Changes in spending plans here

     The old truck has developed huge transmission issues that will be very costly to fix, still cheaper and better choice than a different vehicle, at least at this time, a key and note in the box for my mechanic, the loan of a vehicle from son Jake and I will get by until the truck is fixed and home.

     The old house will still make some progress on improvements, the north end of the attic right now, and I will continue with plans for the hobby shop building I sent plans to builder for and have funds set aside to pay for.

     I am ok with keeping the truck, and can afford that easier than I can afford to buy another used vehicle at this time.  But I will keep working toward the goal of being able to buy new, under good warranty in the future, 3-5 years down my road.

     My spending was done and I was on my way home when the transmission went out, Ben and Jake came to my rescue so my building supplies are home, the truck is at the shop and my 2 paid days off are going ok.  It will give me back part of that blasted credit debt I just paid down, but I can manage that, and I will gladly work any offered overtime, still be able to have money going into 401 and savings, so will manage here.

     It does stop me from buying any dolls I really don't need at this time, or ordering any yarns I don't need right now, but it will not hugely re-order my little life here.  And I can happily keep driving that old truck for years, hauling the building supplies, getting me to work and such, and know I will be running that Metro or that Rebel once the warm weather returns.

     But, maybe I will just tuck back into bed for a nap this very early morning and be glad I have a home, food, a job and a life that really does work for me.

401K moved, 1 pension locked, the other cashed outn

     And that cash out has paid down credit, arranged for a hobby building to be built and set on my site, has bought some goodies, filled the cupboards, and given me some additional financial stability for my long term future.
     That long, hard battle to recover enough to return to work, that daily battle with pain and people to be at work, to do the job to the best of my ability, the change of jobs, in plant, and the continued battle to rebuild my life, to stay employed is why I had that cash out oppertunity and I do appreciate it and know I did earn it.
     And I have again moved, in plant, to another job, qualified and now own that easier on my aging body, and I will continue to earn my living, continue to build that 401 stuff, pay into the tax system, work down my debt load, pay down my mortgage.  I will slowly keep working on old house repairs, and slowly work on chasing some of my silly dreams.
     The hobby building will give my wood shop tools a home, and in time, wiring so they run without me needing extension cords and they will give my scooter and my Rebel a dry winter home that is not inside my house.
     I have worked hard to get here, where I am right now, with a really good credit rating, with a job I should be able to work long term and might even pick up some daily overtime, that remains to be seen and I can live without that extra money, but know my savings and 401 are on a % so the more I earn, the more they get each week.
     The medical bills should be all paid off this month, and I will be very glad to see those behind me, the dental appointment is done and no additional costs there, the optical appointment has been done and I now have a paid for smart phone with a year of paid for service.  Small things but things that matter in my small world.
     I paid $1000 on my mortgage principal this week, and have been paying a bit extra on each payment.  That will continue and the tax refund might allow me to pay another $1000 or so on that principal,  I know it is not a big loan but I want get it paid down all I can while I am working.
     And I start every day counting my blessings and end my days counting my many blessings.

Moving on, forgiving and people that matter

     There are very few people around now that knew me when I was a child, a young woman, growing up.  Oh, there are plenty of people still living but not that I have any contact with.  I have moved too much, gone so far away, not come back 'home' often enough to keep that contact going.
     So, the few that do exist and are, in some way, a part of my life now really do matter, even if there has become issues that have pushed us farther apart.
     I wish I had tucked my pride and ego into my back pocket and said those words I had ready, for years, I forgive, I even do understand some of why and how and all that stuff, you matter, ya, the truth mattered a lot then, but you still mattered more then and do now.
     Michael, I have known you since I was 16, and cared, built you and your life into some magical 'he got it right, did it right' think in my head.  Thought of you when I was at low points and remembered you saw something special in me, when no one else did, that you cared and thought me worth caring about when it seemed that no one else did, and that mattered, that made a huge difference in my getting through those bad, hard, rough times.
     Six years ago, a bit more, we got back in touch, much older, far from where we were when we were young, and a long way from the very young people we were back then.  And a choice I made to go to town, on my day off, a choice someone else made, and my world, my life, my future changed when that Buick crossed the center line and smashed hard into the front of my little red, much loved truck.
     My life changed, my world became a pain filled nightmare that seemed to have no end, but you were there, you were light and comfort and solid ground.  When I needed dreams of a good future on the other side of a long and pain filled healing, you helped me build those dreams, helped me get through that long hard first months.
     But, you also deceived me, lied to me about financial issues, stupid, ya, easy for me to find out, ya, damn, the little things you didn't know about the woman I had grown into.  Like, I do my own taxes, like,  I think and run financial things in my head.    
      I thought a lot about you, about the time I spent with you during my accident recovery and what a big and valuable part of my recovery that time, and you were.  About the reasons we 'fell out' and that I missed you, but know our lives, for many reasons, both big and small were heading in different directions.  I can't cry and grieve over that, it would not change any of the past, nor would it build a road to the future.
     As I go through the minutes and hours of my quiet little life, my work shift, my home time, my thoughts and prayers often are for you, with you and knowing that I am, again, finding ways to let you go, to accept that I will never make it back west to see you and talk with you, laugh with you, get a big hug from you, say so many things that matter.
     Know that you matter, know that I am working hard to keep my life on a workable track, my finances out of the red, my old house making progress.  Know that I am a better person for our friendship, for the time I have known you and spent with you.  I pray for your healing, and I pray for all of us to cope, and accept what God and life hand to us, and know that the prognosis for your future is not bright and rosy.
     I miss you, my friend, and I pray for you.