My new ride, Fraelsi

My new ride, Fraelsi
Fraelsi means Freedom in Farose

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Huge heartache here

He was just another stray puppy when he came to me, huge feet, long skinny legs, so young he still had all his puppy teeth but someone had taught him a few things, like to sit and he was potty trained.
And I was healing from a bad car accident, could barely walk with a walker or cane.  But he needed walked, so I pushed through the pain to take him walking and to the park to walk the track there, where he could run free, sniffing everything to sniff and I could work on gait, balance and just walk.
He took over the house, he wanted to be friends with every one, but dogs, and thought cats should want to play with him.
Jumping in the truck any time the door was open, he always wanted to go too, and loved to snuggle, a Velcro dog, someone once told me they thought he was part Lab and part Weimaraner.  And when that youngest son came home from the Marines, it was love.  Kid thought the greatest thing I did was get him a boy of his very own, to follow, to cuddle, to sleep with.
And so Kid became Jake's running buddy, if Jake could, Kid went too, to get videos, to the bank where the girl in the drive through knew the Dog's name but not the name of the young man.  To MO on visits to his dad, and off to play at the local gun show Saturday and then on to Macomb.
But no one thought to make sure that Kid did the potty thing before getting into that jeep for a ride, and somewhere, on the road, at a rural house with a yard sale, they stopped, so that oversized puppy could empty his bladder and my sons could stretch  their legs.
Ben on 1 side of the road with that long legged dog, and Jake across the road to check out the yard sale, no leash, no thoughts about how thoughtless that dog would be.  A quick dash to cross the road to be with his  best boy, a fast moving semi truck who never slowed down, and I came home from work to learn I had lost my much loved companion, my emotional support during the hardest couple years of my life and my reason for pushing myself on those pain filled days to be more than a cripple.
My pain and hurt wants me to yell and blame 2 sons, but they, too, are grieving, for the loss of a dog they loved, and for the pain they know this has given their much loved mother.
Jake has been hunting on line for another dog, to help him heal, Ben is working through his pain, in his own way and I am trying to not get lost in mine.
No easy fix for this loss, no way to explain that another dog doesn't fill Kid's space, that I just want/need everyone to step back and leave me alone to hurt and grieve and mourn my way.
So few years, just past 3, and the most life changing years in many ways, that I have had to live through.  This dog wandered into my life, no owner came or called to claim him, he needed me as much as I needed him, and now I have to find the road alone, and figure out how to walk it by myself, and how to keep going, when he is not here to nudge and push and bug me to walk.

No comments: