Reasons to laugh

Kid makes me laugh, playing tug of war with his rope toy, watching him slide on the wood floor, just Kid being Kid and all legs and tail, the dog makes me laugh.
Wearing my own hand knit sweaters, oh, ya, it's now cold enough to appreciate those sweaters and it's a real ego lift, my creativity, my work, part of them my own design, all of them made for just me. Walking into work or walking out, I might hurt and limp but hey, I can design and knit and proudly wear my work.
Tonight I got an offer to buy 1 of my dolls, the most recent one, who I got at a real steal on e-bay. I would not have bid if I could not afford to pay for what I was bidding on, or if I did not want what I was bidding on. Oh, I admit I only bid the opening amount, that was all the budget would allow....but wording of the e-bay ad, timing, length of time the bid was open(really short) and 1 bid got the dolls, #19/25, signed by the artist.
So, my posting a the doll group might have seemed like I did not want the doll, but it's me being me. She came from CA, to rain and cold, dressed in summery outfit, into winter. So, I don't think the new kid likes it here, but I have no doubts she will adjust, get to feel it's home and she's part of the family--probably about the time I have time to sew and she has something to wear that looks a bit more suitable to winter in central IL, in a house where the heat gets turned down when I leave for work, when I go to bed..gee, between work and sleep, that makes the temps here a bit chilly for a 'child' in a light weight, sleeveless, dressed up dress.
So, a polite thank you but No the doll is not for sale, she will adjust to her new home, she will get to know her new 'family' and settle in.
I have a great life, admit to missing the really brain working conversations and debates and talks Sam and I had, years of life with a man with sharp brains who used them, I will always miss that. And I miss the tight friendship and 'together' Mick and I had, 5 years that were almost all quality, priceless time. I have a 'yardstick' I measure men I date by, from my granddad to Sam and Mick.
Now I have that figured out, not much interest in dating men who won't measure up to the standards/yardsitck someone else put there. No reason to accept less, it just doesn't work, and until I either no longer expect more than the men I know now, or until I meet someone who doesn't need to be measured and found lacking, not dating works really well.
It feels good to come home, knowing Kid is waiting, the birds are glad to have me home, I can unwind my way, according to my mood and wants. I can talk to the dolls like they are alive, I can work on my knitting or not.
It took a long time to get the peace and balance I now have inside me, it got really shook with the car accident and the long recovery. A man from the past not being who I thought he was, and not being the man he said he was also rocked that some. But I've got that 'solid' back.
There's a lot that still needs worked on, finances, the paperwork and settlement from the accident, all the little life details, but the core me, it's back on solid ground once again and I'm finding my direction and what really matters.
And I come home from work and Kid makes me laugh with joy.

Happy Thanksgiving

The bread dough is rising slowly, it's wet, it's cold, but it's a good day, and going to stay a good day off work. I should be off tomorrow also but it looks like I might be working next Thursday and Friday.
I made a major Dumb error on my blue gansey and had to rip back close to 3 inches of progress, like a week or more of work on it because I forgot to put the underarm gusset stitches on holders for later. No wonder it looked so wide. But I will gain some progress today and tomorrow, need to figure how long I need that chest area before starting the neck shaping and I have to measure the width of the center cable as that will also be the shoulder strap.
I want this sweater to fit closer than my heavier sweaters, it's a lot lighter weight yarn so I will be wearing it a lot more inside, over a thin t-shirt or light weight turtleneck type or less. I am liking how it's working out, and hope the size is what I have worked out on paper.
Kid and I are still enjoying the house to ourselves, and less mess and noise.
My foot and I are doing better than I expected and I am working on that 'gait' stuff which is helping me have less pain in my left hip joint. The work shifts still get long and hard some nights, but I don't remember when I took something for pain. I do remember taking cold meds last week but am not sure I hurt enough with my foot, hip joint or any other parts to need something for pain.
I'm also not waking up hurting and have mornings I can get around the house without the cane at the start of my day. I judge my quality of life by how much I need to take something for pain and now, by how much I need that cane to get around. There are mornings my first walk outside around the house with Kid are with the cane but I did not need it this morning.
It looks like a wet and gray day, followed by another wet and gray day. I'm ok with that as I did not have plans for much out of the house stuff.
I'm going to let everyone else do the wild and crazy shopping and instead stay home, enjoy my knitting, dog, birds, house, projects to play with and really like my quiet life.
Having decided I really pick the worst choices in men to have relationships with I am really content with no significant other, no lover, no dating and just appreciating the fact I didn't make worse financial decisions than the ones I made with the last dating/in love.
And I am looking at income tax time and getting my software downloaded and start working on my tax return. this year I should see more of my paid in taxes back, LOL, I am low income for this year.
I am so hoping 2011 is a far better year for me than 2010 has turned out to be. It did have a good start but sure changed with that accident and all that brought into my life. I am dealing with it, I am fixing what I can, accepting what I can not change and finding my way around the rocks in my road.
Emotionally I am a stronger person, and in some ways, a harder person, physically, I will always have some challenges now that were not a part of my life a year ago.
And we still do not know who will get the purchasing manager job but did learn last night at least 1 of my co-workers applied for the opening and I can't imagine a bigger disaster than any of the supply clerks having that job, none of us have the qualities and abilities the job really needs.
And talk is day clerk will retire after our current purchasing manager retires, I will bid that opening but expect it to go to 1 of our 3rd shift clerks, she mentioned to someone she wanted to be on days and with her husband now home, he's had heart surgery this past summer and apparently will not be coming back to his job with our food service. He might be going back to teaching which is days.
Regardless, I do have a job with livable paycheck, good benefits and that I do like working. I don't expect my world to make any huge changes anytime soon and I can sure appreciate some stability for a while, a very long while.

Paying the bills, getting Monday started

I put off sitting down and writing checks until today, payments on the medical bills from the accident. It will be a while before the insurance settlement, wish I had known that and a lot more many months ago. I would have made payments on those bills and had them paid off.
But I will manage to keep everything paid, keep Kid and I fed and hopefully keep the dog in chew toys so he leaves my shoes alone.
It's way too warm for this time of year, 69 degrees right now and it's confusing my plants that should be dormant and resting now. And we have possibility of rain off and on all week.
But at least I am getting closer to this year being over. It's not been a really good year and it's been a very expensive year and an emotionally taxing one also.
Some regrets but since I can't change the past, not recent and not long ago, I will look forward and go on with my life.
Jake is in Cebu Philippines right now, I don't know if his dad made the effort to get to Cebu to see our boy but it's not because Jake has not made the effort or because I didn't let Sam know what time and where Jake and the ship would be.
That's another touchy place in my heart, Jake and Sam and Sam's move, marriage, things beyond explaining had me crying on my days off. And I know I hurt Jake some when I told him that if his dad did not come to Cebu to see him, it's because Jake was not high enough on his dad's priority list. And he and I would both have to accept that and live with what we could not change.
Sam's choices have hurt both Jake and Ben so much and have hurt me too, hurt my boys, hurt me. We will get through this, and Jake is working on building his own life. I just hope his dad does not ask him for money. Jake has given his dad enough over the years, sweat equity, money, dedication, you name it, Jake paid over and over. It's time Jake quit paying for our failed marriage, Sam's remarriage and what that did.
And it's long past time I quit letting Sam guilt trip me. I wasn't the only 1 who failed our marriage, nor was I the 1 not willing to get some help to deal with our relocation and the depression problems Sam was having.
So, now I work on getting done what I need done, on my small little life and it's details, on the dishes done, work shifts put in, house work done, time with Kid done. All the small stuff that is my life here.
And it's a good life that I do really like and appreciate. And a small step at a time, I am getting it back into working, livable order. I am pulling my finances out of the pit they fell into with this accident and with some poor choices in what I did with the lost wages pay I did receive.
Brainless choices, and now I will make smarter choices, not only with money but also with who I spend time with, who I let be a part of my life.
Need a shower and work clothes, drop off the medical bills at the post office, stop at Dollar General for AA batteries and Kid chews, home to get ready for work, Mondays are always busy at plant, lots for me to get done.

That dating game

I'm single, so are 2 of my gal pals, several of my sisters, people I know at work. Me, I'm not dating anyone, no relationship, no 'friends with bed benefits' and at this time of my life, with all that is going on and my work schedule, free time, you name it, I don't have time to play 'date' and all that stuff.
1 of my co-workers in supply plays the dating game, this guy is wonderful for a while, all men are no good for a while (very short while) and back to this guy's really great...
1 of my sisters, after 25+ years of marriage is now divorced and dating, looking for her perfect soul mate, her 'forever' love. I am not sure how many 'glass slippers' she has tried on in the past year but plenty. It seems like the shoe will fit, oh, it doesn't fit just right, and on to the next 'prince' or frog.
Maybe I am just burned out, maybe it's menopause, the accident, my old age. It's a lot more fun for me to sit on the sidelines and watch or hear about that dating stuff than it is to try and make time to do much dating or even fit time to get to know someone. I know a lot of guys, like many of them at work--ya, that's where I like them, at work. So, as long as I know them at work and don't know them outside work I like them. And I see them when they come to supply for parts or supplies. And I don't want to know them outside the plant.
It's not that I don't think there are some really great men out there that are single and of an age that I would date, it's that I don't want to be involved, I don't want to share my space or my time. I don't need some one to keep me company, I don't often get lonely. I don't need entertained or supported or taken care of.
The last man who wanted to take care of me did not take care of his own self and his responsibilities in a way that worked for my outlook and values. That learning and getting to know him better cost me some of that money stuff and some of that time stuff but at least I don't have any 'what ifs' left where he's concerned. Our ways are different, our paths in life are different.
But I am going to be entertained by the dating game, do hope my sister doesn't get too hurt or her head and life messed up with her looking for mr perfect. But I will get entertained too.

It's not the zoo but. . .

some days the place I work seems a bit crazy. Somewhere up the ladder there were budget cuts and we don't stock more than 1 of many items, so once that valve is issued out we might be 2 weeks before it's replacement shows up in our incoming freight. I'm not sure how it saves money for maintenance to run to the local hardware store for valves and plumbing fittings we should have in stock. But I am just a supply clerk, not the purchasing manager, and with our current manager retiring this December I have no idea who will have the job or what changes there will be.
And Anthony got another 3 day suspension, this is the second in less than a month. He wants fired so he can draw unemployment and work on some cars he has bought. He dreams of his own business and I wish he would go chase that dream and not make the work situation in supply harder on the rest of us.
He will be back by mid week, so I can count on tomorrow and Tuesday as good work days and Wed as interesting at the best, and rough and annoying at worst. But he's working at getting fired and when it happens and his job slot goes up to bid, I will bid for that slot and be on 2nd shift from Tuesday to Saturday. Not a big change but think it's the thing to do, if and when the opening comes up on the bidding board.
and now it's time to knit and watch a movie with Kid, we have Muppets in Space on and I've not seen it so it's way past time.

another Friday and doctors report

Today Julie went with me and we did breakfast first at Denny's and then my 8:30 doctor appointment. Foot and I are doing good, I am to get an addition applied to the soles of the right shoes/work boots to see if that helps the pain in the left hip joint I am having, especially the longer I have been on my feet. And I see him again in 2 months.
We did some errands, I shopped for heater for friend James, his old house has a wall panel heater that is no longer legal or safe. I found the electric baseboard type I have and won't sell or give up but know that won't work long term and also looked at some ventless gas heaters that are wall mounted. He probably will need to do some updating with his gas line but I think the electric heater is good for supplementing but the best choice is something gas that will provide enough heat and at an affordable price. He's new to this old house owning and repairing but got the duplex he was renting at a very great price so he and nephew are learning how to do what they can. Each has 1/2 of the house so they each have their own place but sure share all the problems of a neglected rental.
And Julie loves her socks, I finally have them started and far enough knit that you can tell how the yarn is working up for color patterns.
So, it was a good day, now the birds, dog and I have the house, Ben is out and gone and his back pack is gone so I expect he will be back several days from now, the laundry is washed and the first load is still drying, I will soon be in bed and up early for day shift tomorrow.
I need to find the sweater pattern for my gansey and start work on designing the chest patterns. It won't be long before I start that, it's almost long enough to start my underarm gussets. But that is still a long way from a finished and wearable sweater.

Patience will pay off, LOL

Had a good day playing in Springfield Friday, did pick up a 32" fat screen t.v. for my bedroom and a very tiny Ipod shuffle for work, it's tiny enough to tuck into my bra and have the earbud cords run up and clip handy. It's for work on those days it's slow and I'm in and out of the storeroom area. At $39 and 2 gb it will work great, there is 1 button on the tiny thing and a control on the earbud wire. Enough battery for a work shift, so it's going to be great, I have flash drives that are physically bigger.
And dear Apple has gen 2 Ipad scheduled to release in 6-8 weeks. I knew I didn't want to buy one now, it will wait. I don't want to put it on credit and I don't have the money for it, and I need to be more practical right now.
Work was good, I didn't get enough parts/inventory counting done but did get some other things done that needed done. I do want to bid to the slot Anthony has if/when it's available. Ad the days slot would be even better for my foot. But I do like my current schedule, get a lot of cleaning done, sometimes manage to put some stuff where it belongs and I can also pick up some overtime now and then without taxing my body too much.
It's getting cold and I have a lot of outside work to do. Ben said he would help me remove the air conditioner from my bedroom window after I got home from work but he's not here so maybe it will get done tomorrow. It lets a lot of cold air in and covering it would help but it doesn't do as much good as removing it.
Time for Kid and I to get comfortable and watch tv and knit, I keep hoping Kid learns something from those knitting lessons.

Chili and friends

Otto and Lou both came to supper and watch How To Train Your Dragon with me. It was a great supper with 2 people that I enjoy seeing and don't often have time now that I am working.
I bound off 1 of Jake's socks and am doing the black ribbing on the top of the second one. And worked on folding some of that mountian of laundry I did yesterday. The floors are cleaner and the needed filters were changed.
It's a good day off and I will be having another one tomorrow, not the same as today, maybe I will get some outside work done, maybe I will go to town and look for a replacement for my sound system that doesn't like to work. The speakers are still fine, I just need something to make them work, play music cds, play dvds..but know it's not top of the priority list...I can take the cover off this one and maybe that will make it work, did the trick last time.
It's cold and windy outside, will be glad to have that heat for the bed and the dog to help warm up my back..if he will do that. He spent most of last night on his own dogbed. Otto thinks it's a good idea to get his house a bed and was pleased to know I found a door, he will lend a hand installing it if I need the help.
I am thinking on the house changes I want so I have more space for spiral stairs.
My life is getting some things back that were a part of me and my world before the accident but I won't ever be the same. It's not just my foot/leg and the walk. There's so much I have no words to explain. I'm tighter on my values, it's not so much as they have changed, it's that they are more solid and defined. Priorities are different, now that I am back at work I am sorting that 'important' list out.
My need for self reliance is stronger, and I am working on making my home and my finances to where they meet my needs for that. Having the debt load paid down and off and accounts closed matters more to me now that it did in the past.
I drifted for most of the months while I was healing from this accident, now I am getting control of my life back and I am no longer willing to just drift. It's going to take time, but I am gaining strength every week. And I am coping better with so many things now.
And tomorrow will be a really good day, Kid and I might even get to the park so he can run and do the wild dog thing. Do the internet bill paying thing, see what the weather is like, and then decide what I am doing with the day. I know Not doing lunch with Darrell is high on that list of what I am NOT doing. We are NOT dating, and no matter what talk is going about the plant, I am not involved with him, and I am not going to encourage him or anyone to think we are involved than just friends and not close friends.

IPAD, IPAD, think it's a bad addiction thing

And I don't know if I would even play/use it enough to make it worth the $$$ that they cost..but it doesn't stop me from drooling over them.
So long as it's only drooling I am safe. I need to make long lists of what I want paid off, of what needs done here, of what really matters to me..
I have a huge amount of debt load to get paid down. I have an old house that has huge needs and all of them cost huge amounts of that money stuff. I have loads of dolls that would like me to sew for them, I have socks for Jake to finish, I have a sweater for me to knit, I have yarn to knit socks for Julie. I have 3, yes, 3 computers that all work..and 2 Ipod critters, and there is NO reason to want that IPAD so much.
I do remember the Christmas Jake and I did Des Moines, and the ITOUCH was the new, just released Apple toy to have. I looked and drooled and decided that since it was new, Apple had generation #2 already in the factories and gen #3 on the drawing boards. And prices would drop and they would improve.
And it happened, so if I had bought that Itouch then I would have within a couple months wished I had waited a few months. I think that is the way it will be with the Ipad, it is very popular, it's selling well so I have no doubt that gen #2 and #3 are being worked on, and that prices might drop some, hard drive will increase and the next generation released will be an improvement on this one, and there will be several models to choose from.
So, everyone, beat me if I start trying to budget payments for that Ipad any time soon. Tell me I can wait until after tax time, after the settlement, buy 1 as a New roof is done reward...buy 1 as 'I now have central air' reward...buy 1 when I have 2 bathrooms in this house and both work..buy..ya, ya, just so I don't buy 1 any time really soon, I am better off buying the north bathroom a window replacement, buying the windows I want for the dormer I plant to have put in with the roof job...windows, think windows, not pads, especially Ipads

Grubby, nasty, food filled keyboards

I admit to eating at the computer, that's why my laptop has a cool keyboard cover for it's keyboard. Ben is the 1 who really makes a mess, a sticky, ugly gross mess of my keyboard. So, I have a sealed, washable, flexible one ordered and then went and cleaned the old 1 this morning along with getting the dishes done. I managed to loose the K key but have the 'end' key in it's place, don't use that 'end' key enough to miss it. And will have a food and drink tolerable keyboard here soon. There's a reason I don't often use the big computer....
It's 41 now outside, and I am going to strip the bed and dig out that heated mattress pad and put clean sheets on the bed. I want it warm and cosy when I crawl in, especially when I hurt a lot and am beat tired. And I am going to see if I can live with the heat set at 71 this winter, know last winter it was between 72 and 74 but I need to keep a tighter budget this year. I will encourage Kid to be cuddly and provide heat, and dress warmer. I can no longer run around the house bare foot due to the foot problems from the accident so that will help me feel warmer, socks and shoes, padded slippers are now a part of life.
My body is managing work better than I expected/feared but I have a long way to go yet. But it feels so great to be back in plant, to be doing my job and to be working hard to do my job to the best of my abilities.
Ben is out and about again, so it's just Kid and me. we are ok with that except for the long work hours when Kid is outside. He will benefit from some of this overtime, I already got him a good house and now will get it the pad made for that model doghouse, and the door for it and the electric heat pad. then I will have to move the house so it's close enough to plug that heat pad in. It's made for exterior use and the outlet is 1 that can switch off, duu, forgot what they are called.
I am going to look into electric fencing for the entire yard so Kid will stay better in our yard and not have to be on his cable run. I would love chain link fencing around most of the place but need a survey first, and it's a lot of labor to put up the fence. Something I can't do alone now, that's for sure.
1 of my pals wants to do lunch out Thursday if I don't end up scheduled to work. I need to get everyone to understand Thursday-IF I don't work is MY home day. I don't want to go far from home, I have a list of stuff I want done that day and I want to have a lot of down with feet up time and Kid time. Fridays my paycheck is in the bank, I might have errands and maybe even can play a bit..so Friday is my out and about day--if I am not needed at work.
I will get that worked out, and will stand firm, it's what schedule works for me and for the dog and for the stuff here I need or want to do. If Julie is off that day, she's over to play and sew and that too is high on my list of important.
I am going to hope the next 2 shifts are peaceful with both Anthony and I working, his attitude is NOT improved by his most recent suspension. And now he and Tina T. are very aware that I am capable and quite willing to take overtime from them. I have the seniority over them, and that's what paying those union dues all these years is all about. They complain about the hours and about overtime, ok, no problem, I will work it and be glad to have it if it works for my schedule and for my body. I am not going to beat myself to death just to rub it in their noses that I don't mind the overtime and that I have more time in plant than either of them do.
But I was off 8.5+ months and everyone worked a lot of hours they might not have wanted because of my long recovery from the accident, now it's my turn to work and theirs to have some time off.
I can sure use the money to pay off those co-pays on the medical bills and to pay larger payments on my credit debts and get those paid off and closed. I can re-build my savings accounts and have funds for work on my old house once again.
Well, I am going to put that dragon training movie in and enjoy it while I work on digging out the warm winter bedding and get the bed ready for cold winter nights and a very spoilt and whiny old woman