I heard it alot, from the time I was very small. My maternal grandparents raised me, along with a sister older and the brother younger. Money was tight, rules were rigid, and I knew that Grandpa ranked up there just under God when it came to authority in my life.
"Whoever pays the bills writes the rules." I knew growing up that meant Grandpa was the boss and Grandma was boss after him. And in my life as an adult I also lived by that rule, if the man, regardless of marriage or not, was supporting me, he was the boss. When I have been the one paying the bills, I have been my own boss.
What I buy with my own money is mine, I do not have to share it, it does not become 'ours' just because I have a relationship with a man. I also do not consider what he owns to be mine, and my debts are mine alone, and his debts are just his and will not become mine.
That also will go with my settlement from this accident. I appreciate input but it needs to be just that, input, and not framed with any 'we' or 'us' words. Because it is clearly not 'we' who was in this accident, unless the 'we' happens to be my son Ben or/and his gal pal Tamara.
If I re-roof this house, finish renovations here, that is my project and my decisions and my financial obligation. This house will never become a joint venture with a man, I have had it for 5 years now and have 5 years of money and sweat equity here.
If I buy land and built, again, unless someone has a partnership agreement with me and is putting the same funds into the project, cash, not loans, it stays JUST my property and my decisions and I might share ideas but it will not become 'our' project if I am the person paying the bills.
Maybe that sounds selfish, maybe that sounds hard and mean but I have footed the bills and been on the loosing end with relationships before. I know I have some debt load now and a house with a roof that leaks. But I also have some credit, a paid for truck that runs, insurance that is paid for months to come. I also will be seeing a rather good sized insurance settlement with this accident and do not need some man 'helping' me invest or spend it--to his advantage.
My finances are slowly improving, I admit my checkbook math was off this week, I admit I forgot to put down the utility bill and ended up pulling from savings, but I did have funds in savings to pull.
7 months tomorrow from the accident, I am still not back to work but I am getting some parts of my life in order. I do have some goals once again, I am now emotionally far more stable than I was several months ago, it took some time for me to accept that it wasn't a nightmare. Then it took some time to realize just how much damage had been done to my right foot, and what that damage would do to me, for the rest of my life. And I am still healing some.
Life is hard, and to survive it, I have to make hard choices.