Let's see, the lawn is mowed, the plum trees no longer have plums, most of the weeds and grass are out of the garden, I have the materials ready for tomorrow's job. Church was really good, foot is not happy with me, that has something to do with why most of the garden is free of grass and weeds.
I got Martha's project done and delivered, Tamara's socks are knit and only need the ends worked in, Julie's sock yarn is ready to work and I am casting on the first sock, the humming birds found the feeder finally.
Jake called Friday around 6 am, good connection and great to hear his voice, he has gotten the first box I sent, not the 2nd and I mailed another Friday. He says 'sand just like in the movies' and temps of 130, all the water at the Army base he's at is trucked in.
Mike is in Albuquerque, my cell phone is on the kitchen table turned off, Mike does know it's turned off and I want some space while I think some things out. His finances being still in a mess is my stress issues, and I did let him know that. It's not about the funds I put into helping him out, it's about the mess his finances are Still in, it's about 2x in 5 months the Verizon service has been so far behind his service has been shut off or almost shut off, despite my putting $325 into that in that same 5 months.
I have had times of extreme poverty and I still never had my phone or utilities shut off. I have managed to build up credit and this accident has brought that down some but I will rebuild it. And I have been building up those material goods we humans need, like a running vehicle and a roof over my head. I can do those things for myself and I can hire someone to do what I physically am not able to do.
There is little place in my life for someone who cannot manage their own support, and I am not saying Mike cannot support himself, but he has some serious financial issues that he needs to deal with if he wants a long term, working relationship with me. He needs his taxes filed and paid or making payments on that, he needs to keep his bank account in the black, he needs to get his trucking business in the black.
It remains to be seen if he can do that on his own but I have invested all the money I am willing to and it is not important to me that those funds are paid back, what does matter is that he gets financially stable and stays that way. And I will not help that come about.
It is my job and my responsibility to deal with my debt load, my credit cards and the huge amounts I now owe. It is my responsibility to make sure State Farm has all the information I can give them with this accident settlement, that means the photos and list of shoes I will never fit in again, the reciepts for the new work boots, the new air balance sneakers and the clothes I was wearing that were cut off me at the hospital.
I do take in every medical paper that comes here so they can make copies for their files, and I do try to keep them updated on my medical progress. I do know this will help with some of the details of the settlement.
I do my mowing and house chores, keep working on the budget and the doll clothes. I work on the weeds in the garden and flower beds, I take care of what is mine to the best of my ability. I now feel I have solid ground to stand on, did before this accident and I admit it shook the foundation of my little world but it shook it, not broke it to pieces.
Mike has a lot to learn about me, some things I am not able to explain or talk about easily. I do not want to run his life or control him, but I do have a right to protect myself from financial damage. I know he doesn't plan to dump his problems on me or on my door step but that could very well happen unless he take care of them.
My own finances are not very stable but they are getting more stable each month. I know it will take me a long time to get them back to what they were before this accident--without the settlement. But I can get my financial 'house' back in order, and I do know there is that settlement that will really change my finances long term.
It's going to be secured very fast, as will any properties it buys and the buildings/improvements on that land. I don't plan to let anyone freeload or live off me, or off that settlement from my accident.
I'm not happy about the situation, I am not happy with the stress and the lack of trust I now have in Mike's ability to be financially stable. But I know what issues are mine and which ones are his doing/his problem. Words are easy, but it's the actions that prove value to those words.
I have no idea even if Mike takes the time to ever read my blog, but the link is where he can easily find it and I know I have given him the link. I feel he 'slides' away or 'gets a phone call' or 'has to go' when I bring up some things. So, I will not try to discuss things very much.
I will do what I need to do for my own stability and balance, both emotionally and financially. It's something I have learned to do, and am very capable of doing.
Randomly on a Thursday
4 days ago