pal Kim to go with me to play in St. Louis, she needed a go play break, she's an only child and now dealing with aging issues for her parents, her mom requires far more care and supervision than Dad can provide and is now residing in a nursing home, doesn't know Kim or her husband when they visit.  Kim and her parents are very close, and this is so hard for her.  Watching and dealing with a much loved mother dying by inches is hell.
     And my vacation in August is coming, I am working on getting my act together as I am going to Michigan Fiber Festival, taking 3 classes there and going alone!  I had talked with pal Larry about going and he really wants to but I don't feel his health is up to the travel and possible weather conditions and I am NOT going to spend my hard earned vacation dealing with some one else's health issues, or worrying about them. 
     And I like my own company, don't want to spend that much time with him and do not want to deal with sleeping arrangements and having him wanting to maul and play with my body.  I don't have any desire to get sexually aroused and do not appreciate a damn incapable of the act man trying to stir my body.  It just makes me screaming mad, his desires and wants in that line are not acceptable for me.
     I would love to be able to pack up and take the GTS but know I can't afford the costs of a pull trailer that the scoot could haul, the hitch, the wiring work for the lights and the cost of title and plates for a blasted little go behind trailer for my scoot.  So, maybe I will work on seeing if I can accomplish that for next summer and be glad my little car gets great gas and will have enough room for everything I need/want for my little camping trip and classes up in Michigan.
    And I don't know what I am doing with this coming weekend, but running the GTS is probably very high on that list of what I will do. 

Sunday, July 01, 2018

Making progress, at least with a few things

     I did get the Rebel sold, and paid down debt on buying the GTS, which is a great ride and a very good buy.  I do have a cover and the USB outlet ordered, and Ben will help me get it installed.  And since it's bigger and heavier, I am finally working with improving the grading from the street to the bike patio to get better drainage and make it easier for me to move the GTS in and out.
    And I am working on that family tree, I seem to 'hang dead bodies' on it every time I am working on it, it's expanding in some interesting directions, like the cousins and distant cousins and their spouses, which are actually not in my bloodline, but their children, would be.  So, I think that private in the Confederate Army is not a blood uncle xx times removed but the husband of that xx times aunt..  But I am slowly gaining on the tree stuff.
     Jake is now back in Colorado to live, Jaime is settling in to having his place to himself and likes it, Ben is now living on the other side of the tracks, so he's a few blocks away but it takes a round about trip to get to the house he's living in.  And I am happily adjusting to living here with just the dog and parrots for company.
    Work is going ok, shorter hours and the change of jobs in plant is helping me have less pain and hurt less, all very positive things in my small and silly little life.
     Temps are warm to hot, and the past few days have not cooled much at night.  I am still keeping the thermostat set at 78 for the air conditioning, upstairs is not very comfortable unless temps drop and I can get some cooler air coming in the windows but I'm not up there much, just not much time to sew or hang out up there.
    It's a quiet life here, I like being single, bills get paid, there's food in the house, I have peace of mind and like myself and what I am doing with my life.  I do think about what it might have been if this or that relationship had worked differently and thank God for not letting me end up with those disasters.  I count being single as a very huge blessing.

Sunday, June 17, 2018

Changing Rides

     I will have to get some photos here but after 5 great years with my Rebel I now have that bike up for sale.  I didn't expect to be selling it for another year or 2 but a friend found me a really great buy on a Vespa GTS 300ie Super, dressed out and with very low miles.  I now have that bigger scooter, my LXV which I love and ride to work and all over and will not part with and have run out of bike parking space on my small bike patio.
     Work is ok, I did make a job change to a job that is less physically demanding with the same pay and better co-workers so that has improved my work attitude and lowered my stress issues.  And I don't hurt as much and am doing more at home after work, which is really great.
     Ben has moved out, he's working the local truck wash and seems to be making his life work better.  And Jake is on his way back to Colorado to live there, he helped his dad move back there earlier this month and came back here to get his Army Reserve stuff moved to Colorado, and pack up his things and say good bye.  I do hope it works for him and his good pal Darcy is  driving/riding out with him and will be flying back, a bit of vacation for her and she 'inherits' his house key and becomes my 'other kid'. 
     The new/used Vespa is a big splurge right now, I had not expected to find a scooter this summer but have started looking as I notice my right foot is doing more sneaking away from that brake pedal on the Rebel and I'm doing more looking down to see where that foot is, not the safest thing to do while cruising along the road on a motorcycle, no matter how small the bike is.  I do think I am safe to run it this summer and maybe next but thought I would start looking for used scooters 250cc up to 400cc, I don't know what all is out there or prices so thought some advance shopping would help me make a better buying decision. 
     I did not expect someone to find me a 2009 Vespa GTS with only 234 original miles for a price I could afford, but people do crazy things, including spending probably around $10,000 on a Vespa and then not riding it any amount.  The couple divorced about a year after getting this scooter, the wife got this scooter and could not ride it...years later, it's up for sale and I know a great deal when I see it, or rather when a friend calls me to check on it.
     And it's time to get to bed, work tomorrow and I actually look forward to going to work again, that's a nice change after several years of boxing stomachs, hurting, and working with 2 jerks. 

Friday, April 27, 2018

Looking at things differently

     I'm looking at my life, at my past, at how I got to where I am both physically and mentally, emotionally and looking at where I want to be this time next year.  It has been a long and not always easy road but worth the living and a lot of lessons learned, some I needed to 'take the class' more than once to learn from.
     And I'm accepting that the way I 'see' things is not always the way others do, and what works for me doesn't for others.  I can do a bit of giving here and there but I'm finding there's not much stretch or  give left in me, or much compromise.
     I work a hard, occasionally physically demanding job in a meat packing plant, that is how I earn my living, that takes up a big chunk of my day, 5 days a week, and occasionally 6.  I do have a job that I like, co-workers I like working with and that helps but it's not my 'family' and it's not my life, it's what earns the money that pays for all that matters/
     There's this old house, the payments on the current and 3rd mortgage in my 13+ years of ownership, and pays for the work, the materials I put into the improvements and repairs.  There is the bills for heat, lights, cooling, water, trash, property taxes, that job earns the money that pays for those things too, and the food I eat, the clothing I wear, the food I feed my pets.  That paycheck buys my dolls, my yarns, my internet service and the devices I use to enjoy and use that internet.
     That paycheck pays my vehicle insurance and registrations, repairs and upkeep, and it make the payments on that Mitsubishi car and that Vespa scooter I ride and love so much.  But it's not my life, it's not my best friend and it's not my family. 
     And I'm not sure always about where I will give in or what I will give up to make a relationship work with anyone.  I don't want a man in my bed, not in my bed in this house.  That stage or want is past and this new space, or recovered space, with all the time and hard work I have put in, with the new bed, new mattress, new sheets, it's just mine, and I don't want anyone 'invading' this peaceful space I have created for me.
     And that camping stuff, I'm glad he's found a place he likes and has a permanent place for his camper, he owns the lot, is a member of that little club/organization up there, and likes the location.  I don't like it, it's like being in a small camper town, it's not being out and away from the humans and their 'stuff'.  There is no waking up and looking out a window to dawn slowly lighting up nature, at just what's natural and finding peace and balance.  It's looking out into a small, crowded, campers way too close for my comfort, way too peopled for my peace and balance. 
     I'm not sure what sort of balance and compromise I will make, but he does not see the person I am, not all of me and there's so much of me and of what matters to my heart that I keep close, that I don't share, that is not anything I will share.  Especially with someone who gossips and does not realize he's crossed privacy lines, so now I don't tell him much.  He can't talk about what he doesn't know.
     And I've had several years of very single me that I have gone where I wanted, when I could, at my pace, for my reasons and I don't have it in me to give much of that up.  It's warming up here, finally, a late spring and I have the Vespa out and will soon have my Rebel out and ready for the road.  And I am not willing to give up that riding, and that for me, means hours of riding, long and sometimes hard, pushing riding.  It feeds my soul, there's just no other way I can explain what that freedom means to me, and I will have it, will not let much be more important than my needs and some of my wants.
     I'm not a calm, restful person, I'm not going to become a couch potato, a tv watching, cuddling affectionate person.  And some bridges were damaged and I'm not willing to repair them on my end, he didn't see that he was damaging the foundations, he didn't respect my ownership or my rights or put himself in my shoes with his actions...he will get back some of my time but not much and no trust, and not very much give, there's just not much left in me.
     No, I'm not mad, no I'm not depressed but I am looking at the coming summer and the weekends and what really matters with my very valuable time and how I want to spend that time.  It's not something I can go buy more of, once that day is gone, I don't get it back, so yes, what I do with that off work time does really matter to me. 
     I want and need to do old house stuff, and yard stuff, and I have other 'stuff' that matters, like time to knit or sew or read and time to ride. I am not going to spend very much time in some little camper village, wishing I was home or elsewhere, that is just not going to be happening to this old woman, not this summer and not the ones that come after.
     

Thursday, April 12, 2018

The office corner

     I still need to put together the stand/base/storage cubes for the printer, but most of the work is done.  I need a new power strip, will mount that on the wall in the corner, easy to turn on and off and plug stuff in.  And I want a new coffee cup warmer, even if I don't turn it on often, it gives me a fixed place for a cup or glass to sit.
     I could have added another coat of plaster and had a nicer looking job but I am so damn tired of plaster repairs, I've gone through over 60 pounds of dry plaster and have sanded/spilled/slopped far too much of that and I am still cleaning it up.
     We are finally seeing warmer weather, but reports for the weekend have us cold again.  I have a Doll Club event Saturday and Sunday am I will be signing up for my classes at Fiber Festival in Michigan. 
     And I've been eaten by scabies once again, yes, again, Jake's dog Thumper, he gets bathed here with something to kill them, Ben and I quit having a problem with them and then Jake is back, the dog is with him, and comes back to stay here and Ben and I deal with scabies once again.  I am going to end Thumper coming to stay.  I cannot afford to have open sores on my hands and lower arms, wrists, I am now working the upper bung job, which means I am flushing pig shit, full of all sorts of bacterial contamination out all day, a good way to end up with a serious problem with all the open sores, even with gloves, plastic sleeves and all that stuff.
     I am pleased with my bedroom, do like the color of the walls and trim, and like the progress I have made on this old house this winter.  It will be cleaner, warmer in the winter, cooler in the summer with more drafts shut out, and the room is comfortable.  I still have more leaning and putting away stuff but will do a little at a time.  It's sort and clean and decide what goes in the trash, what goes out to the shed, what goes up stairs and what belongs in here and where. 
     I will use the laptop a lot more now, and admit I am looking at new ones, despite the fact that this 1 has very little time being used since I bought it.  I think I just want to buy myself something and I sure don't need to add to my debt.  But I have been known to do some very stupid things with my credit and there are worse things I could get in debt for.  But I don't need a new laptop, I am just wanting something else....and it would come with Windows 10, which is part of my 'hate' issue with this one. 
     Time to clean me up and get to bed.

Saturday, March 24, 2018

Never get caught up here

,      I just found I never posted what I had written in early December 2017, so it's up now and I still like the little black car but will be glad when it's sitting under a cover and I'm running bikes again.  It's a 'warm weather' thing, and today we have had rains, cold winds and more rain.
     But I am finally back in the downstairs, only 'real' bedroom this old house has, and I like the pale pistachio color I am painting the walls and the hedgerow olive I'm doing the trim and shelves in works great for accent.  The gap from the old brick chimney is this week end's project, and it's closed up, the new power outlet for my office corner is in and wired and working, and I will be working on that plaster work in this corner for a while.  Every day, another coat to build out and fill in, and sand as needed, but I have slowed down the drafts from the huge gap I started with this morning and I've lived with that all winter.
     Larry Lung invited me over for movies and cuddling but I decided home, a shower and quiet night in my own space works better for my old and hurting body.  He's living in the home he's lived in for years, and is retired, I'm still living in a renovation project, still working and still don't have enough time to get everything done on that 'to do' list I keep trying to get done.  But the shelves are up in the bedroom, so all that stuff I packed away to redo and repair this room can start going on the shelves this weekend, the 'dirty work' is done, at least in this space.
     Work was crazy all week for me, trying to train on a new job, took weeks to even get the task/job duties paper signed and then I'm still boxing stomachs,flushing stomachs, inverting stomachs, boxing bungs, trading people out to get vacations scheduled, boxing bungs, and finished the week with being 'given' to the front end and washing pig mouths for the day.  It all pays, it's work and it pays my bills, and it will calm down, at least somewhat.
     Politics and the president seem to be a daily disaster, and it looks like a rolling disaster that is bent on doing all the damage he can, while he can, with the GOP aiding and abetting the crimes.  Oh, it will be something most of us will survive but I'm not sure how long it will take to repair the damage, to our country's reputation, to our economy, jobs, and to the planet.
     But, for this evening, the house is warm and dry, and there's plenty of food, the music playing is my choice, the peace and balance in my life is from my choices and my hard work, and tomorrow will see the laundry done, the wall corner get a bit more plaster added, the toys and treasures coming out of the plastic totes and those moved out of my way.  The sewing studio will get some attention, stuff moved back into that storage area I keep hoping to turn into the upstairs bathroom, and maybe even some sewing done.

December 3 and far deeper in debt.

     First, I’ve been running older vehicles, which have needed repair and have had me without a vehicle while work was being done, expensive work that I have then put on my credit cards and paid high interest on, Never getting it all paid off since that car accident January 14, 2010.
     I was seriously worried that I would not be able to go back to work ever or if I did, it would only be for a very short time, so I admit that I would not finance a replacement vehicle for the little red Mazda truck I lost in that wreck, and that I really did like.  And I had it less than a year, because April 1, 2009 some fool in a hurry to get to the bar before closing time had to try and crowd past me in our company parking lot, going out to the highway.  That stupidity on a young man’s part totaled out my Hyundai Accent, which I had bought new, had less than 10 years and less than 91,000 miles on it....
    The Neon was bought because the transmission went out on that old ‘94 Ford Ranger I bought after the accident and I had been putting work and money in that since I bought it...  Jake lent me his vehicle but it had problems and it didn’t take me very long to be on Craig’s List looking for a low cost car so I had my own transportation while my truck was down for a very, very expensive shop visit.
     I’ve had that Neon almost 2 years and have put close to $4,000 into it, including purchase price and I still would not be confident to take it across country or try to make a long trip with it.
     So, I went on line car shopping for a new or nearly new car I could look at owning and driving for the next 15 years or so.  And I used CarFax.com to do a lot of that looking, with a 200 mile radius from my zip code for a location range and went down manufacturers web sites to look at their economic car lines for models to look at.
     The hunt was not about or for what I ‘liked’ but for what was or would be the best long term purchase for my life and my needs.  And Saturday I got my friend Jaime to go with me to Columbia MO to look at, drive, and sign papers and bring home a 2017 Mitsubishi Mirage, under 6,000 miles, was able to extend that original 50,000 mile bumper-bumper warrenty to what will be over 94,000 miles of bumper to bumper warranty/just under 10 years.  A 5 year payment plan at 5.5% interest and yes, the car is black, inside and out.  The very last color I would choose IF what I wanted and liked was the top concern on my list.
    On the way home I was able to check my mpg, a nice technology perk on new cars, and the car was 38. something at it’s lowest and 46.something at it’s highest during the 125+ mile return trip to home, with speeds between 40 and 65 mph.  I can sure adjust to black, oven hot in the sun, shows all the dirt and every scratch for that gas economy and for that long and far less worry warranty stuff.
    I’ve named the car Mit, and refer to it as the new Boyfriend.  I’m hoping for a very long and stable relationship and I know I will be supporting ‘him’ and buying ‘him’ things, including non essential stuff, and I already have stated.  He’s under a car cover now, and that back seat has a protective cover already.  I have cutie butterflies for sun shades in the car and today while I was in Springfield I got sheepskin front seat covers I will put on this coming week, some ‘girley’ stickers/decals to put on the car (so I can recognize it easier), some tiny lights that have a power plug in for the cigarette lighter/power port.  The interior seems so very dark at night, I can’t find my coffee cup yet.  The 2 tiny lights will stick somewhere underneath so the front floorboard area has a tiny bit of lighting when I plug them in.    I’ve ordered those window ventilation strips, that will make it easier to leave a window open a tiny bit, very necessary when it’s warmer or hot and prevent rain from getting in.
   And my hands get a sheepskin steering wheel cover, I’ve found those are the most comfortable for my hands year round and so are worth the cost to me.  The car came with new, never out of the package all weather floor mats for both the front and back, Jaime and I installed them while paperwork was getting prepared for me.  I called and got the insurance work done and paid for while I was also waiting on paperwork and then called today to give them the lender information.
     I should be getting a packet in the mail from the dealership with the 2nd key, hopefully the owners manual and the needed paperwork to get it registered and pay the sales taxes here, it has a 30 day tag on it now and I will run the Neon, which is up for sale already.
      I’m now carrying more debt than I am comfortable with, but I am also paying down some of that high interest credit debt, but will keeep funds in checking until after the taxes and registration is paid for, then pay down more high interest dddebt