May is almost gone

And I am working on the weeds and grass in my garden, and trying to walk at the Y in the work boots, as my foot will tolerate it..and trying to just cope with pain that doesn't ever go away, just goes from not a lot to makes me sick to my stomach and almost has me in tears.
I am spending some time looking at new cars at manufactures sites, and thinking about investments, trying to control my impulsive spending.
It's warmed up, I run both air conditioners off and on, I don't want to keep the house very cool, just so we can cook and eat and not be miserable.
My flower beds are looking better this year so far. The new city strip is settling in and starting to grow and bloom, the south berm is where I am dumping all the weeds and grass I am pulling, on the street side. I will toss some sand over it now and then and in time have a place to plant some hardy low maint. plants.
My little doll house is up and makes handy storage, and will make it easier to use my sewing space. I could be sewing but instead seem to do more down with my foot up this week.
I think some of that is due to my mowing the back part around the garden and plum trees. The ground there is rough, it's not easy mowing and it's very hard walking for my foot.
Between pain and being moody I am having a rough week but will be in MO this weekend for my oldest grand daughter's high school graduation. She's gone through a lot and pushed hard to get this far, and to learn to raise her son.
Maybe if I go bug the weeds and grass in the garden area I will cheer up some...it's good for the garden at least.

The sun came out!!

We've had so much rain this spring, it's meant that my new plants have gotten off to a good start and the weeds and grass in the garden have flurished.. I am working them out by hand..it's slow progress but the hoe just stirs them about, and with our moisture, they just live and grow, just in a bit different spot.
I am glad I am able to be out and working in my garden, I was not sure I would be able to do some of the things I have enjoyed and are a part of my quality of life.
I will never wear heels and have feet that match, every time I dress nice I will look down and see that huge and deformed right foot and feel ugly..that might be stupid to someone else--but all I have to do is look down and feel ugly..it's right there--that ugly damaged foot.
and walk, I will feel awkard and clumsy and out of balance for a long time, maybe for the rest of my life..but I am walking with no cane most of the time..and the pain is usually there but tolerable..not enjoyable but it's been worse..
I don't have words to explain how this has messed with how I feel about Me, and about my life..but I will not let it beat me..and I will make my life good, and have quality of life. . .just different than what it was and what I had dreamed and planned and worked toward..
Going up stairs will be slow and careful, I haven't gotten that going down stairs to be very workable..but I am walking at the Y now and riding the stationary bike there and it was a red letter day today, I did not have to stop and re-position my foot, I did not hit my leg, foot, ankle on the peddle crank once!! Man, that is huge for me but such a small thing in the real world...
Time to head to bed before that self pity stuff comes out and gets me...

Blogs and arguements

Was reading a blog I read often, and then all the comments on the latest post--which was more arguement and stupid idiot stuff than anything else. It's a good thing I have a lot of time to waste some days, as that's what it was...
I hope I don't waste time and cyber space with all the trash I was reading--and I won't be doing it again...but now I know what was posted and the comments and direction. I will try and not put my thoughts and opinions out in cyber space in such a way that it generates such stuff as I was reading...
Here we are having more rain, the roof leaks a lot with as much rain as we've been having and I forgot about the plastic storage boxes up in the attic to catch rain..so they were over flowing..blame it on the accident. I dealt with it today and I was up in the attic and handed the filled bucket down to Ben. So, that translates in my foot would support and allow me to do that job, a job that is part of my 'life in a renovation project'. And 1 more small thing back to feeling normal in my life..each small detail I can get back to 'normal. helps me feel like my life is getting back to something that works for me.
Kerr's called so my boots are in, hopefully they fit and will be work-wearable and my foot will tolerate the right boot, and we can make the left boot fit my normal left foot snug enough to be comfortable and safe for work. I will run up tomorrow and try them on, then go on to Peoria and collect Jake's new treasure, it's waiting there and will stay here until he can come home and get it. I also plan to do some vehicle looking. I am NOT bying at this time but looking at what I will want after the settlement--which might be a year or more away.
The 1994 Ranger truck will for for me for now, but long term I am looking at something newer, with more safety features and more room. Plenty of time to look, collect brochures and so forth, and I do enjoy doing some of that. Kia has a cute one coming but it won't meet my needs or wants--cute is not what I need, it's too small, not enough space---and I do not want several vehicles, just 1 that will meet all my needs and a few of my wants.
The dolls will get attention/sewing later, the garden and flowerbeds will get attention when it gets dryer...wet and cool day today and I will admit I have done little today

Saturday

The dishes did not get washed, the kitchen floor did not get mopped but I did get groceries bought and put away, did get some work done on the garden project, some grass removed, some plants in..will keep working at it and will be fighting grass and weeds for a while. That Cargill compost from last year is still 'blessing' me with lots of grasses that I really do not need in my garden..weeds for lawn and grass for garden..something just seems wrong with that.
I do have some progress on the right foot sock..figure I have about 60 left foot socks, 2 of each color/pattern and none for the right foot..so am doing 1 to fit and then I will know what I need to do to knit several more.
Jake called twice today, he and his 'brothers' in the platoon are deployed Monday and they are glad "Mom' was healed enough to bake lots of cookies for Jake to bring back..all send their love and appreciation.
I am looking at newer and probably safer vehicles to replace the 1994 Ranger I picked up to replace my Mazda that was totalled in the accident. Another accident close to were mine was Tuesday. Man of 28 killed, 3 vehicles involved, roads blocked and a detour when I was coming home from my Dr. appointment really had me rattled and shook..and I drove the rest of the way home feeling I wasn't very safe in the truck I was in.
I have months to go before I will have a settlement check, if not far longer. Plenty of time to do some looking and comparing and thinking long term..not going to jump into anything, not going to finance anything and I know repairs to the house and $$$ tied up in some long term investments is first..but I should be able to swing a far newer vehicle with more safety features, including air bags and better build 'roll/crash cage built in...
Not a car, I need to haul cargo, like pavers, and plants and lumber and so forth, and toss camping gear in..I need something that will do that and be easy for me to get in and out, not too bad on gas, don't think I will get a little pickup..thinking Hyundai Tuson or Santa Fe but not buying so can keep looking and comparing when it suits me and I have time..can do a lot of checking now days on line...things I do want are automatic transmission, air cond...and cruse control. I do not want sun roof, power windows..carpet in the back cargo area, sat radio..too many frills...I do want rubber mud mats, and to buy seat covers Before it ever leaves lot and a steering wheel cover..and a color I like....will NOT agree to buy anything until I have my settlement, can wait for car to come from factory if that is what it takes to suit my list....dream, dream, LOL, old house repairs, landscaping and wheels.
I can dream doll dresses too but then I find myself trying to find more sewing time..have several ideas to work up there but have not made the time the past few days but do have the material and it won't take much to tweak a pattern to work for what I want....bed time as I have early church, dishes and then head to doll club meeting and pick up pal Julie on the way...

AJ Great to hear from you...

I walked about 8-10 blocks and back today--no cane and with shoes on--and didn't cry or whine--much. So, I am making progress, saw my orthapedic dr. Tuesday, 5/11 and he is still very pleased with the foot's progress, says to get the work boots in and fitted and softened, walk a lot, keep with the therapy, and come back 6/8 and he will see how things look. The heel bone looks more solid this x-ray, still some small gaps and rough looking areas..but all things considered, a very good vist and I came out feeling far more like celebrating than last visit..so went to Hancock Fabrics. I now own a mini craft iron, great for doll things, I have been using it, some fabrics, buttons..and came home to wash fabrics so I could play in my sewing space.
I still do not have my garden planted, will not put in corn this year but put melons in their space..and will buy plants with this coming State Farm lost wages check..and pay on bills. But the flowers are looking good, the stuff I put in where the city tore up the strip between sidewalk and street looks good, the day lily roots are starting to show tops, the stuff I dug from my beds is growing, the purple salvia I dug out of everywhere it sowed it's self is doing well..so that is progress.
And I am adding to the doll clothes collection--and will soon have enough things that I will start a 'for sale' photo album at the Kish group I am in, then will have to do fashions for other dolls that I am in groups with and set up a for sale photo album.
I have at least 3+ weeks before there is any chance I can go back to work so will work on getting Bernadette's Closet into more than just a dream and a label sewn into the doll clothes my dolls keep gettng...
It's been rainy, Jake's leave was far too short, I got 3 days of his around 10 days, ok, 5 if you count the 2 days that were mostly road time..he's being deployed and all I know is he will be riding around on a troop ship and is going to take some college classes that are available with some of that confined time he will be having.
Cami is graduating the end of this month, her son is 3 and is now 'taking care' of Jake's horse Gallop, who has a frame and springs and was Jake's first horse. Jake thinks that's a good place to store his much loved childhood treasure, I will go bring it here to store if they move to someplace with no room or when Colby is too old for such toys...
Well, have to start Friday early, with phone call to State Farm to see if my lost wages check is mailed or will be at their office waiting for me to pick it up and take it to the bank--we both use the same bank, that is handy...they own me back wages and are not paying me all 80 hours per 2 week period but will owe me the rest with the settlement..along with what I spend on new glasses, on replacing work boots, on orthapedic and $$$ sneakers so I had something I could tolerate and that would help correct my foot's twisting and rolling..along with all the rest..such fun, loads of paperwork..more medical paperwork to drop off when I pick up my check..