But I drove myself to Springfield and did my errends there, met with a realtor here in town and made an appointment to see a property next week, had supper with friend Nancy, talked to Mike on Skype and worked on the camp shirt pattern I am trying to adjust for the Kish dolls.
Nancy kept telling me how bad my foot looks. It looks better than it did with the staples in..and better than it did the day after the accident..ok, so I didn't get to see it then..but you get the idea.
Yes, there is a lot of swelling, and it's expected, and pain, yes, I was told. It will slowly go down, it will improve, at least to a certain point. We do not know that point until foot gets there and stops improving...
There is a quilt show in Jacksonville I would like to go to tomorrow if the foot is up to that. And if I can get 1 camp shirt made that fits ok I want to do a couple photos outside. And the plums need picked, put them up on freecycle and hope I can get people to come for them.
It's not raining and I am so glad of that, the house needs to dry out, the lawn needs mowed and I need to clean out the weeds and grass in the garden as I am able to.
Mike thinks he will be here by early Aug. but I don't expect that to work out. If I count on him getting here by a certain date I will be setting myself up for disappointment. But he thinks the truck is ready for the trip and all the scales and DOT checks that coming here will mean.
He and I have a lot of things to work out, learn where each of us draws those lines. I am far more independent and self-suffecient than any woman he has been involved with has been. And I am not willing to do much joint accounts, have been burned that way, I do not want my name on his accounts and his name will not be on mine.
I have been living on my own and going my own way for a very long time, even when my sons moved here for work I did not change my solitary ways. They were adults and it was not my job to cook, clean or do their laundry...so I do not plan to become the cook and housekeeper for any man.
This insurance settlement will be my business and I will choose my own investment assistance and my own lawyer when and if I feel the need for one. And what it buys will be in my name alone or in a trust that only my blood/genetic decendants have gain from when I am no longer living.
Mike will have to accept that I will not be very involved in his children's lives, have no interest in becoming 'Grandma' to his grandkids or want to become business partners unless he is able to put 50% or more of any start up costs.
My vehicles will be mine, he will need to own and maintain his own, it's not my job to provide any one else with 'wheels'. That might sound selfish but I have provided my own transportation and supported my own transportation and figure if I can do it, then any one else can also.
I will live in my own home, and I will pay the bills there, but if anyone else wants to eat, they better help buy the groceries, do the cooking and pull their weight with work needing done.
I won't be paying for any one else to have great vacations, I don't plan to make life 'easy' for any one.
This accident has changes a lot of things in my life but it is not changing who I am and what matters to me. It has taken me a long time to become the woman I am, I have paid a very high price for some of that learning and will not let a large insurance settlement turn me into a fool.
I also will not judge Mike by anyone else but by his own actions.
It will take me a long time to get my credit back in good shape because of this accident. I worked hard to repair it after the foreclosure in MO, and did not have it back to where it was when Con-Agra shut down. Now it's going down the tube again and I will accept that and know I can rebuild it once the settlement is paid out and I get things back in order, some debt paid off and my life back on some sort of track that works for me.
Life is really good, but I work to make it good, it does not just happen that way. I have a long way to go to rebuild my life and make it into something that works for me, but I do know what does not work for me.
I hope to go back to work at Cargill but now can accept that I might not go back to my job, but I will do something else and I will make life work and like what I make it into.