I came home with foot hurting and sad. 1 of our maint.supervisors has passed away suddenly. He took 2 months off to go play in Florida, planning to return in April, work a bit longer and then retire. His last conversation with me had to do with him going where it was warm and sunny and me having to stay and deal with the cold and snow and issue out parts.
Now I want to go curl up in Larry's bed and feel his arms around me and just be sad. But he's sleeping and I will be sad, drag the tea and popcorn to my bed and watch something on dvd for a while and think about Bob Brown, who will be missed in our plant and town.
And I am going to treasure and cherish every minute I have with the people who are close to my heart, be glad they are a part of my life.
And I am going to thank God for the techie box in Larry's chest that helps keep his heart working, for the meds that help keep him alive and healthy and for the the fact that he has become, that we have become a part of each others life.
We talked about his wife today, I know I would have liked her, he still loves her and I hope he always does. They had 23 years together and each day was a treasure for them. He knows she did not want him to spend his remaining time alone and grieving for her, but I know a part of his heart is hers and will stay that way.
I hope she is somewhere that she can look in on how he's doing, I hope she is ok with me becoming his gal pal, his lover.
I hope that Mrs. Brown has great treasures in her heart from the years she and Bob were together, that she has comfort in her time of loss, just no way for me to explain how hard this had hit me, to walk into work and hear the news.
We don't control that time we are walking on this earth, it's not really ours. We can be careful, we can eat right, live a good life and still, it's not always something we have much control or choice about.
Larry did not die with his heart attack, Bob Brown did, I didn't die in that car accident, Mark Young did.
I'm not ready to put into words spoken out loud my feelings for Larry, but the feelings are there, they are in my actions and on my face. And right now I want to curl up in his arms and grieve for the loss of a respected supervisor and for his wife's pain and loss.