My new ride, Fraelsi

My new ride, Fraelsi
Fraelsi means Freedom in Farose

Monday, June 28, 2010

Chasing Paperwork

Today started out good, Ben and I shipped a box to son Jake, somewhere with a bunch of other Marines on a nameless ship in a nameless location and then did breakfast at McDonalds. I had a real Phone Call from that Jake which was a huge suprise and so got to tell him a box was on it's way.
An errend for a friend and then off to Springfield about the supplimental income insurance I took out in December and did NOT know would pay me while I am off work with this accident. It's something I took out in December 2009 because I was worried about being out of work Sick...and never thought about after.
The policy came after the accident happened, got shuffled around until it ended up in the doll clothes patterns I was playing with the days before the accident. And they have an office in appointment there and then off to gather medical records from the first hospital stay and the 2 out-patient surgeries. And sort through the papers, and the insurance office in Springfield will get the paperwork off to the main office..and maybe in a reasonable time I will see the first check and hopefully it will be for the 3 hospital/out-patient trips and all the weeks of weekly income it's supposed to pay..
But that is done for now, and I can hope to spend a couple quiet days at home and not be on my feet so much. And work on doll outfits, and weeds in the garden and some of those other silly things I do with my hours.
I'm not sleeping very well but think most of that is this foot and staples project. It is healing and I have 1 more week to 'tough it out' and I am able to be up and walking more and using the cane far less...
So, a good and informative day and hopefully I will soon have a healthy insurance check and can get that air cond. in my old truck working.
The sounds I am hearing outside make me think we will be getting more of that rain stuff..well, everything I planted out front this spring is really thriving with all this rain. I have only watered it 2 or 3 times since planting.
Some new fabrics to wash and dry and maybe I will get Julie's sewing machine working for her so we both can sew. I really need to get some things done and then get photos taken and put them in a 'for sale' album at the on line doll groups I am in. I might actually get something sold!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Thursday again...

24 weeks today since the accident and I was inside the plant today!!! The first time in 24 weeks, and it was just to get another insurance paper filled in and signed..and my personal items out of my locker. The landscaping that was put in a couple years ago is looking great, and it was good to see the gals in HRD, I used to make sure they got their office deliveries and someone else is doing those duties while I am working on recovery.
Ben did take me to see some of the storm damage that had not yet been cleared up, it's amaging to see huge green trees turned over and their roots up, and some tore up sidewalks. We had some huge and very old trees torn out by the storm, but considering it whipped through this old river town and got trees all over, there has been very few homes and business buildings torn up. A fair share of vehicles were under trees, parked and I did see a few towed down wall street, looking like they lost the battle with the tree.
Insurance companies will be crying but it certainly could have been far worse and we all realize it and appreciate it. And the town will get cleaned up, the damaged and up-rooted trees will be removed, the holes their roots left will be filled in and in time some of those trees will be replaced with new growth.
Today would be my day off, unless I worked for someone else and got paid overtime, winter ended, spring came and went and now we are into summer. Turnover at the plant means there are a lot of new faces there, new people I don't know and now, might never know. I'm not going to go back to crying over this accident, I think I have about finished up the crying and am now starting to look at what pieces I have and what my life can become.
There's still a chance I can return to work, but where a couple months ago I knew I would be back at work and soon, now I know that the chance of that happening is not as likely as I had believed. But I still have a lot more weeks before the company terminates me, we have either 12 months or 18 to be out with non-work medical or other issues. 24 weeks is over 5 months but I still have a lot more months that I could recover, that my foot and my body could heal enough for me to return to my job.
In the meantime, the gals in HRD and I had a minute to talk, several have me on prayer lists at their churches, it's made a huge difference for me, knowing I matter enough for that, knowing they care that I am doing ok.
My life here has been so blessed and so good, if I can return to Cargill, that is great, and if not, my life here will still be a good one. I have the ability to make it a good life and State Farm will give me the financial ability to do that also.
And in the meantime, I have my garden to tend, my flowers to nuture, my friends, my knitting and sewing and all the many other 'gifts' that are my life here.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Storms and surgery..

Well, I thought surgery was rough, then life got rougher when a storm rolled in late Monday night and took out the power, a lot of trees, the roof from an apartment building, and made a mess of town. My power was out from about 3 am Tuesday until about 8:30 p.m. Tuesday but we didn't have a lot of storm damage here, tree limbs down at my neighbors, some smaller stuff down here and I still have a lot of small twigs and branches to clean up that came from nieghboring trees but it will be there later too.
This surgery go-round I have had a lot more pain but the foot is tolerating some weight today so that is making me hurt less using the walker. I am very out of shape, just ask all the places from my waist up that hurt from using that walker, and it's only been a day or 2..heal, heal, please--foot heal fast.
I got the insurance form back from my dr. that I left there Monday before the surgery and now it has to go to Cargill to be filled out by them and I will do that tomorrow. I have an appointment in Springfield with the company for this supplimental income insurance and that is my next Monday project. And I have everything organized and in the insurance file I am packing around now days.
Outside is very hot and humid but with all the rain I will say my plants are looking great, they came through the storm very well, the plum trees didn't even loose much fruit.
And I got the policy for our disability insurance at the plant, and it clearly states 18 weeks of disability so I am short 4 weeks and if the plant and union have not cleared that up by next Friday I am going to get an attitude. After 24 weeks of this accident recovery and the ton of insurance paperwork I have dealt with and the fact that that insurance has had the same forms filled out and turned in about half a dozen times now, yes, I am tired of dealing with it, I am owed the remaining weeks, get them paid NOW.
Since the power was out all over town McDonalds was closed and Julie came over early to 'Maggie' sit so Ben could help with clean up for my elderly neighbors. We got a sundress made for her Betsy doll and it went home in her pocket. She will be my driver Friday to get my lost wages check so that lets Ben have less on his shoulders. It will be cooking hot but I know once the insurance bugs are worked out and I get the monies owed I will have the funds for the air cond. repairs on my truck and have that done.
I do like the sundress pattern I drafted up and think it will work well for the 14 inch dolls but have not tried it with the Kish dolls but might get 1 done soon. It works up fast and can be done with a lot of different skirt options.
Well I need to get something more done here than blog...

Monday, June 21, 2010

Surgery update

Ouch and more ouch, I think I hurt more from this surgery than from the first one. And this time I have bled through the bandaging, and soaked the gauze pad that was put over that. I am on bedrest until Wed. and then I can be up as foot will tolerate it and it can support weight as it will tolerate. I cna also redo the dressing as I feel need, as of Wed. so that is a plus too.
I will not know what I have really gained for several weeks, some bone was removed from beneath a tendon and also the broken edge that has been a pressure sore problem.
When the heel bone was broken it was not the 'usual' downward/flat force breaking it. The foot was most likely broken by the brake peddle being shoved up, which shoved some of those broken pieces up as it broke the bones.
Since they could not be put back where they belonged, I now have a rather wierd heel bone with a jut out on 1 side..that is where the trimming was done..If it could have been put back where it came from, I would have far less problems, my heel is now very wide and slopes a lot to the outside edge. And that is only part of the reasons I have gait and pain issues that might be life long. I have been dealing with the pain without any meds, including over the counter, most of the time, so hope to continue that.
We, my dr. and sons, friends, myself, all hope that this surgery also helps improve my gait but the dr. and I are both aware it might not change that at all.
I hope to get all the paperwork for the supplimental income insurance ready and as they have an office in Springfield, I hope to be able to take it there when I go pick up my lost wages check from State Farm. That way I can make sure they have everything they need or want or get a list of the additional information they need. This insurance was 1 of the union sponsered things and I had signed up for it a month before the accident and thought it only covered if I was out due to illness. It doesn't pay me much per hospital/outpatient time nor does it pay me much per week but we are now at week 24 so that is a lot of weeks of back pay I am due...and hopefully I will get it filed for and see the check in a reasonable amount of time.
I know things with this accident could have been far worse and for the most part I do appreciate all of that. I am working on several different 'life plans' so that I have some ideas and some groundwork for something other than Cargill Supply clerk, if that is a short lived future or a job I cannot go back to at all.
A very large settlement from State Farm will be well invested, I am already doing some of the advance work for having several 'baskets' for several nest eggs. And I am looking into what all I can/would be able to do to earn a living IF I cannot do it standing on my feet for all or most of an 8 hour shift.
Job/education is an option I am willing to consider, it might be what is in my best interest long term and I know there is oppertunity for that education here in town, in Jacksonville and in Springfield..the gas costs will make me cry unless I do buy a very gas thrifty vehicle..but it's worth looking into....I have to have several options for a way to make a living, for a future I can like to be content.
Well, post this and then check past posts for typos....

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Geting ready for surgery--again...

Looking at that truck makes me think the foot doesn't look so bad after all, at least it has improved a huge amount and my much loved little red truck has been hauled off for scrap long ago..
I have had a black Justy, a silver Accent and now a Red Mazda totalled, think I need a tank with cow catcher on front, sides and back....will settle for taking for the little gold truck and being glad I have transportation for now.
The weeds and grass are mostly gone from the garden and it will be a week or so before plums are ripe, but some are staring to turn. It will be a couple days before there are more squash and cucumbers to pick so I should be back in the garden before too much has happened there--so I hope.
Looking at dolls, and someone's new dress for their Kish, looks really nice, dropped waist dress with pretty ribon at waist, and on the Creamcicle doll with her lovely red hair...don't have 1 and they are going on E-Bay for more than I will/can pay....
Got most of the insurance paperwork started, am glad for insurance that makes the house payment and also the supplimental income stuff that I forgot about and am now starting that paperwork and will hopefully see the check for the back 23+ weeks come soon after they get all my's something we could get at a special price due to the union and I took it out about a month before the accident and was thinking it only covered if I was out of work due to illness, I know that has always been my worry, getting really sick and missing several weeks of work....
The current socks for Jake are going fast, will soon be putting heels in and then doing those long, long legs....his box is ready for mailing except for the customs paperwork, didn't know it took customs paperwork to ship stuff to a Marine on a US boat wth a bunch of Navy and other Marines..will get experienced, box has a pair in it so need it sent before this pair is done...
No food or drink after midnight--no tea to start my morning..I will be sad and missing my tea before that surgery time....Ben and I should eat in town before we come home...that and gas in the car are on the budget....
I do count my blessings here, know I have a lot to deal with but day by day I manage to do what needs done, and if I am not making progress with building savings or working down the list of old house jobs, I am seeing good progress with the landscaping. It's sweat equity more than $$ so that has helped and all the rain has mad it easier for my new plants and divided plants to settle in well.
I should be able to work on some sewing projects while I am again off my feet, have a sun dress pattern I am working on, think I need to go ahead and cut it out and see about fitting it to the doll and get a dress made's 1 I think Julie will like and find easy to work with. She's going to finish the dress she has been working on and next I want her to learn to do gathered skirt to bodice and so the sundress would work for that and be that would give me a reason to get busy and work with the pattern..
Animal Planet is tonight's entertainment, Ben is asleep already, think this having a girl friend is hard on his sleep, he seems to spend time up with her and then is dead beat when he returns people do not get to stay up all night and sleep during the day...


A couple friends of mine draw SSI, a friend of my friend Popeye draws it, 1 of the gals in 1 of my on line doll groups finally got it's something I know a bit about, not a lot though.
Here in the USA I get a statement from Social Security telling me what I have paid in, what my social security will be per month if I retire at 66, 70 and 62, what I can now draw for SSI benefits if I become disabled, what they pay out for death benefits, you know, that sheet you look at and then file or toss away.
So, now I wonder about that knitting blogger on the other side of the Missouri River whose blog I read and even now and then post a comment. She had a job that should have earned her far more SSI than I could draw if I have to start drawing it now, and with it comes qualifying for medicare, so now I have to wonder about 1 of her recent posts..about no income because she cannot work at this time, about the high costs of her therapists and all her medications....
My thinking is that she should be drawing SSI and medicare, which means those high $$$ numbers she put in her blog just might not be accurate, and that she is financially far better off than I am right now. I won't be sending any yarn gifts or buying her art. She's able to buy her own and is living with a man, her ex, who probably earns far more in 1year than I do in 2 or 3 years..
She's painfully shy but wears things out in public that scream "look at me". I don't know anyone who actually hates attention that willingly wears clothes that make them noticable out in public. And if going out of the house is so hard, I have to wonder how she managed the train trips I know she has taken in the past year or so, long train trips on trains full of strangers....
I'm a bit shy, not as bad as I was as a child or teen, I've worked hard to push myself to be more social, to talk to people and I do realize that no one is looking at me to find faults all the time, most of the time, no one is going to hurt or laugh at me..I'm no longer the shrinking wall flower I was at 14 or 5..good thing.
I will still read her blogs, and realize that someone who is or claims they are, seeing several different shinks, is on several strong anti-depression meds just has issues that are theirs alone, she's going to take things far more personal than they really are. But, since she can't work out her own head problems and get control of her life, be able to be self supporting, I don't see me looking for any support there, especially emotional support.
And I don't make phone calls often, don't have long distance service as I so rarely need it, a calling card from ATT works for that..minutes never expire and Jake is now out of reach so sure aren't calling his cell to gab with that boy. So, no, I sure would not call someone I do not know personally to get emotional support in dealing with this blasted life changing accident.
But I am tweaked that something so small as my size 7.5 foot could take control of my life and my future. I've always worn good shoes, tried to take good care of those feet that have to support all the rest of me, that take me where I want to know, all that 'foot' stuff...
And now, 1 foot and the damage that has been done to is has changed my life, forever...rotten luck, but then I could have been far worse hurt, just look at my little red truck. And the driver at fault had great insurance that is being very responsible..yes, it could have been far worse...Ben and Tamara were with me and were not hurt very badly, Yes, God did take very good care of me..
I have some anger issues some days, some depressed, moody days, and I also am finally going through menopause so can blame that for some of the mood issues...
But I don't need a shink to get through this, or pills to help me cope..I do have a very solid faith in God, and some very solid friends that tolerate me on my really bad days, celebrate with me on the really good days and just are really HERE for me...even when I shut them out for a while.
Ya, I will still read her blog, but now with a different view point than I had at 1's amazing how her funny postings years ago were great and now too often her postings are ravings that just are not worth my time..and I really do manage to have plenty to do with my 'off work from acident' time...big garden to chase weeds and grass in, flower beds to do the same in, doll outfits to make, doll outfits to design and create patterns for first..knitting, friends I spend time with and church I need to be getting ready to head for....

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Garden Produce!!

The first cucumbers and squash came out of the garden today and Ben and his gal pal helped some with the weeding project. I should have it about cleaned up before my surgery and my back to walker and keeping foot elevated...I will not be down long but with all our rains the weeds and grass grow fast.
And if it wasn't rain, I would be watering my garden and the weeds and grass there would still be taking over. It's an annual battle here that got worse with all the seeds in the compost I bought from the plant compost..loads more grass and weeds but it also helped my little sand lot..and all those weeds and grass are going to compost too..just not in my garden.
Monday insurance paperwork goes with me to leave at my dr.s office, the monthly form that gets my mortgage payment made and the new form for the supplimental income insurance--that I didn't think about until I found the policy--in the doll patterns I had been working on just before the accident..good thing Julie has gotten me working on that pile of patterns...the payment per week is not a lot, and it pays $50 per hospital day/outpatient surgery but since I didn't get it started when the accident happened they will pay up the back 23+weeks, the $150 for the hospital stay and 2 outpatient I will have the $$ to have the air cond. in my turck fixed and maybe even pay off my Victoria's account...and my property taxes this year...
I got 1 pair of socks done and in a box to ship off to that Marine son and I have another pair almost to the heel, they are going fast, light gray with re-inforced heels and toes..knit toe up and when I run out of gray the socks get black tops. It makes a lot faster knitting and more enjoyable for Mom.
Talked to Mike on Skype tonite, we've not done that for a long time, nice to see his face but he was playing cards with his family so it was a distracted conversation.
Well, I have early church so it's past time to get everything shut down and get some sleep...

Monday, June 14, 2010

Good Weekend

I had a good weekend, Ben went to spend time with his gal pal so I had the place to myself. Did some more work on the battle with weeds and grass in my garden, did a bit of movie watching and knitting and did some sewing. And even found time to take photos of some of my dolls in my front border. The dolls are all by Kish & Company and the girls are all wearing dresses from Bernadette's Closet, my designs and my work...
Sunday starts with breakfast at McDonalds and then off to church in Rushville, and Sunday School, I attend the early service...
We had rain off and on, I was able to sit out on the front porch and do handwork during some of it..I am hoping someday to have a bigger porch and far more privacy than my busy city street for that sitting on the porch and watching the rain stuff.
Today my pal Julie was here to keep me company and work on sewing projects, she is learning some sewing skills and working on doll outfits for a doll I gave her several years ago. The great thing about learning to sew doll clothes is IF you mess up, not much loss in materials if you toss it out..and lots smaller when it comes to hand work, a hem turned up by hand on my skirts is far more time and work than a hem on a small doll dress...Julie is learning fast and a lot of fun to work with.
We've had enough rain for a while, I would like to get the weeds and grass cleaned up in the garden before June 21 and my next surgery on my foot. I will be back in the walker and unable to walk for several days, possibly as long as 2 weeks.
Mike and I talked on the phone, no news there, we talk every day--but he hopes to be moved out here in 4-6 weeks. I hope so, I can live with that schedule. And Ben will take me to surgery and Julie is going to ask where she works for July 6 off so she can take me for my appointment to get the staples out and then we can do the 'girls in town' fun.
And I found paperwork for some insurance I took out in December, payments come out of my checking automatically and that should pay me some for this accident, $ each time I am in the hospital, $ each outpatient surgery and $ per week I am off week. So, I have been in hospital, and have had 1 outpatient surgery, 1 coming up and have been off work because of this accident for something like 20+ weeks...the claim paperwork is being mailed to me..and I will get it filled out, all the copies of medical stuff made and it back ASAP...and hope for a big check that will hopefully go pay down some of that high interest credit debt that has built up with this accident...know I would sure feel better if I could drop some of the debt load, even if it's just a small amount.
This accident has been very hard on me, financially, emotionally as well as physically...

Kish kids in my flowers

Thursday, June 10, 2010

About that accident

Bo, if you find time to read my blog, everyone who does read my blog..I am posting a photo of that little red truck I liked so much. This was taken about 5 days after the accident on 1/14/2010. My son and his gal pal were with me and both had very minor injuries. Most of me got off lucky, but my right foot/ankle recieved permanent damage. I am walking and I have surgery #2 on 6/21/2010. I might never be able to return to that supply clerk job I love so much, that employment that gives me a good standard of living, good medical benefits and retirement pension.
I read a blog that at times makes me wonder just how self centered any/all of us get at times. I hope I don't sound like I need/want everyone to be there for me..but, if you read my blog, just once, would you please say you do realize I am not having a perfect life..and that the problems in your life just don't always hit me as so terribly bad.
I do understand that being shy and depression--but I don't drown my fears, worries, or anything else in a bottle or takes chemicals to 'adjust' my brain chemestry. My problems are not brain/body chemestry--well, menopause can get some blame for a bit--but I do know I have the ability to cope and deal with my issues and problems.
Yes, this accident has changed my life, permanently..not just my right foot and my walk...emotionally, financially, physically--it's all been torn apart and I have to rebuild.
Very little will ever be the same, even sitting at my sewing machine and sewing has new challenges, washing the dishes, mowing the lawn..the life I had before 9:30 p.m. Jan. 14th of 2010 is gone and nothing I can do, nothing anyone can do will give me back all of that life.
There's no one going to pick up the pieces or pay the bills..yes, there will be an insurance settlement and IF I am fortuante I will eventually be able to return to that job I miss so much and am really good at.
If I am unable to do that job--I will cry and then start figuring out what pieces I do pick up and how I rebuild my life and world. It won't be the same as the 1 I had, it won't be the one I dreamd and thought I was working toward--but it will be mine and I will manage.
I am slowly cleaning the weeds and grass out of my garden, it's not the garden I had last year but it is a garden and the plum trees are loaded. I am seeing progress on those flowerbeds I have put 5 years now into building, growing, nuturing.
And I am teaching a close friend to sew, and how to adjust and fit doll patterns to her Betsy McCall doll. That doll was my Christmas gift to her years ago, came in just underware so Betsy has been waiting a long time for Julie to start that wardrobe.
So, I don't make jewery or knit wild and unusual things but I do still play with dolls and I do own my own label and I will still work on getting that label known in places where doll lovers go looking for clothes for those dolls I do sew for.
I am not the woman I was before the accident, I don't know who I am becoming right now. I think the butterfly has a better life change. But I cannot change what has happened, I can work on how I deal with it and what I do, what decisions I make.
I thank God daily for all the many, many blessing in my life, they are countless..but I also acknowlege that I have some anger issues, more moodiness, and a lot harder view and attitude. And I know that hard view and attitude are what has gotten me through the pain filled days and nights, the isolation my injuries have created. And it will help me make wise long term decisions financially and emotionally as I rebuild myself and my life in the coming months and years.

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

June is here and going fast

Time is flying--or I don't make time to blog..but the garden is growing and I am working to catch up with the weeds and grass there. The flowerbeds are looking good this year so far, it's great to see what all has really settled in well and is thriving.
The roof leaks worse than it did this time last year..but some day I will have a new roof.
The foot is making little progress at this time but I have another surgery to trim/smooth some rough bone edge that is causing pressure sore problems and a lot of pain so I am really looking forward to that and hoping it helps with not only pain but also wearing shoes and walking with less pain and less gait problems.
I am working to keep finances in better control and deal with my debt load and not do as much wasting money. There are a lot of responsibilities on my shoulders and I will continue to deal with them and take care of them.
Right now I am working on taking care of my life and my issues/problems, including this accident and all the waves it has created in my life, both emotionally and financially. I do know I am not able nor am I willing to take on the problems or responsibilities of someone else, no matter who it is or how I feel about them. My ability to cope is limited and I am accepting those limits, just cannot streach or give as much as I could even 6 months ago.
I know I have to be very carefull and invest the settlement when I get to that place, I do know now there is no way I will be working all the years I had planned to before this accident, my foot problems are going to create a lot more stress on my knees, hips and spine. That really stinks but I cannot fix all of it and neither can any doctor. I will count the blessings where I find them and appreciate the healing I have had and what healing I end up with when I am to the point the doctor or doctors determine I am as healed as I will probably ever be.
I do know there's no hero coming to make anything here perfect and wonderful and I won't expect the lottery to be mine either--but State Farm is dealing with this very responsibily at this time and I will hope they continue to do so..and if need be I do know how to get a lawyer and work with that.
Mike and I don't talk much right now, time schedules are not matching up well for that and there's a lot I am not talking about right now..just things we both have to work on and work out..and responsibilites that need taken care of by each of us.
I know I will not be having anyone else shoulder my debt and financial issues, they are my doing and I will be taking care of them..and I won't be taking on those that belong to someone else. Making sure they are not able to become my problem or that my settlement cannot be attached or taken, to pay IRS or other debts is very high on my list of why I will make some decisions and choices...
There's a place up for sale I have always loved the look of--I don't expect to be able to buy it, am sure it will be sold before I have my settlement but I will take photos and go see the interior of the house Friday. It's 4.6 acres and out of town but close enough for a easy drive to Cargil and work..and I could have so much fun with it. Plenty of room for small orchard, bigger garden and lots of landscaping..some cedars along the highway frontage and it would rapidly become secluded and very private..dream on...
God has done a great job taking care of me, and I am not complaining, menopause is finally here-I think, that has been a life stage I have wanted to get through and be done now I am getting there and in time my body chemistry will get back in balance and that will help my moods and outlook.