We've had so much rain this spring, it's meant that my new plants have gotten off to a good start and the weeds and grass in the garden have flurished.. I am working them out by hand..it's slow progress but the hoe just stirs them about, and with our moisture, they just live and grow, just in a bit different spot.
I am glad I am able to be out and working in my garden, I was not sure I would be able to do some of the things I have enjoyed and are a part of my quality of life.
I will never wear heels and have feet that match, every time I dress nice I will look down and see that huge and deformed right foot and feel ugly..that might be stupid to someone else--but all I have to do is look down and feel ugly..it's right there--that ugly damaged foot.
and walk, I will feel awkard and clumsy and out of balance for a long time, maybe for the rest of my life..but I am walking with no cane most of the time..and the pain is usually there but tolerable..not enjoyable but it's been worse..
I don't have words to explain how this has messed with how I feel about Me, and about my life..but I will not let it beat me..and I will make my life good, and have quality of life. . .just different than what it was and what I had dreamed and planned and worked toward..
Going up stairs will be slow and careful, I haven't gotten that going down stairs to be very workable..but I am walking at the Y now and riding the stationary bike there and it was a red letter day today, I did not have to stop and re-position my foot, I did not hit my leg, foot, ankle on the peddle crank once!! Man, that is huge for me but such a small thing in the real world...
Time to head to bed before that self pity stuff comes out and gets me...
1 week ago