My new ride, Fraelsi

My new ride, Fraelsi
Fraelsi means Freedom in Farose

Monday, March 01, 2010

Another Monday..

Right now my clock reads 4:50 am. Way too early for me to be awake and starting my day but am awake, didn't sleep great, some pain, some itching, some burning..this full fiberglass cast stuff has it's ups and downs...up is the better protection and stability for my foot. The list of 'downs' is long..and won't improve for grousing about things.
I will say the cream and orange socks just need the yarn ends worked in to be done, the pink socks are very long and getting cuffs, knee socks I will like to wear. I am working on some doll sweaters and have patterns for several but am not sure about yarns for them and don't have extra $ to order any at this time. I will have to see if the stash has any for the hooded, cabled one I really want to try.
Mike is again in Green River Utah, laying over and will be in Salt Lake/Provo today. A better trip than the one we made together, I am so glad he's decided his health is important and to take better care of his that man so very much.
My life here was so good and worked so well for me, I had that 'single and dating' stuff worked out in my head. A job I love, an old house I am slowly fixing, a town I am settling down into, things seemed so very good..not too many rough spots in my little road...
Maint. guys talking about FaceBeook and finding people from their pasts, kids they had gone to school with..being able to do a bit of checking on them without contacting's called FaceBook stalking I am told...those guys chatter at the supply window...and it got me thinking..
There was this boy, I dated him 2 different times, he was, the memories of him were some of the treasures in my heart..I had looked for him via the net before, and through the Mormon links, could not find him, not even a whisper..thought he might be happens, knew when go got married, my mother let me know that--and that I let a real treasure go...
I thought of that boy, the young man and the life he had--in my imagination- with a wife that adored him, with stable paychecks, great kids that did good in school, involved in the Mormon church and the stability and balance I saw in Mormon famiies I had known. For so many years I imagined him having such a good life..wanted that so bad for this special person..who I didn't believe I was good enough for..
A search on Facebook found him..not in the marriage and life I imagined, all grown up, not the awkard 23 year old who I remembered but a man, who had seasoned well with a life more difficult and challenging than I had ever dreamed. And seperated from his second marriage--wait--his fisrt was supposed to last forever--it did in my head..
Time and thought..debate and think..find my courage..have an idiot moment and send 4 lines of a poem he had written years ago...a tiny thread across 33+ years of distance and past...something easy to ignore, just a few words to put a crack in a door we had both closed so many years ago..
Never thought he would still have any feelings for me, never thought I'd be also opening that door in MY so carefully guarded heart..or shaking up his world, my world..a few words he wrote so long ago..
Now, we are going to have that life together we walked away from so many years I am going to have that man who does love and accept me, the real me and doesn't want a different me, he's going to have that wife that adores him, whose face lights up at the mention of his name, we are going to have that romance that burns with a warm and steady glow..that closeness that can bridge many years and a huge amount of miles...
This accident still sucks, his getting sick when I was out there was Not good--but we are growing closer--we are turning these challenges into positive growth steps in that life together we are going to have, that we are building now...
And my old house will get some much needed work far sooner--because of this accident. I am making lists in my head of what is most important so I make wise decisions with the settlement $$ from this accident..and we are going to make a great life together..I will heal and be back at that job I love so very much, he will be moving his business and truck here..and I will marry that man, he asked me when I was 20 and I told him his mother would not like it--but I did not tell him NO, and he didn't push or ask me to write...
We have 10 kids now, I had just 1 back there are 9 kids that exist because of the choices and directions our lives went. And I like most of those kids that I know, love a couple beyond measure...want to get to know the rest of our 'tribe' and will as time goes on.
Because of this accident I am not working but had a week out west with Mike, his mom who does like me, met 2 of his kids, spent time with his sister Nora who was my sister Bird's pal..and because of this accident, I will probably be going out again for time with Mike, and it looks like even a few days with my aunt Ellen.
Because of this accident I get to go to knitting gatherings, and to a woman's retreat. And have problems doing simple tasks, and take a lot of meds for pain and loose a lot of sleep...
Because of this Man, my dreams and hopes for the future have changed, priorities have changed..and who I believed myself to be has also changed some too..adjusting to that is a living and growing thing..

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