My new ride, Fraelsi

My new ride, Fraelsi
Fraelsi means Freedom in Farose

Sunday, June 20, 2010


A couple friends of mine draw SSI, a friend of my friend Popeye draws it, 1 of the gals in 1 of my on line doll groups finally got it's something I know a bit about, not a lot though.
Here in the USA I get a statement from Social Security telling me what I have paid in, what my social security will be per month if I retire at 66, 70 and 62, what I can now draw for SSI benefits if I become disabled, what they pay out for death benefits, you know, that sheet you look at and then file or toss away.
So, now I wonder about that knitting blogger on the other side of the Missouri River whose blog I read and even now and then post a comment. She had a job that should have earned her far more SSI than I could draw if I have to start drawing it now, and with it comes qualifying for medicare, so now I have to wonder about 1 of her recent posts..about no income because she cannot work at this time, about the high costs of her therapists and all her medications....
My thinking is that she should be drawing SSI and medicare, which means those high $$$ numbers she put in her blog just might not be accurate, and that she is financially far better off than I am right now. I won't be sending any yarn gifts or buying her art. She's able to buy her own and is living with a man, her ex, who probably earns far more in 1year than I do in 2 or 3 years..
She's painfully shy but wears things out in public that scream "look at me". I don't know anyone who actually hates attention that willingly wears clothes that make them noticable out in public. And if going out of the house is so hard, I have to wonder how she managed the train trips I know she has taken in the past year or so, long train trips on trains full of strangers....
I'm a bit shy, not as bad as I was as a child or teen, I've worked hard to push myself to be more social, to talk to people and I do realize that no one is looking at me to find faults all the time, most of the time, no one is going to hurt or laugh at me..I'm no longer the shrinking wall flower I was at 14 or 5..good thing.
I will still read her blogs, and realize that someone who is or claims they are, seeing several different shinks, is on several strong anti-depression meds just has issues that are theirs alone, she's going to take things far more personal than they really are. But, since she can't work out her own head problems and get control of her life, be able to be self supporting, I don't see me looking for any support there, especially emotional support.
And I don't make phone calls often, don't have long distance service as I so rarely need it, a calling card from ATT works for that..minutes never expire and Jake is now out of reach so sure aren't calling his cell to gab with that boy. So, no, I sure would not call someone I do not know personally to get emotional support in dealing with this blasted life changing accident.
But I am tweaked that something so small as my size 7.5 foot could take control of my life and my future. I've always worn good shoes, tried to take good care of those feet that have to support all the rest of me, that take me where I want to know, all that 'foot' stuff...
And now, 1 foot and the damage that has been done to is has changed my life, forever...rotten luck, but then I could have been far worse hurt, just look at my little red truck. And the driver at fault had great insurance that is being very responsible..yes, it could have been far worse...Ben and Tamara were with me and were not hurt very badly, Yes, God did take very good care of me..
I have some anger issues some days, some depressed, moody days, and I also am finally going through menopause so can blame that for some of the mood issues...
But I don't need a shink to get through this, or pills to help me cope..I do have a very solid faith in God, and some very solid friends that tolerate me on my really bad days, celebrate with me on the really good days and just are really HERE for me...even when I shut them out for a while.
Ya, I will still read her blog, but now with a different view point than I had at 1's amazing how her funny postings years ago were great and now too often her postings are ravings that just are not worth my time..and I really do manage to have plenty to do with my 'off work from acident' time...big garden to chase weeds and grass in, flower beds to do the same in, doll outfits to make, doll outfits to design and create patterns for first..knitting, friends I spend time with and church I need to be getting ready to head for....


Bo... said...

You don't know me. You only think you do.

Maggie said...

That works well for me, no, I do not know you--but you also do not know me very well and make a lot of assumptions that are wrong...tit for tat.

Gnorman Gnome said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Janey said...

Just surfed in - found my way here via your comment on the Yarn Harlot blog. (Her commenters have the greatest blogs.)

Am not sure how to put this ... after all it's my first time reading your blog and about your accident, but ...
Have your doctors mentioned using a T.E.N.S. unit? (Trans-cutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation)

A simplistic explanation of how it works: there is only one pathway for pain to get to your brain - which is where the "hurt" becomes real. A TENS unit passes electrical stimulation along that pathway - so there is no pain!
It uses a couple of AA batteries and feels like a "buzzing".
I am a bit shy about saying what I needed such a unit for - at least in a public place such as this. But I went for 15 years before I found it - and also without any relief from pain via medications. (During that 15 years of misery, I found a good acupuncturist and his efforts brought relief as well, but my medical coverage did not cover his cost.)

Feel free to remove this post - or not publish it in the first place - you have probably had a great number of "cures".

Happy knitting,