Filling time

I am working on filling time, I have another week before my doctor appointment, so far no more tests that are scheduled so I am working on cleaning up the house and working on the sewing space.

 I now have 2 quilts done that were in the pile of things needing attention and 1 more to repair.

And then I can work on the pile of doll things that are part done or cut out and not yet sewn, the knitting that needs done, socks for Ben, repair a sweater of mine, knit on a sweater I started several years ago and really want to wear.

The weather has been mild this past month, that helps the utility bill, and I am watching my spending as the paperwork for disability pay is no longer part of our FLMA or rather we just have a lot more hoops to get that contracted benefit my employers say they have for us.  

But the FLMA has been approved so I can quit calling in every day, that is a nice change.

    Well, now it is well into the new year, 8:23 am in my kitchen, music playing, working on a pair of socks for my son Ben, checking Facebook, and email, a few other things and staying home.

    I do not have money to waste, nor gas, I still have days until I see the cardio doctor, and I do not know how soon he will release me for work or how much more paperwork and hassle it will be to get my disability pay but I know from others at the plant, that it has become far more hassle and often not all of it paid.  But it will get my medical co-pay made, if and when I get all the kinks worked out.

I managed to get through all the hassle and paperwork from the car accident without any money going to a lawyer so think I am capable of fighting this fight also.

      And I will win the battle with depressed, gloomy, discontent stuff too.  I have plenty here to play with and stuff coming that was ordered weeks ago, tracking seems stuck or else stuff is not moving, tracking is not being updated as stuff moves... But the ordered bird food did come and is put into storage jars, I don't have to worry about keeping those kids fed for a couple months.

If I ask, Jake will buy Shadow a bag of food, chews and biscuits but he is not good at buying toys for the dog child who loves toys.

   I am glad to have 3 quilts back on the blanket shelf and out of my 'to do' pile in the sewing space.  I also emptied a big tote and the plastic tub, so they are now down for Ben to use with his stuff.  I need to plan starting to remove the damaged ceiling tiles in the downstairs bedroom this winter and that means the room cleaned out enough for me to do that work and not have a huge amount of filth to clean up off stuff that is currently on shelves and about the room.

     All my dolls and such will need boxed up and moved out, Jake's stuff will need moved, covered, gone.. And Ben will need any and all his stuff out of the way and protected from the dirt, dust and general filth the job will create before the work can get started.

And my being off work is a real hinder to progress here, both with getting the work done and with the financial issue.

    I want to go play at the mall in Springfield, shop some of the sales, be out of home for a while.  I want to buy a good shelf board to go above the futon in the south end of my attic space, replace the deck board I put up there for a temporary shelf.

It did get the dolls up and out of my way so I could sew and I did get all 3 quilts taken care of, so at least I gained something.

    My plans for the next couple years were not for time off work with medical issues, and I know being pissed off at my own body, at my heart for something it did not deliberately do will only add to my stress, which does not help the heart.  

     So, I adjust the plans, and I appreciate all I do have, and that a medical condition has been caught early.  I work on things here at home that are started and not finished, I can find a mountain of doll things that fall in that category and I have a sweater started and 1 I am repairing, and quilt blocks my mother made that need something done with them.  

      There are dolls who could use some attention and plenty of patterns and fabrics for both doll clothes and quilts, a warm house to live in, food in the house, an area I dreamed of and worked for and will continue to work on for my books, fabrics, dolls, sewing, knitting, designing.

     I am in my own home, not dependent on a man for money, or the roof over my head, the clothes on my back or my sense of value.  A lot to be very thankful for, and plenty of reasons to step out of my blue and into the day and make it a good day.  I have that ability, and I will use it.

   

Adjusting and trying to be patient

Well, first weekend since the abnormal EKG and start testing.  The echo sonogram thing was done this past Wed. and I have yet to be notified about the stress test, it is the next one, so the medical team tells me.  And no appointment with cardio dr. to learn results of echo test.

So, no diagnos at this time, no idea of treatment or when I will be back to work.  And that will bug me but not something I can change at this time so I better cope.

I did fix the webbing on the little antique love seat and put 'dead cloth' on the underside.  Really, that is what it is called, and I ran out of upholstery tacks for that, they are actually cheaper here in town, where I bought the first 3 packages so I will pick up another and get that cloth covering finished.

The knitted doll dress is done, photos next and post on line with a price, have plans to do some doll clothes for sale while I am off and trying to not go screaming insane.

I have dog chewed holes in my purple gainsey so ripped back a sleeve and am re-knitting it and just found a second hole low in the body so will be ripping back the lower body next to reknit that.  And I need to make sure my clothing is far away from that dog, work on training that dog better, we are working with vinegar in a spray bottle for discouraging him from the antique love seat and I will do that with fabrics and wood.

Jake allowed the dog to destroy a lot of things, socks, shirts, wood, ect., and now Ben and I are working on some retraining so I can cope and enjoy living with Shadow.

I need to get the beadboard backing up on the peninsula here in the kitchen, the counter guy will be here again Monday for a final measurement, and the costs are now on my Lowe's card so I can get an appointment with my loan officer and roll all this kitchen project over into a mortgage and I will go Monday am and get that appointment set up.

Finances will be tight here, this time off work is coming at a very bad time for me, the leave papers are started, but the disability pay is not what I bring in a week, it does not start the first day off unless I am hospitalized that first day so I can kiss going to the UFDC convention this summer "goodbye" as my tax return will be helping fix the financial problems caused by this time off work.

And financial issues get me depressed fast, as does being home, off work for medical reasons, as does dealing with getting medical tests and appointments scheduled, but at least my kitchen has improved and I will push and nudge Ben, who is living here again, to help me get a few things done up in the attic, so I have it cleaned up and my sewing area usable.  Right now it is the catch all for wood trim, drywall scraps and what not.  But we can work on getting that trim up and we can get some of those small pieces of drywall used in the dormer and the rest hauled to D&D for disposal.

I have yarns, mending and fabrics, stuff started that can be finished, plenty here to play with and keep me busy while I get through this down time and the blasted heart problem found and dealt with.

But I am not enjoying being off work, nor am I enjoying having my financial stability shook up again.

So, maybe I can make a bit of money with doll clothes sewing, and I need those quilts mended, re-bound, and in the usable bedding shelf, that clears up space.  So would finish mending the antique crocheted bedspread, machine quilting the quilt that has been waiting for me to machine quilt for several years now.

So, all and all, I am or should be able to get through this down time better than the last time I was off for major medical reasons.  This is not like the car accident, I am not laid up and in a lot of pain and my house is in better shape, I have more space to live in and play in, am very mobile which I was not last time, and I will get some things done that are needing done.

Both Ben and Jake are handy if and when I need a bit of help, and I have friends and good neighbors so that will also help.

Resetting my goals and direction, some.

It looks like my heart will be deciding a lot of things in my life for a while, and right now I don't know what I will be doing, when I will be back at work, or how I will manage, emotionally or financially.  But I will get there, and this afternoon I will see the cardio guy and go from there.  Ben will get his driver's license renewed as once again I need to know I can depend on that son for any help I need with transportation needs.  

And I will manage, no matter what or how this quirky heart thing plays out.  I know there is only so much pushing, physically, I can do with this.  It is not like the car accident damage and pain issues there.  But I will manage and I will cope and I will stay strong and independent, because I need that.

That kitchen renovation stuff

The cabinets are installed, except for the end of the peninsula which had to be reordered as the wrong base cabinet was ordered and I refuse to even consider making it work for my needs/wants.  3 out of the 8 base cabinets were NOT what I wanted, 1 end panel was for the wrong side, or it was for the cabinet that should have been ordered for the right side of the stove.

2 out of 4 upper cabinet doors have to be replace, 1 is scratched and not fixable to my satisfaction and the corner unit has 2 doors, or a bi-fold door and 1 matches the rest of the cabinet doors, the other is the same cherry finish and similar style but not the same style.  That one is a factory screw up and has a funny side.

The crew delivering the cabinets to the house were 2 younger men and 1 managed to steal my 32G iPod Touch 5, from the new charging station by the kitchen table, where I left it, in a bight pink  iPhone 5 case, they are the same size and the shock case was good priced and protected my iPod from drops onto hard surfaces, like all the floors in my old house.

I doubt if the delivery company compensates me at all and I will stay bent out of shape over it for probability the rest of my life.

But I do now have the old microwave stand moved across town, along with the old television housing I turned into a storage unit around 15 years ago.  The old kitchen table is still loaded with stuff to put away or was up and put away, it will come apart and store in my utility area until Jake or Ben have a home for it.

It has been a long and stress filled renovation project and expensive, but I will have a good, clean, workable kitchen once it is all done.  I have waited for years for this and will gladly make my loan payments, knowing I am coming home to the house I have worked to turn into a solid and comfortable home.

And this being single works so well for me, I have no time or interest in dating, too much to do here, too much I want to do and not willing to give up my time, share my house, put up with other people's problems, issues or bad habits.  That might make me a spoilt and selfish old woman or it might be, that at 58, I have earned the right to live my life as it works best for me.

I am glad to have the dishes done, they are drying in the dish racks, in the bathtub, but I know I won't be washing dishes in tubs, in the bathroom for too many more weeks, I now have scraps of plywood and whatever else I had on hand that would work for temporary counter tops so I am a lot closer to a working kitchen than I was yesterday.  

The house is a bit cleaner, and I know tomorrow I will get some more work done here, Sunday is the doll club Christmas party and I will be ready for that this year, and if it is dry, not snowing or raining, I can return the wrong cabinet and the toe kick I told the woman not to order to Lowes so that will come off my account.  

And Shadow is calmer, the house getting back into order helps him, but he misses Jake, who doesn't even have time to talk to the dog when he stops by here most times.  I knew the dog would become my dog, now Ben is helping me deal with the behavior issues Jake helped create.

But, like my kitchen, things with the dog will get there in time also.