Simplifying parts of my life

I am working on simplifying some parts of my life, it is just too busy and I just do not have much time right now.
A big job change in plant will be coming for me this winter, need less something to be able to deal with and cope with this change to my life, and there is a new puppy needing trained in my life who needs a lot of time, my time.
I removed my profile at Our Time, just no time or interest in dating right now, and too much I want to do that is more important than a dating relationship right now.
Do now have privacy film on most of my windows and think it helps me open those insulated curtains and let in some light, but allow me to feel I still have some privacy.
I expect finances to be snug all winter, and plan to try and work that credit debt back down again.
Allergies are flaring again and that has me feeling beat tired now.

Going to Paducah KY for overnight stay

I have a 3-day weekend and am going to KY to bring back a puppy for Jake and I to spoil rotten.  And we better do some 'puppy proofing' around the house before that set of sharp baby teeth start to taste every thing Jake and I need to pick up, put away, clean up or get out of the living room or his bedroom
Kid is not replaceable but I hope this puppy will help heal our pain and fill those empty spaces the house and our hearts now have.
And at work, several are taking the lay-off in December, several, including me, age going to production and I think there are a couple who have not decided what to do.  9 of us will be replaced by contract with the company that provides our clean work frocks and shirts, at a far lower wage than we make.
Does not come at a good time for any of us, but I will go back to production, think I have the least time as hourly management and the most time in production in our plant.
I will get by, the paycheck will be a bit tight for about 2 months but then I do file my taxes early so that will help and right now I am trying stay practical about finances and credit and not waste money or credit.
I am putting off buying the garden plants I want but hope I can get them in a couple weeks, I have worked some overtime once again and that should help next paycheck.
The weather has turned cooler and we have had some rain that some of us have been very glad to get, my outside plants sure appreciate all the moisture they can get.
And I now have privacy film on most of the windows so can have the curtains open and not have the world watching me all the time.  I live on a busy street corner but that does not make my life inside my home the business of anyone else.
I still need to pack an overnight bag for my trip to Paducah, am hoping to make it to the Quilt Museum while I am there, it is open on Monday but not much else I am interested in will be open, no yarn shops to play in, they all take Mondays off.

Toys and wanting a new tech toy

I have no interest in smart phones, texting or having a cell phone plan for Internet and calls, prepaid works well for me for a cell phone.

But I own an Apple iPod classic, a Touch 5th generation and the iPad 3 along with a laptop and a working desk/tower computer.  And these are not shared devices, mine alone, along with the Xbox I rarely use.

Now I keep wanting a Nexus 7, not because I need it, not to replace any of the 'tech toys' I already have and that are paid for, but cuz I think it is neat, and would be fun to have.  I do not have the extra funds to buy one, so it would add to that credit debt I am trying to pay down/off.  

I keep telling myself all the reasons to not buy one, and have already decided which skin from DecalGirl.com I want for that new toy I keep saying I am not buying.  But some little voice keeps telling me that I will buy the new toy, no matter what reason I come up with to NOT buy it, not now, not next week, not next month.  

Stupid battles with myself, all the reasons why I should not, all the excuses why I want to buy it.  My worst fights seem to be with myself, and they go round and round until 1 side or the other wins.

My credit has improved over the past year, my debt load has gone down, even with buying the Rebel, I have less debt now than I did a few months ago.

I also keep working hard to make good choices with both my paycheck and with my credit. Not always an easy thing for me to do, and I spent the past 3 days getting things done I needed done, including the trip Sunday to Springfield with Jake,  I came home with the needed drywall, weed&feed for the lawn and a couple other things on my list.  I did go look at a Nexus7, and cases, and checked on a few things with that toy but I did not buy it, I did not go buy it on credit and I did not come home and order it, I still want to, so am going to keep battling that war until 1 side or the other wins.

Losing Kid does not help, and neither does someone keeping close tabs on me, not a stalker as much as a bored and lonely man who should spend his time chatting with his on line smutty chat pals instead of driving by my house.

I now have privacy film on a few more windows, enjoy having the curtain pulled back and seeing my bird feeders but still having privacy in the house.  And it will allow me to let light in and not have so much problems with passive solar heating up the living room and throwing the thermostat off as much.

I also have a profile up at Senior Connection and got a call on that, ya, and I am not paying a membership fee but am checking what happens, some is for another person who is thinking about it to meet someone for long term, dreams of rosy future and happy ever after stuff.  Me, I was willing to fill out the questions and put up a photo, start an account to see what happens.  

I do date a man, and live in my own house, earn my own paycheck, pay my own bills, and am in charge of my own life and life choices, not any one's business if I have my profile out at any on line meeting/dating sites.

And not my business who that man I date chats with, or what the chats are about.  I stay out of his personal life and space most of the time, do not go cruising around to check on his place or him, figure I have plenty to do here and really don't see a reason to keep tabs on him.

Back to work Wed. afternoon, did get a lot on my fall list done, or a good start on that outside list and found a huge air draft/problem with the front door I need to take care of.  Still need to clean the bird cage but dog beds got washed and are drying, bike and scooter got stabilizer in the gas tanks, mowing is done again and I started on clean up on the front south flower bed.

Finished Jake's socks, started the 2nd for the pair I am knitting for me or to gift, did a small amount of house cleaning too.

And Jake and I are working on adjusting to loosing Kid, not easy, having a couple days off and a list of things needing done has helped but I keep looking and Kid is not there, not on Jake's bed, not at the door, not waking my up before daylight to go out and potty, not nudging me while I sit in the kitchen or at my computer desk with a book and my knitting.

Way too many empty spaces here right now, about 80+ pounds of empty space to learn to deal with, hard for both of us. Working on it, know it will take time, and then some more time.

Huge heartache here

He was just another stray puppy when he came to me, huge feet, long skinny legs, so young he still had all his puppy teeth but someone had taught him a few things, like to sit and he was potty trained.
And I was healing from a bad car accident, could barely walk with a walker or cane.  But he needed walked, so I pushed through the pain to take him walking and to the park to walk the track there, where he could run free, sniffing everything to sniff and I could work on gait, balance and just walk.
He took over the house, he wanted to be friends with every one, but dogs, and thought cats should want to play with him.
Jumping in the truck any time the door was open, he always wanted to go too, and loved to snuggle, a Velcro dog, someone once told me they thought he was part Lab and part Weimaraner.  And when that youngest son came home from the Marines, it was love.  Kid thought the greatest thing I did was get him a boy of his very own, to follow, to cuddle, to sleep with.
And so Kid became Jake's running buddy, if Jake could, Kid went too, to get videos, to the bank where the girl in the drive through knew the Dog's name but not the name of the young man.  To MO on visits to his dad, and off to play at the local gun show Saturday and then on to Macomb.
But no one thought to make sure that Kid did the potty thing before getting into that jeep for a ride, and somewhere, on the road, at a rural house with a yard sale, they stopped, so that oversized puppy could empty his bladder and my sons could stretch  their legs.
Ben on 1 side of the road with that long legged dog, and Jake across the road to check out the yard sale, no leash, no thoughts about how thoughtless that dog would be.  A quick dash to cross the road to be with his  best boy, a fast moving semi truck who never slowed down, and I came home from work to learn I had lost my much loved companion, my emotional support during the hardest couple years of my life and my reason for pushing myself on those pain filled days to be more than a cripple.
My pain and hurt wants me to yell and blame 2 sons, but they, too, are grieving, for the loss of a dog they loved, and for the pain they know this has given their much loved mother.
Jake has been hunting on line for another dog, to help him heal, Ben is working through his pain, in his own way and I am trying to not get lost in mine.
No easy fix for this loss, no way to explain that another dog doesn't fill Kid's space, that I just want/need everyone to step back and leave me alone to hurt and grieve and mourn my way.
So few years, just past 3, and the most life changing years in many ways, that I have had to live through.  This dog wandered into my life, no owner came or called to claim him, he needed me as much as I needed him, and now I have to find the road alone, and figure out how to walk it by myself, and how to keep going, when he is not here to nudge and push and bug me to walk.

They pimped out our jobs

Corporate is cutting costs in our plant, and the latest cuts put our frock room jobs contracted out.  We knew it was coming but all of us hoped it was put off, until we all retired. LOL, but there are great options, okay, maybe not great but going back to production will work for me and I get to see what jobs are open every week for the next 2 months or so.
I am going to be fine, it will take a bit to settle, there will be changes but it could be far worse, and might be for some of the others.  I need to try and manage my finances a bit tighter for the next few months, did figure out what my total debt load is, at this time.  Running at just over $17,000.  That is a lot but manageable.  I will keep paying down debt, I will keep trying to watch my spending, and I will work on my personal issues and a few other things.
This has made some feelings of instability in my life, but I am working on that.  And working on not making that rocking worse with credit buying and raising my debt load.  A bad habit of mine, 1 that I keep working on, I worked hard to get good credit, and to rebuild it, but there is a reason I have the amount of debt that I do have, and there is a reason I have so many goodies that I do not need.
I have quit adding to the dolls that I really did not want, just wanted to get myself something to reward myself or to 'comfort' myself over what ever is hurting at that moment.
Right now the goodie I want to buy myself is the Nexus 7, not something I need, and I love my iPad, and I use it all the time.  But that newest Nexus 7 sure has me wanting to buy it, and with my world rocking, now is not the time, I do keep telling myself that but I have not stopped wanting that new toy.
Today is going to be another good day, at home, and at work, I am determined that I won't let anything or anyone turn the day bad or ugly.

Back to normal life

Well, the camping trip was good, at least for me.  Larry had some problems with the heat and with his back hurting, we had no cell or tv reception and I like that, sure did not miss tv.  I did take the bike into Macomb a couple times, hit the yarn shop and got yarn for 2 pair of bright and bold Jake socks, and caught up on line with stuff, checked in at home and so forth.
The sissy bar came while I was gone and putting it on the bike was 1 of the first things I did after unpacking the bike and opening the box.  It is not as tall as I would like to have but sure will work for now.
I am glad to be back at work and we are working full production this Saturday, I don't mind working and will be glad to see the extra income on the paychecks.
I am going to get some more Robin Hood roses ordered and am working on watering more so I can work the flower beds, clean out grass and weeds and get the day lilies divided.
I have a doll club meeting this Sunday and will take the bike, have a few things I want to check on, and the weather is to be great so it will be a nice ride.
I have Monday's off most of the month, and a couple Tuesdays so will work on catching up here outside and in the house.  The budget will be able to afford some drywall and with a bit of help from Jake or Ben I hope to get at least part of the south end drywall up.  I know it will help with heating/cooling costs and the looks of the space, bounce light better so it does not seem so dark, and maybe even stay a bit cleaner.
My iPad won't fit in my tank bag so I am dreaming of owning a smaller pad, like the Nexus 7 and know I don't need it, it is not on the budget, and I have no reason to buy 1.  But I want to play with it and buying it would let me do that.
The bike and I need crash bars more than I need another toy.  And I have bills that need the funds before I can buy the bars, which cost as much or more than that mini tablet. So, I will work on being responsible and using the paycheck for what it needs to be used for, and I will stick with making good choices with my funds, doing what works best for my long term life and liking that I am making good choices.