Casts and pain..

The trip west had more adventure than we hoped or planned as Mike got sick while we were on the road between Albuquerque and Provo and ended up in the hospital there. He is out and will be taking much better care of his health now and I coped well with the situation.
The staples came out Tuesday, more x-rays, decision was fiberglass cast for 5 more weeks, heel bone has gone from very small pieces to 'mush' but I saw x-ray and think mush is progress. Dr. Mulshine does not know if that heel bone will have a socket for the leg bone to fit into or not yet..it's wait and let things heal and see.
The bone with plate and large screws is looking good, the other small broken bone is healing ok, everything in place...
It's going to be so much longer than I expected. I did get to the union hall and have 18 months to be able to return to work and still have my job. I also paid 6 weeks of my health insurance co-pay so my savings is almost empty but have that monkey off my back for a couple weeks. I do qualify for disability pay and Duke, with the union got the paperwork for me and I made the call, today I will call Dr. Mulshine's office as they have form faxed to them to fill out and return..and although it's not what I make a week, it will sure help and I am not as paniced about money to live on.
It pays 18 weeks and right now it looks like I will be off work longer than that. When I got out of the hospital I knew I had a couple broken bones in my foot/ankle but imagined I would be back to work in 8-10 weeks. Now I will be in casts 10 weeks and not know what will be next step in repairing my foot.
Today I woke up around 6 am by that pain monster, got some tea and tylonal, still having pain but it's more tolerable than about 3 hours ago. I was up and about a lot the past 2 days, that might be part, the foot is not swelling, I am wearing a full cast, not split and if I swell any I will sure know fast. So, it's not swelling, but that plate and screws hurts, the scar from that surgery in not comfortable and the ankle on other sides says ouch, top of foot is uncomfortable..foot has a lot of tissue damage and swelling still.
5 weeks and it's still a huge ankle and foot compared to the other one..
I am getting dressed in work cargos and shirts now, not in bed all the time, cooking some of the meals here, doing the dishes some. Trying to re-gain as much of my life as possible but 5 weeks into this accident and I grieve for my life the way it was BEFORE this accident. A long list of things I was getting done that has become a long list of things I cannot get done.
Hours and hours in bed with my foot up and trying to deal with pain that my allergies prevent me from taking any heavy pain meds for.
Worry about finances because HRD at Cargill told me I did not qualify and no way to get to union hall and talk with them for weeks..worry about my credit and how I would by food and pay utility bills.
Worry about crawling into a dark hole called depression and having problems crawling back out. Being up and dressed is helping some with that, having bedroom north curtain open more is also helping, I need light and being in the dark bedroom for so long was hard on me emotionally.
The trip out west really helped me get back some of that emotional stable ground I have stood on for so long. People who really care about me, lots of bright natural light, better meals, and even Mike getting sick and my coping with that, instead of being the helpless cripple, I was the strong woman who stayed with the truck and had it ready to roll when his son got there, who made sure our stuff was out of the truck and at Leonard and Jessica's house. Mike learned some of my strength and stability, instead of his taking care of me, I took care of his truck and our stuff while he was taken by ambulance to Price, then Prove...from a shy and insecure girl I have grown into a very competent woman.
But I will still have problems dealing with this accident and what all it is costing me, from replacing a very loved red truck to the things I am not getting done to missing my job and the faces there, the work I do..that at times eats me up, I wake up so early on Saturdays and Sundays, my 'day shift' days and then it hits me, no work for me..long hours to get through...