Cool and wet summer in central Illinois

And the river goes up really high, some roads flood, the river goes down a little, it rains some more, the river goes back up, those low road areas get closed again....and so goes our summer.

The neighbors are NOT watering 2x a day, they have a watering system with timer and from spring until freezing, they have watered, even if it is raining.  This is the first summer in 10 years of owning this house and living here that they have not poured water through their sand.  

So, either the price of water per gallon, now that we pay for it by the gallon or the fact that we are getting plenty of moisture finally got them to shut off their automatic system.  They over water, but when water was so cheap, it was easy to do.  And this summer I am not hearing the pump system on their above ground pool running 24/7, that makes a nice, quiet change I am liking.

The potato vines at Clayville.org have rotted, and the onions are following fast, the weeds and grasses are growing faster than anyone can keep up with but our heirloom squash are doing great, the corn is tall and making corn, the drying beans are ready to start drying and saving enough seed for next year.  And since no one kept the green beans picked, I will be drying my seed for next year on them also.

The doll sewing is making slow progress, I am doing a sales table at a cyber convention with 1 of my on line doll groups, it should be fun and get my label out into the world some.

The budget is stretched but livable, the plant keep working and we keep getting information about the coming change of ownership.  So my little life keeps working, 1 day at a time.  I am not out riding my Rebel as much as I would like but weekends are either too wet or I am trying to get stuff done here or I hurt a lot.  But I do ride some, it is paid for and mine, and I will be keeping it.

Not dating still works very nicely in my life, and I like knowing my off work time is totally mine to do what I need and what I want, in my time frame, for my reasons and what works for me.

The small complaints in life seem to be where the script writers left me hanging on season 3 of "Longmire", the Internet in the attic when I am trying to stream Netflix to my attic north tv so I can see silly programs while I sew or knit or just hang out up there.

Life here works at my pace most of the time and I really like that.

Progress, human progress..

And it keeps happening, it is why we are spread all over this planet and are even exploring that outer space stuff.  And it happens, and will keep happening.  

There are very few humans now who live a totally hunter/gatherer life style, and modern tech and modern products are pushing into those lives, changing them.

We keep changing things, call it progress, call it the sin of mankind, call it what you want, it is a part of being human.

So, if we go back far enough, trains were a new idea that was never going to work or happen.  And trains did work, did happen, tracks got laid, freight and humans moved farther, faster because of that change, those trains put a lot of stage lines and horse/mule/oxen drawn freight wagons out of business, along with impacting the jobs and income of those raising that livestock, tending that livestock from freight stop to freight stop and all those building and maintaining those wagons, and those drivers.  Everyone adapted, like it or not, adapting is what humans do and can do well.

That horseless buggy was never going to be more than a toy for the rich, cars, trucks and buses are everywhere now, and even farm equipment, and that again changed how we did things, put people out of work, into new jobs, changed our lives, we cannot and would not change them back.

And again technology, humans thinking and creating had changed our lives and the world.  The Internet, and portable Internet using devices, has changed the world.

And we will see renewable energy changing the world, impacting those in the fossil fuel industries, we will see fewer and fewer coal mines, a slow down in crude oil development, a slow down and shut down of coal fired power plants.  It is happening now, and will continue to happen.  It will and already has impacted towns and people in coal mining areas, around the world, and is is shutting down coal fired power plants, and impacting those jobs and those towns.

It will keep happening, people need to look to the future and accept that they might be able to slow down those changes but they cannot stop them.  Fighting to keep those changes from happening might slow them down, but it does not help anyone look to the coming future and plan for it, find ways to work with it, find other strengths that can bring other jobs to their areas, find ways to look at dealing with the coming changes instead of fighting them.

I am not really fond of change, but I know fighting it only makes it harder for me long term, so as our plant changes ownership, I too, have to adjust to changes and plan to deal with how they impact my life, my income, my future.  I expected to retire from my current employer, but they are selling, not only our plant, but their entire pork division, so many will be dealing with this change,vat least 5100+ employee in our plant alone.  So, I am not alone in this coming change, and most of us will cope, adapt, adjust and keep our lives working and moving on, in this changing world we humans keep changing.

Changes I did not expect but will be dealing with.

     I learned last night that our company has sold the pork division, including our plant.  It wilł be several months before we are transferred to the new owners, regulators get to inspect every aspect of this sale before it can be completed, which gives everyone time to adjust, bitch, whine, or find a different job.

But the buyer wants all the employees, from the bottom to the top management teams.  And I like the sound of that, I do expect most of us working here to take the job offer when it gets to that point.

     But I expected to either retire from this plant and employer or be out on disability, not to change employers at 59, I am getting a bit old and it will mean locking this pension and not being able to work for the new company long enough to build up any retirement.  I do hope we can roll over our 401K plans, I have 2 currently and hope to have them continue to grow for several more years.

     Between our river trying to flood and this, I want to just escape, no where to run to, no funds to run away with so I will escape into my dolls and sewing for them, reading or watching something I enjoy that makes me feel good.

     I really do not like big life changes so I am glad to have several months to adjust to this one and to work on getting debts paid down and so forth, I need to be really practical about money, get busy with some sewing and put doll outfits up for sale to help support by bad doll habits.

     It could be worse, we are not being laid off, we will keep health insurance, vacation time and seniority, but I have no idea if we will stay a union plant once the current contract ends in a year.  Having a job is what matters to me, I am not ready to be on disability, I need less debt and more done on this old house and more built up in savings and investment, that will take some time, more time than the time before this sale closes and I am changing employers, or hoping I am.  

     I do expect the new company will screen us, and I am not terribly worried about that, but know I can not pass any sort of physical, I can pass a drug test and I have a very good attendance record and so forth, but know my aging body is old and has hand, shoulder and the leg/foot damage sure does not help.  It sure could be worse, and it could get worse, but I will hang on to my good attitude and good work ethics and keep being glad I have a job and all that gives me.

     Our 3 day weekend should allow me to get a few things done, the mowing is done now, I will tackle some house work and sewing tomorrow, and my iPod Touch gets picked up by Fedex to return to Apple for damaged LCD screen, fees already paid but if they determine the problem is flaw, instead of owner damage I might get my fees refunded.  The glass screen has no sign of crack or scratch, I have no idea how the LCD could have gotten damaged without the outer screen being cracked but it sure is.

     And I still owe close to $1000 on medical bills, only 2 left to pay, but they are both big, I will try and put as much on each as I can afford and know I will be relieved to see them paid off. And I will change clinics and hope to get better and smarter and more affordable medical care than the Taylor Clinic and hospital in Rushville.

     This afternoon/early evening I spent time pulling weeds in the lawn and feeing sorry for myself, want to go out for pizza and the budget can't afford it and I have no pals handy with good conversation and brains to go with me.  I don't often feel sorry for myself and it never lasts long, but between the plant changes, the finances here and the river, ya, I am feeling a bit of self pity.

     But I am still glad I ended the dating with Larry, I did see him last night, up on the sea wall overlook, watching the river, I had to drop something in the mail box and he was there.  I didn't have much to say, the river is high but so far we have not been flooded out, don't know a thing about the plant being sold, and I actually did not, read about it after getting home and going on line.  I don't want to gossip with him, I don't need to gossip and he can find something to talk about with his coffee pals without my help.  And I am not responsible for his lonely issues, that is his life, and his job to fill the spaces or gripe or whatever, it was not my job while we were dating and sure is not my job now.

    But a bath or shower sounds good now, hot and sweaty from work and the mowing and then I fed the blood sucking, biting insects while I pulled weeds so am itchy and filthy.  A shower might also improve my frame of mind or at least help me sleep better.

The longest day of the year

      And it has a really good weekend, got the mowing done Friday after work and started on my laundry.  Saturday was sunny all day, the clean laundry actually got put away for a change and I even made it to Clayville.org to work on weeding in the Inn garden with Ben to help.

      Sunday was cloudy with storms coming our way, again.  But I got the bird cage cleaned, dishes washed, cinnamon bread made, counters cleaned up, and some floor sweeping done along with getting the bagged insulation down into the utility area and out of my bathroom wardrobe area so now my shoes actually can be tidy and not something I trip over.

      And I pulled some weeds, started a pair of socks for me, had some movie time, enjoyed my quiet house and am ready for another week at work.  Saturday night I enjoyed a long soak in a tub with Shadow and music for company, I like having the music but thought Shadow could have found a better place to nap than right against the bathtub.

      Now, I am looking at having another good week at work, a choice I make, every day, think and believe it will be a good work day and it usually is.  No work place is perfect but I have worked at far worse places for less pay and less or no benefits, and I like those benefits.

      My life has a lot of poor or bad choices and a lot of time picking up the pieces, dealing with the problems my own choices had made or had brought into my life but the last 10+ years have had a lot of stability and good choices.  This old house still needs a lot of work and it has taken a lot of money and time but I am still better here than if I was renting and a lot happier.

     The decision to end a dating relationship was slow in coming, guilt trips about abandoning the man to be alone, but I had to keep reminding myself that he could change that, it was not my job or place in life to be miserable so he had company.  But as I go into this summer, it is an easier summer, my time is mine, when I am not at work and what I do with it is my choice.

      I want more involvement with Clayville.org but know that has to be weekends, at least as long as I am working and I want to work as long as I can.  Not only is that financially smart but I like working, and I like all that it gives me, from paycheck to benefits to some order, routine and balance in my life.  

      This is the first weekend I have not had doll sewing to get done or that I was pushing myself to do, I needed this break, and the house needed the attention, the kitchen needed the dishes caught up, the counters needed to be cleaner and I really needed the floors swept better before the place drove me insane.

      I need to work harder on financial discipline and will have to push myself harder for that but I am managing to stay afloat, the slush funds are not growing and I would be happier if I saw a bit of gain there, even a tiny bit but the medical bills are getting paid, July should put me down to just 2 accounts to pay on, I think there has been a total of 8 or 9, so that is progress.

      Dolls and doll support sucks up far too much of my money and I need to work on that, and consider selling a doll or several.  And work on making clothing and putting it up for sale, I have the skill and ability to do that, but wil not push myself enough.

     All in all, it is a good and stable life I am building here and the choices keep being good choices for my life, and I am making sure I remember that it is my life and keep it at way.  I am done with building a life for the benefit of someone else or building my life around someone else.

     

      

Slow progress on the old house

     All the rain has everything green and growing but it makes weeding the Inn garden at Clayville.org next to impossible so I stayed home today instead of running the Rebel to Clayville and doing some garden work. 

     The budget had room for 1 sheet of moisture proof drywall and I already had all but the light switch to start the wiring work in the future attic bathroom.  With the help of son Ben, I now have the first ceiling drywall up in that space and the light installed and will do the work in the breaker box tomorrow so that light will be a working light.  Not a lot of progress but some and every bit of drywall up in my attic space makes it that much more energy efficient and that much closer to done.

     I leaned of the death of a friend, someone I dated and managed to build back a friendship after the romance didn't work out for either of us.  A heart attack, not a huge surprise that, his overweight, high blood pressure and a few other things.  He and his new gal pal went to Mississippi last summer to marry and stayed there.  

     It saddened me some to learn he had died, and I doubt if his Judy has been left in stable financial position, but I hope their time together was quality with a lot of love and happiness.  There is no coming back to Cargill now, the plant/company went to a No rehire policy several years ago but they knew that before they left.

     I know my life here has some rough spots now and then, the old house still needs so much work and money, materials to do the needed work cost money, and what I cannot do costs even more money to hire the work and pay the materials costs.  The car accident of more than 5 years ago means pain every day, a foot and leg that can make me miserable and sciatic nerve issues to join that pain.  

     But I have a stable job, and benefits, a slowly growing 401K, not a lot there but it will help pay off my debt load some day and I am working on paying down the debt load.  Waÿ too many dolls, way too much money squandered on things I do not need but I am not letting some man spend it or using what I earn to pay some man's debts.  And I have done that stupid stuff in the past.

     I do like my silly little life here, and know that it works for me, it doesn't have to suit anyone else, they are not living my life or paying the bills for that life.  

     The roads we each choose to walk are our own, no matter the reasons why we take those roads, make those decisions, good and bad.  At least here in the USA, we do have so much ability to make our own choices, and we live with those choices, my debt load is from my choices, for my reasons, and my responsibility to pay.  

     And the old house, again, my choice, along with the work that has been done here and that will be getting done in the future, yes, a lot of money and work has gone into this old house, that still needs a lot more work and money, but my home works for me, and is mine to care for.  And mine to enjoy, including my attic area, with my sewing space and my retreat.

     The scooter and the Rebel too are mine and I paid the cost, and continue to support those rides I enjoy.  The old truck that won't impress anyone. It gets me to work and home and to the places I need to go, I don't need fancy wheels to impress anyone, in fact, I just don't need to impress anyone.

     It took a very long time for me to grow and mature into the person I am now, a rough and hard road at times with plenty of poor choices, bad decisions and problems to deal with but I am doing ok now, staying stable, making tiny bits of progress, maybe not measurable on the scale others use, but I learned a very long time ago to not let myself be measured by values and the opinion of others.

     So, now, I hope and pray that Darrell's soul moves on to a better life, that his Judy has the ability to make her life work out, and that I continue on that road that has been working so well for me these past years.

Gearing up for our Festival

      The past week was warm, enough I needed the air on here at the house but we have our Spring Festival at Clayville.org this coming weekend and the weather is cooled down some and it looks like a damp and cool Festival again this year. I will wish for a warmer shawl and a winter petticoat if so, but I will hope for a warm Saturday, I have a doll club meeting Sunday so will be there for cleanup after the festival.

     I have to work on the doll club stuff after work, every night, until I have finished what I have here.  I don't know how we will get the entire lot done in time for the convention but I did not commit our club to making 200 sets of bedding for the event we are sponsoring.  I do have experience in cutting many small pieces from length of fabrics, do that making quilts and I have some doubts about the material making the amount someone think it will.  But I can cut some of the blankets so the fold is at the end instead of the side and that should help.  The length that came home with me made 26 blankets, 36 pillow cases and 40 pillow bags, which still need the poly fill cut and stuffed in, the ends sewn shut.  I was originally told 1/4" seams and top stitching on the blanket, glad I only top stitched 1 as it seems the written information says 1/8" for that top stitching.

      This week is city cleanup so I will finally get rid of the old bed frame and mattress and box springs, it will be nice to get it into the truck after work today and haul it over for disposal.  I am seeing very slow improvement on this place but it does improve, a tiny bit every year.

     And I am tent wishing this spring as I no longer have a tent and want to go camping some.  I also want something that could be loaded on the Rebel for taking the bike and running away for a day or so, the scenic river roads, small and quiet out of the way corners, that escape and unwind stuff I like to do but have not for way too many years.  

     But life here is doing ok, I am content for the most part.  I fuss over a varment in the upper garden, by the Inn at Clayville, it has a tunnel/doorway in my beans and I want the critter removed...  And I fuss about the doll bedding but will do my share and more, our club reputation is on the line here and that matters to me.

      My debt load is way too high for my comfort zone but I am working it down, tiny gains every month but I will soon be rid of most of the medical bills, and the credit card debt goes down a bit every month, my savings gains a bit every month.

     Work is going ok, pain but not more than I can cope with, and it pays my bills.  I am glad I learned young to work, to stay working, and to have good ethics and values.  They are part of that foundation I have built my little, quiet life around and they keep making my life workable and in balance.

Already May

     Time seems to fly for me, my to do list does not shrink much but know I stay busy.  Work takes a lot of that time but it pays the bills, and as long as I can work and earn a living, I will keep working.

     Things at Clayville.org are picking up, I am working Saturdays to get the garden planted by the Inn and to work on the herb garden.  And I am also doing a bit of working on my wardrobe for dress up days there, festivals and occasionally when I am tour guide.  My first day cap is done, not the best but from the first I know what I want to tweak with the pattern to make a better fit for my head, and am using low budget fabrics for the first few.

   My white shift is done, and I like the fit and feel better than the first one, and I finally have 2 aprons done, white cotton and 1 in heavy canvas.  The white one is now in the washer and once it is dry, I will get it ironed and have all my outfit ready the the festival this month.

   The scooter still needs an oil change but I did the Rebel today and then took it for a short run.  We are warming up fast now, but it seemed like a cool and slow spring.  The winter was not as cold as last winter, and plants outside wintered much better, so did all the weeds.  Ben is helping a lot with clean up and such outside, and with cooking meals here and some of the housework.

     I need to get some more sewing done for our club's UFDC event and such, I hope to get a blouse cut out and started tonight, the skirt is almost done but I need the blouse for final fitting.  And it looks like Doonell and I will be making most of the 200 sets of white bedding for that event, but we have plans/hopes for a workshop the end of May and hope some of the other club members have time and are willing to help cut, sew and press.

  And I am taking 2 vacation days and going to Galesburg to help Donnell with a BJD event for the club up there, it will be a fun mini vacation for me. Time with a doll friend I enjoy talking with, time away from home for just a short bit and dolls, a tight budget but I can afford a motel and the meals and so forth.

     I do like my life, and know my very tight budget is choices I made and I am working on getting that debt down and making wiser choices on doll and other not necessary spending.

     I am working on trying to stay healthy and accept that iron tablets and probably electrolyte will be part of my daily routine for the rest of my life but I am not having grand meal seizures now, and not having many small glitches, now and then, yes, but that is part of my normal, or at least is now.

     Like my right foot and lower leg, and the right shoulder, the left hand and arm, between the car accident and work in meat packing plants, pain is also a part of my normal.  I may not like it but I am learning to live with what I cannot change and make my life good, my way.

     I am very content without a dating or significant male relationship, I am calmer, happier and get done what I want done, and less stress and irritation over small and petty issues.  So, now that I am fed and still have a some time before I need to tuck into bed, I will get the load into the dryer and go play in my sewing space. 

Getting into April

We are warming up some and things are turning green, daffies are blooming and I really need to get the mower started.  Ben is getting the pampas grass cut down and we are using it for ground cover in areas that are bare and I have started to clean up the flower beds.

Work is going ok, I am qualified on the trim necks job now but the last 2 shifts I have worked a CCP job looking for contamination just after the hogs come out of the auto back saws.  And I don't get covered in blood, not complaining about it.

I am getting some doll knitting done and a bit of sewing and this past weekend I tidied up some of the doll things I had out that do have places to be stored.  I need to clean out something so I have storage for the doll wigs so they can stay tidy and I am working on a doll wardrobe trunk for the Wiggs clothing.  I need to put a 2nd bar in and have reinforced the area, have the dowel so just need to drill a hole and then glue the dowel in place.  I am not sure where I put those dowels but I know they are in my sewing space.

The doll club meeting has been moved from this coming Sunday to the next one, I had plans to buy 25# of flour at GFS while in Springfield but might be changing my schedule for that.  No reason to run to Springfield on a Sunday if we don't have a doll club meeting.

And I need to get started with the electrical work in what someday should become the upstairs bathroom, do what wiring I can get done and see about getting up at least 1 piece of water resistant drywall.  And get what I can done before it heats up, the more drywall I can get installed in the attic, the more energy efficient it will be.

And it is almost bedtime already, my evenings go so fast after I get home from work.

The doll club meeting

I took the doll quilts and the items I had done, and the outfit I was finishing to our club meeting today and came home with my Lin Lin doll cold.  She got to go so I could makes sure the garments fit the dolls.  And as her job was to be my fitting model, she went in the bag with the quilts and came home in my knitting bag.

The weather was good, the snow is melting away and it was great to see everyone, we were very chatty and didn't do well at doing a proper business meeting. Our last meeting was the Christmas party so most of us had a lot of gabbing and catching up to do.

Both the Berninas have been serviced, and I have the Singer ready to put up for sale.  My little Nova even has the selector knob on and working and today I bought it a new light bulb.  And plan to order some of the new LED ones for my machines soon.  The cost is the same as regular bulbs for the sewing machines but should put out brighter light, and not get hot.

I might do a few more things for our club's UFDC event but first I will do a bit of sewing for my dolls, and I want a few things put away for Gracie before she comes.  I do have several pair of eyes bought, but will need a wig and want several for each doll, a short red one for RenaJane, she already has the long red wig, and both short and long for my other dolls.  And they need shoes and socks, so I need to be figuring out a sock pattern from my lace yarn for the dolls.

The hand that got cut at work 2 weeks ago looks really good now, the stitches came out this past Friday and I have a really good cream that nursing wants rubbed into the wound area often so I have been doing that.

I am knitting on a doll sweater I bought from a French designer for the Wiggs dolls, her English version has at least 1 error so I will need to figure out how to type up the correction and send it to her.  I think she did the knitting correct but probably had a bit of problem with the translating what she did for the English pattern.  I am using the soft gray sock yarn I got with my tax refund, the color looked good against the skin color of my tan resin dolls.  It will look good with brightly colored pants, leggings or wild skirt.

Physically I am doing better, do not get tired as fast or winded going up the stairs at work and today is the first time in almost a month I knew I recalled needed Gaterade as soon as I got home.  No seizure but on the edge of that shaky stuff and brain not wanting to keep on track, not good when driving home from Springfield.  I don't do much Gaterade on weekends but I need to do some, apparently.

I am still up to my eyeballs in debt but will keep working on making payments and getting it to creep down as I can. 

The time change will take a day or two to adjust to, but my bed is calling me now and I will soon be there.  I hope to get the dress pattern I want to use traced off and maybe even get the fabric cut out after I get home from work tomorrow.  And I need to work on some clean up and tidy work up in my studio area, get photos taken of the Singer I want to sell so I can get it posted on line.

All in all, I have a good life, and work to make it be what works for me.

UFDC convention

     I had hoped to be going this summer but the time off work last month for medical reasons sunk that dream.  But others from my doll club are going and Donnell has been kind enough to agree to attend the Berdine Creedy dessert event as my proxy.  I will pay the cost and I am working now on making some small doll quilts for her to have as hostess gifts for her table mates.  

     This lets me use some very small fabric swatches I bought many years ago and had de died they either get used or tossed out, I need to tidy up and clean out in my sewing space and the tin with these stored in was part of that sort out and clean up.

      I used 880 small die cut fabrics, all different, both solids and prints to make 11 small scrap quilts and am using fabrics I got at an auction years ago for borders, backing and the binding.  The batting will use up some of the scraps of batting I have saved away and make a dent in that also.

     The house payment is made, and I paid on some bills, and will buy just the needed groceries this week but things are improving slowly.  I still have a lot of medical bills and credit debt, along with the new mortgage but I am starting to see some balance.

     I still need to file state taxes but the state web file is still not available, hopefully it will be next weekend.  That tax refund will go to pay down some of that credit debt, it won't make a big dent but any progress is positive.

     And I have lots of yarns and fabrics so can play at home and put my off work time to good use, doing things I do enjoy doing.  I did get tired of the quilt tops before they were all set together, I started the work last weekend, so I have a lot of hours piecing all those little fabric swatches together.  But the borders go fast, and I hope to see several of the quilts with binding ready to hand turn the edge by the time I head for bed tomorrow.

      So, the wind is cold, but the house is comfortable, we have food and the birds and dog are fine, they might be bored but they also have plenty of food and are in this warm house.  I have many things to be very thankful for in my life.

The new iPad

It is really not new, it is refurbished and instead of replacing the battery, they sent me a refurbished one.  And it has taken hours to get it set back up, and I am sure I will find stuff that still needs done but at least I am making progress.

I admit to having a lot of toys, from my scooter and Rebel to the dolls, my iTouch, my iPad, Nexus 7, several sewing machines, and more than 1 flat screen tv, but I also work at a meat packing plant for the money that buys all this stuff. 

And I complained about the hassle to get my iPad to Apple for the battery replacement and stated that I probably would not be buying another Apple tablet when the current iPad was toast....but now that I know what hoops to go through, and where to drop off the tablet for shipping, gee, it is livable.

And NO other company makes a tablet with as large a hard drive, and heck, I like Apple products....

So, maybe this fall, or next, the newest iPad might be on my list.

In the meantime, it is so nice to have it back, gone 8 whole days and I had other devices to use and enjoy and whine the whole time.  I am a very spoiled brat, but I am also the one working for all those things and the money that pays the bills here.

So, now back to tweaking the iPad to suit me once again

Back at work, broke but feeling a bit better.

All the heart tests show my heart is in good shape, so my medical problem is not caused by my heart, but more likely that I did not pass out but had a grand mal seizure which caused the heart to be wonky, but no damage was done.  

And the cause of the seizure?  Possibly my electrolites were messed up from not taking vitamins wi minerals and all the sweating at work.  And I did have some small seizure episodes while off work, gee, not anything I would actually have thought about.

So, the cure is take those vitamins, add in some iron and lots and lots of Gateraid to help bring up the electrolites and hope I stay stable.

I hope to get the disability pay, right now it seems all the paperwork is finally turned in and filled out right so I can quit bugging the clinic, and it is up to Cargill to make a decision on if I get disability pay for my time off work or not......so stinks but not a lot I can do about it at this time.

I will get the first house payment made on time and the credit card payment made on time but I won't have any money to live on for the next week.  But I will get by and manage.

I did sell an outfit to someone in my doll club and hope to see the check for that this coming week, and have food in the house and plenty of fabrics and yarns to play with, and plenty of dolls to play with.

I like my single life, to have a man who would help out financially means a lot of changing and a lot of giving up my time and my control of my life, my house and other things.  I can manage and I will soon be filing my taxes so that also will help.

It was a hard work week, I am glad to be back at work and know as I keep working on building back up those minerals and such, I will start feeling better and hopefully avoid any more grand mal seizures, it was not fun, and it was a lousy time for me to miss work and miss the needed income.

It screws up my debt pay down progress, my old house work and my happy, sense of balance in this little life I have.

It will get back in check, but I sure will not be making it to UFDC convention this coming summer and I did have hopes for that but I have plenty of dolls to play with and might even get some outfits made, things knitting and some things sold.

Filling time

I am working on filling time, I have another week before my doctor appointment, so far no more tests that are scheduled so I am working on cleaning up the house and working on the sewing space.

 I now have 2 quilts done that were in the pile of things needing attention and 1 more to repair.

And then I can work on the pile of doll things that are part done or cut out and not yet sewn, the knitting that needs done, socks for Ben, repair a sweater of mine, knit on a sweater I started several years ago and really want to wear.

The weather has been mild this past month, that helps the utility bill, and I am watching my spending as the paperwork for disability pay is no longer part of our FLMA or rather we just have a lot more hoops to get that contracted benefit my employers say they have for us.  

But the FLMA has been approved so I can quit calling in every day, that is a nice change.

    Well, now it is well into the new year, 8:23 am in my kitchen, music playing, working on a pair of socks for my son Ben, checking Facebook, and email, a few other things and staying home.

    I do not have money to waste, nor gas, I still have days until I see the cardio doctor, and I do not know how soon he will release me for work or how much more paperwork and hassle it will be to get my disability pay but I know from others at the plant, that it has become far more hassle and often not all of it paid.  But it will get my medical co-pay made, if and when I get all the kinks worked out.

I managed to get through all the hassle and paperwork from the car accident without any money going to a lawyer so think I am capable of fighting this fight also.

      And I will win the battle with depressed, gloomy, discontent stuff too.  I have plenty here to play with and stuff coming that was ordered weeks ago, tracking seems stuck or else stuff is not moving, tracking is not being updated as stuff moves... But the ordered bird food did come and is put into storage jars, I don't have to worry about keeping those kids fed for a couple months.

If I ask, Jake will buy Shadow a bag of food, chews and biscuits but he is not good at buying toys for the dog child who loves toys.

   I am glad to have 3 quilts back on the blanket shelf and out of my 'to do' pile in the sewing space.  I also emptied a big tote and the plastic tub, so they are now down for Ben to use with his stuff.  I need to plan starting to remove the damaged ceiling tiles in the downstairs bedroom this winter and that means the room cleaned out enough for me to do that work and not have a huge amount of filth to clean up off stuff that is currently on shelves and about the room.

     All my dolls and such will need boxed up and moved out, Jake's stuff will need moved, covered, gone.. And Ben will need any and all his stuff out of the way and protected from the dirt, dust and general filth the job will create before the work can get started.

And my being off work is a real hinder to progress here, both with getting the work done and with the financial issue.

    I want to go play at the mall in Springfield, shop some of the sales, be out of home for a while.  I want to buy a good shelf board to go above the futon in the south end of my attic space, replace the deck board I put up there for a temporary shelf.

It did get the dolls up and out of my way so I could sew and I did get all 3 quilts taken care of, so at least I gained something.

    My plans for the next couple years were not for time off work with medical issues, and I know being pissed off at my own body, at my heart for something it did not deliberately do will only add to my stress, which does not help the heart.  

     So, I adjust the plans, and I appreciate all I do have, and that a medical condition has been caught early.  I work on things here at home that are started and not finished, I can find a mountain of doll things that fall in that category and I have a sweater started and 1 I am repairing, and quilt blocks my mother made that need something done with them.  

      There are dolls who could use some attention and plenty of patterns and fabrics for both doll clothes and quilts, a warm house to live in, food in the house, an area I dreamed of and worked for and will continue to work on for my books, fabrics, dolls, sewing, knitting, designing.

     I am in my own home, not dependent on a man for money, or the roof over my head, the clothes on my back or my sense of value.  A lot to be very thankful for, and plenty of reasons to step out of my blue and into the day and make it a good day.  I have that ability, and I will use it.

   

Adjusting and trying to be patient

Well, first weekend since the abnormal EKG and start testing.  The echo sonogram thing was done this past Wed. and I have yet to be notified about the stress test, it is the next one, so the medical team tells me.  And no appointment with cardio dr. to learn results of echo test.

So, no diagnos at this time, no idea of treatment or when I will be back to work.  And that will bug me but not something I can change at this time so I better cope.

I did fix the webbing on the little antique love seat and put 'dead cloth' on the underside.  Really, that is what it is called, and I ran out of upholstery tacks for that, they are actually cheaper here in town, where I bought the first 3 packages so I will pick up another and get that cloth covering finished.

The knitted doll dress is done, photos next and post on line with a price, have plans to do some doll clothes for sale while I am off and trying to not go screaming insane.

I have dog chewed holes in my purple gainsey so ripped back a sleeve and am re-knitting it and just found a second hole low in the body so will be ripping back the lower body next to reknit that.  And I need to make sure my clothing is far away from that dog, work on training that dog better, we are working with vinegar in a spray bottle for discouraging him from the antique love seat and I will do that with fabrics and wood.

Jake allowed the dog to destroy a lot of things, socks, shirts, wood, ect., and now Ben and I are working on some retraining so I can cope and enjoy living with Shadow.

I need to get the beadboard backing up on the peninsula here in the kitchen, the counter guy will be here again Monday for a final measurement, and the costs are now on my Lowe's card so I can get an appointment with my loan officer and roll all this kitchen project over into a mortgage and I will go Monday am and get that appointment set up.

Finances will be tight here, this time off work is coming at a very bad time for me, the leave papers are started, but the disability pay is not what I bring in a week, it does not start the first day off unless I am hospitalized that first day so I can kiss going to the UFDC convention this summer "goodbye" as my tax return will be helping fix the financial problems caused by this time off work.

And financial issues get me depressed fast, as does being home, off work for medical reasons, as does dealing with getting medical tests and appointments scheduled, but at least my kitchen has improved and I will push and nudge Ben, who is living here again, to help me get a few things done up in the attic, so I have it cleaned up and my sewing area usable.  Right now it is the catch all for wood trim, drywall scraps and what not.  But we can work on getting that trim up and we can get some of those small pieces of drywall used in the dormer and the rest hauled to D&D for disposal.

I have yarns, mending and fabrics, stuff started that can be finished, plenty here to play with and keep me busy while I get through this down time and the blasted heart problem found and dealt with.

But I am not enjoying being off work, nor am I enjoying having my financial stability shook up again.

So, maybe I can make a bit of money with doll clothes sewing, and I need those quilts mended, re-bound, and in the usable bedding shelf, that clears up space.  So would finish mending the antique crocheted bedspread, machine quilting the quilt that has been waiting for me to machine quilt for several years now.

So, all and all, I am or should be able to get through this down time better than the last time I was off for major medical reasons.  This is not like the car accident, I am not laid up and in a lot of pain and my house is in better shape, I have more space to live in and play in, am very mobile which I was not last time, and I will get some things done that are needing done.

Both Ben and Jake are handy if and when I need a bit of help, and I have friends and good neighbors so that will also help.

Resetting my goals and direction, some.

It looks like my heart will be deciding a lot of things in my life for a while, and right now I don't know what I will be doing, when I will be back at work, or how I will manage, emotionally or financially.  But I will get there, and this afternoon I will see the cardio guy and go from there.  Ben will get his driver's license renewed as once again I need to know I can depend on that son for any help I need with transportation needs.  

And I will manage, no matter what or how this quirky heart thing plays out.  I know there is only so much pushing, physically, I can do with this.  It is not like the car accident damage and pain issues there.  But I will manage and I will cope and I will stay strong and independent, because I need that.

That kitchen renovation stuff

The cabinets are installed, except for the end of the peninsula which had to be reordered as the wrong base cabinet was ordered and I refuse to even consider making it work for my needs/wants.  3 out of the 8 base cabinets were NOT what I wanted, 1 end panel was for the wrong side, or it was for the cabinet that should have been ordered for the right side of the stove.

2 out of 4 upper cabinet doors have to be replace, 1 is scratched and not fixable to my satisfaction and the corner unit has 2 doors, or a bi-fold door and 1 matches the rest of the cabinet doors, the other is the same cherry finish and similar style but not the same style.  That one is a factory screw up and has a funny side.

The crew delivering the cabinets to the house were 2 younger men and 1 managed to steal my 32G iPod Touch 5, from the new charging station by the kitchen table, where I left it, in a bight pink  iPhone 5 case, they are the same size and the shock case was good priced and protected my iPod from drops onto hard surfaces, like all the floors in my old house.

I doubt if the delivery company compensates me at all and I will stay bent out of shape over it for probability the rest of my life.

But I do now have the old microwave stand moved across town, along with the old television housing I turned into a storage unit around 15 years ago.  The old kitchen table is still loaded with stuff to put away or was up and put away, it will come apart and store in my utility area until Jake or Ben have a home for it.

It has been a long and stress filled renovation project and expensive, but I will have a good, clean, workable kitchen once it is all done.  I have waited for years for this and will gladly make my loan payments, knowing I am coming home to the house I have worked to turn into a solid and comfortable home.

And this being single works so well for me, I have no time or interest in dating, too much to do here, too much I want to do and not willing to give up my time, share my house, put up with other people's problems, issues or bad habits.  That might make me a spoilt and selfish old woman or it might be, that at 58, I have earned the right to live my life as it works best for me.

I am glad to have the dishes done, they are drying in the dish racks, in the bathtub, but I know I won't be washing dishes in tubs, in the bathroom for too many more weeks, I now have scraps of plywood and whatever else I had on hand that would work for temporary counter tops so I am a lot closer to a working kitchen than I was yesterday.  

The house is a bit cleaner, and I know tomorrow I will get some more work done here, Sunday is the doll club Christmas party and I will be ready for that this year, and if it is dry, not snowing or raining, I can return the wrong cabinet and the toe kick I told the woman not to order to Lowes so that will come off my account.  

And Shadow is calmer, the house getting back into order helps him, but he misses Jake, who doesn't even have time to talk to the dog when he stops by here most times.  I knew the dog would become my dog, now Ben is helping me deal with the behavior issues Jake helped create.

But, like my kitchen, things with the dog will get there in time also.

So much to be Thankful for

Really, despite the snags and hitches and issues that over time will become small, my life is really good and I ahve a lot to be thankful for.
The cabinets are here, the installer should be here tomorrow, the counter company and I have next Friday for measurements so they can start cutting/making my counters. 
Work is still there, as usual, harder in the winter but also more time on the clock which means more money to help fund this old life I enjoy.  And I work with good supervisors and good crew of co-workers, like where I work and know I have livable pay, good benefits and a short drive to and from work.
I have all the doll knitting done for the club Christmas exchange so now only need to work in yarn ends, sew seams, and do the finish work, wash and block so I expect to be ready this year.  I still need to do cards for everyone in the club, but will get that done too.
The house is still a renovation disaster, but last weekend Ben and I did some work on the front door and have really reduced that draft problem.  I just need 1 more section of beadboard to finish the laundry ceiling area, still need to use some caulk, and paint but it is a big improvement that has needed done for years.
There is a lot of drywall work to be done here, and I might actually make some progress on that today, dormer area, and I also will badger Ben into helping me haul some lumber from the attic eave where it has been stored to the utility area, except for the deck boards.  The deck boards will be used as bridging for working on the drywall in that dormer area, the stairwell creates some open space we cannot reach across to work safely. 
The studio is a mess right now but I will work on that this winter, some is the small pieces of drywall, I will use what is big enough to use on the dormer walls and then dispose of the rest.  I just need to get busy and do some work up there on a regular basis.
Jake seems to have settled in well up the street, moved in with a friend of ours but Shadow is staying here with me and Ben is camping here while I need help with old house projects or someone here for contractors.
The house is much quieter with just Ben, he has his faults but he also works better with my needs and wants for a quiet house to start my work mornings and to come home to.  And he keeps the volume down on things much better and has not taken over my living room.  I am actually able to use and enjoy my living room again, despite the kitchen stuff in here and the table saw and the dust.
My Xbox has moved downstairs and the big flat screen I won last spring is now is use, I watch movies, Netflicks and YouTube videos in my own living room and am enjoying that.Today I have videos going about re-upholstering furniture.

Still working on the kitchen

And the laundry space, the dormer area, the mess everywhere but I am seeing progress, 30 more feet of beading board to buy, prime, paint, cut and nail up and the laundry area will have ceiling, the left over board ends will do that lip/edge along the wall seperating the bathroom from the laundry area.  The stairwell opening left a small strip about 6" wide by 4 foot long, it makes a handy shelf as you enter the attic space, I even have an electrical outlet and the few house plants that struggle here live there.

The new kitchen door and windows are wonderful, will need trimmed out once cabinets and counter are in, and I sure have plenty of outside work to do.  But they are sealed up, and a bit of caulk along the inside bottom edge of the east one, should be snug and make a far warmer and brighter kitchen for many years to come.

I finally have the last of the wiring up into the attic, ran 2 lines for the future bathroom, so now have that last area of dormer eave wall closed up, the osb is primed and I did do a separate panel that could be removed to access the wiring junction boxes hidden back there and the covers of each has a label so a person can easily know which box is the baseboard heaters, the south outlets, the north outlets, the lights.

Jake has moved up the street a block but Shadow is staying here and right now Ben is camping in the bedroom, on the floor.  The bed and mattress were in such bad shape they went out the door, I will dispose of them in time, they can occupy space in the back by our parking for now.

I plan to start removing the rain damaged ceiling tiles from that bedroom this winter and replace them. It would be nice to be able to hire someone to come in, pull down all the ceiling tile, the old, damaged plaster, clean up, install and finish new, clean drywall ceiling but that is not affordable so I will take out 3-4 rows of that ugly staple up ceiling tile, replace it, and the trim, and paint the whole ceiling and be glad I have a home I can keep on fixing.

The new kitchen will be nice, not awesome, not huge but clean, very usable, very handicapped friendly and long lasting.  It took more battle with the bank than I expected for some of that and I am on a tight budget but I can work with that.  

Here I do a lot of the work, Ben and Jake help for free or very low pay so there is no huge labor bill.  The door and 2 windows were contracted out but the boys and I did the removal of the old ones and repair work for all 3 openings.

The cabinets are Kraft Made, a very good company and from Lowes, who will also take care of the installing, and the granite counters are also contracted through Lowes.  And a very dark green that reminds Ben of being up high and looking down into a forest or jungle floor.  I can see that, there is a lot more colors to them than I can explain but to me, the granite is very alive and active.  With all my natural lighting, white bead board ceiling, light, warm toned walls, I think it will work well, not create a dark and gloomy kitchen but really give it a nice wow factor.

Work is the usual winter stuff, harder to remove and a lot more shells/nails on the hogs and a lot more hair to shave but also more hours on the paychecks which really helps pay for all my old house improvements.  I keep working, take something over the counter for pain and keep thanking God that I have a job with good pay and benefits that is very close so I don't have a long drive every day.

The house here is changing, some of what I had wanted for years is now happening, the wall between the kitchen and living room now has open shelving so both spaces feel a bit lighter and bigger and it improves the air flow, which should help on heating and cooling.  I now have my pegboard shadow boxes in the wall between the kitchen and laundry area and a big part of my coffee cup collection is now out to enjoy and to use. The new windows are not much different in size than what was here when I bought the house but far nicer looking, cleaner and much more energy efficient which will make a far more comfortable kitchen area.

The upstairs still has a very long way to go, a lot more drywall to buy and install and then finish but progress has been made and I can now start the wiring in the future bathroom, and that means the first piece of water resistant, mold resistant drywall will go up on that ceiling this winter, once I get some of the wiring work done.

The new side by side means that I can take advantage of employee meat sales at work as I now have freezer space for that.  And the new stacked washer/dryer unit gives me a more efficient dryer and more space. Getting the ceiling up in there makes the space look cleaner and better lit instead of the dark hole it used to be.

And Shadow is adjusting to Jake not living here, he has some behavior issues that are slowly being dealt with, it will take time to teach him he is not a lapdog, he is not to paw me or nip at me but he is improving slowly.  

I am no longer dating/seeing/spending time with L.L, it just doesn't fit into my life, my old house needs the weekend time and attention, I don't want to be at his place, my allergies flare terribly, I get bored, and I just do not want to.  There just is no want or need for a male, or female, for that matter, significant, emotional, physical relationship in my life.  Call it old age, call it busy, call it just comfortable single and solitary, but I am just not willing to make time for dating, not willing to spend time being bored and wishing I was home alone instead of watching 'idiot' TV at someone else's place.

Life just works smoothly and contentedly for me right now, and I am working to keep it that way, like where my priorities are, where my goals are and love being home, like seeing the results of the work I am doing here, do not mind the money I am putting into this old house to see those improvements happen and I think I have finally found the peace I have long sought.

Kitchen progress

This kitchen project seems to be moving very slowly but then, it has been more than 10 years since I ripped out what was in this house, trashed cabinets, damaged counter, rusted sink, leaking plumbing and so forth.

Now all the electrical outlets are properly wired, grounded and 2 new ground faults added.  The drywall is replaced and painted, the beadboard ceiling is finally getting trimmed out.  The wall between the kitchen and living room has been opened up and most of the trim work is up.

I now have put shadow boxes for my coffee cup collection in the wall space between the kitchen and laundry area and most of that is trimmed out.

There is a new side by side freezer/refrigerator due to be delivered this coming Monday and also a new washer/dryer unit that will be more space saving than my 17 year old set.

And the wiring has been run up the wall and to the ceiling area of the future upstairs bathroom.  So, a lot of progress, the door and windows in the kitchen have been replaced, the insulation improved, and I am slowly gaining on all the small jobs and cleaning up after the projects.

The cabinets have a delivery date, and the bank has agreed to refinance my mortgage so I can afford all this fun old house stuff.

It will be worth all the work and inconvenience and the financial costs to have the kitchen with very handicapped friendly cabinets, granite counters that will stand up to many years of hard use and the house more energy effecient than it has been.

I will be working my way up stairs too, and will try and get a lot more of the drywall up this winter so the house is cleaner and easier to heat and cool.  5 gallons of primer will go a long way and I will buy more joint compound and keep working on seams and so forth, a bit at a time.

The house is center to my stability and security, my shelter and my reason to go to work on the days I hurt a lot or am just fed up with things.  I need a relationship that has meaning in my life and I have found that with saving and improving this old house.

Almost mid month, again

It seems that time is flying by and I am not getting much progress done here on the current old house project.  But I do have the paint color and some is on the wall.  Tomorrow I will make some progress, and it will not be long before we have my jury rigg kitchen back in working order.

The installer has come and done his measuring, he will then fax the information to Stacy at Lowes and we will then be able to get the cabinets ordered.

I will work upstairs on the electrical and on the drywall up there while I wait for cabinets, once I have done all I can do in the kitchen.  I have a lot of trim work to do, and I will get as much as I can done so that there is very little to do once the cabinets are in, and then again, once the counters are in.

But the windows are a huge improvement, as is all the other work we have gotten done, I am sure it will make the kitchen far more comfortable, temperature wise, not as much heat loss in the winter, not as much heat gain in the summer.

And once the kitchen is done, I have a new mortgage and will work on the house as I can, both financially and energy wise.  I started this project in August and it might be December before it is done.  But I have waited almost 10 years to do a good kitchen in this, my last old house.  And I want it very handicapped livable, because I need that, now and in the years to come.

I have had some battles with the bank over getting the loan to do what I wanted with my house but it has been resolved for the most part.  I did not expect the problems but I am determined that I will decide what is done for my house, to my house and what I make payments on.