My new ride, Fraelsi

My new ride, Fraelsi
Fraelsi means Freedom in Farose

Thursday, December 30, 2010

End of the year and schedules

I will be so glad when 2010 ends and the new year gets started. This has been the most painful, most stressful, most emotionally devastating year I have lived through and yes, I will be glad to see it end.
I swapped work days with the other 2nd shift clerk so he could have New Year's Eve off to play and will have Monday off, thought that would give me and that guy both Monday off, gee, normally he would be off Monday, works this weekend, but he's working as someone else needs Monday off, it's a small # of people that do that job, they, just like supply, work each others hours when needed.
So much for some quality time, rats, oh well, it's coffee at work again.
I think we need to exchange written work schedules so we can manage some Out of Plant time. And we both need to accept we cannot control or change the 'helpers' we have at work. We don't stick our noses into their personal lives but they do think they need to 'help' us, suggest, you name it. I figured it out a long time ago, I don't control other people, what they do, what they say and I sure can't stop them so I tune them out for the most part. They aren't paying my bills and are not living my life.
My accident, and it's effect on me, my body, my pain issues has really changed my world. And it has changed what I will or will not accept into my off work time. I have far too much on my shoulders to take on some 'needy' person. And, yes, I do get to decide what that defines, not the other person. It is my life, I almost lost it, I've had it changed drastically by the action of people I do not, did not know.
That's the reality, Mark Young and his wife had marriage problems, and a bitter argument on Jan. 14, 2010. So, he left for work, driving her car, in a very stressed state of mind, for a 3rd shift job. My day off and I had chosen to take Ben and Tamara to Springfield and we were returning home when Mark Young, still in an obvious upset, not paying close attention to his driving, state of mind, chose to pass 2 cars at high speed when traffic conditions made that an extremely unsafe, unwise decision. He hit my truck head on, going at high speed and he's dead.
My life is forever changed, I can't change it back and it was not my choice or my decision or my fault.
Tough luck, life goes that way, learn to live with what I have for a real life now. And after almost 3 months back at work, no, it won't get a lot better for me and my foot. I will limp, I will have pain, always, sometimes minor, sometimes moderate, sometimes pain that has me wanting to curl up some where and cry. But I am able to work and earn a living, keep my health insurance and slowly fix my financial mess and my old house.
But there's no space for fixing other people's problems or carrying their weight in life. There's not place for anyone with their own life a mess that could or would become problems or stress in mine. Not even as pals or friends. Yes, I will talk with people, yes I am still on 'good terms' with some but I don't have time for them, they want me to do something, it has to be on my time, my place, my terms.
No, don't ask me to go out of my way to do something for you, not load that bike and haul it to the buyer's house. It's a huge job for me to get the bike out of my own house and load it in my truck. Think about it, and decide you can do something different, even offering to come and load the bike in the truck would have gone over far better.
No, don't tell me your problems and battles with the place we both work and want me to take your side, keep me out of it, it's not my battle and I do not want or need involved. I don't drag anyone into my issues and problems, they are mine and I will deal with them.
And yes, I will make time for that guy I have coffee with, who is not trying to add to the weight on my shoulders, who does understand the mess I feel my life is in, that I do not have a lot left for a relationship with him but we can both work with what we both have to offer/want and ignore the 'helpers' at plant.
I will not do lunch out with DH, we are not dating, and his giving people at work, who gossip and gossip with maintenance crew, the impression that we are romantically involved has gotten him on my list of people I have little association with. It's made it into the boiler room, that damn talk and the boiler man and I talked about it, he knew I had dated DH ages past, gee, I dated that boiler man in the, crew, we do know each other, quit helping~~~
But I don't need it being suggested that I have several 'playmates' or that I am playing head games with the boiler man or am just fishing for any man I can catch.
And I will get through the next month, the hopefully last appointment with my foot specialists and hopefully State Farm and I will within the first quarter of 2011 get the insurance settlement done, the medical bills off my back and I will start feeling a little less stress and pressure on me.
I have my tax software already installed and have started putting in my information so I can file very early and will hopefully be able to get rid of some of the debt load with the tax return.
I am slowly gaining but this week's mail brought more medical bills from the accident. I don't know what or how but will make sure State Farm looks into them closely as I don't see part of my settlement going to billing errors and with medical bills, there are a lot of 'billing errors' that insurance companies end up paying for services and stuff that was never done.
Long year, a lot of hard battles and hard emotional issues and it's not over yet. But I am getting there, and some things are behind me, so in ways, I am moving on and know it will work out.
At least I don't have someone else drilling holes in the boat while telling me they are going to build me a nice big shining new boat...
And that guy I have coffee with--called this morning and I definitely let him know it's on my game plan to get him pealed out of his clothes the first opportunity we both have for that, and he laughed and agreed we need to work on schedules. It's going to be a good 2011, even if he's working Monday and that sinks that pealing project we both hoped we would get to.

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