Bo, if you find time to read my blog, everyone who does read my blog..I am posting a photo of that little red truck I liked so much. This was taken about 5 days after the accident on 1/14/2010. My son and his gal pal were with me and both had very minor injuries. Most of me got off lucky, but my right foot/ankle recieved permanent damage. I am walking and I have surgery #2 on 6/21/2010. I might never be able to return to that supply clerk job I love so much, that employment that gives me a good standard of living, good medical benefits and retirement pension.
I read a blog that at times makes me wonder just how self centered any/all of us get at times. I hope I don't sound like I need/want everyone to be there for me..but, if you read my blog, just once, would you please say you do realize I am not having a perfect life..and that the problems in your life just don't always hit me as so terribly bad.
I do understand that being shy and depression--but I don't drown my fears, worries, or anything else in a bottle or takes chemicals to 'adjust' my brain chemestry. My problems are not brain/body chemestry--well, menopause can get some blame for a bit--but I do know I have the ability to cope and deal with my issues and problems.
Yes, this accident has changed my life, permanently..not just my right foot and my walk...emotionally, financially, physically--it's all been torn apart and I have to rebuild.
Very little will ever be the same, even sitting at my sewing machine and sewing has new challenges, washing the dishes, mowing the lawn..the life I had before 9:30 p.m. Jan. 14th of 2010 is gone and nothing I can do, nothing anyone can do will give me back all of that life.
There's no one going to pick up the pieces or pay the bills..yes, there will be an insurance settlement and IF I am fortuante I will eventually be able to return to that job I miss so much and am really good at.
If I am unable to do that job--I will cry and then start figuring out what pieces I do pick up and how I rebuild my life and world. It won't be the same as the 1 I had, it won't be the one I dreamd and thought I was working toward--but it will be mine and I will manage.
I am slowly cleaning the weeds and grass out of my garden, it's not the garden I had last year but it is a garden and the plum trees are loaded. I am seeing progress on those flowerbeds I have put 5 years now into building, growing, nuturing.
And I am teaching a close friend to sew, and how to adjust and fit doll patterns to her Betsy McCall doll. That doll was my Christmas gift to her years ago, came in just underware so Betsy has been waiting a long time for Julie to start that wardrobe.
So, I don't make jewery or knit wild and unusual things but I do still play with dolls and I do own my own label and I will still work on getting that label known in places where doll lovers go looking for clothes for those dolls I do sew for.
I am not the woman I was before the accident, I don't know who I am becoming right now. I think the butterfly has a better life change. But I cannot change what has happened, I can work on how I deal with it and what I do, what decisions I make.
I thank God daily for all the many, many blessing in my life, they are countless..but I also acknowlege that I have some anger issues, more moodiness, and a lot harder view and attitude. And I know that hard view and attitude are what has gotten me through the pain filled days and nights, the isolation my injuries have created. And it will help me make wise long term decisions financially and emotionally as I rebuild myself and my life in the coming months and years.
Randomly on a Thursday
2 days ago