Working on me

   I’m working on me, trying to work on old house projects, on getting my finances in better order, and in setting some solid goals to reach for.   Life here is doing ok, and I am managing ok, but there’s times I want that man who went back to Mexico and his life there back here, in my life, in my world and yes, back in my bed.

     Funny, a house built without a solid foundation never stays solid, never holds up long term, and that’s what our 5 years together was, a house with no foundation. And that’s what we really had.  So, I will keep working on this old house and on my own foundation and accept my flaws and work on building my strengths and work on liking who I really am.

     The hand is healing, and it seems that I have won the war against the pathological infections, so that’s so positive and I am going to keep working on the little finger and hope for more improvements but I know it’s going to take time and it’s going to be slower than I like.

    But in the meantime I have some fun dolls to sew for, great fabrics and I have ideas and fun making doll clothes and probably more doll debt than I should have.

Damn! Didn't think out and plan for bitter cold weather!

 So, now I am seeing the flaws in my. totally electric room by room electric heating.  I obviously was heating under the house far more with that forced air furnace and all it's under the house ducting than I realized.  And this is the coldest winter we have had in years so ya, good way to see all my flaws in my heating system.  But I will deal with it, and work on it and learn and improve, but it's going to be a very cold week here.  Even my attic studio is cold!

     And I am still having weight problems, but am finally off the antibiotics, so hopefully I am well past that septic 3 pathogens problems.  The right little finger will never recover completely or be 'normal' again, but it will continue to gain some for a while.  And I am not being very abused at work, it seems that all of management appreciate my willing to work and do as much as I can, and not complain and I seem able to work well with most people.  

      American Girl seems to be the dolls of choice for my current doll sewing projects, last winter I did a lot of quilt top piecing and I might still do some of that this winter but am working on doll wardrobes, 1 is for that Marie-Grace that belongs to my daughter Stormy, I am finally finishing up the last items for her wardrobe, I did get those books and enjoyed them and so now I am doing the nightgown and will make her 'wrapper' which is a tied housecoat thing, .  it wraps and ties, so ya, housecoat, dressing gown, robe, and at that time and place, a 'wrapper' for a young girl in a family of modest income...  the nightgown only needs handwork to finish and I have finally made a decision on the fabric and pattern for the wrapper.  I will tweak/alter the pattern from the 1840's girl's work dress for that item as I haven't found a pattern and can make this 1 work.  The next wardrobe and doll is for my daughter in law's niece Stevie, she's getting a red haired doll, I replaced the original wig and she's a farm girl who loves pink so her doll will get clothes for that farm life and some of that pretty pink stuff too.  I have several of my older American Girl dolls that I plan to make some clothing for, I have never sewn for Josefina, despite having her and her patterns since she was released.  And I have my own Molly version, she's probably a re-wigged Kirsten with a brown wig, as these are her blue eyes and the right era doll production.  I did make Addy clothing years ago but never sewed for Josefina or Julie and now have several more dolls to sew for so plan to work on wardrobes for each.  And I spent a lot more than I should have at the American Girl winter sale so have a lot of seperates and yes did buy multiple of some so can put the same sweater/top in wardrobes and then make or come up with skirts and/or pants to go with them.  And estate sale flannel has become nightgowns, 4 of the same and 1 of just the pink with big dots for Stevie's box. And that used up almost all that flannel.  I am putting a lot of donated and estate sales fabrics into the doll sewing and making good use of those purchases.  

     And I am involved in a 'treasure hunt' here. . .it seems that while stealing my new Timex watch the cat or cats managed to pull off the back and that part and some of the watch 'guts' are missing.  I expect to have a much cleaner house as I seem to be cleaning as I hunt. . . and I am chasing out dust bunnies and cat hair, dust and what not while I hunt every crevice and under everything.  Darn cat!

     Life is very good here, yes, I have spent way too much $$ on things I didn't need but it is my earnings and my life and my responsibilities.  My electric bill will be very high this coming bill, but I will manage and am not going to regret ending the natural gas furnace.  Some work and investment in insulating under the house, especially the underside of the floors will help a lot.  

     We are currently working over 8 hours and 6 day weeks, but this winter storms and cold has slowed this week down, some was the wet slop making it hard or unsafe for trucks to get in and out of farms to haul pigs to the plant and now it's this very cold spell.  We worked short Friday and were less than 6 hours today.  And as I am back on the production floor, I am working the full shift, in different jobs that have me doing quality control work, but. no knife handling or other work that's damaging to my already damaged hands.  

   The cats are looking for warm spots, they think it's cold tonight too. 

Time Passes Too fast

      And I don''t find time to blog, or check posts at Modern Vespa but today I  really need to write/verbalize my thoughts and what's going on in my life.

     Work has given me carpal tunnel in both hands, I will have surgery, it did get postponed once already.  My prognosis is minimum-moderate recovery, oh, that's months ago and yes, work has made the problems worse.  And I get to add in a work injury that got me a permanently damaged right little finger, 9 stitches, 3 pathogens and a fungal infection, and yes, all that stitches and bugs was the local emergency room.

     I did't ride much this summer because of the hand problems and this fall I didn't get the bikes in for winter storage or even batteries out.  Blame the hands, the work accident, the 4 days/3 nights in the hospital fighting the infection problems.  But it adds to me feeling like I have failed once again.

     But I am now back on 2nd shift, life patterns work far better for me when I work 2nd shift,  I have a very good team of doctors, so the infections are almost cleared up and I know I have a top surgeon for my carpal tunnel surgeries and they will now be done in Springfield Clinic outpatient where I will not be in any risk of getting any infections or pathogens to go with the carpal tunnel repairs.

     I spent too much $$ on dolls and doll stuff, but it's my $$ and my life and I am sewing dolls clothes and being ok with my rather solitary, single life.

     I did't think about the floors and how much heat those darn vent tubes gave off, but am now room by room electric heat, and no more gas.  And I will insulate those floor, but this winter My feet will not be very happy downstairs.  I am making progress on some things, it's not a perfect life but it's a work in progress, and that's all we get, trying to do right, trying to do better and trying to make life work.

     And I did a crazy thing that might be a waste of $60 or might get me some discounted, probably factory reject American girl dolls from a overseas company that buys pallets of 'imperfect' made for American brands goods.  So, I might get the dolls and have to do some work to fix/repair/or buy wigs, storage boxes, or I might ge scammed.  But I did call my credit card company and they are replacing the card.  And I have over 30 days to file a claim if my 'goods' don't show up.

     And I am now finally getting to where I actually use my $$ MacBook Air,  I finally decided my huge problems with it were the blasted trackpad and I just needed to get a mouse.  After spending all the $ on it and it sitting for the past year, or longer, ya, I just needed to get a silly mouse.

     We are having a mild winter so far this year, and I hope it stays that way.