Changes in spending plans here

     The old truck has developed huge transmission issues that will be very costly to fix, still cheaper and better choice than a different vehicle, at least at this time, a key and note in the box for my mechanic, the loan of a vehicle from son Jake and I will get by until the truck is fixed and home.

     The old house will still make some progress on improvements, the north end of the attic right now, and I will continue with plans for the hobby shop building I sent plans to builder for and have funds set aside to pay for.

     I am ok with keeping the truck, and can afford that easier than I can afford to buy another used vehicle at this time.  But I will keep working toward the goal of being able to buy new, under good warranty in the future, 3-5 years down my road.

     My spending was done and I was on my way home when the transmission went out, Ben and Jake came to my rescue so my building supplies are home, the truck is at the shop and my 2 paid days off are going ok.  It will give me back part of that blasted credit debt I just paid down, but I can manage that, and I will gladly work any offered overtime, still be able to have money going into 401 and savings, so will manage here.

     It does stop me from buying any dolls I really don't need at this time, or ordering any yarns I don't need right now, but it will not hugely re-order my little life here.  And I can happily keep driving that old truck for years, hauling the building supplies, getting me to work and such, and know I will be running that Metro or that Rebel once the warm weather returns.

     But, maybe I will just tuck back into bed for a nap this very early morning and be glad I have a home, food, a job and a life that really does work for me.

401K moved, 1 pension locked, the other cashed outn

     And that cash out has paid down credit, arranged for a hobby building to be built and set on my site, has bought some goodies, filled the cupboards, and given me some additional financial stability for my long term future.
     That long, hard battle to recover enough to return to work, that daily battle with pain and people to be at work, to do the job to the best of my ability, the change of jobs, in plant, and the continued battle to rebuild my life, to stay employed is why I had that cash out oppertunity and I do appreciate it and know I did earn it.
     And I have again moved, in plant, to another job, qualified and now own that easier on my aging body, and I will continue to earn my living, continue to build that 401 stuff, pay into the tax system, work down my debt load, pay down my mortgage.  I will slowly keep working on old house repairs, and slowly work on chasing some of my silly dreams.
     The hobby building will give my wood shop tools a home, and in time, wiring so they run without me needing extension cords and they will give my scooter and my Rebel a dry winter home that is not inside my house.
     I have worked hard to get here, where I am right now, with a really good credit rating, with a job I should be able to work long term and might even pick up some daily overtime, that remains to be seen and I can live without that extra money, but know my savings and 401 are on a % so the more I earn, the more they get each week.
     The medical bills should be all paid off this month, and I will be very glad to see those behind me, the dental appointment is done and no additional costs there, the optical appointment has been done and I now have a paid for smart phone with a year of paid for service.  Small things but things that matter in my small world.
     I paid $1000 on my mortgage principal this week, and have been paying a bit extra on each payment.  That will continue and the tax refund might allow me to pay another $1000 or so on that principal,  I know it is not a big loan but I want get it paid down all I can while I am working.
     And I start every day counting my blessings and end my days counting my many blessings.

Moving on, forgiving and people that matter

     There are very few people around now that knew me when I was a child, a young woman, growing up.  Oh, there are plenty of people still living but not that I have any contact with.  I have moved too much, gone so far away, not come back 'home' often enough to keep that contact going.
     So, the few that do exist and are, in some way, a part of my life now really do matter, even if there has become issues that have pushed us farther apart.
     I wish I had tucked my pride and ego into my back pocket and said those words I had ready, for years, I forgive, I even do understand some of why and how and all that stuff, you matter, ya, the truth mattered a lot then, but you still mattered more then and do now.
     Michael, I have known you since I was 16, and cared, built you and your life into some magical 'he got it right, did it right' think in my head.  Thought of you when I was at low points and remembered you saw something special in me, when no one else did, that you cared and thought me worth caring about when it seemed that no one else did, and that mattered, that made a huge difference in my getting through those bad, hard, rough times.
     Six years ago, a bit more, we got back in touch, much older, far from where we were when we were young, and a long way from the very young people we were back then.  And a choice I made to go to town, on my day off, a choice someone else made, and my world, my life, my future changed when that Buick crossed the center line and smashed hard into the front of my little red, much loved truck.
     My life changed, my world became a pain filled nightmare that seemed to have no end, but you were there, you were light and comfort and solid ground.  When I needed dreams of a good future on the other side of a long and pain filled healing, you helped me build those dreams, helped me get through that long hard first months.
     But, you also deceived me, lied to me about financial issues, stupid, ya, easy for me to find out, ya, damn, the little things you didn't know about the woman I had grown into.  Like, I do my own taxes, like,  I think and run financial things in my head.    
      I thought a lot about you, about the time I spent with you during my accident recovery and what a big and valuable part of my recovery that time, and you were.  About the reasons we 'fell out' and that I missed you, but know our lives, for many reasons, both big and small were heading in different directions.  I can't cry and grieve over that, it would not change any of the past, nor would it build a road to the future.
     As I go through the minutes and hours of my quiet little life, my work shift, my home time, my thoughts and prayers often are for you, with you and knowing that I am, again, finding ways to let you go, to accept that I will never make it back west to see you and talk with you, laugh with you, get a big hug from you, say so many things that matter.
     Know that you matter, know that I am working hard to keep my life on a workable track, my finances out of the red, my old house making progress.  Know that I am a better person for our friendship, for the time I have known you and spent with you.  I pray for your healing, and I pray for all of us to cope, and accept what God and life hand to us, and know that the prognosis for your future is not bright and rosy.
     I miss you, my friend, and I pray for you.
    

Cell phone entertainment

     I have used prepaid cell service for almost 13 years, cheap, poor quality phones and very low budget costs for the phone and service.  And it has worked and seems to keep working, not those phones, I have no idea how many cheap cell phones I have gone through in those years, about 2 years per phone or so would be my guess and very low budget, and low quality.

     So, more than a year ago I ditched the land line, the lousy quality of that service that kept getting more and more costly and the very poor internet service I also was paying for with that land line.  I went to my local cable company for JUST internet service, no tv service, no cell service and no phone service, because I just did not need them.  And I still do not.

     But I have decided I do want a good quality unlocked, will work with my current prepaid cell service that runs me around $200-225/year.  And, normal for me on such purchases, I started looking at unlocked cell phones, both on line and at Best Buys and our local Walmart, not saying those stores sell or promote those unlocked phones but I knew I could often find that same phone, unlocked for sale on line, but I could see, touch, handle that display phone in the store.

     And I Googled for reviews, was entertained by 'destroy the phone' videos, Motorola droid Turbo 2 won that contest hands down, and I liked the 1 I saw in the store, but for ram, hard drive and costs, it fell short on the first 2 and ran high on the last one. But I still liked the video and how tough that phone is.  But I am not buying, it is too over priced, it has too little a hard drive and it doesn't have as much ram as I would like. 

  So, having finally made the decision of which phone I wanted, which brand, model and so forth, I then went shopping for where was the best place to buy this item.  Which ended up being from the maker, gee, that works for me, and no, I am not buying Apple.  I wanted android based and also a phone that there was a jailbreak or re-rooting out there already.  I will be wanting rid of all that bloat ware, apps I have no use for that come pre-installed and will not leave without re-rooting.  Apple calls that jail breaking and has actually gotten a law passed so it really is illegal to remove the original operating system, software, and install a custom one.  Some companies void a warranty for that and some say 'have fun' and think if developers can make improvements and on their devices, all the better, works well for Google and their Nexus line, but I am not buying a Nexus phone either.  

     But Asus made the Nexus 7 and they make great quality tech things, including cell phones, my new phone will be 128G, 4G ram, cool, purple back, good price which includes a screen protector and case.  My coming phone is the Asus ZenFone 2, and I will be pleased when it gets here and once it is all set up.

     But putting it on my credit card proved another entertainment.  My credit rating is just at the low side of excellent, and I am not buried in debt, and have several major credit cards, 2 of which are from my very big, nationwide bank, as opposed to my local, has my house loan and safety deposit box bank.  So, I thought, as it is the easiest of my credit cards to make payments on, I would use that bank plastic, the cards that live tucked away and rarely get used.  And the order would not go through, it was refused by the credit card,  strange, I thought and tried again, but again that automatic system refused the charge, but they also sent me fraud alerts....about 3 of them that I then got to deal with.  I got out another credit card, which gladly accepted the charge, so the order did get placed and I did deal with the fraud alerts, Yes, that was really me, yes I really was trying to place that order.....

     Last night I was annoyed, it made a purchase a real hassle, and a trip up and down stairs several times, which hurts, with that big black dog helping or hindering, which is another hassle at times.   And I know the big hassle comes when that phone arrives and I battle setting it up, getting my service changed to that new phone, which, like the current cell phone, will live in the kitchen most of the time, it the case, being quiet.  And I know I will probably end up re-rooting that new phone, but not right away, but I will probably be setting up the needed filed for that re-root and tweak stuff in my laptop in the next few days so it is handy when I am fed up with those blasted not needed, not wanted, in my way apps that come pre-installed.

     Companies like Amazon, EBay, Twitter and so forth actually pay to have those apps, their apps pre installed and not removable in that new phone, and most people either use them or ignore them but I get in a snit fast when they take up MY space in MY device I paid for, when they want to download their updates for something I have NO need or want in MY device.....  And as much as I love my Apple devices, that is an issue I have with them and their pre-installed apps, I did discover I can tuck some into a 'folder' and I did all I could to keep them inactive and from wanting updates or anything else.

     But I want android for a smart phone, and a BIG amount of data space.....and that means I want rid of anything I have no use for, like sports, or financial, I can download and install the apps I want, buy an app if it suits me...  And I am glad my credit cards attached to my bank where my paycheck goes every week are so well screened...but it was an annoyance last night.

Changing employers

     Thursday was the last production day for Cargill Meat Solutions, Monday we go to work for JBS and an hour later than our normal start time.  I have done some of the needed stuff with my Cargill Pension and with my 401K plans so at least that is started.
     Yesterday I picked up my new Arizona boot, that brace I wear.  The new one is full base, not the full foot I expected and that had to be cut back some and the tongue of the brace was way too wide so Hanger changed that and the brace and I went to walk in the Mall and see if there were any fit/pain issues that developed with walking.  I did ok and picked up some bright pink laces for it.
     We are having a cool and wet weekend so far, I am hiding in my attic sewing space and did get another doll dress done.  Tomorrow I will work on making a new bodice pattern for my Wiggs Nelly body and a dress for Laryssa, probably the fall fabric I picked up at JoAnn's Friday.  I might try and sell some of my work at the doll convention in St. Louis I am attending in 2 weeks.  But for now, I am working with making some pattern pieces that will allow me to create several styles for the dolls.
     I worked with updating the music in my devices last weekend and with the new laptop to remove Microsoft apps I did not want and to set some things to suit me.  Now, all the removable memory is in the laptop bag except the portable drive, and I am working on getting my bookmarks and stuff set up, a little at a time. but
     I did go to Best Buy while I was in town and looked at a lot of things there, the newest iPad is not in stock yet, the Pro which is bigger than I want, I like my Nexus 7, and I like my iPad 3, but am looking to replace it with the newest version in the same size, with bigger hard drive.  I had hoped to see a new release in that 'classic' or original size but they released another mini and the Pro.  I like the physical size I have but know with my luck Apple will put out a newer and better version within 2 months of my buying the most current model out.
    But life here is quiet, or is most of the time, Shadow whines, the parrots do their loud and annoying noises, especially if I try and use the phone but life is calm and I am content.   The bill are getting paid on time,, there is food in the house and no one is driving me crazy.
     I did check my credit rating on line tonight and it is excellent, and I have worked to get it there.  I am hoping to make good progress on paying down the credit debt this winter and on the attic work.  It would be nice to get all the drywall up in both the north sewing area and the south retreat area. 
     Not a lot to say, I work, and do dishes, cook some, read, knit and sew, and like the quiet life and not having a dating relationship.  It has been years now since I had a significant relationship, some dating that never got very important since Miguel returned to Mexico and for close to 2 years now, I have not even been dating. 
     I do think or day dream about men from the past, long ago past, and hope they have or had a good life, it is ok to build day dreams while I work, makes the time and job go faster but I know it is jut silly entertainment to get through the work shift.  I am not the scared and messed up young woman I was back then, back in South Carolina, and I am so glad I made it to where I am now with so little damage.  It took me a very long time to become capable or running my own life, of knowing I was capable of far more than anyone ever believed I could do or become. 
     I like this very independent and stable me, and I work hard to be this woman I have become.  And I paid the price for all those hard lessons.  I know others don't understand, not a problem, it is not their life, it is mine and I am doing just fine taking care of it MY way.
     I am looking forward to the adjustment to a new company in the same plant, doing the same job, at least for now.  I know we will keep fighting with the old scald tank and the old dehair machine but maybe there will be more effort to keep the people who should monitor those things to be doing their job so we have less problems with our jobs down the line but I don't expect any huge changes or improvements any time soon.
    Now, back to the book I am reading and think about getting to bed,

My Sunday progress

     I got with the house cleaning, some was done upstairs yesterday but today I worked in the downstairs bedroom and hauled out 3 bags to the trash, the small book shelves belonging to Jake are now out of there and stored out if my way, the radial arm saw is clean and I used it this weekend to cut the wood bases for the doll clothing racks that will be my presentation at the doll club meeting this next Sunday.  The belt sander and the band saw are back under the house, my big wood equipment moved to the living room when we worried about flooding and I am working on getting it back there or up for sale or donated, depending on what is is and why.

     I do have the radial arm saw up for sale now, posted on 2 Facebook groups for that, will see what happens.  I told Ben I am willing to consider turning that bedroom into a wood shop and winter bike garage if the saw does not sell at my very reasonable price.  I want to move down to the bedroom but I can really see me making a bike and play with wood area out of it for a few years also.  I know me.

     And I can finally get into the Cargill benefits site and register, I cannot pull up the pension plan information but at least the site will let me register.  The company is holding meetings for us this coming Tuesday for pension information and I will make the one after I get off work.  They actually have a 3 day schedule but since I need to start looking into what I can do and make a decision, based on what I feel is my best long term choice, the sooner I have information, the sooner I can start some number crunching and shoving and look at the long term effect of each choice I will have so I can hopefully choose the one that has the best chance of making my long term life better.

     I will be able to roll over my 401K plans, and hope to take the 2 pre tax ones and combine them.  I do not want to see the smaller 1 cashed out, with the taxes and penalty that goes with that choice if it can be put with the the other 1 and keep growing.

     And I might see the Kaye Wiggs doll that I paid for and preordered this past January with some of my tax refund some time this month.  I had thought I might get some sewing done for her but have not had the time this weekend.  But my sewing space is much closer to being a usable area once again and that is a huge step in the right direction.

     The current socks are for Ben, his red yarn from last tax refund yarn stash buy and I am to the heels on both, 1 has the heel picked up and ready to work and I hope before I go to bed to get the second 1 to that place but it will probably be tomorrow or later.

that new Laptop

     Well, I finally made a decision and ordered direct from Toshiba, and the shipment got tangled in a customs snag but finally came.  And I am starting to add my favorite web sites, have to move my music to iTunes still but at least I have started on the set up.
     Cargill is still doing the change over with JBS, our soon to be new owner, it should be final by the end of next month.  I do not expect huge change for most of us in production, but we will have some changes, just no idea what they will be.
     Here, at home, it is wind down time, the Fall Festival at Clayville is done, and now we have Fall Festival in town, and get ready for winter.  I need to do some outside clean up still, mow again and so forth.  It will soon be time to pull the batteries from the bike and scooter and get covers on them for the winter but the weather is still nice enough to ride some.
     I need to get clean up done here in the house also, and both Ben and Jake are to clean up and get their stuff out of my living spaces, no more computer parts, no more scattered papers and so forth, books.  I need to be able to clean and I need to be able to start tearing down the damaged ceiling tiles so they can be replaced and then the walls repaired and painted.  I really want to get moved back down to my bedroom this winter or early spring.
     But, for the most part, my life here is calm and quiet, the house has not made a lot of progress this summer but it has made some.  And I need to start cleaning out unwanted stuff and junk, sorting and making order out of my chaos upstairs.  And I need to keep a tighter budget here, work harder on paying down my debt load, using my credit wiser or Not At All.
      I do like my life, not dating works well for me, and I like how my life is working out, the more I do not date, the more I like who I am and what I am doing with my life.

Waiting on the new computer

     I did a lot of looking on line, some looking at stores locally and stuck with Toshiba, and ordered 1 from their daily special.  It is already in shipping, and hopefully will be here by the end of this week.  And I plan to strip out some of the installed software before running it very long.  I will get rid of the trial version of the anti-virius software and Windows Office stuff, I will get some other version for my office type software needs, not the bloody new subscription service that wants paid every month and then costs a fortune.

     And I am not buying any new dolls, just looking and seeing what is going on.  I did put the website I love for doll knitting up on the groups, and I finally shook all the garbage and dirt out of my bucket of flax seed, that job has needed finished for more than a year.  And I had a nice time at the company picnic.  So, my day off has been good.  And my work week will be really great.

     And my sons will work on their mess here or see it going out in the trash.  The clock is ticking....they have until the end of the first weekend in October. Then I clear out and clean up my home, my way and they can live with the results of that.  I need to start working on the downstairs bedroom so I can get moved back down to MY bedroom and that means getting stuff out of my way first, both in the living room and in the only bedroom this house really has.

    And now to get ready and head to bed, know I will have a long day tomorrow.

The new Apple releases... Not what I want, cry cry.

     Apple released new phones, a new AppleTV, and a bigger iPad Pro.  Not a new iPad, or the iPad that I have, size wise.  Mine is generation 3, and gen 6 came out last fall, so I hoped to see a new iPad classic this time too.

     But I can wait, the 1 I have works well, I just like new and better some times.  And I am bombing for bugs every week right now, because 1 of my sons managed to bring bedbugs home from somewhere he was visiting.  He did not let me know, or clearly tell me so the infestation had some time to multiply and be on both levels.  So, I am cleaning and bombing on the weekends and irritated about all the stuff in this house, creating a mess, that does not belong to me.  I am NOT willing to buy a storage building to store things, my bikes, maybe, but not stuff that is not mine.

     But my aging laptop now has keyboard issues, it is close to 7 years old now, and I have been looking at laptops, mostly on line, to shop for a new laptop.  I cannot compare laptops in stores, no one seems able to give me information on what is inside that shell, how can I compare them if I don't know what those parts are.  And looking on line has issues, some sites are easy to sort through and pull up info so I can do some comparing.  But I finally decided on another Toshiba, on sale and ordered it, with warranty for 2 years.  It should ship next week and then once here, I will be learning to deal with Windows 10, moving want I want and need from the old laptop that Ben can then do what he pleases, as long as he deals with his stuff here, like the parts and pieces of electronics he has managed to build up in my house.

     My house is a mess, and will stay that way as long as I am bombing for bugs, and that adds to my feeling stressed and unsettled in my own home.  I know it will improve, I plan to give the boys both a time limit to deal with their stuff here and if it is not cleaned up, boxed and stored under the house, I will be dealing with it my way.  I need to bomb a couple more times, at least, then put my attic area back in order.  

     I have never had to deal with a bug infestation, much less something as small and nasty as bedbugs, so that upsets me also.  I stress and fret and get unhappy over small things now, that before the car accident, might not have bothered me so much.  The plant is changing owners, so work has stress that is not usually there but I know that will settle in time, and I know I will get my house back in better order, and also deal with the boys and their mess.

      But the world is not a bad place, it gets unsettled now and then but it will calm down in time, I just have to ride it out.

Apple whine, old house gripes.

     I keep looking for anything on line about Apple and a new iPad, it getting that time of the year and early next month we are hearing a new iPhone will be out.  Not that I am really complaining about my iPad, 3rd gen, battery went bad and I have a new refurbished one in exchange, along with some money, and it works great, I have case, stand, cords, but I have had this model for 3+ years so am dreaming of an upgrade.  I don't have the funds so it would add to the debt load unless I wait unti tax refund time, but I can drool.

     And I am looking at new bed frames and dreaming about moving downstairs, back into my bedroom.  And that is going to stay a dream, with the room being storage for my sons, unless I buy a storage building or demand/force things.  

     The ceiling still needs repairs, the walls need some repairs and I want to reprint the room, but I am looking at beds and wanting to be back downstairs, it has been 3 years since I moved up to the unfinished attic area.  That space has made progress, but the futon I sleep on is not designed for a long term bed, and the huge dog takes up a lot of it.  And my bladder thinks it is a long way downstairs some times.

     So, maybe instead of saving up for that bed, I need to be looking and pricing storage buildings, looking at long term, something that I can store garden/yard tools, the mower and the bikes in, at least once Jake moves far enough away to move his things.  I don't need a big building, and can always use it, as I don't have much storage here and it would be nice to have a place for the mower and winter storage for the bikes, so I will start looking and thinking about that.  It is the only peaceful way I can gain back my downstairs bedroom in the next year.

     And I am getting my work brace, support boot replaced, see my orthopedic guy tomorrow, and I hope he is very pleased with how foot and I have progressed, he has not seen us for close to 5 years, at least.  

     JBS is starting interview process for our plant supervisors, so that is a step closer to the changeover.  I am not dancing for joy about the sale of our pork division but it is not our decision, we keep our jobs, and that is what matters most for me right now.  Some things will change, and I am hearing gossip about that, uniforms instead of our own clothes with white frock or shirt provided by the company, a few other things.

     It is rag weed season and I am taking Zertec again this year.  It worked well for me last year, but was on sale so the price is going to make me cry, $20/30 days, and I can expect to need 3 months worth of tiny white pills, but they work, the side effects are not as bad as script stuff, no messing with doctors, which I hate doing here, Taylor Clinic does not meet my needs/demands/quality issues so I am again changing and hunting for better, smarter medical care.

     But other than small issues, which I can deal with, life here is good.  I am getting some much needed cleaning done here, and getting ready for winter, finances are tight but I keep putting into both bank savings and 401K plans, and those will roll over to the new employer's plans and keep growing, the stock market has taken a drop so that has dropped my investment funds some also but it will come back up, and I will keep putting in, and keep paying down debt load here.

    

Vacation and plans

     Like normal, my vacation week is here, and I thought, for some strange reason it was the 3rd week of this month.  So, I am not exactly prepared.
     I have 3 workshops planned at Clayville.org but since the first was yesterday, and I was there and somewhat prepared but no one showed up, I worked on weeding, hauling and then gathered dried bean pods to shell and put the dry beans in a jar for next year's planting, the not dry enough ones on a tray when I need to sort and put in storage jars next chance I get.
     Today's plans are for installing the support under the west side of my floor joices as the west sill plate is rotting away from the too high concrete pour, done many years ago, on the front porch.
     Since it is raining, that project is on hold but the 2x8 pressure treated lumber is marked for cutting, and I will start putting the floor jacks together, they are adjustable, 2 pieces and a long bolt to put together.  And I can put the plates on the 2x6 boards that will run below the joices for their support.  So, once it is dry enough to cut lumber outside, and I can start working, I will see if I can get my help to show up.  I will deal with the sill plate problem later, the first part is getting the support in and then start slowly raising that west side a very tiny bit at a time.
     I have hopes to run to Springfield on the Rebel tomorrow for some personal business I want done, and I hope to play a bit.  I know finances are tight, and I don’t have any amount of play money but I can afford gas in the Rebel and a meal out. 
     And I will get the lumber for today's project set up so the job goes faster.  The boys have been here, and will be back later. 
     Shadow thinks he is neglected and is pestering me, whining and being a brat.  I don't think rainy days suit him, nor does my using the laptop in the living room, knitting, eating, or anything else.

Cool and wet summer in central Illinois

And the river goes up really high, some roads flood, the river goes down a little, it rains some more, the river goes back up, those low road areas get closed again....and so goes our summer.

The neighbors are NOT watering 2x a day, they have a watering system with timer and from spring until freezing, they have watered, even if it is raining.  This is the first summer in 10 years of owning this house and living here that they have not poured water through their sand.  

So, either the price of water per gallon, now that we pay for it by the gallon or the fact that we are getting plenty of moisture finally got them to shut off their automatic system.  They over water, but when water was so cheap, it was easy to do.  And this summer I am not hearing the pump system on their above ground pool running 24/7, that makes a nice, quiet change I am liking.

The potato vines at Clayville.org have rotted, and the onions are following fast, the weeds and grasses are growing faster than anyone can keep up with but our heirloom squash are doing great, the corn is tall and making corn, the drying beans are ready to start drying and saving enough seed for next year.  And since no one kept the green beans picked, I will be drying my seed for next year on them also.

The doll sewing is making slow progress, I am doing a sales table at a cyber convention with 1 of my on line doll groups, it should be fun and get my label out into the world some.

The budget is stretched but livable, the plant keep working and we keep getting information about the coming change of ownership.  So my little life keeps working, 1 day at a time.  I am not out riding my Rebel as much as I would like but weekends are either too wet or I am trying to get stuff done here or I hurt a lot.  But I do ride some, it is paid for and mine, and I will be keeping it.

Not dating still works very nicely in my life, and I like knowing my off work time is totally mine to do what I need and what I want, in my time frame, for my reasons and what works for me.

The small complaints in life seem to be where the script writers left me hanging on season 3 of "Longmire", the Internet in the attic when I am trying to stream Netflix to my attic north tv so I can see silly programs while I sew or knit or just hang out up there.

Life here works at my pace most of the time and I really like that.

Progress, human progress..

And it keeps happening, it is why we are spread all over this planet and are even exploring that outer space stuff.  And it happens, and will keep happening.  

There are very few humans now who live a totally hunter/gatherer life style, and modern tech and modern products are pushing into those lives, changing them.

We keep changing things, call it progress, call it the sin of mankind, call it what you want, it is a part of being human.

So, if we go back far enough, trains were a new idea that was never going to work or happen.  And trains did work, did happen, tracks got laid, freight and humans moved farther, faster because of that change, those trains put a lot of stage lines and horse/mule/oxen drawn freight wagons out of business, along with impacting the jobs and income of those raising that livestock, tending that livestock from freight stop to freight stop and all those building and maintaining those wagons, and those drivers.  Everyone adapted, like it or not, adapting is what humans do and can do well.

That horseless buggy was never going to be more than a toy for the rich, cars, trucks and buses are everywhere now, and even farm equipment, and that again changed how we did things, put people out of work, into new jobs, changed our lives, we cannot and would not change them back.

And again technology, humans thinking and creating had changed our lives and the world.  The Internet, and portable Internet using devices, has changed the world.

And we will see renewable energy changing the world, impacting those in the fossil fuel industries, we will see fewer and fewer coal mines, a slow down in crude oil development, a slow down and shut down of coal fired power plants.  It is happening now, and will continue to happen.  It will and already has impacted towns and people in coal mining areas, around the world, and is is shutting down coal fired power plants, and impacting those jobs and those towns.

It will keep happening, people need to look to the future and accept that they might be able to slow down those changes but they cannot stop them.  Fighting to keep those changes from happening might slow them down, but it does not help anyone look to the coming future and plan for it, find ways to work with it, find other strengths that can bring other jobs to their areas, find ways to look at dealing with the coming changes instead of fighting them.

I am not really fond of change, but I know fighting it only makes it harder for me long term, so as our plant changes ownership, I too, have to adjust to changes and plan to deal with how they impact my life, my income, my future.  I expected to retire from my current employer, but they are selling, not only our plant, but their entire pork division, so many will be dealing with this change,vat least 5100+ employee in our plant alone.  So, I am not alone in this coming change, and most of us will cope, adapt, adjust and keep our lives working and moving on, in this changing world we humans keep changing.

Changes I did not expect but will be dealing with.

     I learned last night that our company has sold the pork division, including our plant.  It wilł be several months before we are transferred to the new owners, regulators get to inspect every aspect of this sale before it can be completed, which gives everyone time to adjust, bitch, whine, or find a different job.

But the buyer wants all the employees, from the bottom to the top management teams.  And I like the sound of that, I do expect most of us working here to take the job offer when it gets to that point.

     But I expected to either retire from this plant and employer or be out on disability, not to change employers at 59, I am getting a bit old and it will mean locking this pension and not being able to work for the new company long enough to build up any retirement.  I do hope we can roll over our 401K plans, I have 2 currently and hope to have them continue to grow for several more years.

     Between our river trying to flood and this, I want to just escape, no where to run to, no funds to run away with so I will escape into my dolls and sewing for them, reading or watching something I enjoy that makes me feel good.

     I really do not like big life changes so I am glad to have several months to adjust to this one and to work on getting debts paid down and so forth, I need to be really practical about money, get busy with some sewing and put doll outfits up for sale to help support by bad doll habits.

     It could be worse, we are not being laid off, we will keep health insurance, vacation time and seniority, but I have no idea if we will stay a union plant once the current contract ends in a year.  Having a job is what matters to me, I am not ready to be on disability, I need less debt and more done on this old house and more built up in savings and investment, that will take some time, more time than the time before this sale closes and I am changing employers, or hoping I am.  

     I do expect the new company will screen us, and I am not terribly worried about that, but know I can not pass any sort of physical, I can pass a drug test and I have a very good attendance record and so forth, but know my aging body is old and has hand, shoulder and the leg/foot damage sure does not help.  It sure could be worse, and it could get worse, but I will hang on to my good attitude and good work ethics and keep being glad I have a job and all that gives me.

     Our 3 day weekend should allow me to get a few things done, the mowing is done now, I will tackle some house work and sewing tomorrow, and my iPod Touch gets picked up by Fedex to return to Apple for damaged LCD screen, fees already paid but if they determine the problem is flaw, instead of owner damage I might get my fees refunded.  The glass screen has no sign of crack or scratch, I have no idea how the LCD could have gotten damaged without the outer screen being cracked but it sure is.

     And I still owe close to $1000 on medical bills, only 2 left to pay, but they are both big, I will try and put as much on each as I can afford and know I will be relieved to see them paid off. And I will change clinics and hope to get better and smarter and more affordable medical care than the Taylor Clinic and hospital in Rushville.

     This afternoon/early evening I spent time pulling weeds in the lawn and feeing sorry for myself, want to go out for pizza and the budget can't afford it and I have no pals handy with good conversation and brains to go with me.  I don't often feel sorry for myself and it never lasts long, but between the plant changes, the finances here and the river, ya, I am feeling a bit of self pity.

     But I am still glad I ended the dating with Larry, I did see him last night, up on the sea wall overlook, watching the river, I had to drop something in the mail box and he was there.  I didn't have much to say, the river is high but so far we have not been flooded out, don't know a thing about the plant being sold, and I actually did not, read about it after getting home and going on line.  I don't want to gossip with him, I don't need to gossip and he can find something to talk about with his coffee pals without my help.  And I am not responsible for his lonely issues, that is his life, and his job to fill the spaces or gripe or whatever, it was not my job while we were dating and sure is not my job now.

    But a bath or shower sounds good now, hot and sweaty from work and the mowing and then I fed the blood sucking, biting insects while I pulled weeds so am itchy and filthy.  A shower might also improve my frame of mind or at least help me sleep better.

The longest day of the year

      And it has a really good weekend, got the mowing done Friday after work and started on my laundry.  Saturday was sunny all day, the clean laundry actually got put away for a change and I even made it to Clayville.org to work on weeding in the Inn garden with Ben to help.

      Sunday was cloudy with storms coming our way, again.  But I got the bird cage cleaned, dishes washed, cinnamon bread made, counters cleaned up, and some floor sweeping done along with getting the bagged insulation down into the utility area and out of my bathroom wardrobe area so now my shoes actually can be tidy and not something I trip over.

      And I pulled some weeds, started a pair of socks for me, had some movie time, enjoyed my quiet house and am ready for another week at work.  Saturday night I enjoyed a long soak in a tub with Shadow and music for company, I like having the music but thought Shadow could have found a better place to nap than right against the bathtub.

      Now, I am looking at having another good week at work, a choice I make, every day, think and believe it will be a good work day and it usually is.  No work place is perfect but I have worked at far worse places for less pay and less or no benefits, and I like those benefits.

      My life has a lot of poor or bad choices and a lot of time picking up the pieces, dealing with the problems my own choices had made or had brought into my life but the last 10+ years have had a lot of stability and good choices.  This old house still needs a lot of work and it has taken a lot of money and time but I am still better here than if I was renting and a lot happier.

     The decision to end a dating relationship was slow in coming, guilt trips about abandoning the man to be alone, but I had to keep reminding myself that he could change that, it was not my job or place in life to be miserable so he had company.  But as I go into this summer, it is an easier summer, my time is mine, when I am not at work and what I do with it is my choice.

      I want more involvement with Clayville.org but know that has to be weekends, at least as long as I am working and I want to work as long as I can.  Not only is that financially smart but I like working, and I like all that it gives me, from paycheck to benefits to some order, routine and balance in my life.  

      This is the first weekend I have not had doll sewing to get done or that I was pushing myself to do, I needed this break, and the house needed the attention, the kitchen needed the dishes caught up, the counters needed to be cleaner and I really needed the floors swept better before the place drove me insane.

      I need to work harder on financial discipline and will have to push myself harder for that but I am managing to stay afloat, the slush funds are not growing and I would be happier if I saw a bit of gain there, even a tiny bit but the medical bills are getting paid, July should put me down to just 2 accounts to pay on, I think there has been a total of 8 or 9, so that is progress.

      Dolls and doll support sucks up far too much of my money and I need to work on that, and consider selling a doll or several.  And work on making clothing and putting it up for sale, I have the skill and ability to do that, but wil not push myself enough.

     All in all, it is a good and stable life I am building here and the choices keep being good choices for my life, and I am making sure I remember that it is my life and keep it at way.  I am done with building a life for the benefit of someone else or building my life around someone else.

     

      

Slow progress on the old house

     All the rain has everything green and growing but it makes weeding the Inn garden at Clayville.org next to impossible so I stayed home today instead of running the Rebel to Clayville and doing some garden work. 

     The budget had room for 1 sheet of moisture proof drywall and I already had all but the light switch to start the wiring work in the future attic bathroom.  With the help of son Ben, I now have the first ceiling drywall up in that space and the light installed and will do the work in the breaker box tomorrow so that light will be a working light.  Not a lot of progress but some and every bit of drywall up in my attic space makes it that much more energy efficient and that much closer to done.

     I leaned of the death of a friend, someone I dated and managed to build back a friendship after the romance didn't work out for either of us.  A heart attack, not a huge surprise that, his overweight, high blood pressure and a few other things.  He and his new gal pal went to Mississippi last summer to marry and stayed there.  

     It saddened me some to learn he had died, and I doubt if his Judy has been left in stable financial position, but I hope their time together was quality with a lot of love and happiness.  There is no coming back to Cargill now, the plant/company went to a No rehire policy several years ago but they knew that before they left.

     I know my life here has some rough spots now and then, the old house still needs so much work and money, materials to do the needed work cost money, and what I cannot do costs even more money to hire the work and pay the materials costs.  The car accident of more than 5 years ago means pain every day, a foot and leg that can make me miserable and sciatic nerve issues to join that pain.  

     But I have a stable job, and benefits, a slowly growing 401K, not a lot there but it will help pay off my debt load some day and I am working on paying down the debt load.  Waÿ too many dolls, way too much money squandered on things I do not need but I am not letting some man spend it or using what I earn to pay some man's debts.  And I have done that stupid stuff in the past.

     I do like my silly little life here, and know that it works for me, it doesn't have to suit anyone else, they are not living my life or paying the bills for that life.  

     The roads we each choose to walk are our own, no matter the reasons why we take those roads, make those decisions, good and bad.  At least here in the USA, we do have so much ability to make our own choices, and we live with those choices, my debt load is from my choices, for my reasons, and my responsibility to pay.  

     And the old house, again, my choice, along with the work that has been done here and that will be getting done in the future, yes, a lot of money and work has gone into this old house, that still needs a lot more work and money, but my home works for me, and is mine to care for.  And mine to enjoy, including my attic area, with my sewing space and my retreat.

     The scooter and the Rebel too are mine and I paid the cost, and continue to support those rides I enjoy.  The old truck that won't impress anyone. It gets me to work and home and to the places I need to go, I don't need fancy wheels to impress anyone, in fact, I just don't need to impress anyone.

     It took a very long time for me to grow and mature into the person I am now, a rough and hard road at times with plenty of poor choices, bad decisions and problems to deal with but I am doing ok now, staying stable, making tiny bits of progress, maybe not measurable on the scale others use, but I learned a very long time ago to not let myself be measured by values and the opinion of others.

     So, now, I hope and pray that Darrell's soul moves on to a better life, that his Judy has the ability to make her life work out, and that I continue on that road that has been working so well for me these past years.

Gearing up for our Festival

      The past week was warm, enough I needed the air on here at the house but we have our Spring Festival at Clayville.org this coming weekend and the weather is cooled down some and it looks like a damp and cool Festival again this year. I will wish for a warmer shawl and a winter petticoat if so, but I will hope for a warm Saturday, I have a doll club meeting Sunday so will be there for cleanup after the festival.

     I have to work on the doll club stuff after work, every night, until I have finished what I have here.  I don't know how we will get the entire lot done in time for the convention but I did not commit our club to making 200 sets of bedding for the event we are sponsoring.  I do have experience in cutting many small pieces from length of fabrics, do that making quilts and I have some doubts about the material making the amount someone think it will.  But I can cut some of the blankets so the fold is at the end instead of the side and that should help.  The length that came home with me made 26 blankets, 36 pillow cases and 40 pillow bags, which still need the poly fill cut and stuffed in, the ends sewn shut.  I was originally told 1/4" seams and top stitching on the blanket, glad I only top stitched 1 as it seems the written information says 1/8" for that top stitching.

      This week is city cleanup so I will finally get rid of the old bed frame and mattress and box springs, it will be nice to get it into the truck after work today and haul it over for disposal.  I am seeing very slow improvement on this place but it does improve, a tiny bit every year.

     And I am tent wishing this spring as I no longer have a tent and want to go camping some.  I also want something that could be loaded on the Rebel for taking the bike and running away for a day or so, the scenic river roads, small and quiet out of the way corners, that escape and unwind stuff I like to do but have not for way too many years.  

     But life here is doing ok, I am content for the most part.  I fuss over a varment in the upper garden, by the Inn at Clayville, it has a tunnel/doorway in my beans and I want the critter removed...  And I fuss about the doll bedding but will do my share and more, our club reputation is on the line here and that matters to me.

      My debt load is way too high for my comfort zone but I am working it down, tiny gains every month but I will soon be rid of most of the medical bills, and the credit card debt goes down a bit every month, my savings gains a bit every month.

     Work is going ok, pain but not more than I can cope with, and it pays my bills.  I am glad I learned young to work, to stay working, and to have good ethics and values.  They are part of that foundation I have built my little, quiet life around and they keep making my life workable and in balance.

Already May

     Time seems to fly for me, my to do list does not shrink much but know I stay busy.  Work takes a lot of that time but it pays the bills, and as long as I can work and earn a living, I will keep working.

     Things at Clayville.org are picking up, I am working Saturdays to get the garden planted by the Inn and to work on the herb garden.  And I am also doing a bit of working on my wardrobe for dress up days there, festivals and occasionally when I am tour guide.  My first day cap is done, not the best but from the first I know what I want to tweak with the pattern to make a better fit for my head, and am using low budget fabrics for the first few.

   My white shift is done, and I like the fit and feel better than the first one, and I finally have 2 aprons done, white cotton and 1 in heavy canvas.  The white one is now in the washer and once it is dry, I will get it ironed and have all my outfit ready the the festival this month.

   The scooter still needs an oil change but I did the Rebel today and then took it for a short run.  We are warming up fast now, but it seemed like a cool and slow spring.  The winter was not as cold as last winter, and plants outside wintered much better, so did all the weeds.  Ben is helping a lot with clean up and such outside, and with cooking meals here and some of the housework.

     I need to get some more sewing done for our club's UFDC event and such, I hope to get a blouse cut out and started tonight, the skirt is almost done but I need the blouse for final fitting.  And it looks like Doonell and I will be making most of the 200 sets of white bedding for that event, but we have plans/hopes for a workshop the end of May and hope some of the other club members have time and are willing to help cut, sew and press.

  And I am taking 2 vacation days and going to Galesburg to help Donnell with a BJD event for the club up there, it will be a fun mini vacation for me. Time with a doll friend I enjoy talking with, time away from home for just a short bit and dolls, a tight budget but I can afford a motel and the meals and so forth.

     I do like my life, and know my very tight budget is choices I made and I am working on getting that debt down and making wiser choices on doll and other not necessary spending.

     I am working on trying to stay healthy and accept that iron tablets and probably electrolyte will be part of my daily routine for the rest of my life but I am not having grand meal seizures now, and not having many small glitches, now and then, yes, but that is part of my normal, or at least is now.

     Like my right foot and lower leg, and the right shoulder, the left hand and arm, between the car accident and work in meat packing plants, pain is also a part of my normal.  I may not like it but I am learning to live with what I cannot change and make my life good, my way.

     I am very content without a dating or significant male relationship, I am calmer, happier and get done what I want done, and less stress and irritation over small and petty issues.  So, now that I am fed and still have a some time before I need to tuck into bed, I will get the load into the dryer and go play in my sewing space. 

Getting into April

We are warming up some and things are turning green, daffies are blooming and I really need to get the mower started.  Ben is getting the pampas grass cut down and we are using it for ground cover in areas that are bare and I have started to clean up the flower beds.

Work is going ok, I am qualified on the trim necks job now but the last 2 shifts I have worked a CCP job looking for contamination just after the hogs come out of the auto back saws.  And I don't get covered in blood, not complaining about it.

I am getting some doll knitting done and a bit of sewing and this past weekend I tidied up some of the doll things I had out that do have places to be stored.  I need to clean out something so I have storage for the doll wigs so they can stay tidy and I am working on a doll wardrobe trunk for the Wiggs clothing.  I need to put a 2nd bar in and have reinforced the area, have the dowel so just need to drill a hole and then glue the dowel in place.  I am not sure where I put those dowels but I know they are in my sewing space.

The doll club meeting has been moved from this coming Sunday to the next one, I had plans to buy 25# of flour at GFS while in Springfield but might be changing my schedule for that.  No reason to run to Springfield on a Sunday if we don't have a doll club meeting.

And I need to get started with the electrical work in what someday should become the upstairs bathroom, do what wiring I can get done and see about getting up at least 1 piece of water resistant drywall.  And get what I can done before it heats up, the more drywall I can get installed in the attic, the more energy efficient it will be.

And it is almost bedtime already, my evenings go so fast after I get home from work.

The doll club meeting

I took the doll quilts and the items I had done, and the outfit I was finishing to our club meeting today and came home with my Lin Lin doll cold.  She got to go so I could makes sure the garments fit the dolls.  And as her job was to be my fitting model, she went in the bag with the quilts and came home in my knitting bag.

The weather was good, the snow is melting away and it was great to see everyone, we were very chatty and didn't do well at doing a proper business meeting. Our last meeting was the Christmas party so most of us had a lot of gabbing and catching up to do.

Both the Berninas have been serviced, and I have the Singer ready to put up for sale.  My little Nova even has the selector knob on and working and today I bought it a new light bulb.  And plan to order some of the new LED ones for my machines soon.  The cost is the same as regular bulbs for the sewing machines but should put out brighter light, and not get hot.

I might do a few more things for our club's UFDC event but first I will do a bit of sewing for my dolls, and I want a few things put away for Gracie before she comes.  I do have several pair of eyes bought, but will need a wig and want several for each doll, a short red one for RenaJane, she already has the long red wig, and both short and long for my other dolls.  And they need shoes and socks, so I need to be figuring out a sock pattern from my lace yarn for the dolls.

The hand that got cut at work 2 weeks ago looks really good now, the stitches came out this past Friday and I have a really good cream that nursing wants rubbed into the wound area often so I have been doing that.

I am knitting on a doll sweater I bought from a French designer for the Wiggs dolls, her English version has at least 1 error so I will need to figure out how to type up the correction and send it to her.  I think she did the knitting correct but probably had a bit of problem with the translating what she did for the English pattern.  I am using the soft gray sock yarn I got with my tax refund, the color looked good against the skin color of my tan resin dolls.  It will look good with brightly colored pants, leggings or wild skirt.

Physically I am doing better, do not get tired as fast or winded going up the stairs at work and today is the first time in almost a month I knew I recalled needed Gaterade as soon as I got home.  No seizure but on the edge of that shaky stuff and brain not wanting to keep on track, not good when driving home from Springfield.  I don't do much Gaterade on weekends but I need to do some, apparently.

I am still up to my eyeballs in debt but will keep working on making payments and getting it to creep down as I can. 

The time change will take a day or two to adjust to, but my bed is calling me now and I will soon be there.  I hope to get the dress pattern I want to use traced off and maybe even get the fabric cut out after I get home from work tomorrow.  And I need to work on some clean up and tidy work up in my studio area, get photos taken of the Singer I want to sell so I can get it posted on line.

All in all, I have a good life, and work to make it be what works for me.

UFDC convention

     I had hoped to be going this summer but the time off work last month for medical reasons sunk that dream.  But others from my doll club are going and Donnell has been kind enough to agree to attend the Berdine Creedy dessert event as my proxy.  I will pay the cost and I am working now on making some small doll quilts for her to have as hostess gifts for her table mates.  

     This lets me use some very small fabric swatches I bought many years ago and had de died they either get used or tossed out, I need to tidy up and clean out in my sewing space and the tin with these stored in was part of that sort out and clean up.

      I used 880 small die cut fabrics, all different, both solids and prints to make 11 small scrap quilts and am using fabrics I got at an auction years ago for borders, backing and the binding.  The batting will use up some of the scraps of batting I have saved away and make a dent in that also.

     The house payment is made, and I paid on some bills, and will buy just the needed groceries this week but things are improving slowly.  I still have a lot of medical bills and credit debt, along with the new mortgage but I am starting to see some balance.

     I still need to file state taxes but the state web file is still not available, hopefully it will be next weekend.  That tax refund will go to pay down some of that credit debt, it won't make a big dent but any progress is positive.

     And I have lots of yarns and fabrics so can play at home and put my off work time to good use, doing things I do enjoy doing.  I did get tired of the quilt tops before they were all set together, I started the work last weekend, so I have a lot of hours piecing all those little fabric swatches together.  But the borders go fast, and I hope to see several of the quilts with binding ready to hand turn the edge by the time I head for bed tomorrow.

      So, the wind is cold, but the house is comfortable, we have food and the birds and dog are fine, they might be bored but they also have plenty of food and are in this warm house.  I have many things to be very thankful for in my life.

The new iPad

It is really not new, it is refurbished and instead of replacing the battery, they sent me a refurbished one.  And it has taken hours to get it set back up, and I am sure I will find stuff that still needs done but at least I am making progress.

I admit to having a lot of toys, from my scooter and Rebel to the dolls, my iTouch, my iPad, Nexus 7, several sewing machines, and more than 1 flat screen tv, but I also work at a meat packing plant for the money that buys all this stuff. 

And I complained about the hassle to get my iPad to Apple for the battery replacement and stated that I probably would not be buying another Apple tablet when the current iPad was toast....but now that I know what hoops to go through, and where to drop off the tablet for shipping, gee, it is livable.

And NO other company makes a tablet with as large a hard drive, and heck, I like Apple products....

So, maybe this fall, or next, the newest iPad might be on my list.

In the meantime, it is so nice to have it back, gone 8 whole days and I had other devices to use and enjoy and whine the whole time.  I am a very spoiled brat, but I am also the one working for all those things and the money that pays the bills here.

So, now back to tweaking the iPad to suit me once again

Back at work, broke but feeling a bit better.

All the heart tests show my heart is in good shape, so my medical problem is not caused by my heart, but more likely that I did not pass out but had a grand mal seizure which caused the heart to be wonky, but no damage was done.  

And the cause of the seizure?  Possibly my electrolites were messed up from not taking vitamins wi minerals and all the sweating at work.  And I did have some small seizure episodes while off work, gee, not anything I would actually have thought about.

So, the cure is take those vitamins, add in some iron and lots and lots of Gateraid to help bring up the electrolites and hope I stay stable.

I hope to get the disability pay, right now it seems all the paperwork is finally turned in and filled out right so I can quit bugging the clinic, and it is up to Cargill to make a decision on if I get disability pay for my time off work or not......so stinks but not a lot I can do about it at this time.

I will get the first house payment made on time and the credit card payment made on time but I won't have any money to live on for the next week.  But I will get by and manage.

I did sell an outfit to someone in my doll club and hope to see the check for that this coming week, and have food in the house and plenty of fabrics and yarns to play with, and plenty of dolls to play with.

I like my single life, to have a man who would help out financially means a lot of changing and a lot of giving up my time and my control of my life, my house and other things.  I can manage and I will soon be filing my taxes so that also will help.

It was a hard work week, I am glad to be back at work and know as I keep working on building back up those minerals and such, I will start feeling better and hopefully avoid any more grand mal seizures, it was not fun, and it was a lousy time for me to miss work and miss the needed income.

It screws up my debt pay down progress, my old house work and my happy, sense of balance in this little life I have.

It will get back in check, but I sure will not be making it to UFDC convention this coming summer and I did have hopes for that but I have plenty of dolls to play with and might even get some outfits made, things knitting and some things sold.